Recovery from Mormonism

The paragraphs in this post are from courageous "Apostates" from one of the "One and Only True Churches of God." This was submitted by a member of our ex-Mormon mail list.

These sweet souls have to go through some many similar things as us ex-Mormons.

**********************************************************

During January 1996, I noticed that the public library I used to go to, got an Internet connection. I was searching for some information on my graduation project at that time. I had completely forgotten about the WTS (inactive for one year). The next time I went there I thought: "Hey, maybe there is one or two `apostate' groups on, here. After all they say that everything is on the Net. Let's see what THEY have to say, for a change (I always wanted to hear why elders or pioneers left the JW's in 1975 - mind you, this is the only almost - prophecy ordinary JW's have heard of)". So I thought about giving the search engine the string `Jehovah's Witnesses'. `Surprised' is an understatement on what I felt! I just couldn't believe my own eyes. A whole new world was in my right hand's finger! I could never believe that I could see the pages of YB'34 on- line! I soon learned about the anti-WT ministries and the enormous bibliography on the subject. I was shocked - I got a cold fever, to be exact - to learn about the `Crisis of Conscience' or the `Hour of Darkness' titles. I just couldn't believe that my ideas were not only MY ideas; I always felt like a nitpicker. What a relief to know that `Big Brother' is a fiction character... ONLY!! What a relief to learn that I was right after all - and I was not alone!! On the planet! A feeling of vindication mixed with anger filled my thoughts.

*********************************************

May 1996, after sacrificing my life in it from age 14 to 22, after living with anguish, fear and confusion, I flew away from the fascist and soul damaging mafia of Brooklyn, behind the old, rotten, fast crumpling walls of the WTS, freeing myself physically and mentally from a handful of corrupted and PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIC old wrinkled bats, who think that God speaks to them or even worse, they shamelessly put themselves in God's throne!! Now, almost 9 months after my being self-disassociated I feel much better - I have a hope, not fear anymore. Do I hate JW's? The answer is yes and no. YES, I DO hate, according to the Bible, the G.B. and everyone who supports them. NO, I don't hate JW's because they are misled and blind as I was once. I love them as other ex-JW's loved me and helped me get out, although I haven't met them personally.

*******************************************************

All of us, ex-JW's had at one time to take a decision contrary to what `others' think. We preferred to follow our own conscience not what others say that our conscience should tell us to do.

Many thanks to all these individuals who run counter-WTS pages. Keep it up!! I don't mention any names because I fear that I will forget someone. As you have noticed, WTS have started during the past months vaccinating JW's against Internet using subtle methods (we all know how mind control works), by stating that people get "addicted", etc. Of course they `fail' to state that browsing the Net is the first step to freedom, the Christian freedom our Lord promised! Amen! (John 8:32).I know it because yes,

THE INFORMATION HIGHWAY FREED MY SOUL!

********************************************************

My departure from the WTS was largely the direct result of my discussions on the Internet. I joined the Net in 1992, and after a few months I found the "Friends" mailing list, a closed email group for Jehovah's Witnesses only.

************************************************* All this time, during this "journey", I was talking to my wife Kirsten about everything. She looked at the evidence for different things, and realised the WTS was out to lunch, just as any other honest person would do. Some time before this we even decided to drop the book study, since the "Family" book described a view of women (and men) that we couldn't accept. I realise in hindsight that she had hated every minute of being a JW. Without me, she would probably have left silently much earlier. Now, she ended up leaving with a bang when the elders came after me for questioning their pet beliefs.

***************************************************

The email network is a group of real flesh and blood friends all over the world with whom I feel I can share ideas, thoughts and good & bad times

***************************************************

The elders on this case were actually guilty of covering up another brothers deviate sexual behaviors in a case that would of ended up in court as a civil matter against this deviate "brother, but like everything else it was swept under the rug. Now you can see why it was covered up, because the elders themselves could have civil charges brought against them also. The organization that I looked up to instead of standing up for what was right and just went along with this kangaroo court and covered it up. To say it was a big let down for me is an understatement.

