How has assisted your exodus from the Church?

by Lizard Apr 2012

I'm writing a virtual ethnography paper for my folklore class. I live in Logan, Utah, where almost everybody is LDS. I have to present the paper in class on Friday, and I'd love to get some individual participation and comments from members on this site. This site was hugely important to me while I was leaving the Church. I'd appreciate any comments you have to give!



darth jesus
Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
* it has enabled me to connect with other people from lots of different backgrounds who were experiencing the same feelings of loss after discovering the fraud.

* i find people on this site very genuine and willing to help.

* this forum also allows for individuality. there's no need to conform, agree, disagree, or follow anybody.

* here there's no guilt or shame for being yourself. again.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I've left the church twice. The first time was because I was sick of it. Sick of being treated badly. Sick of never feeling like I was good enough. I had no idea if it was true or not. Everyone in my family seemed to think it was. So I was in limbo more or less.

The second time I left it was last November. It was a completely different experience. I left because I KNEW it wasn't true. It wasn't what it purported to be. I found out I'd been lied to my entire life. In fact 7 generations of my family have been lied to. Because of the lies and deception, I will never go back. Neither will my husband and 2 adult children. has been invaluable to me. I'm not alone. There area lot of people out there that have had similar experience. I feel validated, educated, and supported here. I didn't have any of that the first time I left. I knew of nobody in my situation.
If I had known then what I know now, I NEVER would have gone near the church again.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
This website has made all the difference...I didn't even know I had the option of resigning until I found here welcomed me with open arms and I've been treated with nothing but kindness and respect since I joined- like darth jesus said, there's no guilt here and there's no judgment. The advice and support I have received from the posters here has been absolutely invaluable. I have learned so much from this website as well- I had no idea about the Book of Abraham, the Evergreen program, Fanny Alger....none of that. RFM has provided me with great, reputable resources and I've already made some very dear friends that I love to death. Some of the women here have treated me like a daughter, and a lot of the guys treat me like a little sister- it means the world to me. It amazes me that there are strangers who actually care enough about you to take time out of their days to give you very thoughtful advice. I look forward to reading RFM every day, and celebrating the successes of posters who are having a great day, or sending out well wishes to those who aren't. It's a family here...there may be bickering and disagreements but at the end of the day, there is so much genuine compassion on this website. Everyone here gets what I'm talking about- I have no mormon friends where I live so when I try and tell a story about YW's or missionaries or anything church related, they have no idea what I'm talking about! It's awesome to have people that do. I have absolutely no idea what I would do if I hadn't have stumbled upon

Good luck on your paper:)

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I was exed in 1989, but I was already mentally out. I had issues with the treatment of women and a whole lot of other stuff. This was before the internet and unless you knew where to look and what to look for good information was not readily available. I was 98% comfortable with being out, but there was that tiny little "but what if". I did realize that if it was true then heaven would be full of mormons and I did not want to be there. Then several years later my daughters both left, and they told me about rfm. I read for weeks! All of a sudden I had so much information and any tiny little doubt was gone! What a relief! Over 10 years later I am still coming here and still learning.
Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I am still in the process of leaving the church (I still go for family reasons but I do not believe in hardly anything beyond God and Jesus.) And this place has been great in helping organize my thoughts on what I felt was wrong with the church most of my life. helped me pin point what was wrong, and I have enjoyed listening to people who have gone through similar situations and can answer questions about the church. As I make the slow journey away from Mormonism I am glad I have found a good support group of fellow exbelievers. Because I have my nevermo friends that certainly agree the church is crazy, but to see people who went through that is a little different and is also helpful.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
My LDS Mission, My convert (who read Quinn's books),and Hinckley Lying, paved the way for my exit. RFM actually had nothing to do with it.
but it would have been so awesome to have this resource 20 years earlier.

I do love the fact that this site is costing LDS Inc billions of $.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I wish I had this resource 25 years ago. This website and the internet on the whole has completely changed how ppl find information without having to travel like heck to a library or to run up phone bills trying to connect with strangers who can relate to you about your experiences with the Church etc.

