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Posted by: XX-Man ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 08:27PM

My daugter forwarded me this email letter from her son whom has been serving a mission in South America less than a year and she was in tears from the words he had said to her. For information, my daughter was raised very TBM by myself and my now ex-wife. She married a very TBM guy and they lived by following all the church standards up until about 6 years ago when their marriage fell apart after about 17 years of marriage. My daughter eventually drifted from the church and is now a very non believing ex-Mormon even though she has not officially resigned as far as I know. Here is the letter she got.......

"Dear Mom,
I honestly don´t know what to say now. I´ve tryed it all. My family is a disaster. I´ve thought about when I come just not notifying any of you and just disapearing. I am sick and tired of the stupid shit. Yes I swear cause I am pissed off. I am sick and tired of my family just going further and further off into the darkness.Yes, this includes Dad. I cry in my pillow for all of you. I pray. I try and I try. But. I´m not going to give up on you, because I love you. Because, like in the recent general conference, the apostles have said that salvation is a family affair.
Now, you must read the following letter I am going to write in all seriousness. I´ve thought a lot about what I could write you, especially durning this last conference. I believe I´ve written it all. Like I´ve said I´ve tryed it all. Now it´s time to tell you what is really on my mind.

Do you REALLY love me?
I asked this awhile back... without reply.
Well I have the answer: No. You don´t. You don´t really love me, but you love the world more. You love the theology of the world, the ideas, the games, the bullshit of the world more than me.
You would rather believe that we come back as an ant than living together as a family forever. This. is why you do not love me. No amount of packages, letters, kisses, etc. will ever make me feel you love me more.
If you honestly and truly loved me, you would want our family to be together forever. Unlike what dad says, that divorce was NOT in the plan of God. Honestly, I was more happy, and had so much joy when my family was together, when we particpated in family home evenings together, we read the scriptures, and prayed. THAT was happiness. Then somewhere along the line it stopped. I can´t remember when but it did. That´s when things went down hill. God wants us to be happy. We just have to follow his council and we are. That´s why there are commandments, and when we follow them there is happiness.

Sometimes god doesn´t answer us because we already know. I knew you knew mom. I saw it. You were happy. You are now the sadest most miserable person I know. and that´s not going to change, unless you follow the principals of god.

A long time ago you were my mother. You loved me, you wanted the best for me, you taught me good principals. Everything I know and believe NOW is because of you. But, now... I can hardly call you my mother. You have no values. You have no principals. You don´t even know if we can live together forever. But I know, and if you keep following this path we won´t be an eternal family. How disfigured your knowledge of the gospel is now. You won´t be damned nor thrown into an eternal flame, but you won´t live with me. How sad will that be? That would be hell. Imagnine, never seeing me again. That´s what the scriptures refer to as hell.
I know what happens after death. I KNOW where I´ll be. You can too, if you actually look for it. I know that you didn´t recieve an answer before. I promise you, that if you ask this time, you WILL get one, if you really want to live with me for eternity.
I know you try and work and provide for this family. But in the grand scheme of things that doesn´t matter. What happens in eternity matters.

Mom, I will always be your son, but at this moment, it is hard to call you my mother.
Someday, you may be able to be my mother again, when you make the changes in your life.

I love you. Someday, I hope you will know and feel that love.

So that was the letter she got and of course she felt so bad after all the things she had done and sacrificed to help her children before and after her divorce and not a penny of help from her deadbeat TBM ex husband (and that's another story). She is single and doing the best she can to take care of her 4 children some with very difficult medical problems. How wonderful the church is when it can cause this sort of feelings between mother and son.

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Posted by: Mitty Romnee ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 08:32PM

Will he be home from his mission time before the November election day so he can help preach the truth to the wicked people in the battleground states?

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 08:34PM

I'd verbally slap that boy silly. I'd tell him to treat his elders with a little respect, to go back and read a few passages from the new testiment and get back to her when he's humbled himself and can behave a little more Christ like and charitable. I might even be tempted to write his mission president and ask if he's encouraging this kind of behavior from his charges, because it's certainly reflecting poorly on the church!

