My week so far as an active Mormon
greatstanding Sep 2013
I am a long time lurker and first time poster. I have had my eyes opened by this board, and appreciate the candor and sincerity of most of the posts. I also enjoy the funny stuff here. I am BIC, live in the heart of the morridor, RM. One of the recurring themes on RfM is the amount of time required to be TBM. My week has gone like this:
Sun- Churchin' from 7:30 to 2:30 PEC, Ward Council, 3hr Block, Funds Processing
Mon- FHE (more fun than spiritual)
Tue- Stake Welfare Assignment from 6:00 to 8:00
Wed- Stake All Day at the Temple (we were strongly encouraged to use vacation days to miss work for this day)
Thu- Cub Scout Pack Meeting
Fri- Boy Scout Campout
Almost every waking minute of time outside of work and sleep this week has been consumed by TSCC [this so called church]. There are always threads on the board for "What are you doing Sunday instead of attending church," but what are you doing M, T, W, Th, and F instead of being "active?"
blueorchid
Re: My week so far
"Churchin'" Ha ha. Love that.
You are not going to believe how fantastic life is once it is your own again.
Welcome and so glad you are here.
almostthere
Re: My week so far
They keep you too busy to think straight!
Haunted Wasatch
Re: My week so far
BITE method of mind control
Control BEHAVIOR
Control Information
Control TIME
Control emotions
dit
Re: My week so far
Insane! Take your life back!
greatstanding
Re: My week so far
It will be a slow process to get my life back. But the process has begun :)
feelinglight
Re: My week so far
Hello greatstanding.
I started keeping a notebook for awhile just to make sure I wasn't crazy?
My husband is TBM, I am a non-believer, but have to take it slow.....
He spends so much time on church stuff. It's unbelievable.well,no it's not. That's the way they like it. Keep you too busy to realize that you are in something that is a CULT.
You can get your life back and congratulations on that.....you will be happy.
blueorchid
Re: My week so far
AND, I would like to add another reason I am happy to see your post pointing this out.
My father was bishop the entire time I was growing up, eleven years-- from the time I was seven to eighteen. I never saw him except when I needed discipline and I was expected to be an example to the ward. At first I resented him never being there and then I was glad. It is a horrible thing the church does to families. My mother was Relief Society president for most of my teen years as well.
Our family is now a polite TBM family that shows all the signs of being loving, but it never feels real. I see other normal families in the world now and I feel cheated.
Your post is a real eye-opener and I hope a lot of people read it.
Cheryl
Oh my!
You work and give so much for the morg, you have no time to enjoy your life.
I hope you can be free in the future.
spaghetti oh
Re: My week so far
As someone who's never been a Mormon, I find your post very informative. I knew that the Morg encouraged busywork but seeing it laid out like that is, as blueorchid wrote above, a real eye-opener.
I'm very glad that you've started the process to get out!
iris
Re: My week so far
Welcome to the board, and thanks for posting.
Just an estimate of my time spent at church:
50 weeks/year x 3 hrs = 150 hrs
2 weeks every year General Conference @ 8 hours for four sessions of conference (10 hours including priesthood session = 20 hrs)
Per year the basic church meetings = 170 hours
x 50 years = 8,500 hours
Adding the following to the 8,500 hours
18 month mission (1975-76), temple attendance @ 3 hours per session counting travel time, lesson prep (primary, young women, relief society, gospel doctrine classes) and Primary music planning/visuals prep, 2 years teaching 6:00 am seminary 5 days/week September through May (this was not team teaching--just me), 5 years of girls camp when camp was 7 days long = 35 days (used vacation days from work to attend), firesides/ward activities, Saturday evening stake conference sessions, Homemaking meetings/Primary activities, other misc. meetings, i.e. baptism services, member missionary meetings, cleaning the church and grounds, family home evening.
blueorchid
Re: My week so far
There ya go! Great summary. All added up it's monstrous and life sucking leaving no time at all for family or chasing your dreams.
TBMReponse:)
But.... but.... but.... CHIASMUS!
If you had the "correct" spirit with you then you'd understand. The time consuming things the "true gospel of Christ" demand aren't a burden at all! If you truly loved the Savior then it would be an absolute joy to serve every waking moment.
If you are truly "in tune" with the spirit then the only sad moments in your life would be when you're not completely enmeshed in a church function of some kind.