I stopped going to church about 1 year ago and got really upset when through the internet I was able to cut through the lies of the Mormon church and learn its true history. I was shocked, embarrassed and ALONE.

This website is awesome. I can visit as many times as I want conveniently in my living room and share my thoughts and feelings on the subject. I am still having nightmares about going to hell. Every morning when I wake up it takes me five minutes to collect my thoughts and return to reality that I know the church is false and that I am not going to hell. My subconscious mind torments me while I am asleep.

This website, therapuetically, helps me to remember the facts I have discovered and to help me feel like I am not crazy for leaving the church and the ppl here always have excellent insight and research and facts or even theories as to how things are and were about religion and the LDS church.

This place is a huge resource to gain credible knowledge. Richard Packham and Steve Benson often post here and they have provided a mountain of research, facts, tools, and feedback that have helped free a lot of ppl from the personal hell they have been in while struggling to find answers from the LDS church.

Knowledge is POWER and this place has POWER over the evils of mind control and con men who create religions based on peep stones in hats and having sex with under aged females and stealing ppl's minds and money.

Imagine the hypocracy of telling ppl to "Chose The Right", obey the Ten Commandments, and Live Righteously, when the very men in control of LDS Inc know its false and are hiding historical facts and spending lots of money to protect the CHURCH and not its members. They are stealing ppl's money and indoctrinating ppl to intolerence.

Remember John Lennon's song Imagine: Here are the lyrics.

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace

You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world

You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
Before I found this site, I had no idea people could actually resign from the church. Freedom of association just wasn't a concept to me. I felt trapped in the church. The people here have taught me so much. BTW, Onthedownlow, that's a great song-religion definitely divides the human species.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
Hey, Lizard - I'm in Logan too! College Ward, to be exact. :) was THE catalyst for me. I never believed - my whole life I just went with the flow, did what I was told, and quietly knew in my heart it was all wrong. It was just easier to go along with it all, although, over time, that got harder and harder. One weekend, a year ago this month, I came home from a fishing trip early, had the house to myself for the weekend, felt impelled to find sites like this, for some reason, stumbled upon, and the rest, as they say, is history. It took about 10 minutes of reading and I knew I was done. Completely, irrevocably done. I was a little scared - the church was all I knew, but, at the same time, I was overjoyed. I could not WAIT to resign. I ended up having to wait, actually, for family reasons, but the moment I could resign I did so.

This site has some of the most amazing people I've (n)ever met. Intelligent, curious, challenging, hilarious, thoughtful, introspective, welcoming...what a fantastic mix. No matter what is on my mind I find a discussion about it, so my knowledge is deepened and my understanding is broadened. I knew some of the material people talk about on here, but much of it I did not. Without this board I would still be drifting along in the church. The knowledge I've gained has been invaluable and the friendships even more so. I've been supported, hosed on occasion, congratulated, and analyzed - all good, as it aided in my exit and recovery. Without this board I would still feel dead inside in many ways - it was the tipping point that finally drove home what I had known I needed to do all along.

I cannot overstate how valuable and important this site is for me and for so many others (many of whom can not or do not post, for various reasons). We know they're there, so we continue to post on all sorts of topics knowing that the information is getting out there in a big way. That's what helped me and I'm intent on helping as many others as I can in return.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I didn't even know you COULD resign from the church until I found And the site helped pump me up with all kinds of reasons and justifications and instructions. Two years after first lurking and then contributing, I resigned. I'd still be a very unhappy Mormon without this site.
Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
You must have been a bit of a sheeple like me. You wanted freedom from Mormonism, but freedom wasn't a concept you had learned.
Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
And I've made a lot of friendships here along the way and have now met some of the participants in person. I heart

My experience may or may not be pertinent.
I'm a nevermo but grew up steeped in the culture, one of a handful of non mormons in my high school.

