[Continued from http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1522074]


THE STICK OF JOSEPH:
The Wild Adventures of "Evening Joe" Smith

25.
In time the Kirtland Temple was complete and dedicated;
The members filled the building from the basement to its tower.
Because of all the wine supplied, they'd been self-medicated
Enough to see Elijah float in with the sealing power.

26.
Joe testified that God had shown him Quakers on the moon
Who lived a thousand years, and any visitor would find
That they were six feet tall. (What a ridiculous buffoon!)
The congregation loved it, though it seemed he'd lost his mind.

27.
Now running low on money, Joseph opened up a bank
On worthless assets – nothing but another way to rob
The locals, who were so enraged that Joe had made it tank
That he and his confederates were chased out by a mob.

28.
They scurried to Missouri, though they didn't stay for long –
About a year or two – because they boasted to the neighbors
That God would confiscate their homes; the land would then belong
To Mormon settlers, who would reap the harvest of their labors.

29.
In Jackson County, Joe asserted that the Eden story
With Adam, Eve and magic trees, the talking snake, and all,
Had been located there for real – not just an allegory
Of sin, but the precise spot of the Garden and the Fall.

30.
The Law of Consecration couldn't furnish Joe a living,
And therefore he concluded that he ought to skim a portion –
Like ten percent – off members' increase (nowadays this "giving"
Is based upon gross income, which is out-and-out extortion).

31.
Predictably, the citizens became disturbed and fed up
With these moronic doctrines and attempts to steal their land.
A group of them decided to fight back in court, which led up
To Joe's four-month imprisonment, despite his Danite band.

32.
The Danites stormed around Clay County, drove up to Far West,
Then thundered north to Daviess, while inciting fear and hate
Among the population – stirring up a hornet's nest
Until at last The Order forced them all to flee the state.


[**To be continued in Part 5**]