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Posted by: Levi ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 01:08AM

I had more fun reading that post than I've had in years here.

I'd love to hear more stories!

(in case you missed the original thread, here it is:,783478

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 02:27AM

I can't help but wonder if #6 on perigrine's list wasn't my nephew. Describes him perfectly. Was #6 from Oregon?

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Posted by: Levi ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 02:53AM

Hehehe. As I was reading I was thinking "Oh, man I hope I don't read about me......"

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Posted by: peregrine ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 06:23PM

I think he was from Ogden.

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Posted by: The Oncoming Storm - bc ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 03:38AM

OK you drew me in:

I may have a record for the most companions.

1) My MTC companion was from Kansas and was a nice guy.

2) My first companion was a workaholic. He was a zone leader when he trained me and was an AP for a bunch of his mission. He told me his goal in life was to have his calling and election made sure. He died of cancer at the age of 36.

He was mostly cool but was anal about some rules and not about others - he never went to bed on time but when I needed to wash my clothes on a regular day because before transfers p-days where 10 days apart he went ape shit crazy on me.

3) My second companion was a burned out district leader. He was a nice, mellow guy. He worked hard with me because I wanted to. I heard him came right back after his mission, married a non-member, and went inactive.

4) My third companion was my doom. The first thing he told me was that he wasn't into his mission and was only 60% there. He and I became good friends. I never lectured him but I was always ready to go right and 9:30. He worked hard because I wanted to. By the end of our two months together he was loving his mission and involved in it. From then on I became a baby sitter because he got re-invigorated in his mission.

5) I trained a greenie. This guy had an attitude but we did OK. I didn't like him but we got along. We were in a foursome and he had major run-ins with the other companionship. He and I now live less than a mile apart and have a kid the same age. We are friendly now and run into each other at school functions and sporting events occasionally.

6) I got a Tongan companion who was out his 2nd month and hadn't finished his training. We got it finished up and were good friends. He got hit by a car - a priest in the ward a few months after we were companions. He nearly died and suffered extensive brain damage. He wanted to be a professional rugby player but now he is confined to a wheel chair for the rest of his life and has slurred speech.

7) I got another greenie. He was really smitten over his girlfriend and was pretty much all he talked about. He was semi-pro at both beach volleyball & bmx racing. He was a pretty cool guy. There were a lot of practical jokes going on in our foursome. At one point I had a full bucket of water to throw on him - he climbed up on his bunk bed and declared I couldn't throw it on him because it would get my bunk underneath his wet too. I threw it on him anyway and soaked both of our mattresses - well worth it.

8) I got a fairly new missionary - a nice chill guy. He had the worst luck with his bike or parts of his bike getting stolen. One day we went out and his tires were missing (me cheap bike didn't have quick release tires.) A few months later his entire bike got stolen (when were were no longer companions.) My then companion & I were driving around and saw a Mexican riding his bike. We followed him into "Little Mexico" in Mesa near the Mesa temple. My new companion was a really big guy and they gave us the bike back. My previous companion was pissed because his parents were going to buy him a much nicer bike.

9) This one was interesting. I went back to being Jr. companion to the zone leader - he was going home the next month - so it was set up for me to be the next zone leader. This guy was super nice but was super trunky. Then we got a 3rd companion to come in with us. He had gone home on medical release - I think for attempted suicide but was back. Those two spent the whole time hanging out at the Mesa Visitor's center flirting with the Sister Missionaries while I went on splits with priests in the ward.

We were living with a member lady and her inactive teenage son - against mission rules we didn't have our own entrance or anything but our own room. At one point the ZL asks to talk to me privately. He asks me if I knew there was a Playboy magazine below our bathroom sink. I said no - he said he noticed it had been moved and assumed it was the other companion but thought he should check with me first. From then on I was sorely tempted to look at it every time I was in the bathroom. Eventually I grabbed it and took it to the inactive teenager's room - and looked - my only exposure to porn on my mission - hah.

10) After this I got a greenie that was a real go getter. We had an investigator that wasn't very golden - I said I didn't think it would turn into a baptism. My greenie chided me for not having enough faith. The guy ended up getting baptized - I should have realized the TBM girlfriend would be enough to reel him in. This guy ended up being AP for a long time.

11)The came my most interesting companion and one of my favorites. I had a special meeting with the mission president's wife so she could explain the situation. This guy had severe mental issues - he had been kidnapped as a child and held hostage for 14 months and hand been abused in every way possible.

The first day I picked him up and he went into the bedroom first. A followed less than a minute later. He. was. gone. The window was closed. He hadn't come out the door. Finally I looked around and he was hiding, sitting on the floor in the closet in the dark. I decided to go in the closet and sit next to him. The first thing he says is "No one has ever done that before."

Me: "Do you always hide in the closet when you first get a new companion?"

Him: "Yes - because I'm scared of them."

We hit it off immediately - he thought it was great that I sat in the closet with him.

Turns out he had been sexually abused by his dad and uncle. Then his dad hired a hit man to kill his mom. But the hit man decided to kidnap them instead and hold them for ransom. The hitman kidnapped my companion (when about 13) and his mom and held them form 14 months - abused them any way you can imagine constantly threatened to kill them - told them if one escaped he would kill the other.

The last hideout where he was eventually caught was in the mission boundaries. The retards in Salt Lake sent him on his mission to the worst possible location. He often had relapses and PTSD. Once he was driving and hallucinated that the kidnapper was on the road in front of him and swerved nearly killing he and his companion - he wasn't allowed to drive by the time I was with him.

He was also openly gay - maybe from the abuse he received but was not a practicing gay.

12) The next guy drove me nuts. (He was the one who recovered the other guys bike.) He wanted to be a cop after his mission. The best thing about him is he threw me in the swimming pool of the members we were living with. We played a lot of Nintendo.

13) Next came a guy that was pretty weird. However I let him run the show and he was in 7th heaven - he loved the authority.

In our mission we had this screwy rule that when driving a mission car you had to stand behind the car to back your companion up and make sure that he didn't run into anything. One time it was raining so I backed him up while standing under the carport. Doofus swerved hard right to pick me up and ran right into a pole while backing up. We both got fined $50. I was pissed and thought he should pay my $50 since he was the dumb-ass that ran into a pole but he wouldn't pay my share.

14) Next was a really interesting guy. Super, duper nice, but zero social skills. He had a major speech impediment of some kind and was painfully shy. I would have him call to confirm our dinner appointments with members and it stretched him to his limit. Having him teach discussions was interesting.

15) Next was a really cool greenie. He got me into Jack Handy deep thoughts and Yo-Yos. One of my favorite companions - super short guy.