*********************************************

One last thought. "There is a great abuse of power by elders, Circuit Overseers and the Society in general. The real problem is that things that are done are attributed to God. They assume that God would not 'permit' abuse of power, so there are no control mechanisms as there are in other organizations. Nobody checks if the elder tribunals follow the Society's own laws. Almost by definition, what is done by someone who have 'scriptural' positions of power (Governing Body, Circuit Overseer, elder, husband, father) must be regarded as having God's blessing. So they blame the victim. I've heard and confirmed stories about horrible disfellowshippings, abusive husbands, sexual harassment from elders, sexual assaults from fathers who were upstanding members of the congregation. It's not a few bad individuals inside a good organization. It's a few good individuals inside an organization gone bad."

*********************************************

I was upset by the way the Society constantly made rules, trying to control the most private aspects of our lives. I despised the disfellowshipping rules, and when the Society tightened up on how to treat disfellowshipped and disassociated people in the early 1980s I was appalled. I also had difficulty with many of the doctrinal teachings.

**********************************************

But I was also shocked at the way I saw brothers treated who were disappointed that the Society's "prophecy" didn't come true. Before 1975 if you didn't believe it, you were unfaithful. If you were disappointed afterward that nothing happened, you were disloyal and were serving for a date. My father was one of these "weak" ones; he was so disappointed after 1975 that he had a nervous breakdown and stepped down as an elder. I watched the way the brothers treated him and others like him, and I realized that this could not be Jehovah's organization. But it took another 10 years before I had the courage to leave.

*************************************************

My ex offered to let her spend the night in the basement, which was set up like a separate apartment. Well, an elder lived a block away and both times noted that this woman's car had been there all night. My ex got a call from the elders. They wanted to know if he had committed adultery. He was incensed. In the year since I'd left him, he hadn't had one brother come by to see how he was doing. No one had invited him over for a meal. He hadn't had any sheparding calls when he stopped attending meetings. And now they were calling him asking him questions about his personal life.

**************************************************

I always thought it was really strange that this letter advised my family to shun me, yet my parents had never even been told about it! My parents were angry about the whole situation, about the way it was handled, the way my brother and sister were acting. They said no one would tell them they couldn't talk to their own daughter. Ever since then, my brother has refused to talk to me. He recently told my father he considers me an "apostate." His shunning is so severe that he won't even say hello to me or make eye contact with me.

*************************************************

Witnesses like to believe that when people like me leave the religion their lives fall apart and they cannot find happiness. That simply isn't true. I am happy and fulfilled. I enjoy the freedom I now have to think for myself and to act on my conscience. I have many wonderful friends, who love me for myself and not for my blind allegiance to some earthly organization. Leaving the Witnesses was, by far, the best decision I ever made. I only wish I had done it sooner.

******************************************************

Severing my ties to the Society was a process rather than an event. I stopped attending meetings in 1987, but I wasn't able to totally free myself from the effects of a lifetime of spiritual and mental bondage unaided. The thought of living forever in the artificially sweetened company of programmed drones filled me with dread, and yet I had been convinced from childhood that this was The Truth, and my guilt at actually disliking the only spiritual food ever offered kept me from becoming truly free.

clip

I was invited to a chat room where I met several former Witnesses who spoke frankly about their problems with doctrine, unwritten policy, and financial shenanigans. Information sites run by former members and interested observers became my school and bibliography. I met many former Witnesses who articulated the same concerns and feelings that led me to leave. I found facts that helped me finally truly break free of my bondage to the twisted mindset forced on me in childhood. Finding intelligent, rational people who have been in my situation was a tremendous relief. It validated my own observations about the lovelessness inside the Tower when I heard others discussing it. It helps to compare notes with others who are dealing with Witness family after exiting. It helps to know that there are folks around the world who share my small successes in recovering from the various problems related to my cult involvement. I am deeply grateful for the generosity of those good souls who maintain information sites and mailgroups on Jehovah's Witnesses. Through their unselfish efforts I have truly moved out of the shadow of the Tower . All my problems haven't miraculously gone away, but I no longer live in fear of the vengeful god of the Watchtower, and I am free to live without fear or guilt. I have found accurate information and tangible help overcoming major emotional problems resulting from my involvement in JW's. The internet has been the most valuable tool I have found to help break the Tower's iron grip on the human soul. In the interests of true freedom, I remain,

**************************************************

A lot of people that I have met on the Net have left the WTBS for doctrinal differences. My story is more personal. I left because of my experiences being raised in the truth and my experiences as an adult. If there is anyone out there who reads this and can relate to it... I hope you can draw comfort from realizing that you aren't alone in what you have gone thru. I know I do.....I am very thankful to everyone who has been so kind in talking to me....and especially to Philia...whose members have helped me to actually laugh at a lot of what goes on within the organization. I was raised in the truth from the age of 5 and what I remember most about growing up a Witness child is how uncomfortable and restricting my upbringing was.

