Mormon Relatives Visited for a Week

by motherfreaker May 2012

I'm a long time reader of this board and have posted a few messages from time to time but I really need to vent today. We've had family from out of town visiting for the past 6 days and I can honestly say that I have never seen such behavior and attitudes from children and adults.

First of all, just because you served a mission and know Spanish doesn't mean that you have to place your order in Spanish. McDonalds, Taco Bell, the Mexican restaurant, and the guy behind the counter at the gas station don't care that you served a mission for 2 years when you tell them. Every time we ate somewhere and he had the chance my brother would speak in Spanish to the server or host. And he had to make sure he told them that he learned Spanish while serving a mission for the church. Unbelievable.

My 9-year old nephew proudly told my wife that her tank top and shorts were inappropriate. He told her that because he could see her shoulders and legs above the knees it was giving him inappropriate feelings and that his mom never dresses that way. He said that women are supposed to have their shoulders and knees covered because it gives people bad thoughts if they are exposed. My wife asked why he thought this and he said that the Prophet says so. Rather than argue with a 9-year old she dropped it.

We were shopping in a clothing store for clothes for the kids when we walked past a display for Jockey briefs. My nephew walked up and pushed over the manequin in the display, yep he pushed the display manequin off the table and onto the floor, because it had on underwear and people shouldn't see the underwear because it may give them bad thoughts. I picked it up and told him that some people wear regular underwear and that we shouldn't break or knock things over just because we disagree with them. He said that he does it all the time and that his mom says if it happens enough then the stores will have to take the displays down because they will get tired of picking them up all the time. Whatever.

My family is not a big soda pop family. My wife and kids can go through a 12 pack of soda in a month. In 6 days these TBM's went through 48 cans of Coke and Mt Dew. Yep, Satan's nectar. We have cans everywhere and the recycle box is full of empty cans. And our chips, Oreos, and candy that last us a month are gone. But the juice, bananas, grapes, watermelon, and oranges are still here. On occasion I take a 5-Hour Energy and on Tuesday morning I needed a lift so I had one. My brother, looking on in horror, asked if I knew what was in the bottle. I read off the ingredients and he told me that it was so unhealthy and full of caffeine. I wanted to remind him of the Mt Dew and Coke and Oreos and chips that he and the other guests had consumed but I thought better and kept my mouth shut.

We have a small liquor shelf in the top of the pantry. Next to the liquor are our paper plates, napkins, paper towels, and picnic supplies. My TBM mother wanted to replace the empty roll of paper towels and I told her to look in the pantry. She opened the door and saw where the spare rolls were located and asked me to come get them as she didn't want to touch or be near the alcohol. Whatever.

We have a full cable TV line-up including premium channels. We were asked if we could block premium channels while they were here so the tempation to watch inappropriate programming would be blocked. I'm not a big TV guy but my wife has her shows that she follows but I didn't block the channels. I caught my brother browsing the premium program listings a few times and I knew that he wanted to watch an R movie just so he could. His wife (the girl he dayed 2 months at BYU and knew she was the one) has him so wound up that he flinches when she yells his name. They have been married for 15 years and he, from the way he looks and talks about her, most likely can't stand her. She is rude, demeaning, and vile in her comments to him. His kids treat him the same way. It is sad as he used to be the king stud in high school. Varsity athlete, homecoming court, prom king, etc. But now he is a shell of what he used to be. He will tell the kids to do something and she'll override him within 5 seconds. The kids see it and treat him the same way. I must have heard the word "NO!" directed toward him by his kids at least 25 times while he was visiting. I feel for him.

Table manners- non existant. Etiquite toward other people- non existant. Whispering - what's that? Treating animals and pets nicely- never heard of it. Our small dog hid under our bed when the kids were in the house and he refused to come out until our door was closed and we were in the room. We had to escort him to the back yard to use the restroom. He was afraid to show his face because the kids would yell at him to "shake", "heel", "roll over", etc and although he knows the commands and will perform them when asked he won't do it when a kid yells them at you and then swats his backside when he won't. The last day they were here when he heard the kids' voices outside of the bedroom door he began to growl and show his teeth. And he's the most docile and gentle dog and loves to give attention and obey. He's been asleep since late last night and I think his little body and spirit are trying to recover from what he went through.

It was difficult to "correct" the kids when they were here because they are not ours and we tried to be gracious hosts. We even offered to pay for a hotel the last 3 nights but they insisted that we not have to put out any more expenses on their behalf.

Our X-Box is broken (you can only turn it off and on so many times in a row before it stops working) and we have the red ring of death. My new 46" flatscreen is covered with smudges and sticky finger prints from the boys touching the screen. I havn't slept more than 5 hours in any given night since last Friday due to the noise, crying, yelling, cleaning, and organizing. I'm the last one to bed and the first one up as they are my family and I feel sorry for my wife who had to deal with them and with me.