One funny story with him. I was at a member's house - a really cool bishop using their computer to do some stuff I needed to do for the zone. My companion went in another room and played Nintendo with their 11 year old daughter. Some member of the ward came in the house and freaked that my companion was alone with a girl. The lady didn't say anything to us but called to report us to the mission president. We got called in and got chewed out. The bishop and his family thought it was hilarious and ridiculous.

16) Next came my most hated companion. This guy was a serious whack job. He had never gotten his driver's license as a teenager. He got it while he was my companion. He scared the shit out of me whenever he would drive.

When we rode bikes he would crash all the time. He wouldn't clean up or wash his wounds but would just go around bleeding with open wounds.

One night he and I got in a argument about whether intelligences existed forever according to the D&C - he stayed up all night fuming about it and coming up with some argument.

When we did door approaches he would get pissed if I talked or if they paid attention to me. Before long I learned to knock and then take 2 steps back so that he would get all the attention. (My next companion made fun of me for doing this because it had become a habit.)

17) My little brother (18 months younger than me) got to come out and be my companion for 2 weeks on a mini-mission. This was awesome - we were best friends as teenagers and would not have seen each other for 3 1/2 years because of overlapping missions.

We were in a threesome with #16 - my brother and jerk companion did not get along well. They once got in a 3 days argument over whether or not elephants were intelligent (my brother didn't care but just did it to egg #16 on) - #16 was adamant that elephants were very, very intelligent.

18) Next was one of my favorite companions. He got busted masturbating by his previous companion. His previous companion was a real dick and told everyone in the zone about it. I was secretly masturbating too. Everyone in the zone were big self-righteous jerks about it. They said our area was going to die because he didn't have the spirit. We pretty much had more baptisms than the whole rest of the zone put together - zerk ex-companion who kept saying that had none.

This guy as studying to be a chef. He had worked for years at Disneyland and he had the goofy radio announcer voice to show for it. A very cheerful, whole-hearted guy.

I recently re-connected with him on Facebook. I was sad to see him had become a far-right uber political, religious nut. Oh well.

19) My last companion. Another nice guy that I got along great with. He and I like riding bikes and rode them in August in 115 degree heat even though we had a car. The next zone leader was gonna be screwed because his miles were going to get dropped because we didn't use the miles.

He told me some of my favorite jokes that I still often tell today - the "Bob" and "Ralph" jokes.

I'm forgetting some companions - I had 23 - I wonder who's slipping my mind?

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/06/2013 03:48AM by bc.

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Posted by: Levi ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 03:47AM

These are a lot of fun! We were all a bunch of nut jobs.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/06/2013 04:21AM by Levi.

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Posted by: stbleaving ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 09:10AM

Two questions for you, bc:

Did your mission boundaries go up to northern AZ or were you just in the southern part of the state? (My family lived in northern AZ at the time of your mission.)

Do you know what became of your companion #11? That poor kid...good on ya for being nice to him. That's awesome that you sat beside him in the closet.

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Posted by: The Oncoming Storm - bc ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 09:17AM

Nope, the furthest North I got was ASU campus. I did however live in Tuba City as a kid.

I don't know what has become of #11. He was my buddy - I hope he is doing OK, but I haven't kept in touch from anyone at all on my mission other than running into a couple of people on facebook or in the community.

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Posted by: JamesL ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 05:17AM

These have been fun to read. Here are mine, though they do not approach the quality of some of the others that have been posted.

MTC: Struck me as a complete psycho, only managed to change the "complete" part of that assessment. Was on a mission only because he had been told by this parents that he was going to go and that was that. Frequently talked about having taken out a contract to have himself killed when he got back from his mission. He trembled in fear for a week when he realized that I had accidentally learned his "deep dark secret" about what he was doing at night, and didn't know how to react when I never said anything about it to anyone.

1. "Trainer" Could barely make himself understood in French, and refused to accept that I could speak the language fluently. According to him, my having studied the language for five years and having lived in Paris for three months were nothing compared to his ten weeks in the MTC, since he had studied French "the Lord's way" and all I had done was "learn it". Yes, he said that. He also glossed over the fact that I, too, had spent ten weeks in the MTC. When he learned that I was a convert to the LDS religion, he decided that he knew more than I did...about everything! I already had my first college degree, but he claimed that his lifetime membership in "the Lord's true church" meant that he would always know more than me about any given subject, because those born in the church were "greater intelligences". Told me that the state I grew up in was located other than where it actually is. Believed California was the first state. Did not know that other religions do not hold the Book of Mormon as one of their scriptures. He actually believed (insisted) that all religions believed the BoM but didn't know why. I was his last companion, and he wavered between trying to work as hard as he could and doing nothing because he had already done his share. Resented the fact that he was required to train for his last two months, and hated me because he felt that anyone from a southern state was unintelligent.

2. We were only together for a month, the last month of his mission. His personality had already left. He insisted we go tracting every day, but once we did, he would not speak to anyone, leaving me to do all the talking. Given that I was not trying to convert people and did not give the standard discussions, I had reason to believe he didn't understand me, or just didn't care.

3. At first I thought this guy was pretty nice. That impression lasted almost two days. Then I learned that his only goal was to become an AP. He turned out to be a major-league brown-noser. His grasp of the world outside Utah and the LDS church was minimal at best. He did end up becoming an AP.

4. Another one for whom I was the final companion. I was beginning to think that my only value as a missionary was helping other guys pack up to leave. This guy was angry that he was going home right after Christmas instead of before, and didn't do anything the entire month we were together.

5. Finally, a companion who was not about to go home. By this time, I was thoroughly convinced that the LDS church was complete crap, no questions remained in my mind at all, I knew it was a lie; but I still had my mercenary purposes to fulfill so I remained in the mission. Fortunately, this guy was more interested in traveling around the area and taking pictures of everything. He was a semi-professional photographer in real life, and wanted to focus on that. Fine with me!

6. My first trainee. What a fiasco for the both of us! He wasn't sure why he was on a mission, and I knew why I was, and it was not for any reason I could possibly tell a very-young-for-his-age new missionary. He was super-jock and had no way to relate to someone who had no interest in sports. He had a terrible temper and there were a few times I truly thought he was going to attack me. At one point, he opened a notebook that he thought was my journal and started reading it. Before long he had started spreading some nasty rumors about me, stories that made me look like a complete headcase. The funny part is that what he found wasn't my journal. I'm a writer, and what he had found was a story I was writing, told in first-person, and written as the main character's daily log of events. Never could get him to tell people that he had been mistaken about me, and I had to deal with those rumors for the rest of the mission. I recently looked him up online and found his mugshot from when he was arrested for domestic violence.

