My weekly moment of humiliation

procrusteanchurch July 2013

Unfortunately, I am stuck attending church every week for the sake of my marriage. I no longer partake of the sacrament, and I'm sure people notice - particularly when my young son asks my wife in a loud whisper, "Why isn't daddy taking the sacrament?"

Last week my kids picked the place for our family to sit, and I wasn't too thrilled when I walked into the room and saw my kids were sitting in the front row of the middle aisle. I know it wasn't intentional, but I couldn't help but think that the spot they chose was the most effective place in the room to showcase my weekly moment of humiliation as I skipped the sacrament.

After the sacrament, the counselor stood up and gave a little spiel about how it is important it is to partake of the sacrament to show god that we are worthy. And that is what ticks me off. So my kids and everyone else who notices that I don't take the sacrament must assume that there's a worthiness problem and that I must have sinned. In actuality, the only reason I don't partake is because I think tscc is a fraud, and my only sin is being honest in this regard.

For those of you who are also stuck going to church, do you partake of the sacrament, or do you share my weekly moment of humiliation?

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
Show God we are worthy? She can't figure this out by herself?

The non-Mo church I sometimes attend sees this as an individual choice - no pressure or stigma one way or the other.

CA girl
Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
I rarely go - usually only because a very good friend has a child either coming from or going on a mission. I try to arrive after the sacrament is passed but before that, I honestly just took the sacrament anyway. Because I am still a Christian and do it to remember Christ, not as a symbol of any vows to Mormonism. I don't feel at all bad about doing that, but I would if I were atheist, Buddhist or Muslim because then it would go against my beliefs.

I agree with what you say about them making it a worthiness issue. That is public shaming for not conforming, a classic sign of cult programming. Judging other people like that, without all the facts, making assumptions is one of the sickest parts of Mormonism. Even if the church were true, I wouldn't want to hang out with people who have so few values and so little character. I know you have to do it for your marriage and I have to play along a certain extent for my DH. But it gotten better - hopefully it will for you too.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
Apparently, Her sunday mornings are busy looking over the wards keeping tabs on who takes the sacrament and who doesn't. This takes a lot of effort, which is why She can't waste time on more mundane issues such as ending the market for child slavery.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
I wouldn't. You may not be able to explain to your young children now but when they get older you can. I think it will make an impact on them. Already their wheels are turning. Daddy doesn't take the sacrament and he is okay . . .

I don't know what your agreement is with wife but I'd try to say to kids, we take the sacrament to show we agree with the church. If they ask if you agree no, but I agreed with your mom not to discuss.

Sorry you go through this. That sucks.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
You could reframe this in your mind as your weekly equivalent of giving them the finger.

Your weekly moment of pride and statement of survival as an individual "after all they can do."

It's all in how we view it. I personally think it's great and admire you tremendously.


Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
If I were you, I would go ahead a take the sacrament. You are probably more worthy (in the broadest sense of that term) than a lot of the self-righteous people who feel they are entitled to take the sacrament because they are so good.

Do you have to undergo an interview with the bishop before taking the sacrament? Is it sort of like the Catholic church, where you have to go to confession before a priest before partaking of communion?

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
I know it's immature and disrespectful, but if I ever found myself back in Sacrament meeting (which I never plan to do), I'd be tempted to just take an enormous handful of bread and eat the pieces one by one.

Carol Y.
Explain to your kids in simple terms why you don't take it.
Even a four year old can understand not doing something because you don't believe in it. Plant those seeds now while they are young. The Morg does it formally from age 18 months, when they start nursery. You have every right to train your children in your belief system.

anon for this
I attend with my family as well
and have been skipping the sacrament for a long time.

