Posted by:
Book of Mordor
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Date: February 22, 2015 05:06PM
[Continued from
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1508558]
THE STICK OF JOSEPH:
The Wild Adventures of "Evening Joe" Smith
16.
Plan B caught on and spread without delay beyond the borders
Of New York State. The rotten fruits of Joe's religious pillage
Increased so quickly that he was obliged to issue orders
To travel west to Kirtland, then a small Ohio village.
17.
Canoeing on a river, Joseph fell in, thought that maybe
He might go under, panicked – and then came up with a notion
To cover up the fact that he'd been bawling like a baby,
Declaring Satan rules the waters, stream to lake to ocean.
18.
A mob dragged Joe and Sidney from the Johnson farm together;
The brothers there were certain that their sixteen-year-old sister
Had been seduced by Joseph, so they went to tar and feather
The both of them as Joe screamed out he'd barely even kissed her.
19.
Their acid failed to work, yet Joseph faced a world of hurt:
Some "implements" were brought as he lay stretched out on his back.
The doctor lost his nerve; although left prostrate in the dirt,
Joe counted himself lucky that he got to keep his sack.
20.
The so-called "Word of Wisdom" was distributed, demanding
That all obey its senseless rules in order to be healthy.
(It's now a weapon, used to grade each member's righteous standing
Against their fellow Pharisees – unless, of course, they're wealthy.)
21.
By this time children had been born, so Emma sought a nanny.
She found a girl of sixteen, Fanny Alger, who could stay
As help – but one night, Emma stumbled in on Joe and Fanny
Together in the barn and making whoopee in the hay.
22.
It hit the fan for Joseph then – a storm he'd never known
Engulfed his sad, pathetic soul as Emma's wrath was poured
Upon his head. She had no doubt the fault was his alone,
Despite his plea that it was a "commandment from the Lord."
23.
He left with Zion's Camp; one time they spied an elevation
In Illinois. When Joseph went and climbed the mound himself,
He claimed to all those present he'd received a revelation:
The bones within had come from a white Lamanite named Zelph.
24.
Some mummies and papyri were exhibited in town;
"By Abraham's own hand," Joe wrote. (This put the church in crisis
Much later, for they proved he was no prophet of renown –
The figure he described as Pharaoh should instead be Isis.)
[**To be continued in Part 4**]
Note:
[#21] Two children were in the home at this time: son Joseph III (1 year) and adopted daughter Julia (2 years). However, two sons and a daughter of Emma's had previously died, as had Julia's twin brother.