7. This guy was older than any other missionaries in the mission, and had been working in a professional field before converting to the LDS church and deciding to go on a mission. He had a serious weakness for the ladies, and -- having never really gotten any attention from women before -- went a bit nuts about the way girls (and some grown women) would fawn over missionaries. He refused to be a passenger in anyone's car, and would actually cry if I wanted to drive. I gave up on that one as a lost cause. Unfortunately, the man had no sense of direction, so we could count on getting slightly lost at least once a day.

8. This one was actually a nice guy. He had very little interest in doing missionary work. This was the first time he had ever been away from his parents, and he wanted to spend the time doing things he enjoyed. Fortunately, we shared a few interests, so we always had some things we could do. There was one kind of work he wanted to do, though, and that was one I was glad to help him with: He wanted to learn French. He worked on that every day, with me tutoring him. By the end of our two months together, he had gained a fair fluency in the language.

9. This poor guy had the misfortune to be put with me as his trainer during my last two months in the mission. By this point I was tired of faking the TBM missionary bit and didn't care what happened. He was so very earnest and wanted to be a good missionary. I felt a bit sorry for him. He never came out of his shell enough for me to get much of an impression of who and what he really was. I hope things got better for him; he really never should have had my finally weeks inflicted on him like that.

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Posted by: vastique ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 07:25AM

wait . . . what?

"Did not know that other religions do not hold the Book of Mormon as one of their scriptures. He actually believed (insisted) that all religions believed the BoM but didn't know why"

Surely that can't possibly be true.

Reminds me of when I asked my son if he had truly investigated all his options before converting.

Muhammed for example - his response . . ."who?"

How could your companion Possibly be that sheltered?

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Posted by: JamesL ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 12:34PM

"Surely that can't possibly be true."

"How could your companion Possibly be that sheltered?"

Oh, it's true, sadly. And he truly was that sheltered. He wasn't just sheltered, though; he was also willingly ignorant. When he found out that I had converted to LDS, he asked me all sorts of questions that showed how completely ignorant he was of the world outside LDS-dom. For example, "Since you didn't have any morals, how did you keep from getting in trouble?" When I asked why he thought I had grown up without morals, he told me that only Mormons had any sort of morality. He didn't know that other religions prayed, even. The man knew nothing but LDS and had no interest in knowing anything else.

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Posted by: kolobian ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 02:11PM

I believe you.

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Posted by: nickname ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 03:24PM

"By this time, I was thoroughly convinced that the LDS church was complete crap, no questions remained in my mind at all, I knew it was a lie; but I still had my mercenary purposes to fulfill so I remained in the mission."

Wait! What? You knew what you were preaching wasn't true, but you stayed out anyway? Why? That sounds absolutely miserable to me!

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Posted by: JamesL ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 06:06PM

"Wait! What? You knew what you were preaching wasn't true, but you stayed out anyway? Why? That sounds absolutely miserable to me!"

It was not fun. Some good came out of it, but the experience overall was not good. But I was using the LDS church in a very mercenary way. I had realized it was likely to be a fraud before I went on my mission, and a few months in I knew it was a lie.
I was an adult convert (age 18) and thus had not saved up for a mission during my entire life. An elderly man of my acquaintance offered to pay for me to go on a mission with the acknowledgement that if I did a full mission, and he died before I came home (which he knew was going to happen), I would be allowed to keep any money remaining in the fund he set up to pay for my mission.
I saw that as a good way to get the money I needed to move away from a toxic home environment that consisted of abusive parents (physically and emotionally abusive) and other relatives who truly hated me. So, I went on the mission. I baptized no one, I had no converts, I almost never even taught any lessons. But I made friends, I visited a beautiful land, and I returned home to several thousand dollars that was now mine to use to get out of the hell in which I had been living for my entire life.
And that's exactly what I did.
Was my using a mission for that purpose dishonest? Yes, I think it was. Am I proud of doing it? No, I'm not. Am I glad I did it? Yes, I am. It allowed me to get out of a situation that would have ended in someone's death, probably mine. And while on my mission, I met another missionary who remains my best friend to this day...and that was 30 years ago.
I'm glad I didn't do much "real" missionary work, because I don't know how I would deal with the guilt of trying to make people believe a set of lies. Especially after I had fallen for them myself and now knew how much it stung to be so fooled.

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Posted by: Anon Regular Lurker ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 05:46AM

THe West Indies Mission in the 80's was kind like the wild wild west. Those of us on islands other than the mission office island of Barbados, were isolated. We didn't have phones in our rented places, and we had to go to the local phone company to place a call every week for numbers to the AP's....that isolation, brought plenty of time to do fun stuff!!!

I will preface mine by saying I went to a really cool place, and I really enjoyed my mission, except for the politics and wimpy other missionaries. I could never figure out why some of these dudes had such mental problems...hang up's..phobias, etc. I got along with all my companions, and I would guess that all of them would say they liked me. I worked hard when it was necessary, but also got to enjoy much the Caribbean had to offer.....beaches, nice water, beautiful women! (Whoops did I say that??)

1 - MTC companion - Guy from Utah, can't remember where. He made it most of the way, and ended up getting sent home from the MTC cuz he did the nasty with his GF before he had been out. His goal was to get things worked out join the mission later. He never did. (Lucky him). We were two of 3 who were going to that mission. THe other guy, I picked up as my comp and travelled with him down to the mission. He was from Az, Snowflake I believe. I ended up having him as a companion later on, and it was a wild time with him...more on him later.

First area, Island of Antigua.

2 - Trainer, was from Virginia Beach and had 3 weeks left. Other than showing me around and how to get money from the bank, this guy was worthless. We walked around teaching alot, but it was mostly usless stuff to people who were not interested. You could tell he had no interest in really fininshing strong. He was a really nice guy.

3 - My real trainer, who ironically was also from Virginia, Pembroke I believe. He was a laid back guy, and he was one of the reasons I fell in love with the people early on, which I think made my mission go alot better! He had a girlfriend at home, but was not militant about it. He didn't marry her, and I he was actually one I met in Utah when I lived there for 4 years after my mission. He was a big teddy bear type of guy, and we had a good time. Nothing out of the ordinary though.

