Why I Left Mormonism Before I Even Joined
Mar. 2000

I met my husband, Tim, two years ago.  He is from a Mormon family and was
raised as a Mormon.  He served on a mission for two years, 15 years ago,
but then when he finished, he lost interest and began to question the
church and removed his garments, began socially drinking occasionally,
grew his hair long, and moved to the West Coast.  He tells me that when
he came home from his mission, he realized the real world does not match
the Mormon view of the world and sort of became agnostic, but not
totally.  During his active years, he said he prayed a sincere prayer
daily to receive a testimony of the truth of knowing if God even existed,
and if the Mormon Church were indeed the "true church."  He says he
prayed for several years, but all he heard was silence.

My Tim is a wonderful, loving, caring, fun man.  He's very responsible in
a wonderful career.  He's honest, hard-working, and a stable mate.  When
we met, he was pretty secular but still had wonderful attributes and
morals that were head and shoulders above the rest.  We hit it off right
away.

I was raised an agnostic but became interested in Judaism in 1997.  I
went through the conversion process, and by the time I met Tim, I was
ready to convert.  He was wonderfully supportive and attended the
ceremony.

We moved in together in 1998.  His mother and father are gung-ho Mormons,
so he thought they'd totally disapprove.  They live in another state.  He
was concerned for weeks about it, but he knew he couldn't hide it.  He
made up his mind after his mission to break free of Mormonism, but not
totally.  He has never removed his name, but he considers it his
"heritage" and doesn't attend church.  He's been inactive since the end
of his mission.

We moved in together and surprisingly never heard any criticism from his
family.  He is the type though that would just not contact them if they
hassled him because he has got to live his own life.

We got engaged in the fall of 1999.  Since I'm Jewish, I cannot marry a
non-Jew in a synagogue, but I thought about his church because for one
thing, it would not cost anything.  Shortly before we got engaged, a
Mormon church member came over to welcome us to the new city we'd just
moved to, to welcome us to the new ward.  He was nice.  But this was the
first of many intermittent unannounced drop-in visits from Mormon
members.

During the summer of 1999, I had become interested in Christianity and I
truly came to love Christ and accept him as my savior.  I felt that I was
completing my Jewishness and it was wonderful.  In my ignorance, I
thought all Christian churches were the same.  WRONG!  Anyway, we went to
the bishop to see about his marrying us.  He was wonderful and kind, and
he made a comment regarding our living together as "getting us back on
the right track."  He also immediately started in with trying to convince
me to join the church and then get "sealed in the temple for time and
eternity."  In my naive, I was thrilled at such a thought.  I agreed to
look into conversion but didn't make any commitments.

A few days later, two young missionaries showed up unannounced at our
door in the evening, just as we were getting ready to go to bed!  The
thing is, we live in a gated community where one must call from the front
gate, yet they were often just coming in without calling.  I thought it
wasn't very polite, but I didn't think anymore about it.  Over the next
six weeks, I took all six lessons and began reading the "Book of Mormon."
Many things started striking me as odd.  They had strange ideas, and I
started to question things immediately.  But I assumed that I was just a
baby Christian and didn't know much anyway.  I started to question that
God would tell Joseph Smith that all other churches were an abomination
and wrong.  As far as I knew, God was loving and kind.  The issue of
polygamy, blacks not holding the priesthood until 1978, and the status of
women in the home today were a few of the several things  that started to
bother me.  They would explain these things away, and I would not think
of them anymore, but they were still in the back of my mind and I didn't
have a peace inside about it.

I decided to convert, and Tim's dad would baptize me the day after our
wedding.  Tim did not feel worthy because of our living together.  I
noticed during this time that the missionaries would drop in often
unannounced and the bishop was around a lot too.  All these people would
make comments and their behavior seemed to try to make us feel guilty for
living together.  I was even told by a couple of Mormons, and Tim's
parents, to put Tim on the couch and not "consummate" anymore until the
wedding!  I was amazed at their boldness to butt in like that.  The whole
atmosphere surrounding Mormonism struck me as feeling guilt and fear.  I
can see in Tim's eyes that it haunts him a little, but he's independent
and doesn't let Mormonism control him.  And he's scared if I even mention
the word "temple."  He'll get anxious and tell me in an urgent and
unsettled voice that he "can't talk about it, please!"  He's scared
because of those "penalty" issues.

