The Most Offensive Testimony...

by tensolator Dec 2011

What is the most offensive testimony you have ever heard?

Personally, it had to be the woman, who's son was killed motocross racing on Sunday.

Now, I felt bad for her loss, but I could not wrap my head around her reasoning. She stated he died because he was motocross racing on Sunday and God punished him. Had he not been racing on Sunday he'd still have been with us.

I am sorry, but if there is a Master of the Universe I believe he has more important things to do than strike down a 16 year old motocross racing on Sunday.

Just a thought.

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
And she worships the guy who killed her son for that?

The ones that used to piss me off were the parents who would stand up and list all of the things their wayward kids were doing. Then they would sob and beg everyone to fast and pray for them.

Now I don't know about you, but if someone told a room full of people my business, and they all thought I was a horrible person, why would I ever step foot in that place?

I would have loved it if one of the kids showed up one day and bore their testimony about all of the faults their parents had. That would have been great!

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
The ones that bothered me were those that received revelation (even seeing God) or answers to their prayers--some were so weird and so far out there, that I could not stand it. Testimonies about tithing also bothered me a lot.

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
D. All of the above?

Honestly, I could never stand testimony meetings. It was always about bragging and never seemed real. I learned in a church history class at BYU that this was always the case. Originally, the only people that were allowed to speak at testimony meetings were those that knew or had seen Joseph Smith.

I am glad I didn't live back then, sacrament meeting is boring enough without having to hear the same stories over and over.

But God doesn't bother to punish
Cold blooded killers like Hitler or Stalin?

Maybe they kept the Sabbath?

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
God ain't fooling around...better keep that Sabbath day holy, kids!

Wow...just wow.

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
My sister bore hers saying that her patriarchal blessing told her that if she always paid tithing, her family would never go hungry. It's hard to starve when you are on food stamps....just sayin.

Re: But God doesn't bother to punish
Or Kim Jung Il. You can't tell me Jesus wasn't angry about that dick wad, but does Jesus do anything to take him out? No, he is too busy turning kids playing motocross on Sundays, into fertilizer to care. On second thought, maybe Jesus thought Kim Jung Il was an alright kind of guy, just misunderstood.
Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
The worst one I heard was a teacher who went on about how wonderful it is that her class was filled with little Mormon children and gushed about it, and then there was that one nonMormon kid who also happened to be the trouble maker in the class...of course it's the nonMormon kid who's awful.

Another one was when the woman went on and on about her wonderful boys and growing up into fine young little priests and missionaries and then as an afterthought, my girls too...for helping raise them. Holy hell, really? I looked at my husband and said, "So women's only role is to raise good men?"

This is the type of thing any Mormon will deny up and down, but then you watch it with your own eyes...that's what got me looking stuff up on the internet.

So not as horrible as killing a kid for motorcrossing on Sunday, but still wonder everyone leaves for offenses.

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
It was in a talk from a Stake High Councilman. He repeated that stupid advice, which I think is from that $4!t treatise, The Miracle of Forgiveness, about how it's better for a missionary to come home dead than unclean.

To be that seemed like the stupidest belief. My kid can get over a bad decision, or a decision the church thinks is bad (I had a lot of premarital sex and had a great time), but my kid can't get over being dead.

The very notion that sin cannot be overcome is anti-Christian, so why would the church even think it could let these kinds of attitudes go unchallenged. And they do go unchallenged, from the paleo-conservative a$$40le guy from the Stake to a BS book that is in many Bishops' offices to hand out out to people.


Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
tensolator Wrote:
> I am sorry, but if there is a Master of the
> Universe I believe he has more important things to
> do than strike down a 16 year old motocross racing
> on Sunday.

Well, yeah. How about going after a serial killer working on the Sabbath, or a robber or a bishop giving out bad advice?

But no, gotta kill a kid instead!


A problem with the Mormon idea of why things happen
Maybe the kid die because his parents did not buy him safety equipment that was up to the job? Maybe his bike was prepared well enough? Maybe some one else's bike failed, causing the accident?

But hey! Why look to ourselves for an answer when we can just as easily blame God?

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
We had a guy in our ward who used to go to Central America at least once a year. I really got tired of hearing about all the "proofs" of the BoM that he saw in every bias relief carving.

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
I could rarely supress my gag reflex when the wannabe spiritual types would recount their "I was lost but now I'm found, I was doing drugs and drinking yadda yadda yadda but I knew I wasn't truly happy and one day I heard Jesus say 'that's enough' and here I am..." nonsense that one inevitably hears on starve & testiphony sunday.

Really what they meant to say was I didn't go to church for a while because I couldn't afford tithing and this is my way of getting back to church without having to pay back-tithing. Clean slate. Tabula Rasa...