How does a TBM know all of this? Because the B(owel) of M(ovement) contains Chiasmus. Chiasmus proves the BofM is true, this proves Joey was God's profit in these latter days and that is proof that Tommy Boy speaks for God today! Every leader of the church that occupies a position above you in God's org chart is entitled to receive revelation for you. In other words everything they ask of you comes directly from GOD. How dare you question GOD? Go back to church and repent you evil monster.
Oh, you may want to pack an extra sleeping back for the camp-out, could be very chilly this weekend.
left4good
Re: My week so far
Welcome.
Yep, I can't count the number of times my wife and I counted hours spent in the cult.
Sounds like you have a healthy attitude. Good luck to you as you try to break out of jail.
anagrammy
Re: My week so far
Remember your temple promises? Your time belongs to them-- you dedicated all your time, talents and money to the development of "the" kingdom (THEIR kingdom) about which you will know only what they are forced to tell you.
To hell with your children's emotional or physical needs...
I don't know about you, but I was concerned about this and I was told by my bishop that God provides special blessings to children whose parents are faithful and devoted.
This is manipulation and deception - robbing children of their parents' normal focus, attention and resources. The entire "Family Focus" is a scam.
I am sure this is dawning on you, based on your post. Hopefully, if you extricate yourself and take back your family, there will be no lasting damage.
Wish I had not fallen for it--wish I had opted out sooner. On the other hand, I wouldn't have my last four children, who are the light of my life.
Best
Anagrammy
cludgie
Re: My week so far
Does this mean that you are a finance clerk? Just asking. Of all the people here on RfM who seem to leave the church the most, it might be the various clerks. Either it is the job they give you when they sense that you're on your way out, or a job that drives you out when you do it. During a conversation when I was a finance clerk, I discovered that the membership and ward clerks were also both unbelievers, as well. It was a weird moment.
closer2fine
Re: My week so far
And when you're not busy with church related things, they want you to feel guily that you should be doing more. And then they assure everyone that nobody who is doing all they should be will ever fall away. It's all one big mind game!
greatstanding
Re: My week so far
I am an Exec Sec, and assist with clerking activities because the various incumbent clerks and assistant clerks don't attend church weekly. Cludgie, your observation about clerks may be spot on in my ward.
Anagrammy, my journey out is all about my family. I love my wife and kids and we have already decided that family events trump church events, at least during the week. My 12 year old loves Boy Scouts, but he plays competitive sports and has to miss most scout stuff as a result. I am taking him camping tonight because a game was rescheduled and he happens to be available for the camp. And I am taking him because we won't allow him to go overnight with the Boy Scouts without me being there. Sundays are still very much spent at church, but my kids are the ones riding bikes, playing soccer, and throwing a baseball afterwards. My wife is very TBM, but with a very weak doctrinally-based testimony. She is currently Primary Pres, and I help her every week as she prepares for Sunday because she is deathly afraid that the kids will know more than her. Her calling causes so much stress in her life, but she "knows" the church is true, so she puts up with it. And thus I have to.
I want to leave, but not without the family. I admire those that can get everyone out at once.
Eric3
Re: My week so far
Good items!
Most nevermos have no idea how much TSSC demands
from members. If they knew, jaws would drop.
So thanks for these items, which give a
pretty good rundown.
Cali Sally
Re: My week so far
I remember, as a new convert, TSCC telling us to have FHE. They said how important it was to hold one night of the week as sacred to the family. I couldn't believe that Mormons only spent one night a week with their family. Our Never Mormon family spent practically all our time together. We ate sit down breakfast, lunch, and dinner together every day as it was a short walk home from school for lunch with my parents. Mom was a really sweet stay at home mother who made from scratch, Martha Stewart style meals every single day. My dad came home every day for lunch and dinner too. I couldn't even imagine spending only one night a week with my family. They sure had our family pegged wrong. To me, FHE was kind of pathetic. And when we were Congregationalists we only devoted one or two hours a week to church. My dad never became Mormon and would have lunch waiting for us when we came home from Mormon church on Sunday because he didn't want my mother to have to work on Sunday and he couldn't wait for us to get home he missed us so much. Mormons supposedly put family first but I never saw it. They just "TALK" about family first just because they believe in eternal families. That doesn't equate to real family togetherness in the here and now that I had during our pre-Mormon days. Mormonism only put a wedge between our family. My greatest wish would be to have my father know before he died that I left Mormonism far, far behind.
blueorchid
Re: My week so far
Beautiful Cali Sally. Says so much.
jesuswantsme4asucker
Re: My week so far
Hey, they graciously give you one night a week for family. Of course you have to plan a lesson, sing a hymn and say a prayer as part of that family time (if you want to keep to church standards) so its still really churchy, but at least the evening has the word family in the title right? That right there tells you they are the best church for a family.