4 - First Transfer to another Island, ST. Maarten, my comp and I were new to the area, because this island was a party. It was the farthest away from the mission office, had only 4 members, and had all alot of the luxeries of the US. (Translated, a Burger King!!!) The island had 2 english Elders on the Dutch side, (My comp and I) and the other two, went to the french side and spoke french every day. There was no couple, so it was practically a licence to do anything you wanted. We were sent there because the pres found out that the 4 who were there before us, had basically partied the whole time, and he cleaned the place out and put 4 brand new missionaries there. There were plenty of rumors, from fornication, to just about anything else. The island was also located next to some pretty cool places, like ST. Barths, and a short boat ride to Anguilla, which we did alot. More on that later! This guy was from Utah, Spanish Fork, actually Salem. He was a kind of gruff dude, who was a plummer, like his dad. He was my favorite companion I would say by far. Got along great, he had a great repiore with the locals, and was a hard worker. We worked hard, and played hard as well. We played alot of physical Basketball with the locals, and even had a few knives pulled on us! We had a member, who owned a chinese restaraunt. SHe was having issues with her septic filling up allthe time, so my comp, plummer extrordinaire he was, one p-day, we busted open the top of the septic in the basement, and filled the bottom with concrete so it wouldn't fill up. It was backbreaking work, but when it was done, we got to eat Chinese food every day for as long as I can remember! It was awsome! I loved ST. Maarten. We doubled the membership in the 3 months I was there, (Not many people can say that!) After that, the powers that be in the office, on a pres visit thought I would be great office staff material, and after only 3 months I was sent to Barbados.

3rd Area: Barbados office staff

4 - Guy from Utah, but ecapes me from where. He was the office secratary, and I was the commissarian, in charge of supplies. I only had him a month, but basically his M.O. was the social butterfly. He ran around like a little kid with members, and was annoying as hell. He had been there for 9 months I believe and was really worthless. He was transferred off the island, and was unhappy. Later when he was going home, his parents came and picked him up, and they bought all the office staff dinner one night! Bout all I remember.

5 - His replacement as office Secratary. This guy was from South Jordan. He was very effemminate, and thoroughly a social butterfly. We got along well, but in the back of everyone's mind, we all thought he was gay. I never had a problem with it, and never had any issues really. We were together for about 3 months, and then there was a change up in the office staff where we all switched. But later on, probably 6 months, he was sent home suddenly. We found out later it was because he had made a pass at his comp, and got beat up. Several years later, while I was living in Utah, I got a call from him, asking me to rebaptize him. He had been exed for being Gay, and not long after he was baptized, he died of aids. Sad story, and I did like the guy.

6 - New comp after the office staff switched, was from Prescott Az. Laid back guy, hard worker. He was my comp for my last 2 months in the office. (6 total). This guy was a by the book guy, but not overly bad about it. But his idea of following the spirit was tracting right up until 9pm. Now in the Caribbean, it's dark at 6:30. By 9 everyone is going to bed. We pissed off plenty by doing it. He would say that as long as we were doing what we were supposed to, we would be blessed. Whatever....but I got real tired of the guy after 2 months, because he didn't like my laid back attitude. Later this dude was my DL on my next island, where my mission turned south in a hurry.

7 - Transferred out of the office, to another branch on Barbados. I hated it, cuz I wasn't in the middle of the Action. The next comp I had, was a guy from out in the middle of nowhere in B.C. Canada.They lived in a log cabin. This was the same guy who beat up my gay comp. I was only in the area for 3 weeks, and sent off the island. dont remember much about him.

8 - Transferred off island to St. Vincent. This was the mental end for me. My comp was a cool laid back guy from Idaho somewhere. The island had been tracted over and over to death by elders prior, and so everyone knew us. Some minister, who had come down from the US, was staying on the island and basicall followed us around and wiped out our teaching pool. At that point, I tossed in the mental towel. My comp was also spent and so we basicall walked around, visiting members and finding cool stuff to do. We took a boat trip to a remote falls on the north side of the island, and went to the beach and snorkeling alot. This poor guy, one day, was being harrassed by a local kid, and being called a "Buller", which in the Caribbean means gay! This guy got so pissed off by this kid harassing him, that he walked over and shoved him, screaming "Im not a F8#$KINg buller" The kid kept his distance, but as we walked off, we could see he was following us. Out of nowhere, this kid chucks a huge rock, and it hits him square in the back, drops him to the ground. He wasn't hurt badly, but we did manage to get alot of sympathy from all the people in town around us who saw the indicent.

9 - Next comp on this island, a cowboy type from Southern Idaho. Swore alot, almost got us into several fights, and made us look like assholes from time to time. Despite his gruffness, and all of his horse talk, (He kept a picture of his horse by his bed) he was a pretty cool guy. Had him for 2 months.

This island, was a doozy, and we had more crazy stuff going on. For Eg, one guy, accidently gave away a few pairs of garments in a bag of clothes, to the member lady who did our laundry. When she wore a garment top on one of her work days, one of the elders flipped. Despite the fact that not even the local members there even knew what garments were, and even after telling this guy it's probably no big deal, he proceeds to try to buy them off of the lady. She refused, becuase these were given to her, by one of the Elders. Finally, after alot of talking, he agreed to cough up $200USD, to her!!!! Our monthly budget was $350. We were all pissed after than when he tried to make us feel guilty as we helped him out with food and what not becuase he was broke. He swore that if we did not get god's holy marks outta sight, we would all be punished, hence the $200. What an idiot!

10 - Back to St. Maarten for the last 5 months. Next comp was a native guy from Barbados. I knew him before when I was stationed there, and he was a member. His mother was the house keeper for the mission home. I was pretty good at blending in with the locals, especially language wise. I could mimic the West Indian dialect pretty well, in fact I had several in ST. vincent convinced I was from Barbados....anyway, this guy was laid back, and pretty cool. HE liked American Music, like The Police, Alan Parsons, etc. So that was awsome. We had a car, and he had lots of tapes! He otherwise, was a buy the book kind of guy, and even though I went through the motions, I never really had any success. He was transferred off island after 2 months.

