I appreciate all the comments and feedback provided for my previous posts:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,897767

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,896790

Here's my plan of action:

When my wife and I meet with the bishop, I will tell him that I will allow him to meet with my children on two conditions:

1. I will sit in on all interviews with my children. He and his counselors may not meet with any of my children without me present. They may not pull my kids out of class during church and talk alone with them in the hall.

2. The only question of a sexual nature he may ask them is "Do you live the law of chastity?" He may not ask any follow-up questions; he may not mention masturbation; he may not ask anything else related to sexuality.

If he will not agree to these conditions, he will not be allowed to interview my children. I think this allows me to protect my children from the destructive practices of the Mormon clergy. I also think it puts the onus on the bishop to decide whether he will allow my children to advance in the priesthood and obtain temple recommends and such. If he decides that the above stipulations are too restrictive for him to adequately determine the worthiness of my children, that's fine with me. It certainly won't bother me if my children can't attend the temple or receive the priesthood.

I haven't yet decided whether I will send an email out to other Christian churches in the area regarding this practice of the Mormon Church. I'll see how the meeting goes with the bishop. I will return and report.

That sounds good. I'm anxious to hear how it pans out. The way Bishops ask such invasive questions is total emotional blackmail and just plain hurtful. I can remember feeling terrible after each of my interviews just because how the tone of the meeting was and the expectations of the youth is so inexplicably impossible to follow as a youth...

What are the consequences if he does pull your child out of class and will he know them?

What happens if you kid asks 'what is the law of chastity?' I would think that he should defer to you and you can "explain it later".

I think you are being very clear here. You've stated the rules and by any reasonable measure I think they are perfectly understandable... I mean in what other setting would these not only be reasonable, but standard?

If he disobeys these rules after they and their reasons have been clearly stated, how in the world could he justify pulling your child and asking sexually explicit questions? That might just justify following up on that call to the officer you spoke to.

Excellent plan. If you have to have anything to do with them, do it on your terms. Your authority is much more important.

What is this email to other churches? :)

WinksWinks: See http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,896790 for a description of the letter I am considering sending.

Just before our daughter turned 12 my wife (active NOM) and I (active NOM at the time, not active any more) sent an email to our BP and copied the SP laying out our family interview policy. The only question about sex he could ask was "do you live the Law of Chastity?" NO follow ups, no "teaching" what that means, no talks about porn, or masturbation. No interview w/o our permission (obtained prior to each interview.) We told him if our wishes were not followed we'd consider it sexual assult. (Which is more then I'd do for a teacher at school, with a teacher I'd just go to the police) Scarred the $*#% out of the poor BP. I wouldn't be suprised if they called headquarters for advice. I think more people need to push back on this practice of locking young kids alone in rooms with untrained old men to talk about sex.

I think they are setting up the Bishops to take the fall. As I understand it the written policy is they are only to ask the exact questions, even though the HQ knows full well that that isn't happening. (Other than a policy statement written by lawyers they aren't doing anything to stop it.) That way if someone does go to the police the HQ can say "we told them not to do it, our hands are clean." Then poor BP is left without a chair when the music stops, thinking he was doing what he was suppost to, only to be abandoned when the $&@! hits the fan.

Yes I think liberal Mormon parents really need to cause a stink about this so it starts working its way up the hierarchy. And I think if people can shine some light on this issue for people outside the church as well that would be excellent. Sometimes a little bit of scorn and ridicule can help make changes. This is an area where the church does a lot of harm. If they would just dial the crazy back a few notches I think it would be very beneficial for everyone. I am not saying they have to tell kids it is okay to have premarital sex. But banning masturbation is just ridiculous.

My ex husband wrote a letter to the bishop of our then 16 year old son and laid out the same type of thing. I followed up with a surprise visit to his house to tell him I was in agreement with everything in that letter. After my son got home from his interview (he knew nothing about the letter or conversation) I asked him how it went. He said "it was weird, the bishop didn't even ask me anything".

These men have no business prying into young people's lives, and they should realize it is something they should avoid at all costs from the standpoint of legal trouble. I think TSCC will change the policy someday and require a parent to be present during those interviews.

Copostmo, you are doing the right thing!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/17/2013 09:27PM by gemini.

If parents started to send copies of letters like that to SLC, maybe they'd start to get the picture.

In reality, the church leadership is also being protected. They're asking for trouble by doing sex interviews with kids.

Copostmo, boy did your post ever bring back memories. I was 12 years old and sitting in a Sunday School class and the bishop pulled me out for an interview. He asked me if I knew what masturbation was and did I ever do it. I hope that people on this forum will not judge me too harshly, but after the age of 13, whenever I was asked about masturbation in an interview, I lied my ass off.

Repression of natural sexuality is a tool used to generate guilt, and guilt-a-plenty is how all churches work! This stuff is NOBODY'S business except the kids and their parents.

I finally figured out how religion works.. They tell you what's wrong with you (you are a normal human being) and then tell you they have the solution to those problems.

The mindset is then guilt..repent by confession, and repeat. Then they have you, the trap is sprung.

Don't let your children walk into this trap.

And will you define what chastity is? Because if you don't, your child may hear it from someone else.

Yes, my wife and I will define chastity for our children. We definitely will be discussing sexuality with them and helping them to develop a healthy attitude towards sex and defining what is appropriate and what is not.

I've already had several discussions with my son about sex. We've talked about masturbation; he knows that I disagree with the Church's stance on that. We have a close relationship, and he feels comfortable asking me questions. I'm not worried that because he is not meeting with the bishop on a regular basis, he will have no moral compass and become sexually promiscuous. My wife and I are perfectly capable of helping our children develop healthy attitudes towards and knowledge of sexuality. Allowing involvement from the bishop would be detrimental to that objective.

If he doesn't follow your wishes and discusses sexual content with your child without your permission I think you would have a case for at least some kind of misdemeanor charge against him. Maybe look into your state's statutes so you can show the bishop what he will be facing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/18/2013 01:13AM by dazed11.