During the course of the past few months, Tim mentioned something about
wearing special "underwear" after going to the temple, but that he
couldn't talk about it.  He said he took special "oaths" that he couldn't
talk about.  This made me scared and was the beginning of the end.  What
was so secret that I wasn't even supposed to know!? If it's a secret, I
can only assume the worst unless told otherwise.  Why is a Mormon
supposed to tithe for one year, put your whole life into the church
before you can find out this temple experience?  I wasn't impressed.
(Tim was at the temple in 1988, while they still had the penalties.)  I
was very disturbed by the secrecy of all this and started to question the
whole thing, but I tried to convince myself to not worry about it and
that they knew what they were doing, but it never stopped bothering me.
I look back now and see that Tim may have been trying to deter me from
joining, but couldn't admit that due to it being his heritage, but I know
now that that's the case.  When I told him I changed my mind, he's seemed
relieved ever since.  He said it would have been nice, but he also
supports me.  He also doubts the validity of the temple stuff anyway.

Then a few weeks ago, after not getting any answers about the temple and
why it's secret, I had no choice but to turn to the Internet.  First, I
found out all about the temple ceremony and was appalled!  The underwear
was freaky and made me sick.  It gave me the creeps.  It seemed like some
pagan or satanic ritual to me.  For days I was upset.  The hand signals
and gestures and secret codes and words.  It was utter nonsense.  It was
so similar to Masonry, which had its beginnings in the Middle Ages, NOT
Solomon's Temple!!  I didn't talk too much in detail to Tim, but he knew
I was very upset and disagreed about the temple thing.  The good thing is
though, months ago, Tim clearly said to me that no matter what religion I
choose, he would 100% support my decision.  He still does.  He truly
loves me for who I am and not what I do or do not believe.

I asked the missionaries and the bishop specifically about the temple,
and they confirmed the "penalty" thing, but that it has changed since
1990.  The bishop said it was common in the 1900's to swear an oath on
one's life at that time.  They all insisted though that the temple is the
only way to get to the Celestial Kingdom.  BULL and more BULL!  I asked
them why God would be so secretive, and they would simply say again,
"Because that's the way Heavenly Father wants it" in a somewhat
frustrated tone, irritated at my questioning attitude.

I found Eric's web site and from other sites learned about the other many
bizarre things about the Mormon Church.  Many of those things bothered me
too, A LOT.  I spent WEEKS reading and reading, and I wasn't to happy
about the information I was finding about the Mormon Church.  No wonder
they want you to be a blind follower!

I told the missionaries to cancel my baptism, and the next day the bishop
came over here for three hours, trying to persuade me to his way of
thinking.  The answers I got were sickening.  He couldn't give me any
good answers but is the type of person that takes one hour to answer one
question, saying a lot but not really saying anything (would make a good
politician).  Sometimes his answers would be in a sharp tone, "Because
that's just the way Heavenly Father wants it!"  Yeah right!  The
missionaries and the bishop told me that I'm afraid of the temple because
"I don't understand it" and "I'm not ready for it."  This is the main
defense they stick to.  It's BULL.  Christianity is nothing like the
Mormon Church.  It's about love and peace, not guilt and fear!  I could
easily see how they were tying to manipulate me, and I was sickened.  The
bishop was saying that the temple ceremony is like Solomon's temple.  All
their answers were exactly what I've heard people on this web site say.
Mormons are programmed to say those answers -- "Joseph Smith only had a
sixth-grade education; it must be the true church because everyone is
persecuting us," etc.

Reader, you must realize that I was agnostic my whole life.  I'm viewing
Mormonism as a total outsider, new to the entire Christian religion.  I'm
new to it, but I know for a fact that Christianity IS NOT supposed to be
scary!  I also know that the Good Lord does NOT want you to be a moron
and follow manmade rules without thinking! Jesus was a lover of people,
traveling around teaching peace, love, forgiveness, etc.  I believe Jesus
would be very disappointed at this bigoted, chauvinistic,
better-than-the-rest attitude of Mormons.  I looked at all the positives
of Mormonism.  There are many good things, but the church is founded on
lies and is just a fraud.  The negatives outweigh the positives by far,
in my opinion.  NOTHING FROM GOD SHOULD BE SCARY!!