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
My TBM husband had an older brother, John, who died years before my husband was born. The whole family always refers to John as "the brother who drowned when he was 12 because he went swimming on Sunday." It was just like a matter of fact - he got what he deserved for breaking the Sabbath. In their minds his short life was reduced to one sentence - "swimming on Sunday = justified death."
Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
starvalleysaint Wrote:
> My sister bore hers saying that her patriarchal
> blessing told her that if she always paid tithing,
> her family would never go hungry. It's hard to
> starve when you are on food stamps....just sayin.

I know a TBM whose patriarchal blessing said the God "would always provide" for his family. I guess since God was going to provide, her figured he didn't have to. He quit decent job after decent job to chase some silly business opportunity while his wife and kids went without. Many years the only Christmas they had was provided by her never-mo parents.

Re: lmgtr, She STAYED with the loser?
Yep! Years later she got smart, went back to school and got a decent job for herself. By the time the kids were teens, she was supporting the family and they have moved several times to further her career. He is still a ner-do-well.

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
I always hated the ones where the parent drug the little kid up and then whispered what they should say in their ear. They would
repeat every thing their parent said in a monotone, not knowing or even understanding what they were saying.
Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
I always hated the "I don't know where I'd be if I weren't a member of the church. Probably robbing banks." Uh...really? You think your morg membership is the only thing that has prevented you from becoming a felon? What's preventing the majority of people from committing crimes?

The other ones I hate are when a parent gets up and claims credit for their kids' righteousness/success. "We always tried to [insert righteous action here: temple attendance, scripture study,etc.] and every one of our kids have been married in the temple and gone on missions..." Nice for you, but what about all the people like us who that didn't work out for? DH and I were hard-working believing TBMs, but that couldn't "make" our bipolar son fit the perfect mormon mold. The years of frustration we all endured over that fallacy...especially bad since DH's patriarchal blessing says, "If you are righteous, your children will be righteous." That really screws with your head when you have a kid who doesn't want to be a good little mormon. We came to realize that kids are who they are, and as a parent, you can shape and guide them, but you'll never be able to change who they ultimately are. So those people with the awesome kids got easy kids from the start--kids that were self-motivated and compliant--and they need to stop patting themselves on the back.

Again, not as offense as god killing your kid for breaking the sabbath...

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
Mine was the woman whose 14 year old daughter who was a passenger in a car with a 16 year old driver. The car hit a pole and she sustained a head injury which killed her, whereas the driver survived.

She bore her testimony that her daughter's death was a faith test for their family and she understood that. Like Abraham and Isaac, so she really couldn't be sad. I'll never forget her words to me personally later, she shook off my condolences and my attempt to embrace her. She said, "Really, it's no big deal because I know we'll be with her again." She smiled through the whole "celebration" of her daughter's life and didn't shed a tear.

I rushed out, overcome by emotion and nausea. It was the weirdest thing ever, the cult triumphing over the maternal bond? Where's that weird Mormon beliefs thread...


Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
I went to a funeral of 5 siblings under the age of 11 that died in a head on collision with a semi.

The parents did and said basically the same thing.
It was horrifying to me that the church had control over their emotions. I've never gotten over that.

They spoke at stake conference, and more or less chastised anyone who showed any emotion over the death of their 5 kids. I wonder how the friends of their children were affected by that.

The woman who asked her husband to give her a blessing... help her be more obedient (to him). Even as a TBM, that disturbed me.

I think she was figuring out that her husband was abusing his fake authority over her, and she was was starting to experience depression. She burst in to tears when she described her own passive-aggressive behaviors as "rebellious." That was a sure sign to me that even she did not believe what she was saying.

She asked her husband to give her a blessing, and she said that she was able to submit to his authority after that. But her rebelliousness, fed by Satan's desire to "tear their family apart" kept rearing its ugly head.

I almost puked.


Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
nowI'mfound Wrote:
> The other ones I hate are when a parent gets up
> and claims credit for their kids'
> righteousness/success.

Yeah I really hate this one too. How quickly they forget that LDS official doctrine is that 2/3rds of God's children fell away. People who would give such a testimony seem to forget that they are implying that they are better parents than God.

Re: The Most Offensive Testimony...
That reminds me of my dad. The last time I heard him bear his testimony he talked about how wonderful his sons were, how proud he was of the kind of men they had turned out to be, that he admired them and all this stuff but he did not mention me or my sister at all. It's as if he didn't even have any daughters. As far as I can figure, we weren't worth mentioning since we don't hold the priesthood and neither of us really fits the Molly Mo mold.

So yeah, that was a really uplifting testimony, made me feel really great.

"Recovery from Mormonism -"