In all the years that I was a member, I never went to a Mormon funeral, but sadly, I have one coming up. What can I expect? Or are they fairly standard?

Many are all about preaching the gospel with minimal reference to the deceased and his/her good works. At least that has been my experience unless the surviving family member are strong willed enough to fight against uber TBM bishops who want it that way.

RB

The only difference between a Mormon funeral and sacrament is that there's the casket up front for the funeral. Otherwise, it's just another brainwashing session.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/26/2016 09:26PM by adoylelb.

A lot of relief that the phony fellowship is over and it's one less person to home teach!

There is always a Plan of Salvation talk at the end. This can be short and sweet or as in one funeral I went to drag on forever and ever with the SP telling every faith promoting miracle story ever made up in the last century while you try very hard not to blurt out, "Oh c"mon. For the love of God . . . GIVE IT A REST.'

Often the family and friends who speak will make nice remembrance speeches and this part can be touching. However, if the speakers are TBM, all they remember about their loved one is how devoted the deceased was to the Mormon church and not much else.

It's sort of like gutting out a General Conference--every thing Mormon you already knew but it has been repackaged just for this occasion. I have been to many wonderful normal funerals in the last decades--some included standing ovations for the deceased-- and they make the Mormon ones seem especially smug.

If you really cared about the person who passed, I find it nice to visit the grave later when everyone is gone and say your own goodbye. That is what I do.

No grieving. It's great when people are at peace with someone passing on, but it is very weird when you are at a funeral for an 8 year old that died in an accident and her family (even her parents!!) have these odd, creepy smiles on their faces.

"we believe we will see her again - so we have no tears."

Well, duh!! Almost all religions believe you will see your loved ones in heaven. We still cry - it's human.

My very first mission companion died in an auto accident about six months after we got home, over Spring break, while at home from the Y. A bunch of us drove down to St. George for the funeral. His mother gave one of those bright, upbeat, 'ghawd needed him', "if there wasn't a Dixie Club in Paradise, there is now!", families are forever talks.

Since I was convinced that I would never see him again, it was kind of shocking to hear. But all the TBMs were nodding their heads.

A TBM close to me lost a husband. They were still madly in love with each other after sixty years of marriage and you have never seen anyone be so stoic during the funeral and even during the whole week before. Not a tear. Not anything but a testimony on her face. I found it surprising and upsetting.


She confided to me eventually that six weeks later she lost it and paced around the house yelling and screaming and crying and even swearing at the dead husband for hours. Suppression definitely has a sell by date I would say. TBMs try so hard not show it, but many of them are actually human underneath. I am not including the Gerontocracy in this statement for obvious reasons. Some are actually dead inside.

I think it would be a relief to learn that she did that. Makes her seem more human to me.

posted in wrong spot



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/27/2016 07:01PM by seekyr.

One less Mormon.

so my mom and dad had to go to a funeral this weekend and my mom was furious because my dad left and went home. He returned after it was over for the dinner. My mom thought something had happened because he was coughing but when she asked him he said he was bored so he left.

That's so funny! I mean bad. I mean funny!

My nephew died a week ago and I went to his funeral in Payson, UT on Friday. (outside of this, it’s really weird to be driving down I-15 and see that temple sitting there in the middle of a field )

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1837373

The service was pretty lowkey-he was cremated so there was no casket to go admire. He was a member, but only because his wife wanted it years ago. They were divorced now and she was really emotional the whole time.

He’d grown up with no church of any kind, so it wasn’t full of typical Mormon platitudes. His boss and another co-worker spoke and they said some nice things about him, but gratefully there was no “families can be forever” stuff.

His 16 year old daughter said some nice things about him—she’s a very smart and funny girl. She did a musical number also but it was definitely not a church song. Kind of out of the Taylor Swift catalog.

His mother (my favorite sister-in-law) and his brother were there from Reno, NV. I didn’t notice any tears from them.