But what took the cake is that every discussion revolves around the church. President Monson says this. Jimmer Fredette said that. BYU is the greatest university in the USA but scholars and educators won't give it credit because they hate the church. We are in the last days. I don't have enough food storage in the basement. We shouldn't have alcohol in the house because our teenagers will drink it when we're not around. Elder Bednar will get the church straightened out and righteous when it's his turn to be the Prophet. The Jesus Mall is a good use of tithing funds because it will drive tourists to downtown SLC and they will get to experience the spirit and want to take the discussions. The people in Africa don't need the money that was spent on the mall because they are the same ones that rejected Christ during the war in heaven and were fence sitters and they have to live with their choices. So Africa will have to starve, have wars, and disease because of the war in heaven.

I can go on and on but my point is that TBM's can't function in a normal world. It's an Us vs. Them mentality. I lost count of how many times I heard the word "inappropriate". They think that the world revolves around Utah Valley and BYU. They cannot discuss current events or politics other than "the Muslim in the White House". Public education is corrupt. Etc, etc, etc.

But I survived and will most likely host them again next year because they are my family and I feel for my brother. Buy dang it what a bunch of backward self-righteous, hypocrites they are and they don't realize it. Which is sad.

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Man, pour yourself some alcohol and take a deep breath...
pushing over the display would have got them ejected from the store
even if I had to do it myself.

the other stuff can be "excused" to crazy, but vandalizing a store is uhhmmm. what's the word? Oh, illegal.

Oh, and if anyone smacked my dog, they'd get smacked right back.

If they do come back, it may be time to arm yourself with wooden submarines, since sublety did not work this time around.

To me it sounds like
you need the weekend off.

You should then send a bill for the repairs to the x-box and to disinfect the home to your "family."

Raptor Jesus
This is an amazing post.
Thank you for sharing.

I'm very sorry.

What a nightmare. Just remind yourself over and over and over.


They are not.

Re: Your 9 yr old Nephew is having thoughts of hard on to your wife and tells her so.....
I would f#@@ing slap the bastard. Not because he has the feelings but has audacity to speak up so.
I wouldn't blame the kid though...You should put the kid in his place.
Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Yep, the dog-swatting would have been a dealbreaker for me. The kids would have gotten a very stern lesson about how to greet and handle animals and/or I might have just stashed the dog at the kennel or with a dogsitter friend for the duration of their visit. It's not worth the trauma to the dog, and the potential undoing of training that I spent months on, to be polite and stand by idly while a bunch of wild little monkeys abuse my dog.

I might have insisted on table manners as well, citing the "my house, my rules" theory of eminent domain. You want to be a guest in my house, great, I'm happy to have you. But that was a laundry list of over-the-top rudeness. If you can't at least have a discussion with whomever wears the pants in the family (obviously the wife) about how children are to behave in your house, then perhaps they shouldn't be invited back. I'd tell them why, or present a bill for the dog therapist to them.

Sorry, I'm just outraged at the dog-swatting. I probably wouldn't do any of those things, with the exception of kenneling the dog after the first day. Poor pup.

I hope just writing this will help in your recovery!! :)
the worst part to me is/are:
terrorizing the dog.
disrepecting dad.
OMG...I was raised...for better or worse... by a dad that would not have tolerated a no directed at him...especially if it was not the proper response...and if it was a was no sir!!
and the dog??? well my auto response would have been a cps event prolly!!

your brother is in a bad sitch, he seems to be henpecked and totally submissive to his wife!!
i like your empathy and compassion towards your brother...that family knows no boundries...too bad! I like the Muslim in the WH comment too!! maybe they are "birthers" too!! OY VAY!

Lost Mystic
Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Wow! I'd prefer hanging out with Chevy Chase's BIL in the Vacation movies! (Randy Quaid?)

That sounds like a week in hell to me...

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Wow! A nine year old fearful of inappropriate feelings towards his Aunt because he can see her knees and shoulders.....pushing over a display of underwear??????

This kid is scary.

Maybe the prophet should lecture less about inappropriate dress and more about appropriate behavior toward adults?

Yeah, I think the behavior by the nine year old should have been stopped. "You are a child, and you are acting obnoxious. You will not speak to my wife that way. You should be ashamed of yourself for such poor behavior." Make sure it's in earshot of the parents, or when you get home, you do it AGAIN in front of the parents.

Swatting at things in stores and trashing the place, call him on it. "This is not your personal property. You are acting obnoxious and like a brat, and it shows people how badly Mormons act."

Seriously - POINT OUT how this reflects on Mormons. The kid needs to learn early how high and mighty he isn't.

I think now that they're done, you write a letter with exactly what's above and tell them that you will expect them to get a hotel room from now on. Between the dog abuse, insults to your wife, and the trashing of your house - the kids clearly don't respect you, but worse... their parents don't, either.