Mormons are very defensive people with a persecution complex.
Objectively, this is the impression I get.  But I must respect their
right to choose their own religion.  This country was founded on that
right, and I wholeheartedly respect their decision and the people, but
Mormonism is not right for me.  There is no one-size-fits-all church.
Yet, I can tell they still feel "sorry for me."  They never say anything,
but you can tell that's what they think.  I know they think they have all
the answers and I'm just an ignorant female and will burn in hell.  I
don't care.  I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and not a
church with stupid manmade rules and doctrines! 

It's amazing how they come up with moronic answers to the issues of
blacks being excluded, polygamy, the Book of Mormon mistakes like horses
in the Americas thousands of years ago, etc., and Indians are NOT
descended from Israelites, secrecy of the temple, no account of where all
the money goes, the attitude not to question or read anything
anti-Mormon, and so many other things that bothered me.  I'll have no
part in such an organization!  If they're so great, why are there so many
"Mormon Recovery" sites, along with the Jehovah's Witnesses and other
cult recovery groups?  Why don't you ever hear about "Recovery from
Catholicism, Recovery from Methodist, Recovery from Baptist" sites?  It's
because they're more than just another denomination.  They are an
authoritarian church, a corporation bringing in millions of dollars, and
they know it!

It's apparent to me from my weeks of research that Joseph Smith was a con
man.  The 10% tithe is making someone rich at the expense of well-meaning
people, hoping to be with their loved ones for eternity, and at the
expense of teenage missionaries working for two years for free!!  The
corporation is founded on lies, guilt, and fear.  I'll have nothing to do
with it.

I forgot to say that during the time of our engagement, the bishop wanted
to see Tim in his office privately, to talk to him about "getting his
life back on track."  I was concerned about this, and we knew it had to
do with his "covenants" that he'd taken in the temple.  Afterwards, Tim
told me that the bishop wanted him to read the Book of Mormon to get a
testimony back.  Thank goodness Tim told him that he did not see anything
wrong with a beer now and then, and that he did not agree with certain
issues in the church.  Tim didn't seem to interested in getting his
testimony back (he never had one anyway). But what bothered me is, why
didn't the bishop suggest he read the Bible?  Tim's mother also told both
of us, "Read the Book of Mormon--that's the most important thing."
Again, the red flag went up in my head.  Why do they practically ignore
the Bible?  Sickening.

Tim was at BYU in the late 1980's.  Tim had a roommate that had to move
out, but Tim's replacement roommate would not be able to move in until a
week later.  Tim got a letter on the door from the office, insisting that
he's forbidden to live alone and must move out for one week!  Tim was
appalled at the "Big Brother" environment and, rebel that he is, flat out
refused.  They didn't make him move, but it was the beginning of his
doubts about the church.

Tim also had a few "peeves" with his father, although his father is now
the most wonderful man.  When Tim was a kid, Tim's father's number one
priority was the Mormon Church (sound familiar?), so Tim recalls most of
his life feeling that the family was second on the list of priorities.
He recalls many weekends when his dad wouldn't play ball with him or
attend special events because of church business.  Tim loves his dad, but
I can tell, and Tim admits that this is still an unresolved issue in his
mind and he still holds it a little bit against his dad.  Tim says he can
never get those important years back, and he's hurt that his dad put the
family second.  Tim mentioned too that it's hypocritical of the church
since they promote "family togetherness."

Tim's sister was physically abused by her second husband.  This jerk also
abused the kids.  Tim's sister went to the bishop and told him
everything, and he encouraged her to stay no matter what because it's a
woman's place.  In later years, after the divorce, Tim was sickened by
the church saying that.  Tim's sister has always been a meek follower and
easily led with the fear-and-guilt tactic, until finally she'd had enough
and left that moron.  I've read many stories on Eric's site about abused
women being advised to stay with the husbands anyway and try to "do
better."  I could puke.