I always knew the church was bogus but until I found RFM, I had no idea of the suffering members endured, both while in the church and upon resigning. It is clear that assignments, callings, and guilt and confusion are heaped upon them as they try to live up to the impossible expectations of the Church. And for those with the courage to look it in the face and move through the pain of separation, isolation and grief, the costs to friendships and family relationships, to employment, to community and social network are enormous.

Reading these stories and responses has been an enormous affirmation to my gut level sense of the brainwashing and damage done by the church.

Lethbridge Reprobate
Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
It has really opened my eyes as to how bad it really is to grow up tied to the MORG. The insanity of parents who put the church before their children, the bizarre rituals in the temple, the whole garmie thing, the stupid rules that are in place for no other reason than to have rules....

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
Ditto. I second what Mia said
Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I had gone inactive because I came to the realization that it was not the church for me. After a few months I wondered if I should go back but before I did I decided to do an independent study of Mormonism (forgeting about whether or not the material I read was "church approved").

I somehow found this site and helped me fill in the blanks on this history of the church. What you learn in church is so watered down & white washed. It only took a few weeks to decide I was never going back to that church. I wanted to get my name removed immediately. I had no clue about how to resign before RFM. I've only heard of one person doing it when I was a member. It was years ago so I ended up writing a snail mail letter. I would have loved to email the request.

Any-who, in short, not exactly the reason why I left, but definitely the reason why I never went back and had my name removed.

Even though I have resigned years ago, it's still nice to come back and peruse the board. We are a unique bunch and is good to know I'm not alone with how I feel and some of the experiences I've had. Mormons are rare in this world to begin with, exmormons are even more rare - especially where I am, outside of Utah & other places with high concentrations of Mormons.

I didn't know about RfM when I realized the lds church
was a hoax. I was still having issues with garments--and I talked to my exmo therapist (who lives in Logan and I'm in Hyrum) and he told me about RfM. He told me temple issues are sometimes the most difficult to deal with. So I came home that day from my therapy sessoin and read archived threads about garments and temple names. I laughed until I cried.

At the time I came here, I thought I still needed to treat the leaders with respect. I still had some issues with my gay/straight marriage. I did regret who I married and I was still very angry. One day I realized that it wasn't the gays who had f*cked up my life, but the lds church leaders and I've never had any respect for them since that day.

It was here I learned to appreciate my "ex" for who he is--GAY. A Native-American gay posted one day how the lds church had taught him to hate 2 parts of him. I realized if my ex changed--he would no longer be the unique person he is.

I came to realize I lucked out in the marriage category reading about the horrible experiences some of the women on this site have gone through with TBM men--forestpal is one of those who comes to mind immediately.

The board has helped me deal with my TBM daughter--who went back a few years after I found this board.

The list goes on and on. I also didn't know I could resign. I never planned on doing so, but I did a little over a year ago to make a statement to those who kept telling me they knew I still believed deep down.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
1. Information. Specifically to the history and deeper theology of LDSinc --the meat as opposed to the milk.

2. Confirmation. Specifically, the stories and thoughts & emotions expressed here confirmed that I wasn't alone, that my experience was not uncommon.

3. Self-expression. Specifically, RfM is a place where we are free to think, feel and say (almost) what we wish. As a Mormon I lived with a very severe inner, self-censoring voice, which curtailed too many thoughts and feelings before they could even begin.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I walked away in 1986. It wasn't until I bought my first PC in 2000, that I ran across this and Packhams' sites.

I figured it was best to resign as I hadn't believed since I was a 15 year old.

I didn't want to hurt my parents, so I figured I'd wait Until my dad died.

In 2007 I had some serious health issues that nearly killed me. (Thank you Johns Hopkins CCU!)

This now being a chronic condition, I could go kaput at any time.

It wasn't until last year that I started perusing the x-mo sites again that learned what a rotten b@stard the corporation had become.

I knew it was time to disassociate myself from the Corporation of the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Sent my resignation in August and got my conformation letter in October.

This site gave me the push to finally GTFO.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
This site is great once you are at least on a way out mentally. I've stumbled upon it when I was still mostly believing and it came across as too judgemental and harsh. It was too much to handle back then.