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives

I'm amazed you survived it!
That was an amazing story! What is it with Mormons drinking excessive amounts of Mt. Dew? My hubby said his TBM ex and all of her relatives would drink Mt. Dew like it was going out of style. Mt. Dew has one of the highest concentrations of caffeine of any soda pop - WTF!

Also, I'm so sorry about your poor dog! My TBM step-daughter had 5 or 6 different dogs growing up. The dog would be around for maybe a year after they would get it as a puppy, then they would get rid of it for some reason or another - misbehavior I assumed. One time when we went to the ex's house to pick up the daughter for visitation, the dog at the time was locked in a kennel and we went up to it and it was scared to death and hid in the corner and pee'ed all over itself. That dog only lasted about 6 months.

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
OMG... that sounds like the week from HELL.
spaghetti oh
Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
"But I survived and will most likely host them again next year because they are my family."

Are you a masochist?!

Seriously! Why on earth would you put yourself through that again?

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
"Nephew, it's inappropriate of you to tell me that you think my clothing choice is inappropriate. I can wear whatever I want, because it's not my job to keep you from having 'bad thoughts'. If you're truly having 'bad thoughts' about me, your aunt, you need to talk to your bishop about your incestuous tendencies."

That might be a bit much for a 9 year old, but if they visit yearly, he'll eventually be old enough to understand all of that.

"Nephew, you can't go around knocking over display mannequins. They won't take them down because you don't like them, but they will ban you from the store, or even get you in trouble with the police. Would you like it if someone knocked down something of yours because they didn't like it?"

Take this next year and prepare ways to kindly counter the rude and inappropriate things they say. Especially when it comes to the dog.

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Holy Hell!
You're going to do this again next year? You're a better person than me. Maybe next time you can put a 3 day limit on it. It's pretty bad when even the dog can't take it. Maybe the dog can go visit some friends next time.

I'm glad to hear you have a stash of alcohol. It's time to pour yourself a drink. Maybe you can do it next time they visit? You can tell them that all the church talk makes you feel like drinking. Maybe they'll stop?

IMO, you're too accommodating. Next time, no caffeinated sodas, no goodies. Health food only. Don't take them shopping.
Put the x-box away, or use it to make them treat the dog nice. If you're mean to the dog, no x-box. Maybe you could shut down the cable while they're there. Have R rated movies they can watch.

Wear what you want. If they comment, ask them if they're always that rude. I would certainly not go anywhere in public with them. They can go do those things by themselves. If you do anything, schedule some alone time with your brother. It sounds like he needs it. I would also ask the mother why she's teaching her 9 year old to be so disrespectful to adults and other peoples property. Why is she teaching him to have such a dirty little mind? The world isn't going to change just because she's trained her 9 year old to be a tyrant.

I used to bend over backwards for family members that treated me like dirt. By the time they left I was exhausted, insulted, and resentful. I finally realized I was making things way too nice for them. I quit cooking great meals, chauffeuring them around to all the sites, buying things to make their stay pleasant. Making sure all their needs were met. They quit coming.

My TBM family have a new buzzword
At our last family gathering, the LDS portion of the family kept over-using the word "humble". Of course it was always talking about some GA, SP, or bishop (gosh my father is such a toady for bishop). Of course my BIL was just made a bishop. I like my BIL (nice guy, no flash, does not take the church too seriously), but my TBM family members would swear he brought about world peace, or ended famine.

Getting out of those family gatherings as fast as possible, is our saving grace.

HH =)

The StalkerDog™
Speakin' for my own here.
If you're really gonna let these dreadful people visit you next year and destroy your property and insult you all, I guess that's your business. But for Dog's sake, PLEASE board your dog at the vet's or a kennel!

I don't know what kind of dog you have, but many small breeds are prone to back trouble, hip dislocation, or bad knees. Smacking your furry friend in the butt WILL HURT HIM, maybe badly. Those people won't care, of course. They'll just say, "Oh, have him put to sleep and get yourself another dog! A nice BIG one... you know, a REAL dog!"

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Oh my! What a horror! That is why they say: fish and house guests go bad in three days! :-)

Maybe next time you can set some boundaries to protect your home and your family ahead of time. Might be worth putting them up in a motel after all!

Our house is too small for guests now. Well, maybe one... for a very short time!

Susan I/S
You are not doing them any favors by rewarding their bad behavior.
You need to print your post out and keep it handy so you can really understand the depth of what went on. And I am sure that is an abbreviated version. Your first responsibility is to your kids, your wife, your dog and YOURSELF. How did they treat the people YOU are responsible for? Is it fair to them to even think of doing it again?

