If I would have known then what I know now about my inlaws I would have thought twice before marrying my husband. Inlaws are a big deal and it can be hell to have to endure half of your life with shitt% inlaws. My father inlaw is a very creepy guy who is into young boys. Literally he lost his position in the church for molesting a young man in his ward. My mother inlaw is in denial of the fact that her husband is not attracted to her or females for that matter. I feel terribly uncomfortable around them and their bizarre marriage. She is also a gossiping child like woman who says and acts in inappropriate ways for shock value. Family vacations with these wackos is nearly unbearable and by the end of the trip I am emotionally gone and also feel sick to my stomach. This is a horrible thought but sometimes I hope for one or preferably both to get an illness of some sort like terminal cancer so they are no longer in our lives. It could be the single worst thing I have ever thought and I am not proud of it! But still the thought is always there. Luckily my husband is not terribly close to his family and we see them at most twice a year. Part of the reason I want to move across the country is to escape and see them less.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2012 12:30AM by turnonthelights.

I don't know if you have children or not, but I hope they aren't spending time with grandpa.

There's rumors that my now deceased grandfather molested his own children. I didn't know that until I was in my 50's. The one good thing I can say about my parents is they never left us alone with him.

If it were me, my children would have never known a grandfather who did that.

I have inlaws that are off the charts screwy. I let my husband hang out with them whenever he wanted. They were rude to me from day one. I didn't want to spend my holidays with them, so I didn't. My DH finally saw the light, and chose to spend his holidays with me and our children instead of his critical,abusive crazy parents. These people weren't even mormons. Just mean abusive jerks. My husband realized he would rather spend time with people who loved him.

My fil has since passed away. He was the kindest of the two. My mil has a new boyfriend and has nothing to do with her children and grandchildren. Whatever. I hope her 80 year old BF tends to all of her needs when her body and mind completely give out on her.

I agree, we have a close family member who has been to jail for his actions towards his own sons. Our kids will never see him, and he is very closely related. He tore up his family membership card the day he did that. You can never watch your kids close enough with someone like that around.

I didn't say he was gay but that he isn't attracted to women. You came to that conclusion yourself :)

if a man is molesting boys...and is not attracted to women...would that not make him gay? I mean i have never thought of molesting boys or any men for that matter...and I do love me womens...so...


just wondering.

Would you consider a guy who molests young girls to be "straight"? I wouldn't. Neither would I consider a guy who molests young boys to be "gay". I take the meaning of "straight" and "gay" to be that you are attracted to others of the same and opposite sex, respectively, who are of an appropriate age to consent to your affections.

Pedophilia is a distinct condition, entirely unique from homosexuality.
This link has some good information on the psychology and why the proper terminology is important.

whoops, here,

http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html

Seriously. Just because you are related, doesn't mean you have to vacation with them.

And BTW, that's NOT vacation.

Maybe you can send your husband home by himself to visit them. Or, if you visit, stay in a hotel and plan lots of OTHER activities, and have dinner with them once or twice.

I hate your in-laws too! Ughhhhhhh!!!!

Glass shards in their food?

Definately not vacation you are right! No problem Tristan sorry for the mixup :)

When people are that horrible, I don't feel guilty lying to them. It doesn't even matter if they know you are lying. My own family had the batterers, pedophiles and thieves in it.

I can't thank you enough for this thread, because it has helped me feel less guilty about cutting most of my siblings, my nephew and niece out of my life completely. There was hell to pay for this, from my parents, because they didn't believe my reasons, even though these evil family members were abusing my parents, too.

Maybe you need to protect your children from these people--especially the pedophile. My own brother is a pedophile, and the only way we could stop him was to have NO CONTACT. He would sneak up on us in the hallway at family reunions and funerals, wait for us to go to the restroom, hit us quickly with his hands on our breasts and body (my little girls and I, separately), and run off and act all innocent and smiling, like he had a cute little secret. He did this well into his fifties. We stopped going to any function where he was going to be. Just seeing him was too traumatic for us. Talking to him on the phone was impossible, because of the dirty sexual remarks he would make--we couldn't hang up fast enough. These perverts NEVER STOP.

So, back to the lying thing. My perv brother was very persistent in staying at our house, years ago, for these family reunions. My parents put on the pressure, and threatened to disinherit us if we didn't comply. So, I lied to them. I have a painful, incurable disease, IC, but in between attacks, I'm perfectly healthy. The attacks are absolutely unpredictable. But...I would be in the middle of a bad spell whenever my brother wanted to come visit us. When I had to travel, I planned my business trips at the same time as his visits, and said my children were staying at my husband's family, out of town. Actually, they were with friends at an undisclosed location, safe. One visit was unexpected, and I hid in the back of my house with the curtains closed, while he banged on the door, and waited in his car in the driveway for 3 hours. He went our neighbors and asked them if they had keys to our house, and they didn't know who he was. He came and peered in the windows, and I hid under my desk. Nothing is too inconvenient to avoid being abused.

You could do what my SIL does with us. He has his i-phone with him at all times, often with earphones, and he just--vanishes! "Where's SIL? I dunno, maybe in the bathroom? I haven't seen him for about an hour.... Oh, here he is, I guess he was outside getting some air."

When my abusive brother used to stay with us, my husband would disappear, too, saying he had to meet with a client, or had a golf game, or whatever. Just be that busy person. They are your husband's parents, so leave them with him, and let him deal with them. Go to the store to get diapers, medicine, run out of gas while you are there, get lost in their neighborhood. Make a game to see how much time you can spend away. Take your kids with you, though. Never leave them alone with a pedophile!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2012 03:30AM by forestpal.

I adore my In-Laws.
Lovely, lovely, people.

I love my in-laws too. I don't know why my wife got stuck with such crappy ones!

Heh, heh, my situation too. Unfortunately, my inlaws have passed, while my wife's inlaws are still alive. On the other hand, shunning has solved the problem. Go figure.

They maybe family but, it doesn't mean you have to associate with them.

I would find every excuse possible to stear clear of any child molester and run the other way no matter what your spouse says.

I'm sorry but I don't have any tolerance for pedophiles and it's unbelievable your mother in law is still in this relationship -- which tells you she's okay with it.

My husband is a very lucky man.

He met my parents one time right after we were married. We visited with them for about 30 minutes.

He's never seen them again in the 22 years we've been married. I keep reminding him that he owes me a thank you for not demanding that he put up with them.

If my husband has to go visit my family once a year he cries about it for weeks. Here's the kicker -- we live 5 minutes from his parents and have dinner every Sunday night not to mention every holiday for the past 10 years.

Something is not right?!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2012 05:53PM by sistertwister.

My ex's huge family - mother, 7 kids, their wives/husbands and a horde of children - used to rent two houseboats and spend two weeks on a lake.

I always told them I couldn't afford to take the time off work, (I had my own businesses by that time). I couldn't stand to be around one of her sibs, much less all of them at the same time. I had nothing in common with them, couldn't even hold a conversation. My MIL was okay... alone

My wife went by herself. Every time she would come back crying.

The only way the marriage survived 14 years was I never went near my in-laws.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2012 04:49PM by John_Lyle.

I was about to say - me too! I really do dislike my inlaws, but I think you win in the whose is worst contest. My MIL is just really manipulative and I have nothing in common with her and my FIL is just "Mr. Super Patriarch", conservative.
I will say this though, it's amazing what moving away from the in-laws has done for our marriage. It's been a good thing. Any time we have to be back around them again for holidays, it causes a lot of stress, so I'm a big advocate for moving away!