Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
NoName April 2013
Don't blame me for throwing you for a loop and hurting you. I did not hurt you. You chose to be hurt. I am a good person and I think deep down you know that. So I left the church. So I moved in with my BF. I am an adult and I made choices. I'm also very smart, honest, I have a good job and I am closing in on a doctorate. I'm successful and happy. I am also marrying an incredible man this year.
He's educated, treats his mom well, loves and treats me well, he's debt free, and makes a good living. What more could you want?
You can continue to be unhappy with my choices. Or you can move on and accept it. What you can't do me is blame me for your feelings. I am not responsible for them. It is a choice that you made to let these things upset you an continue to make. It is your choice to let it fester and ruin the relationship. And it will be your choice that influences our relationship in the future.
And don't ever forget either. Happiness is also a choice.
michael
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
Good letter!
dit
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
+1
philipafarewell
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
Oh I love it! I may borrow some of your words to use on my parents :-)
noondaysun
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
I am trying to internalize this thought. I let myself be manipulated by the guilt my mom dishes out. I know logically that she is responsible for her feelings, that it is not my fault the church isn't true, etc. But, boy is it hard for me not to accept the guilt when she tells me I've disappointed her and I should consider her feelings as my mother.
I marvel at people like you who stand up for themselves and hope to get there one day. Well done!
twojedis
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
Beautiful. I'm going to steal this!
subeam
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
Good letter.
schlock
One thing to add maybe.
It was your parents who got you into the goofy mess to begin with - so you have to extricate yourself from a cult because your parents didn't.
Wondering if there's a tactful way to add that tidbit to your letter?
"Dear Mom & Dad, as a child, you forced me to be a member of a fucked-up controlling cult. It's taken me some doing (with considerable emotional angst) to free myself from the LDS church. I wished you would have done a better job as a parent, and protected me from the silliness and damage that is mormonism. But, be that as it may, I still love you both very much, and will not let the hurt inflicted on me by the church affect our relationship in the future. Hugs, NoName"
crom
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
I love the "you chose to be hurt" line. It seems very appropriate.
nickerickson
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
+1
ripley
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
Nicely done.
honestone
Re: Dear Parents, I am not responsible for your feelings
Nice...well written!
Cheryl
Your parents have every right to feel proud & happy for you.
Enjoy your life and let's hope your parents will come to their senses. Well done.
"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"