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 08:37PM

And not another penny without an apology! Now's not the time to quit parenting a poorly behaving child!

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Posted by: hello ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 09:43PM

I'm not a violent person, but that kid needs a hard kick to the nutsack.

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 08:34PM

OMG! I just want to slap that arrogant, indoctrinated &$%$@$!$!

I predict that there will come a day when he begs for his mothers forgiveness.

This is the kind of crap the church pounds into the heads of children of divorce. The church gets in the middle of a relationship that's non of their business and teaches the children to take sides. I would venture to say this kid has almost no idea what went on with his parents. His mother probably did her best to shield him from it. My heart breaks for her.

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Posted by: The other Sofia ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 08:48PM

What strikes me about his letter is how self-centered and immature it is. HE was happy. HE wants his childhood back. Well, boy, there is no Santa. Sorry. Your mother has to live her own life. She doesn't have to continue to live a life that she now knows was based on a lie just because it made you happy. The trite saying that "Families are Forever" doesn't make it true. Just because you kneel before some man and say some words doesn't make it true anymore than Santa is real. Grow up. And just because his mother doesn't believe in THE CHURCH doesn't mean she doesn't have values. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to define your own values rather than have someone dictate them for you. Some day he may grow up enough to realize that.

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Posted by: glass-3/4 full ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 12:00PM

What? Santa is not real?!
But seriously, my heart is breaking when I read this letter. I know the pain of being rejected by my son. He went through a very sad and hurtful period where he blamed me for every problem he ever had (both real and imagined). He hated me. I was verbally berated at every turn for about 2 years. Such heart-wrenching pain. It wasn't about me. I somehow knew that, even though it was so difficult. The biggest temptation (to stop the pain) was to become totally emotionally detatched from him and "write him off". I didn't do that. He eventually realized that I was and always had been is biggest support and now we have an awesome relationship, adult to adult. A long journey. I feel for this young man too. He is under so much pressure and stress in his situation. He is taking it out on the "safest" person he knows. It is wrong and it immature. I hope his mom can find the support she needs to vent and cry and that those who hear her will not fuel the anger and hurt...but rather just walk beside her and understand her pain and love her and continue to love her son (because she does).

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Posted by: honestone ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 09:05PM

That is one of the saddest things I have ever read. It was got worse and worse....Please tell your daughter that we care HERE and that is why she is out and he is where he is. Give her our love. He is one totally brainwashed boy. He only thinks of eternity....he feels he can be mean and all now because what matters is eternity. NOTHING could be more unChristian....we are expected to be kind and compassionate in this life. He surely is not.

And he claims she is not living the commandments. Really??? I'd ask him for facts on that. And telling her she is the most miserable person he knows???? How extremely unChristian. Does he even know the commandments - Honor thy Father and Mother!!! Telling her she has no principles. Then he tells her to make changes and she can then be his MOM again. Wow...bossy, eh? He needs his butt spanked. I will pray for him. He needs serious intervention. Be a good support to your daughter and tell her we are on her side thru this.

If she feels better to not respond at all until he apologizes I can fully support that. Or she could write him and say "I am sorry you had such a bad day on _(date)_. Hoping you are feeling better now. Love, MOM

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Posted by: goatsgotohell ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 09:06PM

He has learned a heirarchy. God comes first. If you put god first, all the other blocks will fall into place. If you disobey god, the blocks will just keep falling down. If he even thinks that this isn't true, he is disobeying god and it is his fault his family fell apart.

I feel bad for him. He doesn't realize how deeply he is hurting his mom, he can't see all the sacrifices she has made for him. All he can see is that there is a plan. God is first. If you follow god you can be near him. If your parents follow god, they will be eternally married. If your parents are sealed, then you are part of an eternal family. These are the lessons he is drilling into himself and his investigators every day. Happiness = gospel plan. Obedience = hapiness.

I joined the church and married in the temple. My righteousness would be an example to my family. They would come to know god. They would be sealed to me in time. If I was obedient, the gospel plan would come to pass. Yes, it might hurt now, but it would be worth it for everyone's eternal salvation. I was pomised that by the leaders, by my patriarchal blessing. I must be strong and follow god.