**********************************************

I had a struggle with the "truth" from day one. I am an outspoken educated woman. I work... (which made me stand out like a sore thumb from the other "sisters"), and I was in a divided household. But I thought it was what I was supposed to be doing.... and subconsciously I think I was still trying to please my parents.

************************************************

This person is speaking about her internet group

The feeling of being part of a community is important to most people, and we ex-JWs are no exception. We may not be "united in thought" in many ways but we certainly are in rejoicing that we no longer have to answer to a self-seeking, self-important, self-righteous and often arbitrary religious "authority" that claims to speak for God.

*************************************************

Over the course of the past year, I've been able to grow and to heal thanks to the people on these lists. I not only found out the truth about "the Truth", but I learned I was okay, after all. If I hadn't found these groups, I still wouldn't be a JW, but I doubt I would have been able to move on as completely as I have. I would still be in bondage to the WT, always wondering if they're right. I needed to see the evidence against them and to see I wasn't alone. I needed to know it wasn't just me who had problems in the WT. Nowadays, I have no fear of the WT. I am whole again.

***********************************************

May God bless you and keep you (even if you don't believe in God ;-) ).

**********************************************

I was a JW for 5 years, with about 4 of them trying to do my own thinking. It was a process, at first, when I realised the WT was hiding some scriptural manipulations I wept buckets, and was afraid to speak about it, (even with my husband). Then things progressed and another sister and I shared a lot of private research which slowly unravelled a pattern of WT deception.

**********************************************

Then fright "tactics" were employed to see if a judicial committee or so would keep me quiet and finally the smoothies option, on how I should be "persuaded" to view things. My brick wall was reached last June (95) when I could no longer do anymore, and I disassociated myself, (happily my husband also). My time in the WT was agonising.....

****************************************************

It was a total surprise to me! I had never had Internet access, so my husband and I decided to get it installed at home and take a look. After about 6 weeks of study from articles from Jes-Wits etc, I felt a big relief that more people were out there using their own reasoning and it seemed that some were actually fighting for a "truth" more than keeping the lies covered up.

*************************************************

Also the main problem that was said to me time and again from other JW's was, "but you are alone, where would we go if we came out?" Just being able to show others that there are many more outside, who are not afraid to speak out against the lies of the WT has encouraged them to get out also. For me this was the best part of my picking myself up from my WT bruises - just helping others more substantially, than with just my own research.

**************************************************

I had doubts about what I was being taught throughout my entire life, however, I didn't feel as though questioning the WTS within the congregation was allowed. I didn't even feel as though I could raise these doubts with my JW parents for fear of being punished in some way. In short, expressing doubts in the atmosphere I was raised in was not welcomed. After I left the Bethel and while I was there, the doubts that I had about the claims the WTS makes about itself surfaced again. Only this time they would not go away. I became inactive and I read "apostate" literature in secret, but I NEVER communicated my doubts or my true feelings with any one in the WT organization (except my wife) or with persons the organization deemed "apostate". It is not that I did not want to talk with former JW's. The fact of the matter is that I did not know how to get in contact with them.

*************************************************

I do believe that they are teaching falsehood and that they are not what they claim to be. Because of the information that I found on the worldwide web and through mailing lists, I discovered just how badly I had been deceived and I now have a support network that I will need in the near future when I am shunned by my parents and relatives that are still JW's. I have found the internet, invaluable in helping me discover what the Bible really teaches and I think more Christians should use this new technology to help others like myself.

************************************************

Unfortunately, I let myself (my father also) get baptized in 1988 at the age of 14, as a result of severe pressure by an elder. might say I was `weak' or `immature'; if only they knew....!!. All these questions troubled me very much and so I turned to my college work instead of seeking a `carrier' in the so-called, self-called `God's Organization' and said to myself that if this Organization is His, then I'm through with Him! The mind control is so deep that I couldn't give to myself the simple answer that WTS is a false prophet and JW's a cult. At that time I thought that JW's were right on some issues but terribly wrong on some others, such as the cross, military service and especially blood transfusions. I needed urgently some answers...

**********************************************************