Why don't you come to church anymore (sob!!!!)

Utah county mom Aug 2012

Yesterday evening an old friend from the ward we live in came by to see how I was doing. She tried once again to dig into my heart and find out why the kids and I longer attend Church. I did not give her that information. I told her I was just fine--my job is going well, my kids are okay, etc. She said she respected my choices and then said in a tone of doom: it is your choice, Utah County Mom?

I called her on that. you sound very condescending when you say that I pointed out. Only herein Utah do people get reamed for what they do or do not believe and whether they go to church or not. Mormons do not get it--they cry over "persecution" and claim they respect other people's beliefs whole saying "only our church is true."

Even my TBM husband thought I did the right thing.

I am sick of the condescending pity and the hollow "I miss seeing you" comments. if you really are my friend you know where I live . . . .

Such is life in Utah County.

Re: Why don't you come to church anymore
What did she say when you told her she sounded condescending? That would stop them in their tracks, because they're used to other Mormons responding to emotional appeals.
Re: Why don't you come to church anymore
"...it's your choice"

"If it's my choice, why the f... do you keep coming round trying to change it?"

Re: Why don't you come to church anymore
Utah Co. Mom...I had the very same experience when I lived in Orem. A close neighbor came over one night, unannounced. She fawned over how much she missed me, blah blah blah...said she'd been having dreams about me and worried about me. I told her I was fine, doing well, and that she didn't need to worry about me. In order to somewhat change the subject, I asked her what she was doing in the ward. She mentioned that she'd just been called as the RS president. It was all I could do to hold my tongue as I now knew she had an agenda.

The other time I was at a neighbor's baby shower. A gal from just around the corner in the neighborhood also came and when she saw me she just gushed about how much she had missed me! I looked her in the face and said "Mary, I haven't moved". She turned beet red and stammered about how she hadn't been a very good neighbor. What I knew she meant was that she had missed seeing me at church. Friendships are so superficial in the mormon church or even assigned. I lived in that ward for 27 years. I can honestly say that I have absolutely no one from that time that I would consider a friend in the true sense of the word.

Re: Why don't you come to church anymore
Last time one of my "leaders" told me they missed me at their boring-as-hell-complete-waste-of-time meetings, I said: "Really? How much?" He got this pissed of look in his eye and then it just stopped him cold. Awesome. Not sure why I didn't think of it before.

Re: Why don't you come to church anymore
How would it play out in these situations if we just said straight up (not holding our tongues) that we understood that there was an agenda?

"Ah, RS president. So you've been designated to worry about me. Well perhaps you could answer some of my questions about the LDS church?"

Re: Why don't you come to church anymore
I'm an old man who's stopped going to church. In Orem, BTW.) There aren't too many people who seem to give a @#$%&, which is just fine, but one guy about my age collared me and started with:

1. Compliment me on what a good guy he'd always thought I was.

2. Tell me how he loves the church and how it has saved him from living a bad life.

3. Then said "It all depends on your belief in The First Vision."

I simply told him that I don't have a testimony of that. He really couldn't find a foothold after that, convo ended.

Well done, Utah County Mom!
I've been on this board for over ten years and have almost never read anything better!

Too often exmos are cowed into trying to pander to whiney TBMs who condescend just because someone chooses not to go to the mormon church.

Utah County Mom
Re: Why don't you come to church anymore
My friend was surprised that I said she was being condescending. I am usually polite and friendly when I see members of my ward. even if any of my "friends" from the ward really wanted to spend some time with me they do not have any time outside of church activities.The people I spend time with now are either ex-mos, never-mos and a few rare devout members who love me as friends and not for how active I am.

Re: Why don't you come to church anymore
Good for you in telling her directly that it is condescending!

Re: Why don't you come to church anymore
I no longer come to church, Mary, because I discovered the facts about Mormon history were not being taught accurately in Sunday School. Would you like to know the truth about Joseph Smith?

A conversation stopper, a visit stopper, a room-clearer.


"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"