I found Ex-Mormon Forums easier at first; less people, not as much traffic, not as much confrontation. Slowly I graduated towards RfM. It helped me to see the nonsense of mormonism in full light once I was ready. It helped me to resign. It helped me to sort out my thoughts about what I believe and what I don't. It provided incredible amount of resources in my personal quest for understanding. It also helped me to waste hours and hours of my life reading about life dramas and laughing about funny posts. :)

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I started off reading the NOM board for about a year on my journey out. Then one day there was a thread about the mormon things board members still believed in. I read through that list and realized I didn't believe in a single thing--i was on the wrong site. I wasn't trying to find a middle way anymore. I wanted out.

I remember how refreshing the language on RFM was and also how I cringed at the first few "blasphemies". A thread about JS being a complete jerk somehow hurt my feelings a little bit. I totally knew he made it up but it is a strange experience to go from complete hero worship of someone to disdain. It is interesting to remember the things I've thought on my way out. Illogical mormon arguments tugged at me for a while. Reading the stories on here, having people demonstrate critical thinking skills, investigating more, reading more, getting feedback--even negative feedback has been wonderful. I've gained so much from being here. The humor has been great as well. I'm seeing the world in a whole new light, becoming less judgemental, more accepting, and a much better person than the peterpriesthood prick I was before.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I started out on the NOM forum, but once I realized that my anger needed to be dealt with, i gravitated here. The NOM forum had too much moderation, and one can't be as critical of the church on that forum as on this forum. I once used the word "extortion" in reference to tithing settlement on the StayLDS forum, and I was reprimanded. I was like, "well, that's what it is, lets call a spade a spade". This forum allows much more freedom of speech. It allows anger to be vented in a safe, healthy way. And don't we all feel angry at being lied to and cheated out of our money, our lives, and our time?

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
1. It has helped me discover all the lies and uncover the truth about the Mormon church.
2. Once I read the truth, there was no going back, ever. I will never step foot in a church again. Thank you RFM.
3. So many here have given support and wisdom as I cried through those first few days, incredulous, that it actually was all made up. And they continue to be a support as I still, 10 years out, have never met an ex mormon in person.
4. Posters shared additional resources, mostly book titles, that gave me further light and knowledge.
5. The sense of humor here has also helped tremendously.
6. The documentation of every resource and every article has helped me be a critical thinker.
7. This site has been extremely beneficial in seeing that I am not alone and it has helped me remap my brain from the brainwashing of Mormonism and out of superstition altogether.

Good luck with your paper and please let us know how it went.
Best to you Lizard!

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
+1, Onendagus! I hadn't remembered that part of my journey, but you're absolutely right. I felt a sting and some discomfort when reading threads mocking Joseph Smith and other church-related issues, but I couldn't really figure out why. I guess the indocrination runs deep. I too am seeing the world in a whole new light and I love the opportunity to study and think critically in a way I never thought possible before.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
Hi, RfM is currently helping me extract myself from Mormonism. The pain is still quite raw for me, and I haven't figured out just yet how to deal with it... But, I'm getting there.

I've had questions and doubts since my mission 9 years ago. I posted this a few days ago:

"One day, in a flare of frustration, I googled "Should I quit mormonism?" and found a link titled "Life is Better after Mormonism". It lead me here:

This was the biggest eye opener. People who "apostatized" were not evil. They didn't leave because they were sinners. They left because of all the same misery I was experiencing! AND- LIFE GOT BETTER WHEN THEY LEFT! I just wanted my burdens to be lifted in the way these people described!"

THAT POST was the catalyst that opened my mind to researching anything and everything. It gave me hope I wasn't just crazy, and that things would be BETTER if I followed my consciense. I wanted to be better- less judgemental, and true to myself and everyone else. Again, I'm still working on it! But I'm getting there!