I know where the kid is at. He is trying so hard to make the recipe he learned as a kid work. He has not learned any other way and it does not sound like his mind is open to seeing any other way. He's been promised. Put god first. He can't do it any other way.

I am sorry for you and your daughter. I can't imagine the pain I'd feel if it were my child. I'm sorry all three of you are struggling through this. Damn church.

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Posted by: frankie ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 09:08PM

What a mean and awful letter to write. This poor mom had to be in tears, her son was basically saying she was going to be in hell because she is not mormon. What if she is a christian, does she still go to hell? Everybody is going to be in heaven no matter what their religion is. I'm so sorry she recieved this letter. Sorry, LDSinc this is so unchristian of you to split families up and tell a young man this is what happens to his family. All right family first LDS. damn lds church you guys go to hell, (the big 15)

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Posted by: dk ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 09:22PM

This young man needs to grow up. You can't live other people's lives. Unconditional love? Not the lds church!

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Posted by: the outlander ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 09:24PM

What an arrogant little prick. I can just see him sitting with his Mission President, his companion, & whoever else he showed it to & them encouraging him to send it. Telling him it was the right thing to do & that he would be blessed for it.

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Posted by: druid ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 10:03PM

His desperate appeal is close to an ultimatum. “ .. you may be able to be my mother again, when you make the changes in your life” Flip that and... “ Live your life my way or I won’t call you Mother”.

He is a little brainless snot. I remember being as fanatic when I was a missionary. He might grow out of it.We did.

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Posted by: jazzskeeter ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 10:11PM

Oh my. He is a little prick, and that's how I would address my letter back...dearest arrogant little prick of a son, pay for your own damn mission, and don't you DARE tell me about my life and my values.

Tell your daughter she's just fine!!

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Posted by: Raptor Jesus ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 10:24PM

Eat a dick.

All my love,

Your "unworthy" mother.

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Posted by: baabaablacksheep ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 11:50AM

+1 !

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Posted by: bingoe4 ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 10:28PM

Write a loving but firm response that behavior like his is not OK. Why would anyone want to be like that for eternity? How does he know she is miserable? It is VERY telling that he had these thoughts while listening to General Conference. Our love is independent of any crazy beliefs like his.

Copy his letter, copy the response, send them to the mission president. Send it to his bishop. Stop giving money.

Be firm! Don't let him talk to his parents like that.

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Posted by: CL2 ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 11:30PM

but I heard some of this stuff from her over the years since she returned to mormonism.

They have no idea where we have been, what we have been through, or what the lds church did to us. My daughter decided to tell me on Christmas Eve how she felt.

Then a few days later, she went off to live in Tennessee for 4 months, then to Alaska for 5 months, then to Tennessee for a few more months. She has learned a lot--living with her friend's divorced mother and how bad that situation has been for her friend.

She still worships some of her mormon moms and she has some issues.

It is one of the most painful things I've ever been through--so I really feel for your daughter.

They seem to think they know better. Oh, my daughter said I just never felt the spirit as strong as she has. She didn't know me then. She is repeating my life and she has no clue.

I'm so sorry your daughter had to go through this. Family church--bullsh*t.

**I was just reading some of it to my gay ex and I forgot to say that I got some of the same stuff about "I was happy when we had FHE," etc. My daughter wanted my gay ex and I to get back together. She is seeing her life through rose-colored glasses (and my therapist told me that, too). My son told me--when it looked like we were happy going to church, dad was cheating on you then, too. Doesn't she realize that?"

As long as you keep up appearances . . .

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2012 11:35PM by cl2.

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Posted by: deco ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 11:44PM

He is young, scared, a long way from home, unable to do anything about what is going on at home, frustrated, and in a cauldron of indoctrination.

There is also a very fine line between the emotions of hurt and anger.

I would give the kid a slight bit of a pass. As he matures he may become more humbled.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2012 11:44PM by deco.

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Posted by: Kendal Mint Cake ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 08:02AM

I agree. The church is causing him mental turmoil.

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Posted by: CL2 ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 09:48AM

How to approach it? Thank you for being a voice of reason.