Having done it for so long and having worn off color shirts with no tie for so long...

am convinced that people do notice and they do assume the worst as human nature dictates.

they cannot accept the fact that you may have legitimate disagreements about whether 16 year old boys saying a prayer over bread endows it with special sauce

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
Any time I attend church I partake of the sacrament. I don't believe the church is true (whatever that means), I don't think it is particularly valuable to me, and I don't believe I'm doing anything wrong by eating bread.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
I wouldn't take it for hygiene purposes, forget the "meaning"

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
" it is important it is to partake of the sacrament to show god that we are worthy". Really? I wonder how many people are lying about that. And as it's already been pointed out, shouldn't God know anyways?

I still occasionally go to sacrament meeting at tscc for the sake of my parents and I still take the sacrament, even though my family knows that I don't believe. Here's my two cents.. In my opinion, the only requirements to being able to take the sacrament is being willing to remember Christ and follow His commandments (as said in the sacrament prayers), so I don't feel like I'm doing something wrong. Okay, maybe it feels a bit odd when I remember everyone else around me may have a different idea about what it means to be "worthy". But this whole commitment is between myself and God -- nobody else, not even tscc or its members/leaders.
I'm not sure what your current beliefs are, so please don't take this as me saying that this is what you should do! You need to be personally at ease with the decision you choose to make :)

I understand the feelings you're having given the situation, and I'm sorry you have to go through that kind of humiliation so regularly, especially regarding a matter that isn't anyone else's business.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
I would stand up, bear your testimony, and say that you're only going on behalf of your wife and children, whom you love very much. That's the only honest way to go about it. Otherwise, you tell your wife what you've learned about the church, and she would be the only one deciding to go without you or take your children with her.

It's unfortunate when belief in a church drives people apart, but really, the best alternative is the Christian argument as a way to get her into a real church, unless you're an atheist, at which point you're screwed. At least you won't be judged as much in a real Christian church.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
Take a handful and ask for butter.

I always looked at Mormon communion as saying, "Cheers!" to Jesus. Totally meaningless.

Sorry you are in the situation...but you are making a positive statement that the church is a totally false, a judgmental liars den. Be proud of your stance!

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
I like your perspective anagrammy. Rather than considering it a moment of humiliation, it is something to be proud of. Maybe next sunday, I'll just loudly whisper, "No thanks, I don't believe js should have married other men's wives, so I don't want the sacrament this week" and then pass on the tray to the next person.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
If it were me, I'd sit there quietly playing with my tablet with earphones maybe watching a movie. No one can force you to act/do/say ANYTHING.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
This goes counter to my prior approach, i.e., trying not to draw attention to myself, but I love the suggestion.

If you don't believe . . .
it doesn't matter to God if you take it or not.

I suggest you either stay home or go ahead and play along. Sorry, it's too late to prevent ugly speculation.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
Great point. There was one kid in my ward who I would watch in disgust as he'd pick his nose up on the stand for all to see before he would break the bread. It was gross.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
Good for you for not giving in and just taking it. If I were you, I'd just let it pass by with a condescending smile. You are the only one there not being fooled by the whole thing. Just be amused and roll your eyes. You're above it!

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
Take a wad of bread and mold it into a little bird or shape of something. You know how kids like to roll Wonder bread into a ball.

Give it to the kid.

Then say to your wife, loud for others to hear: "Hey, I just turned Jesus' body from bread into a dove."

OK, seriously. Don't enable them to do that to you. Don't allow them to lessen your value to your child. Point out the situation to your wife so she sees the many ways the church damages families. How would she like to be degraded like that by her own child? The child is being brainwashed into questioning "worthiness" of his own father. I'd be temped to stay home and let the family know the church is not "worthy" for you to attend.


The Man in Black
Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
When and if I go I take it, but that is my giving them the finger. I look straight at the bish, slowly put it in my mouth, slowly chew, give them a cold stare.

I think it freaks them out a little. Anyone else who gawks also gets a stare-down.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
Great way to do it man in black. Only problem was that I started laughing out loud when I read your post, and my kids wanted see what was so funny. I don't think they're ready for RfM yet.

Re: My weekly moment of humiliation
Ooohhhh. That's goooood.

They get so mad when people don't follow their rules.

"Recovery from Mormonism -"