And you are not helping any of them by rewarding their horrific behavior by inviting them to come do it again. You are reinforcing to them that that kind of behavior is acceptable. Better they learn from someone who loves them and will temper the lesson than the guy on the street. Tell your brother you love him and love to spend time with him but you are not going to sacrifice your own family. They want to come, they stay in a hotel. They want to see you, meet in a neutral place and you both stay in hotels. Go to Yellowstone and get cabins, something like that.

Re: Your 9 yr old Nephew is having thoughts of hard on to your wife and tells her so.....
Not only +1 to this, but if your brother has any amount of respect for you, pull him aside and lay down the law of YOUR house and rules. It's his choice to stay there as a guest. The snide comments need to stop. 9 year olds don't tell aunts what is and isn't appropriate. Touch my dog again and maybe he'll bite whoever assaults him again. etc, etc...

If you aren't willing to lay down rules, then deal with it and quit whining.

Never Mo In Florida
Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
I know you feel bad because your brother is a doormat, but why would you allow yourself to be a doormat as well? Your family deserves to be treated with respect. Why wouldn't you point out the caffeine content of their drinks of choice when chastised for your use of caffeine? Why wouldn't you set rules for children in your own home?

If you insist on allowing them visit again, I strongly suggest setting firm boundaries. Don't offer a hotel, SEND them to a hotel.

Hospitality is a two-way street. You are obviously a gracious host. Your guests, however, sound like they were raised by jackals.

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
In your house it's your rules. I would have taken the kids to task and if they didn't like it there is always a motel. Sorry but rude is rude.
Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
My suggestion:

I don't care if they ARE family, they are rude, inconsiderate, obnoxious people and they are imposing on you. I suggest that you inform them that you will be unable to host them ever again, and tell them why.

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Unfortunately, from all the TBM families I know including my own, that's SADLY pretty typical. As I was reading I kept asking myself, "Am I related to this guy? Sounds like my effed up family."

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
You are much more patient than I am. I would have never put up with this behavior. I would have asked them to leave and pay for the hotel themselves.

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Pour????? Poor Motherfreaker should just stick a straw in his bottle of choice. I think his nerves are probably shot beyond what can be repaired by a single drink! :)


Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
I also think that if you invite them next year, you should insist they stay in a hotel, and limit the visit. I know they're family, but sometimes you have to set strict boundaries with them.

I've noticed that thing about Mormons and Mountain Dew as my TBM ex was also one who goes through that stuff like it was going out of style, and he had a major fit when I drank iced tea as an investigator, as I had no idea that even cold tea was banned. The only times I saw my ex drink water was at sacrament.

Dallin A. Chokes
Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Unfortunately, I can see where this is coming from. From my own children's indoctrination, I wince any time my 6 year old daughter starts talking about modesty--it started innocently enough, but it seems now that it has morphed (with my son, as well) into an obsession, and, for the love of Pete, why can't they just be kids? (I must add that I backed off from the indoctrination myself a couple of years ago, but my DTBMW is still going full-bore).

Would a kid know the difference in "modesty" if we didn't call attention to it? Probably not. I'd love it if my daughter could wear tanktops and think nothing of it. My kids are going to have some serious issues, and it's my own damn fault for thinking I was doing the right thing (and my wife's fault for continuing the propaganda). My son is exploring his 8 y.o. sexuality, and my wife has pretty much shamed him into secrecy and submission and I'm worried that, more than anything, it will turn him into a perv (I know I should qualify that, but I think the suppression of normal curiosity is more damaging than the exploration).

We have occasionally gotten to the point where my kids have voiced something about someone's immodesty, and I can only respond with, "People can make choices. That person has chosen to _________" (this also applies to smoking, drinking, etc.). My son has become somewhat of a Sabbath Nazi (again, because of our good intentions), telling us what is or what is not appropriate to take part in on Sundays.

@#$%&, this is miserable.

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Nine year old having inappropriate thoughts? At nine years old I wouldn't have known what that was. I realize kids grow up (or are exposed to more) at a young age now, with Viagra, etc. commercials, on TV, but still....inappropriate thoughts? Sounds like the parents have the 9 year wound up so tight sexually at such a young age, that he will end up being the next Steven Powell.

As for the dog, there is no reason for the dog to have to go to a kennel as some suggested. Being taken to such a place can be just as, or more tramatic, as some dogs would feel they have been abandoned. At least he could hopefully feel safe in the bedroom. If anyone should have to stay someplace else, it is the TBMs, as the house is the dog's home, too.

Dallin A. Chokes
Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
I didn't mean to hi-jack the thread--I just felt like I could relate. I am sorry for the abuse you suffered, and I hope that my family doesn't turn into your brother's in the way they approach others.

Re: They just left- a week with TBM relatives
Halfway through the torture session I seriously believe I would have asked them to leave.
There IS no excusse for this type of rudeness and disrespect.
In my opinion, if you invite them back again ever you need to have your head examined!!!

"Recovery from Mormonism -"