Several issues have been of most importance for us during this difficult time of separation. First is the realization that we have been anything but Christian. The Mormon theology is so completely judgmental, that through direct or indirect teaching, members believe that they are more blessed (therefore better) than anyone who is not a member. Much service is rendered to fellow Mormons; but more often than not, non-members receive service only in hopes that they will someday be converted to the faith. It was a huge eye-opener when we moved away from Utah and had neighbors who had such unconditional love for us, and for everyone in their lives, that I was yanked out of my vainglorious pretense. I felt like a spiritual ant next to them. And yet when I went to Mormon meetings I kept hearing the missionary push to "lift people up" and "share with them", "we have so much", blah, blah, blah. I had totally missed the boat. I didn't have crap next to my neighbors.
One thing we never realized about ourselves when we were Mormons was how little control we had of our lives. We thought we were in control. We were taught to be self-reliant and truth-seeking (but only within the limits of the church's doctrine.) Only when we left the church did we realize how we'd been duped. They make it so easy not to think for yourself in the Mormon church. There is an answer for every question. Your entire life is planned out for you and your children. Your afterlife is even planned out.
We felt like we had to "throw the baby out with the bath water" since our trust in authority and ourselves was completely devastated. Everything was suspect. How can you trust your own judgment when you have received (what you thought to be) personal revelation that the Mormon church and its prophets were true? All of the big cosmic questions have no answers for us now. It has been hard for us to decide the smallest things; it is all so overwhelming. We deal with depression; grief for the loss of support; deep sadness for hurting people we love; and anger for being deceived. However, we have no interest in "proselytizing" what we have found. We do not wish this hell on anyone. Indeed it is far easier to remain a Mormon in ignorance.
The bottom line is that we are now trying to find purpose in our lives day to day. The level of dependence in the Mormon church is truly frightening. Isn't it sad that we struggle with the idea of just being good people? We have also realized that there is no way to argue any of the church's responses to our apostasy. "We must not have been strong enough in our testimonies," etc. We will go on with our lives in spite of "being made an example", trying to take the best from what we have learned, and live knowing that if nothing else, we have integrity.