11 - Guy from Snowflake Az, who I came down with. By the time he got to me, this guy's reputation was pretty bad. He was known for playing Metallica on Pday, and was even caught by the AP's. The tapes said "Afterglow", but had heavy metal music on it. This guy was also a woman chaser, despite the fact that he was not much for marriage material back home. How much trouble could we get into, let me count the ways!! We had decided to take a trip to an Island north of ST. Maarten, (Anguilla), and our plan was to say we missed the last boat back, and sleep on the beach, and come back the next day. We rented a couple of bikes, and peddled, down to a killer beach, called Shoal bay Beach. Well, this guy decides after seeing some fish pots below the water near where we were, to pull them out, and steal the fish. He got the traps back in teh water, and here we are standing with a bag of fish when all of a sudden the owner shows up. He is curious how we got the fish....and after a bunch of lies he finally says that some guy walking up the beach sold them to us. Well this guy gets irate, and storms off. We decide, that it's time to get the hell outta there, and we get back on the bikes and head back to the dock. Well, as were dropping the bikes off to the rental place, here come the owner of the pots, screeching up in a new car! This guy is screaming at us, saying were not leaving the island, and was gonna call the police! I was scared shitless, and I know he was too. We managed to Bullshit our way out of it, nad got the hell off the island. We did get to keep the fish, and a member woman back on St. Maarten cooked them up for us.
Another crazy incident, this guy, was in Grenada for a time and bought himself a Turtle shell. (Illegal at the time, and he kept it in a box, that he left behind, hoping to have someone ship it home for hi) Well, turns out, one of the two elders living with us at the time, while in Grenada after him, had stolen if from him, and sent it home! His big mouth gave him away, and when Snowflake was leaving the mission, a month earlier than I was, took this dudes walkman, and a couple of watches. He had flown back to the mission office in Barbados before the guy realized that his stuff was missing. So, guy who stole the shell, called the mission office, and told on him. Well, the truth came out and the guy had to call home and have his parents send the turtle shell to AZ's house!! This
During this time, that he and I were chasing a couple of girls, and long story short, lost my virginity to a local beauty. This guy was always coos hounding, and even for him, there were local woman, who wanting their picture on a US passport, even found this guy attractive. He left in a blaze of glory!

I ought to mention, that at this point in time, companion #4, who was now married, and back in St. Maarten, living with his wife, and running a parasailing business. So, we got to go out and parasail, water ski, etc. that last 5 months on that island were great!

12 - Last guy, for a month, and was from Utah. He was a wrestler, and don't remember much about him. He was actually companions with #4 who was there with his wife also. In fact, #4 was my #11's trainer in Barbados, so it was a small world there.

My parents came down to pick me up, and so after 4 days in Barbados, we went to St. Maarten for 3, where we did alot more parasailing, etc. I was also able to get away from others, and spend more time with the local beauty......which once I got home and felt guilty, started a whole new set of problems!

wow, that was fun

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Posted by: The Oncoming Storm - bc ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 09:26AM

You lost your virginity on your mission! You. are. my. hero.

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Posted by: Jonny the Smoke ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 07:34PM

I went to the West Indies too. 1983 - 1985. Served in St. Vincent, Barbados and Jamaica. As AP I travelled, so I got to go to St. Marrtin, Antigua, St. Kitts, Nevis, Martinique, Guadalupe and St. Lucia.

I had good time, kept the rules pretty much, but didn't take it too seriously, and made out with a Jamaican girl a few times before I came home.

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Posted by: axeldc ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 08:00AM

I forgot to mention that 2 of my comps both came to me directly from being with Elder Jason Brown, of FBI Most Wanted fame. They had lots of stories to tell.

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Posted by: sonoma ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 06:29PM

i grew up in the same ward as jason. he was a bit younger than me. his dad was certifiable. he definitely was his father's son.

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Posted by: Dent ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 09:29AM

It took me a while to hear back from them, but here is what they said:

Comp. 1 Wow! Elder Dent was the nicest guy I ever met! Here I am training a greenie and he ended up knowing more than me. He had all of his discussions memorized, and all of his scriptures, and his attitude was perfect! I learned so much from him.

Comp. 2 Elder Dent was so energetic. He was kind and did all the dishes for me. He was a great cook. What a great friend and kind elder. He was the perfect companion.

Comp. 3 I had already heard about how lucky I was to have Elder Dent as a companion. Everyone in the mission wanted to have him as a missionary companion. It was all true. He taught me about life in a way that made me who I am today. I am so lucky to be so successful because of him.

Okay, so now that I read these I am starting to be a little embarrassed. I had 9 companions and I won't print what the otheres would have said. Even though none of my companions never actually got back to me, if they had, the above is what they would have said.

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 12:56PM

#1 Nice enough Utah guy; denied snoring.

#2 Guy who didn't want to be there; didn't want to do the work; complained; walked several paces behind me; had a cleanliness fetish

#3 Tortured soul from Arizona; talked about not being able to quit masturbating; couldn't drive for sh!t in the snow but insisted on driving every other day; ran us off the road into a snowbank

#4 Happy-go-lucky Utah farm boy; glad to be stationed in a rural area; doing missionary work not a high priority; made lots of friends

#5 Brooding Navajo; chip on shoulder; didn't relate to non-Navajo Lamanites; loved running

#6 Another Utah farm boy; nice guy; a crappy missionary; we were companions for three weeks then I was hospitalized with hepatitis

#7 Various mission HQ staff, none of whom were eager to tract in the evenings

#8 Mission mechanic who never worried about inconvenient rules but was good at repairing things

#9 Annoying greenie dufus from Idaho; delighted in finding ways to yank my chain

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Posted by: kori ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 01:54PM

MTC- Black guy from the bahamas. Amazing, humble guy. He was illiterate and I helped him learn to read, we would get up at 4 am to practice reading every morning. He was 6'5 and as a gift he stayed up one night and tailored one of his two suits and gave it to me as a present, he kept the crappier of the two suites he brought with him. He told me he did not like to play basketball, then one day I talked him into it. He dressed in sweatpants and dress shoes...turns out he was pretty good and could dunk like a mothaF@$#er. We killed everyone at the MTC on 2 on 2 games.

Trainer- Opened the area with him. He was the only other black elder aside from my MTC comp in the mission (the south). He was a convert of two years, drank coffee, did not shave, was gay, stole 4500 from a member back home, smoked on ocassion was a pathological liar- he told everyone he was from "the british Isles". He even faked a british accent for 2 months, he was actually dominican. I was with him for 9 months, until one day I beat the hell out of him and broke his jaw. He ran down the street and used a pay-phone t tell the MP that I refused to served with a black and that is why I beat him. I was told to pack my bags...two hours later I explained to the MP what happened and asked him- I have written you every week telling you what he has been up to and you have not said a word?! his response- Elder, I don't always get to read all of the letters you guys write....

Since I was the first and only called spanish speaking elder in my mission I had to wait to get a greenie from the MTC to exchange from broken jaw elder. In the meantime i got...

Elder 3. Elder 3 was a literally, drooling moron, well meaning, lazy, already bald, nice guy. We spend time in a lot of spanish speaking homes, he did not know any spanish so he spent most visits asleep in the couch, drooling. Since I knew I was going to only have him for a month I did not put much effort into getting to know him, he was more of a drowsy chaperone than a missionary companion

Elder 4. From Mexico. Amazing guy, we worked our asses off. We had a blast. He had superhuman faith. The 2 months we were together we had 80% of the mission's baptisms. This got me elected to be AP. I resigned after we got an unexpected MP change, I was an APEnis for 1 month.

Elder 5. Greenie. We are really good friends. He was family with my then girlfriend. We had a blast. Got into catching rattle snakes and making belts out of them with him. We converted a family of 9 and 22 other people in 3 months.