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I had set out to gain my own testimony of the church and its truthfulness. What a shock to find out it was all a fraud, covered up with lies. After the initial wtf?! moment, I started to look for others like me. Thanks to the internet, I was able to find this site and others like it.

Because of RfM:
I realized that I wasn't alone.

I found that without Mormonism, people still led good lives and were good people.

I gained more knowledge, which led to more "power" and confidence. Then, I told my family. I was able to deal with the questions, anger and disappointment from others because I knew it was coming, due to reading all of the stories of those already out.

When you leave the LDS faith, you lose a built in support system. This site gives you another support system. And truthfully: a better support system.

Raptor Jesus
RfM has given me a voice. To say stuff and things that come from my brain hole. 

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
RfM assured and validated my decision to leave. In the early days of my exodus, I felt alone and unsure. It was nice to find a community of exes. I was surprised to discover there were many ways of proving mormonism false. My path was simply one of many different ones people take.

just a thought
Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
It reminds me 1) I am not alone in all this, and 2) I am not crazy.

For years LDS, Inc has tried to socially isolate us, shun us, whisper in members ears that we are weak and desiring to follow Satan. Shame on them.

No more. The tables have been turned.

The fact we can so easily connect and support others going through the same issues has got to scare the Corporation to its core.

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
Many months before I was actually ready to take the step of officially resigning, I was lurking here frequently to read the posts. I don't remember exactly when I came across RfM, or what particular issue/incident brought me here. I do remember the shock of seeing things that I had considered "sacred" for so many years being openly discussed (and frequently mocked). That can be an initial turn-off for somebody who's fragile and taking their very first baby steps away from the cult, but after a while, something happens.
You read more and more of the genuine, heart-felt, pain-filled stories. Hundreds of them, perhaps thousands by now, of the suffering, in many ways and various forms, that has been inflicted on those one-time Mormons who have found their way here, a place of refuge and a safe haven.
There are other sites that will probably ease you more slowly and comfortably into leaving as you transition away, but this is the largest resource for ex-Mormon stories and links that I've found.
I was shocked by how many people had experienced very similar things at the hands of their "priesthood leaders". How many deep-rooted issues there were and are of racism, sexism, homophobia, abuse, usually mental, emotional, and verbal, but sometimes, sadly, physical and sexual as well. The coverups to protect the name and reputation of the cult and its male priesthood functionaries; the higher-up you climb through the hierarchy, the more there is to 'protect' and cover up.

I'm in California, and it was Prop H8 that really got me outraged and angry. Other issues came to the fore as well as I began to read more and more articles and personal stories here as well. The fact that my ex-husband married into a promiment Mormon family in the Bay Area that was personally involved in soliciting (and actually bullying their ward and stake members) into 'donating' money for this hate-filled agenda made me literally physically ill. It took some time longer for me to slowly reach the point where I was ready to leave, but RfM gave me invaluable information on how to leave, what to do, what to say (or not say), and whom to say it to. The final nail in my LD$ coffin was Boyd KKK opening his heinous mouth in October 2010 and his diatribe against gays at a time when an outbreak of gay youth suicides in the nation had reached crisis proportions.
At that point, I knew I had to leave this sick, twisted cult for the sake of my integrity and sanity, and a few months later, I sent off my resignation.

I post fairly regularly here still: my 3 kids are still members, so unfortunately I have to deal with the cult on a regular basis for the forseeable future. I have gained many valuable insights and made some good friends. I've also learned to grow a thicker hide than I used to have; I've learned there are many discussions I'm glad to participate in, stories I want to read and personal experiences to share that may help another, or provide amusement, or just needing to vent. I've also learned which conversations I'd just as soon avoid, and shrug it off.

Hope that helps!

Re: How has assisted your exodus from the Church?
I have been out for many years. I fought with much discrimation and hostility in the workplace over the years. Never could understand why the mormons always were promoted and blindly supported. Now I understand the inter workings and "us vs them" attitude. I have learned a lot about many aspects of the mormon beliefs and structure. Also about the background of mormon history. Thanks to all for that.

"Recovery from Mormonism -"