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Posted by: scooter ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 10:41AM

poor kid is so brainwashed by now, he's incapable of independent thought.

tell mom to come here for support. she needs to show her cult-sick son what unconditional love is all about.

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Posted by: Heresy ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 11:44PM

state. Tell them he never behaved this badly before and you are concerned he is in a major depression.

And do craft a letter telling him how you all love him unconditionally no matter how hurtful he his. Be completely magnanimous, talk about all the good things in your lives and how you all miss him and are worried about him.

He's not expecting that and it will put him off balance.

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 11:47PM

I have a TBM TBM step son who thinks he knows more than me (58) and his father (57) and his mother (56).

All 3 of us would like to slap some sense into his arrogant little TBM head. He thinks he's so righteous that it gives him the right to judge and insult us.

We know that life is going to rattle his cage. We sit and wait for real life to settle in. Within the next 5 years he's going to have some major reality checks.

It's not that we are wishing him bad. We just know how life works. He doesn't. He has no clue what his 3 parents have been through and sacrificed for him. His first child was just born. It's going to get interesting.

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Posted by: womanoftheworld ( )
Date: April 12, 2012 11:57PM

This is precisely why I have chosen to NOT have my son taught the lessons or be baptized into this church! My heart breaks for you and your daughter. I really do think someone should forward this letter to his mission pres. It's beyond comprehension that someone who should be Christlike is so NOT. I was a fool to ever think the church was a safe place, a place that taught families how to be better. What a farce. I am SO glad my son and I will never be in their shoes...

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Posted by: DebbiePA ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 12:02AM

Ahhh...the arrogance of youth who think they know everything.

I agree with deco, Heresy and Mia. This is a kid who has no experience with real life. I've had friends (non-Mormon) whose kids have been like this over a divorce, and all it takes is some maturity and experiencing the ups and downs of relationships, jobs and the real world of adulthood for them to wake up. 19 is young...give him time.

I think your daughter needs to reassure her son that she loves him no matter what he thinks or how angry he is at her, and keep sending those packages. I bet some day he will apologize and thank her for never giving up on him.

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Posted by: liberalbutteffer ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 12:14AM

What a little sh**. All I read was "blah blah blah I'm so much better than you. You don't deserve to call yourself my mother because I'm better than you. I know what you're feeling better than you do which is why I know you're miserable because I have the gift of the holy penishood!"

The spiteful me says to stop paying and let him starve or pay his own way. Being stuck for eternity with such an asshole would be hell in and of itself.

Your daughter should write back and ask him if this was the unconditional love that the church supposedly teaches.

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Posted by: XX-Man ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 12:22AM

This really helps me to know that the way I was feeling about his letter and attitude with this mother was really being off base was right on. I did write a long letter to his mom and explained that the church conditioning and "brain washing" was totally affecting his judgment and common sense.

I explained that we must just continue to be good examples of people who may be ex members of the church but we maintain good and decent values and can continue to follow the principles of Christianity that are good and teach us to love one another and do the best we can in life for ourselves and our loved ones. It does not take the church to have us do that as it is something that comes from inside each one of us.

I told her we just need to be patient with her son and give him time to learn more of what is real as his life continues and I am sure he will one day be ashamed of himself for ever writing such a letter.

I will be making a trip of 400 miles next week to spend some time with her and two of my other sons that live in the same area and I will make sure to let her know that we support her very much and are there for her as she needs us. I hope it goes well. Again thanks all for your comments and support as it is much appreciated.

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Posted by: MadameRadness ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 12:33AM

“The truth will set you free, but first it will shatter the safe, sweet way you live.”

This is the first thing I thought of when I read what your grandson wrote. Your grandson is learning a valuable lesson from his mother, even if he fails to recognize that. The church thinks it has the copyright on "the truth". Missionaries spend their hours convincing people that "the truth" will always make them feel good inside, that it will give them some burning or warm fuzzies. But they are wrong.

If there is anything I learned when I exited the church, it's that sometimes truth isn't fair or wonderful and doesn't always equal a happy person. In fact, it can make you pretty fucking miserable. But it's a small price to pay for living a life that is authentic and genuine.