I remember when questioning the bishop and the missionaries about the
negative things I found, they would encourage me not to read any
anti-Mormon stuff anymore because it was all "lies" by people who are
persecuting them as the true church.  The attitude once again was "it
proves that our church is true, because everyone is persecuting us."  If
it's the true church, then the Mormon Church should be able to withstand
the scrutiny.  They would say that the lies would influence me because I
don't have a good foundation of the truth of the Book of Mormon yet.  In
other words, I'm too ignorant to understand and I should have blind
faith.

One missionary even asked me if I had the transcript of the temple
ceremony.  I told him it was on the internet and I asked why.  He said
that he was going to ask me if he could have it!  It sickens me how they
want to keep you in the dark.  One night they even asked if we had any
beer in the refrigerator and if so (which we did), could they take it
when they left?  I was appalled and flat-out refused to let them run my
life.  The same missionary was getting frustrated with me and made the
comment, "I don't think you're being as open-minded about this as you
claim!"  He was taking it personally.  It was like dealing with a
used-car salesman.

The bishop even tried to explain about taking a leap of faith into the
unknown and just join the church anyway.  That's lame!  The more they
discouraged my reading anything negative, the more I could see how afraid
they all were of the church being put in a less-than-favorable light by
far!

Tim is even a bit in denial and half-heartedly defends the church, but I
can see it's mostly from habit and because he grew up with it and doesn't
want to admit that years were wasted.  I know it's because it's his
heritage, but he doesn't really believe in it too much because I never
saw him wearing his garments (he stopped wearing them after the mission
15 years ago) and he never goes to church.  If he didn't tell you, you
would have no idea that he's on any record as being a Mormon.  But
occasionally when I would voice concerns, even my beloved Tim was
reciting some of the answers they'd programmed into him, (Joseph Smith
only had a sixth-grade education; polygamy was necessary 150 years ago
because there were so few men as they were killed from persecution; "I've
read that anti-Mormon stuff and it's all nonsense.")  He hasn't really
read it.  It hurts him if I criticize the church, and I don't want to
hurt him.  I'm just so grateful that he's not interested in it, but he
keeps it has a "heritage" for the good that came of it.  That's fine.   :)
He tells me he could be perfectly happy never attending the Mormon
Church again as long as he lives.  To him, as I said, it's just his
heritage and nothing more.

I felt such peace and joy when I decided to back out of joining the
Mormon Church!  I've begun attending a wonderful Christian church that
encourages your own interpretation of the Bible and is a whole world
apart from that of the Mormon Church.  This church is about God's love,
mercy, peace, and joy.  There's no guilt or fear!

I'm so grateful for Eric's web site confirming the uneasy feelings I got.
I still welcome any of the Mormons from Tim's church, but they are for
him, not me, and they are here on a social basis only.  Authoritarian
churches are not for me, and I know that the Mormon Church is NOT the
true church, simply because they claim they are!  They do not have a
patent on Heaven!

For any of you investigating the church, PLEASE make sure to check out
Eric's web site thoroughly [exmormon.org], and also check out
www.caic.org.au/zentry1.htm, which is another good web site about cults
in general, including Bible-based cults like Mormons.  Mormons ARE a
cult, albeit not as destructive as the People's Temple (Jim Jones), David
Kadesh in Waco, or Heaven's Gate.  But they want to control your life and
don't want you associating with non-Mormons, and the church CAN lead to
destruction of some people's lives.  Do you see a parallel in Joseph
Smith and other cult leaders?  A very charismatic guy claims he's a
prophet, has a vivid imagination and is able to attract followers and con
people, wants to relocate everyone to a desolate area, has a persecution
complex, suddenly thinks polygamy is okay (because he's a horny jerk!),
and gets more and more power hungry. There's a difference between healthy
and unhealthy faith, and according to the Australian web site (listed
above), Mormonism definitely is an unhealthy faith.  Please don't just
accept what the Mormons say without checking it out further, and also
listening to your intuition, as they sugar coat the whole thing.  Indeed,
on the surface, it IS a lovely religion, but it's like an iceberg, and
they'll only present the tip of that iceberg!  Underneath is a dark
massive history and doctrinal beliefs that they don't tell you until
you're already in.  The church's history is ugly and based on fraud. 

Thanks for allowing me to share my experience.  I hope this helps someone
investigate all issues thoroughly before making the decision to join the
Mormon Church.

Recovery from Mormonism