Elder 6. A greenie. Lazy 350 lbs mama's boy Canadian. Dr. Martens were banned on our mission. He brought 4 brand new pairs and refused to follow my commands and admonitions. How was the Lord going to bless us while he was wearing non-approved shoes? I took him door knocking for 7 hours in the georgia heat to teach him a lesson. The skin came off the bottom off his feet in one huge blister, that bled for weeks. Lesson learned.

Elder 7. I am friends with this guy, he never married, just an odd duck. Canadian. No one was writing to him so I asked an ex girlfriend to write to him as a friend. Her next letter told me that she was pissed, apparently she mentioned beautiful georgia sunsets and he responded with why don't you come down here and we will watch one together. I then understood why girls were not writing to him. He adapted to be whatever his companion was. He had served with a BYU football player so he used all his money for 2 months to buy a BYU class ring, I must clarify that he had not finished HS and had never played football. But he was convinced that he was the next rudy. He served with a cowboy and became the world's biggest drug store cowboy. With me he worked hard and we had fun, fishing, hunting, trapping, etc. He came on to one sister that I was ZL over, he told her "I am glad your seat on your bike broke, I'd like to see you riding just the metal tube"...he was not smooth with the ladies.

Elder 8. Guy from Roy, UT. We slacked off a lot. He was a cowboy and we got pretty crazy with the pranks and hunting larger game...gators, etc We would set off 5-10 bottle rockets under the door if the other guy was taking more than 10 minutes in the this area we discovered that my trainer was getting porn in the mail using the SSN and name from previous comps, he had also taken off the 900 number block off the phone and was into anal chat for 9.99 a minute.

Elder 7, again, and elder 8. He got caught in a strip joint, outside of the mission boundaries. Who turned him in? the elders from THAT mission that were at the same joint that night. Instead of being sent home, he was given to me to watch, he was told he would go home with me (7) months early for him. We were given another slacker, who I accidentally shot in the head with a BB gun, I don't regret it. He thought he got the BB out, 2 months later a patch of his blonde hair turned green and fell out..the bb was still in his scalp. We lived in a trailer in the swamps, and by a trailer I mean a 70's, broken down trailer with a hole in the living room the size of a dinning room table. When it would rain really hard, an armadillo that lived below us, would climb up the hole, we would give it food. eventually he became a regular when it rained...the 4 of us eating silently in the rain, elder morph, headshot, the armadillo and I. We decided to be obedient and only use non-fire weapons, fire arms are banned in the white bible, you know. So we switched to crossbows. Shooting wild hogs from the back of the pickup truck with a crossbow is really fun and then you are not breaking the rules.
I did find #7 with his legs wrapped against the toilet, lying on the floor, pant less, with a Victoria's Secret catalog in one hand and his priesthood in the other. He looked up red faced and said, oh, I, sorry dude, I will be done in a minute. I could never get that image out of my mind, this guy was fuck#%ing my toilet. I never said anything to him, but I felt bad that I was taking a dump everyday in his romantic interest...maybe he liked dirty girls, who knows... The 3 of us went home together.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/06/2013 02:02PM by kori.

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Posted by: stbleaving ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 02:04PM

Kori, I think you might win the thread with that last paragraph. Along with you, the rest of us will never be able to get that image out of our heads.

Also, do you know what happened to the tame armadillo after you went home?

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Posted by: kori ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 02:08PM

Thanks stbleaving. Sisters came in after us to that area. I am sure that the leprous armadillo and the slutty toilet were not suitable for sisters so they were moved into town to a house.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/06/2013 02:09PM by kori.

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Posted by: iflewover ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 02:53PM

"...the 4 of us eating silently in the rain, elder morph, headshot, the armadillo and I."

Faulkner, Michener nor Hemingway ever painted a more vivid picture.

I'm wiping tears here. Please keep writing!

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Posted by: MexMom ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 03:44PM

It would be a best seller, seriously!!

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Posted by: SoCal Apostate ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 04:57PM

We were living in the same house in St Vincent, but were not companions. The missionaries were required to have gamma globulin shots every few months, and had a supply of the serum as well as needles and syringes. Unfortunately for us, the syringes that we had were too small for the dose, so we had to have two jabs at it.

Each of us, in turn, would take a pair of the filled syringes and by whatever method we felt was most tolerable, inject ourselves in the thigh muscles. We would then walk around to circulate the stuff so that it didn't create such a sore spot at the injection site. The more squeamish guys would get one of the other guys to do it for them in the larger muscles that are harder to reach on your own.

When #5 decided that he was ready, he said that he was embarrassed about how squeamish he was, so he was going to do it in the bathroom where nobody would witness his reaction. Off he goes, and the other three of us go about whatever else we were doing that evening. We figured that he would probably shoot the serum down the sink and say that he was done (we also figured that it was not our concern, so that was fine).

After several minutes with no sound, his comp knocks on the door and ARL's #5 says that he was just about done getting up his nerve to do it. Just a minute or two after that we hear a little bit of movement and a deep inhale. Within seconds, we hear a strange kind of snore, so this time I go to check on him. He doesn't respont to the first knock, but the snoring stops. After a moment I knock again and ask if he is alright. He says that he is a little "woozie", but that he is almost done.

By now we all know that things are not going as planned, so all three of us are outside the door when the strange snore starts again. We knock and get no reply, so his comp starts talking to him and just above a whisper he says "this isn't working, help me". His comp went in first to see if he could help and almost immediately pulls the door open for my comp and I to come in too.

ARL's #5 is sitting on the closed toilet lid with his G's hiked up enough to get to a meaty part of the thigh, and is just coming around from having passed out a second time. Both syringes are on the floor, one with a bent needle, and the other with the needle snapped off. A quick check revealed that the remaining part of that needle was still in his thigh.

His comp got some tweezers and asked if he should pull the needle or give Elder ARL's #5 the tweezers. We took his passing out again as permission to extract the needle ourselves. None of us could get a good enoug grip with the tweezers, so I offered up a pair of fingernail clippers, which his comp used to pull the needle out.

After we walked/carried him to his bed and gave him some juice, he started to feel better, and decided to record a cassette to send home to his mother. He had a good enough sense of humor to invite us all in to hear the story and comment "on the record".

It turns out that he had mustered all of his courage and stabbed the needles into the fronts of his thighs with as much force and drama as a psycho would stab a knife into someone in a horror movie. That brought on sudden nap #1. When we roused him, he saw a syringe on the floor and one sticking out of his leg, so he assumed that he had finished one before passing out, and proceeded to straighten out the other one to finish that injection. Upon realizing that he had bent that one severely, he decided to about the operation and pulled the needle out just as he embarked on nap #2.

