Posted by:
copostmo
(
)
Date: May 15, 2013 06:15PM
I resigned my membership in the Church a few months ago. My wife and kids are still active. My son turns 14 later this month, and a few weeks ago, I met with our bishop to express my desire that he not discuss the private details of my children’s sexuality during his interviews with them. I said that I disagreed with the Church’s stance on masturbation, and would prefer that he not ask my children about it. He said that he would think about it and get back to me. He sent me this email a week later:
copostmo:
I'm following up on our meeting last Sunday. I have reviewed the Church's current stance on masturbation. I have concluded that the Lord disapproves the practice. For example, while the recently revised version of the "Strength of Youth" pamphlet does not use the specific word "masturbation," the intent remains clear -- we are not to arouse sexual emotions in our own bodies:
"Never do anything that could lead to sexual transgression. Treat others with respect, not as objects used to satisfy lustful and selfish desires. Before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not do anything else that arouses sexual feelings. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body."
As with many issues relating to sexual purity, how masturbation affects worthiness is a question of degree and depends on the specific individual and his/her circumstances. I would be happy to discuss this issue with you (alone or with Mrs. copostmo) before I interview your son. I am available today during the second hour and also will be available on Wednesday evening.
Bishop
I then emailed him this response:
Bishop,
Thanks for your email and for your consideration of my concern regarding discussing masturbation with my children in interviews. To clarify, I’m not really concerned about the stance of the Mormon Church on masturbation. I simply asked you to not discuss it with my children. As I mentioned, my views on masturbation are aligned with the consensus of the medical and mental health professionals that:
* Masturbation has various medical and psychological benefits
* No causal relationship is known between masturbation and any form of mental or physical disorder
* Forced abstinence from masturbation can lead to psychological issues
* Forced abstinence can lead to sexual dysfunction later in life
Additionally, attempted forced abstinence can lead to habitual lying.
The fact that Church leaders such as Spencer W. Kimball and Boyd K. Packer have said in the past that masturbation is a sin means nothing to me. They have also said that masturbation leads to homosexuality and insanity. I don’t think that either one of these statements is correct.
Below is a link to some thoughts on masturbation by a licensed clinical therapist who is an active member of the Church.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mormontherapist/2012/08/my-official-stance-on-masturbation.htmlLike I mentioned, it doesn’t matter to me what the official position of the Church is. I am concerned when other people do things that I believe are detrimental to my children. I don’t believe it is appropriate for grown men to be asking my children for intimate details of their private sexual lives. This goes for masturbation, and it also applies to asking my children if they have committed sexual sins, and then if they answer affirmatively, asking them to describe in detail what they did. This is an invasion of their privacy, and will bother me even more when my daughters turn twelve and are subjected to the same treatment.
I have asked you to stay out of the private sexual lives of my children. If I understand your email correctly, you have refused to do so—or, at least, the only way I can keep you from invading their privacy is by refusing to let you interview them. Please confirm whether I have understood your position correctly.
I understand and appreciate the fact that you are simply trying to do what you feel is best for my children. I would like you to respect my desire as a parent to do the same. I’d be happy to discuss this by phone or email. Unfortunately, I’ll be in Europe until the day before DS’s birthday. If you’d like to talk on the phone, feel free to call my mobile phone (XXX-XXX-XXXX) between 9 am and 2 pm MDT.
copostmo
I sent him a followup email later that day:
Bishop,
After rereading my email and discussing it with my wife last night, I wanted to write a followup email to clarify a couple of things. First of all, I was speaking only for myself, not for Mrs. copostmo or DS.
Also, I was not telling you what to do. I was simply reiterating my position and repeating my request that you not discuss those things with my children. If you feel that you must ask my children about their sexuality, I will not forbid my children from meeting with you--that will be their choice. Once you confirm your position, I will discuss it with Mrs. copostmo and DS, and we will let you know whether DS will meet with you or not.
copostmo
A couple days later I received this response from the bishop:
copostmo:
Sorry for the delayed response. I understand that you are not telling me what to do and are speaking for yourself only. I also appreciate that you have strong feelings about these issues. The only reason I've reached out to interview DS on Sunday is because I'm going to be out of town on the 26th and was trying to accommodate Mrs. copostmo’s parents for an ordination on the 27th. If you and/or Mrs. copostmo think it best to wait until you and Mrs. copostmo return home to discuss this in more detail, that's fine too. I will not interview DS without his parent's permission and will not force anything.
Let me briefly set forth my position on interviewing youth (which, I believe, is consistent with the Church's position). I realize you don't agree with some of what I am about to say, and I respect that. But I want to state it clearly. Sexual purity always will be a requirement for members of the Church and for priesthood holders in particular -- youth included. It is the Bishop's responsibility to address issues of sexual purity with the youth. Those discussions should be carried out with great sensitivity to the needs of the particular youth and his or her circumstances. Put another way, the issues discussed must be gender appropriate, age appropriate, and appropriate to an individual. For example, an interview with a new and innocent 12-year-old beehive will involve little if any discussion about sexual purity. On the other hand, an interview with an 18-year-old boy preparing to serve a mission will be different. Fourteen-year-old boys fall somewhere in the middle. Each individual has their own circumstances. This is why I rely so heavily on the Spirit to guide me in those interviews. The Bishop's role is to listen and help, not to interrogate or intimidate. And with respect to all youth, the main topics of any Bishop's interview are their relationship with God and their progress in life.
I'll let you and Mrs. copostmo discuss the issue further. If you would like to hold off on everything until you get back to town, that's fine. If you decide to move forward with the interview on Sunday and the ordination on the 27th, that's fine too.