Then the bishop spoke for a few minutes. His talk was short, not much about the plan of salvation or general conference subjects.

It was my first visit to a chapel in about 18 years, and I noticed that smell that was talked about here a week or so ago. Never noticed it before.

There was also a luncheon, and I was SO looking forward to funeral potatoes. They weren't very good. There were several types of dessert, and my TBM sister-in-law called one of them "Better than Sex" cake, which sort of surprised me. Everyone laughed.

If the deceased was TBM, it will be like going to general conference, but not as many people.

Thanks for sharing, and I'm sorry you lost your nephew.

Thanks everyone.

So to recap, not TOO very different:

- probably a more tedious service than other religions
- I don't think anyone mentioned it, but I guess dress like for LDS church
- probably less crying (except for me)
- food afterwards

Things I wondered about too:

- So cremation IS an option? I didn't think it was until someone mentioned it here.

- I guess the deceased is buried in temple clothes? So closed casket?

They do open casket even though the deceased is dressed in temple clothes. I was at one where they put the veil over the woman's face just before the casket was closed but I don't know if that is standard procedure.

Oh, now that really surprises me. I wouldn't have thought they'd let you see them in their temple clothes. Interesting.

I've been to a number of Mormon funerals and have always see the same thing, that the family only views the body in temple robes, generally in the relief society room. At the end of the family viewing, they say a prayer, and a male family member helps put the temple hat on a dead guy and a female family member pulls down the veil on dead woman. They close up the casket and wheel it into the chapel for the funeral. But once when I was young I attended a funeral where there was an open viewing of the woman in her temple clothes out in the foyer. I thought it was weird that she was on display for everyone. But then a family member pulled down the veil and they closed the casket and wheeled it up to the front for the funeral.

I'll give you the short answer:

boring.

Boring is good. It'll help keep me from crying too much when people closer to the deceased may not be crying.

the quintessential Mormon Utah funeral for a leader in the community would have to have been the one for Boyd Packer that was aired on tv a year or so ago. Not a tear shed, too many descendants to give a damn, everyone hand in hand with their spouse. No single people, no brown people. No tears, all self assurance, all pageantry. When they left the tabernacle they all seemed unnaturally cheerful.

Mormon funerals aren't funerals they are another session of stake conference.

According to my ex bish buddy the handbook clearly states the plan of salvation must be bloviated from the pulpit...sadly many funerals steer right to yakking about tscc more than the deceased...cuz its their building by Gawd and they got captive folks to yap at that might be future tithe payers...no guitars and top secret clearance must be obtained to play any instrument other than piano or organ...im still waiting for some rebel to peel off Stairway toheaven on the organ right outta the blue...cud happen...maybe...if they werent so dam careful about running the show

Bloviate. Thank you Trails end. I had forgotten that word. PoV and Bloviate go together like a "horse and carriage, like love and marriage, like Mormon funeral and disparage . . ." Aren't those the lyrics?


I went to a funeral a while ago wherein the Bishop ran through the PoS like he was running a race--let's just get this outa the way style. It was greatly appreciated.

When I went to my father's funeral I hadn't been to a Mormon funeral in thirty years and was blindsided. The SP delivered the Plan of Salvation as if he were doing King Leer and Macbeth combined. The dramatic pauses. The long surveillance of the chapel with the knowing look in his eye. The "filled with the spirit" voice. The mentioning how filled with the spirit he was. (Apparently spirit is a synomymn for 'bull'). And then after we had visited the Telestial Kingdom, taken a ride through the Terrestrial Kingdom, and finally made our way through spirit prison to our Heavenly Father's loving arms, we got to the story about the old man dying who's grandson had died young came back to get him so they could be missionary companions together in the hereafter. My butt was so sore from sitting on that oak bench I wanted to scream.

Bloviation extraordinaire! That is what it was. Beat all existing records.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/28/2016 10:53AM by blueorchid.