After the one-sided chat with Mom (whom he called "Betty" and we alternately called "Sister Betty" and "Sister [last name]") he decided that he still needed the shot and consented to have me do it for him, as I had the most experience giving shots to non-cattle mammals.

ARL's #5 proceeds to have his one-sided chat with "Betty", narrating the procedure as I prepare a new set-up in the other room and then begin to administer the injections. As soon as I pinched a bit of flesh to disguise the needle prick, he embarks on another nap, so we continue the narration and finish up both injections.

I'm not sure if he chose not to send the tape home or if he just made a copy of it first, but he played that tape for us a couple of times, just for laughs. I must say, though he was a pit of a prima donna, and that caused some friction, overall he was pretty fun, and didn't mind laughing at himself when the subject didn't hit a sore spot.

RIP, Anon Regular Lurker's #5.

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Posted by: SoCal Apostate ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 05:10PM

SoCal Apostate Wrote:
> He doesn't respon[d] to the first knock, but the snoring stops.

> Upon realizing that he had bent that
> one severely, he decided to abo[r]t the operation
> and pulled the needle out just as he embarked on
> nap #2.

> I must say, though he was a [b]it of a
> prima donna, and that caused some friction,
> overall he was pretty fun, and didn't mind
> laughing at himself when the subject didn't hit a
> sore spot.

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Posted by: PapaKen ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 05:41PM

For the record, ALL of my companions had a gay companion.

#1. LTM: Fat bald 19 year old, very sincere.
#2. Also LTM: Super performer, became AP, as RM married & divorced 3 times, now he's married again, he's an exmo & he's my best friend.

#3. UTAH boy, but loved to imitate British accents. He told me was going to be an actor. Also told me he masturbated in his sleep. I never saw him do it, although I watched one night, but I fell asleep.
#4. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA High achiever, he stepped on a lot of toes; I told him I was gay, and he told me his dad was gay, too. He never wanted to connect post-mission - I think he was afraid I'd "convert him" or something.
#5. HANDSOMEST Elder in the mission, but I kept my distance. Later I told him I had had some "personal problems" and I thought he might know what I meant. He said "I don't get what you mean" and then he smiled and walked away.
#6. SEXIEST Elder in the mission, and totally into women. He had bad acne & oily skin all over his body. He said he had the authorization from the MP to lie out in the sun to dry out his skin. That was a nice experience. :)
#7. CANADIAN Elder who acted more gay than almost anyone else in our mission, but was straight. He later asked me to be his best man. Even later, I came out to him, and he called me to repentence, and hasn't answered any of my emails since then.
#8. TALLEST Elder in the mission, soft-spoken, loved to hang out with the sisters, and totally 100% completely gay.
#9. SMARTEST Elder in the mission. But he was so mean and nasty to people he didn't like. When I came out to him post-mission, all he said was, "Really?" And then he never wanted to discuss it again.
#10. BRITISH Elder who was as snotty as they grow them over there. Eventually, he met some Protestant ministers who convinced him that LD$ was a fraud. My MP told me later that he came back to the church. But he's the only companion I had who was honest about what he believed. He once accused me of having an affair with a branch "fille" (girl). HA! What a laugh.
#11. Aarogant prique who had gobs of hair on his head, none on his chest or back, and then gobs more on his legs. Strange. I don't remember anything more about him.
#12. HUMBLEST Elder in the mission. 11th child of a family in SLC whose parents had died, and his siblings paid for his mission. He was a lot of fun.
#13. HAPPIEST Elder in the mission. All he wanted to do was do the job as well as he could, and then go back home and marry his girlfriend.
#14. GAYEST Elder in the mission, and my last companion. He once told me a friend was visiting from California, and wanted us to go meet him. We did, and went to his place to visit. The friend was a young hunky surfer-type from Southern California, opened the door wearing a completely open white robe, and nothing else. My companion was visibly distracted and could only say as we stood at the door, "Is that all you're wearing?"

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Posted by: southbound ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 08:05PM

I had one real piece of work for a comp. Central States/Kansas-Missouri mission. An elder Gelwix or Gilwix or something. A total A-hole. A true sociopathic narccicst. He even wanted to do the "dust my feet off" thing. I have never in all the years since met anybody as whacked as he was. If I ever have the misfortune to run into him, I think I would pile drive him and then spit on him.

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Posted by: southbound ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 08:07PM

The rest of my comps were a mix of good and bad. Some were fun and others you would rather hang out in the sewage plant.

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Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 08:33PM

1st comp: Good guy, tolerant and smart. Spoke lousy Italian because he was a 2 1/2 year guy who learned it by hand from other comps who spoke lousy Italian. he went on to medical school in Italy and married a beautiful Italian, who, despite her years, is beautiful yet today. His Italian still sucks, big time.

2nd comp: Nowhere near as fun as first comp. He was a bit prissy while getting settled in, but I learned to like him. I thought he was gay, but he went on to marry and have a big family and became very famous and rich in the computer world. THEN he came out of the closet, got divorced, etc. He is a well-known ex-Mo gay activist and I am very proud to have known him.

3rd comp: Great guy, became great friend for a few years. He is a bureau chief for CNN even though he's TBM. I wonder if he knows Zain Verjee? (I LOVE you, Zain!!)

4th comp: Skinny, bespectacled, and afraid of his own shadow. Once pooped his pants because he was afraid to ask his senior comp (me) to go home to use the toilet.

5th comp: Evil and full of himself. Tried to destroy me. I hated him.

6th comp: Good guy who helped me and seemed to enjoy working together. Have no idea what came of him.

7th comp: Trouble missionary. Down, depressed, never baptized anyone, and refused to do much. I thought he was dead weight and I was glad to get shed of him.

8th comp: Fantastic guy who went far in the mission but stayed well-anchored. Ruggedly handsome and looked like Lee Marvin during the time when Lee Marvin was tops at the box office. Couldn't keep the girls or the gay guys away from him. It was fun to be his comp and share the attention. Have no idea what became of him.

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Posted by: formerbyuer ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 08:46PM

You were a companion of Bruce Bastian? I worked with him before he was rich and famous. Nice guy then. But I too found him a bit prissy.

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Posted by: En Sabah Nur ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 08:48PM

My list is not entirely in order. I didn't keep very detailed accounts of my mission, mostly because I became disenchanted pretty quickly into it. I worked pretty hard for the most part, but I learned to enjoy myself when the opportunity arose. Anyway, here's my list:

1. Aussie from Queensland. Total douche trainer who would later become AP/spy for the MP. Used to wake me up by flickering on and off the lights, while shouting, "Otter (my last name)! Wake up! It's the Second Coming!" Loved the Spice Girls.