Now, I admit I am an ungodly heathen but this is my usual week:
Monday - time with family, doing homework and going out to eat or to a park, etc.
Tuesday - time with family, doing homework and going out to eat or to a park, etc.
Wednesday - time with family, doing homework and going out to eat or to a park, etc.
Thursday - time with family, doing homework and going out to eat or to a park, etc.
Friday - time with family, doing homework and going out to eat or to a park, etc.
Saturday - time with family, doing homework or going out to eat or to a park, etc. We also do some shopping, cleaning and other chores.
Sunday - This is my designated family day, we go hiking, the a zoo or theme park, movies, what have you.
As you can see, I think I need to go back to church so I can learn how to put my family first.
iris
Re: My week so far
What a wonderful family!
GS Leader
Re: My week so far
So glad someone else sees that it's important to protect their kids at scouts! My dad was a leader for years and very careful on his watch, but other leaders, not so much. Even dad had stories about frightening leaders who used their relationships with the boys to introduce them to vices that ranged from beer to gay sex.
hungryheart
Re: My week so far
That's why Mormon families have so many pictures of their family all over their walls, their office desks, etc, way over the top . IT's because they are always off in service to the church and never see their family members; need the pictures in order to remember who those other people in the house are.
anagrammy
Re: My week so far
Glad to hear your priorities are straight.
Over many years there have been a variety of approaches tried to get the family out "together." This is as unrealistic as expecting a family to all gain a testimony at the same time and be baptized together. It doesn't take into account the individual time table we all experience regarding real spiritual growth.
The biggest mistake parents make, in my opinion, is to attend church regularly without explaining their non-belief. This sets an example of a person acting one way while believing another and is not the kind of example which would help children model themselves after you into a life of authenticity and integrity.
It is one thing to make it clear to family members where you stand as to your beliefs (be it "in transition", a doubter, a non-believer, an atheist, whatever) and then to attend church with your wife as her loyal companion. This is no different than going to a handcrafting exposition to support a wife, or ComicCon or Anime Con with your kids. You are there for them, to be with them, not because you are into comics or anime or handcrafting.
This can work to establish the kind of marriage where differences of belief are tolerated, therefore replacing the "our way or the highway" attitude of the LDS church with your own family ethic of "each person's beliefs are respected while we share family values of honesty, courtesy, cleanliness, etc."
Mormonism is not a family value, it is a belief system posing as family values. All its values serve itself--its survival and growth at the expense of members. As you have discovered, it does not add value to your family, rather it takes from it.
I am taking the time to enumerate this because it can seem easier to go along with a believing spouse, allowing children to be indoctrinated with no parent to demonstrate living without fear, with integrity, with family first, and most especially, a family which tolerates differences.
The time will come where one or more of your children will find themselves not fitting the Mormon mold. They have SSA, or they masturbate, or they hate their mission, or (worse yet), they have been molested or bullied.
You want them to feel like they can talk to you and you will still love them, you won't just defer to the spouse as "the religious one."
Unfortunately, spouses who opt out of Mormonism sometimes also opt out of family moral leadership, out of guilt or whatever, and become sidelined and marginalized treated as a "Non-Believer" instead of the only normal person living in reality in the whole friggin family.
Best of luck
Anagrammy
madalice
Re: My week so far
I noticed you left Saturday off of your list. Don't worry, they'll fill it up for you. You'll be moving someone for free, or cleaning the church, or some other church property. The good news is they want your entire family to clean with you. Ahhh family time.
My father spent every breathing extra minute he could find doing things for the church. I've been around for 60 years of his life, and I know almost nothing about him except he's the owner of a raging temper. He wouldn't know my kids if they were on his front door step.
fluhist
Re: My week so far
Welcome to the board mate!!!! Glad to have you and your GREAT insights!!
"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"