I vividly recall much of the only LDS funeral I've ever attended, as the circumstances were tragic: a co-worker's oldest daughter (17 years old) had been killed in a car accident. A sibling had been driving the car, making it even more horrible for the family.

Her father spoke about their daughter's interests, character, personality, etc. Her poor mother started to as well but then broke down. :-(

However, the bishop (?) who gave the final talk turned it into a conversion opportunity--at least, that is how my other co-workers (all nevermore also) and I interpreted it. It was all about the LDS church, nothing about the poor deceased girl. I remember one of my co-workers seated next to me actually was cursing under his breath: "God, what an a***hole. What about HER?", etc.

Of the many other funeral services I've attended, mostly Catholic and Protestant, I've never heard a similar "push" for a religious faith, even if the person who died had been very religious.

I recently attended a non-denominational funeral for a coworker. Lasted less than an 1 hour. Slide show on a large screw, with her favorite songs over a life time. Pastor gave a wonderful meaningful eulogy and "talk" on her life.

In stark contrast, Mormon funerals can last as long as 2 or more hours. Bishops can ramble on for up to an hour or more in hard selling the plan of salvation, the restoration, etc. Then, if any time, a few words about the deceased.

Boring, inappropriate, disrespectful, weird, and cultish are words that come to mind when thinking about Mormon funerals. Mormonism sucks the joy and normalcy out of any life or death event.

"large screen"

I've only been to one.
Some of my husbands relatives have converted when they have married a Mormon.

His aunt passed away and while there were different people who spoke, none of it seemed to be about her.
The closest I guess is when an elderly woman talked, she had been her visiting teacher some years back and pointed out how whenever she visited, the house was always clean and taken care of so lovely.

Nothing like passing inspection I guess.

The other thing I know of about Mormon funerals is what has been repeated back to me, since it happened before I moved to Utah.
An uncle who had converted but then stopped going to church had a terrible tragedy happen where his young daughter was killed in an accident.
Several members of the ward let him know how he would never be able to see her again if he did not come back to the church and stay in good standing. He went back, because he could not turn his back on his daughter.

They are like a regular Sacrament meeting in most respects. Opening music, opening prayer, talks, music, closing prayer and music. Most of the time, they are about the deceased, eulogies, favorite music, talks, family participating. My experience is there is respect and kindness and not much preaching, maybe a personal testimony.

One thing I can say about Mormon funerals is that they try to be uplifting and more of a celebration of the person's life with lots of personal stories about them from friend and family members. And yes there is usually the expected plan of salvation talk somewhere in there, which can be comforting to the believers.
I think most people tend to do their grieving in private rather than at the funeral. Some may still be in shock if the death was sudden and unexpected.

Long. Like a sacrament meeting. Talk about the plan of salvation. They don't let audience members get up and speak about the deceased. This has been the case at several I've attended.

It depends on the family and the bishop. One funeral I went to ended with 3 different bishops and a stake president preaching. My Dad's funeral was awesome, mostly about my Dad's life and very little preaching.

Yes, it depends. Most are just like a sacrament meeting. My grandma's was quite different. I think the bishop got up to do the obligate plan of salvation spiel, bu the rest of the two hours was about her life and influences.

I've been to a couple of baptist funerals as well. They are as bad as mormon ones, if not worse. When my mother-in-law died, the preacher didn't even know her, but spent the majority of the time talking about Jeeezus.

When my aunt died (Utah), it was in the chapel, casket up front, the viewing was at a funeral home she was dressed in the temple monkey suit. It was a lot of talk about good times, but in and out there was the testimony and "name of JC Amen" stuff. Buried in City Cemetery.

Afterwards, we all went to the gym to eat funeral potatoes and green jello.

The passionate testimonies given during the service were very inappropriate for me. Lots of family starring at me cause they knew I had left the faith. It was almost as if they were thinking, "what is wrong with him? I'll bet he is sinning or got ex'd"