2. Arizona. Disliked me because I wanted to work. Talked about shooting guns constantly and announced whenever he was about to masturbate in the shower.

3. Aussie. Hated me because I wanted to work. I spent most of my time with him on splits with other mishies.

4. Canadian. He told the mission president I was lazy when I was ACTUALLY really sick. The MP called me to repentance and threatened to send me home. Never trusted the MP again. This comp later apologized for being a dick.

5. Tongan. This guy was Tongan royalty and a semi-professional boxer with arms like tree trunks. Beat the Sh*t out of me every night and called it playing. He also taught me how to curse in Tongan. That was cool, but I still couldn't wait to get away. He pissed on a dude's doorstep and made him watch after he threatened to sic his dog on us. That was pretty funny.

6. Aussie. One of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Quiet, laid back, sensitive and funny. We spent a couple months of hellish heat together, but he was probably my favorite comp.

7. California. The worst smelling person I've ever met. We burned some of his garments, because we didn't want to defile our washer with them. Obsessed with roller coasters. I liked him okay, but the smell was barely tolerable.

8. Maori. Former runner for an NZ gang. Built like a wall. Taught me to stick up for myself and look for visible panty lines. We spent a lot of time perving out at the local mall.

9. Aussie. He was the best. We spent a lot of time at the library emailing folks at home and working out at the gym. It was wonderful.

10. Aussie. He was grateful to have a companion that didn't force him to work so hard. He actually asked me if I would let him spend the month recovering from his previous time of hard service. I obliged him. Love this guy.

11. Utah(?). Former sex-and-drug addict and a nice guy. We spent the whole month we were together dodging our DLs and ZLs, who were concerned about our work ethic. We did our jobs but never reported our numbers.

12. California. Lied constantly. I don't know anything about him except that he's a very good skateboarder. Would make up fake stories about church history while we were talking to investigators. We spent less time in our area than we did at the beach miles and miles away. We had a couple sleepovers with friends, where we played video games, watched movies, and explored the city. It was, in some ways, really nice, but I wanted to work more than he did, and I resented his lies. I think I would like him much better now.

13. Virginia. We had fun. We took a trip out bush to climb the Flinders Ranges in the middle of the Aussie outback. We were stuck together in the middle of nowhere, and it was HOT. He and I had a beard growing contest at one point, because THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO.

14. Utah, I think. Liked one of the recent converts in the area, and had naked fun time with her while he thought I was asleep in my bed IN THE SAME ROOM. He was fine. He finished his mission spiritually a lot sooner than he went home.

15. My last companion and also #9. We had a great time as we finished up our missions back together. We got gym memberships again and dropped tons of weight. He was a really wonderful friend.

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Posted by: Garçon ( )
Date: February 06, 2013 08:56PM

1. MTC-this kid was from the East Coast. He really thought that made him much better than the rest of us. His family obviously had quite a bit more money than those of anyone else in the room. I say obviously because he made it such. Not a bad guy.

2. This guy was almost a non-issue. He didn't say much, worked hard, and seemed to care about what we were doing. I was working so hard on picking up the language that I don't think I noticed too much of what was going on around me.

3. My, oh my, oh my. He literally, not figuratively, literally would pray for hours at a time. Some of you may have heard of him--after the mission he worked at becoming a minor mormon celebrity. At one district meeting most of us actually got up and left the room as it became obvious that his prayer was going to last longer than our desire to hear it. He would mention each of us by name and then drone on and on about what we were doing, what we 'needed', what we wanted--all of it made up.

Then, because I was lucky enough to have him as my companion, when we got back to the apartment from the meeting, if it was his turn to pray, I got to hear another 15 or 20 minutes of prayer with him droning on and on over lunch (which, when he made it, was a can of cold mixed vegetables mixed with a jar of mayo--yum).

He promised a young man that if he joined the church god would give him his hearing back. Guess what? It didn't work. The deaf guy was still gay, too--so that really just didn't work out as planned.

And he had a snarky little smile that made me want to scream.

That may have been the longest three months of my life. I was transfered to the smallest little city in the middle of nowhere, and I couldn't get on the train fast enough.

4. An unassuming young man that wasn't really sure why he was there.

5. A funny little guy who thought he was the world's greatest chef. Sure he could cook, but why did he have to spend the week's food budget on saffron? And did our spaghetti sauce really have to have nuanced flavors?

He wanted to take the curtain off of the bathroom door so he would know when I was out of the shower without having to ask. I told him he would know I was out because I would be in the other room with him.

We had a stupid argument and he threatened to through me out of our second story window. I laughed at him because I was a good 18" taller than he was.

He liked to go "Spiritual Trackting". This means that you fast for a day, then leave the building and walk in whatever direction you think the spirit is leading you. He knew which direction we were supposed to go based on a 'hotter' or 'colder' feeling he got when he held up his hands. I was not surprised one day to find that he had lead us to an abandoned building. I was told that my lack of faith had caused this to happen.

6. This guy didn't feel well most of the time. I think it was allergies, or that he didn't give a &*#(%% about what we were supposed to be doing. He had a contraband copy of Lord of the Rings and I read that a couple of times while we sat around the apartment until he got better. He used to make me walk in front of him and then get upset when I didn't go where he wanted me to. So I developed the ability to kind of watch him out of the corner of my eye so I could tell when he was turning a corner behind me. I would turn the corner and then have to hurry up and get in front of him so I could 'follow from the front'.

This city was a hell hole, and I got transfered to be with one of his friends and he had to stay. I didn't feel bad.

7. A great kid. He was getting over some heart ache and didn't want to do much at first. We took in a lot of the culture--went to any free concert we could find, etc. We got kicked out of a modern dance recital because we were laughing at the people dancing like worms drying in the sun. Our apartment had three fridges. One for food. One for his clothes and one for mine. We both knew it was a little out of control and would crack each other up everyday with some snide remark about our living conditions.

He got transfered and I cried openly because I knew there would never be another one like him.

8. I was wrong. I liked this companion too. Lots of fun. Kind of a geek before anyone thought that was cool. We flooded the apartment, almost killed ourselves with cookies and hot cocoa from the ward grandma, and would walk to the dairy at milking time to get milk that was so fresh it was still warm.

9. A good kid that just didn't get that France was going to be a little different from the 3 horse town in Southern Utah where he grew up. I think I told him to calm down just about every day.

10. Not a companion, but the roommate I had at the mission home the night before we went home. The mission president's wife knocked on our door and told us to, "Shut up and go to bed", at about 3:30 AM. You see, we had both had my #5 companion and were sharing our war stories. We laughed ourselves sick for a couple of hours.

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