When he grows up and gains some "principals" of his own, perhaps he will realize how much he owes his mother for having too much self-respect and integrity to go on pretending that she believed in something she didn't. Maybe one day he will recognize how incredibly unkind and hateful this letter was, and sincerely apologize.

Until then, I wouldn't even engage him in this discussion. Your daughter doesn't owe him any sort of justification or explanation for her life as it is now. In my opinion, simply responding "I love you son" might be the best recourse. Because if he saw his shitty little rant compared to that....well. It might humble him a bit.

Also, your grandson is a douche.

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Posted by: Lori C ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 12:37AM

I remember this anger when I was on my mission. He's thinking and realizing nothing is adding up and he's miserable. Notice he did NOT say he was happy on his mission...just when his family was together and quiet. He's grasping for anything that could keep his paradigm together because he's growing up, he's miserable and he doesn't have the tools to teach him how to cross over from childhood to adult hood. He thinks is misery is is family, but he's put it in the wrong place. His misery is the church and where he is right now. He can't admit that because of the consequences if he does right this second. I think it's all coming to a fever pitch for him. I bet he'll leave the church within 2 years.


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Posted by: NormaRae ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 07:59AM

What is sh*t is probably his mission. He's feeling like, "I'm going through this--for what???" He's selling a faulty product and seeing that it didn't even work for his own family. If his family could show him that it really is worth selling, he could survive another year of doing something that is making him truly miserable.

Yes, it is a very arrogant and hurtful letter and I chalk that up to youth. He is really hurting and he's being given medicine that is only making it worse. The only thing I'd say to him is, "you're wrong and I'll never stop loving you."

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Posted by: jan ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 06:23AM

My heart absolutely breaks for this mother. Hopefully, she has people in her life who value her and love her and will support her through this.

Were I she, I believe I would sever all connections to this venemous brat. That includes $, if she's paying for his mission. How much love and support would he receive from his wonderful church if she weren't paying his way?

She doesn't know any of us on this board, but please let her know that we strangers respect her and feel her pain.

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Posted by: Anonymous User ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 06:40AM

Dear son,

I love you, always have always will.
Regardless of what you believe in, what course in life you take, whomever you marry if you marry.

You see I love you more than I love God, more than I love any Church or religion or belief. That's right, that's how much I love you.

I don't think I deserve the blatant emotional manipulation that you are trying to exert upon me. But it won't work. You are free to feel about me however you choose, but know this - your feelings about me are completely your choice. You can accept me unconditionally as your mother, the way I choose to unconditionally love you and the way the Christ you believe in unconditionally loved . Or you can choose to go against Christ's teachings and judge me and withhold your love for me. That's your choice.

What was that talk from Elder Uchdorf in the Conference that you mention? Here, let me quote it for you:

''Stop it!
It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love...''

How ironic that Elder Uchdorf's talk was in part a response to a mothers plea to him to help her reconcile with her children.

My love for you is not dependant on your love for me.
It's not dependant on anything because it is unconditional, just like your Christ and Uchdorf taught...

Love always,

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Posted by: What is Wanted ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 09:57AM

That is exactly what I was going to post.

Mormons seem to only hear what they want in conference.

Forgiveness and being non judgemental usually falls on deaf ears.

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Posted by: What is Wanted ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 10:04AM

Dear Son,

You are a believer so this applies to you.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

And God commanded: Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

I do forgive you and hope you have fun on your mission.

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Posted by: quebec ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 10:03AM


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Posted by: quebec ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 10:17AM

When we're hurting we often lash(?) at the people that love us most.

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Posted by: Suckafoo ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 07:00AM

You know what? It is hurtful what he said, but he is an idealistic young kid on a mission where all he does is religion. He is saying stuff that is ungrateful to his mother and trying to make sense of their behavior when he was taught this way all his life. Time teaches young people things. There will be a time he will see that life is messy. He will experience for himself the inability to live up to his own standards and then hopefully he will understand.
I would tell my son that I love him more than life itself but that I love me too. And I am practicing my free agency to not believe and I am happier without the church. So I won't be sitting here crying over this. I am going to be busy soaking up the sun and laughing and enjoying my life. If you want to be a part of that life I'll be thrilled. I would also ask what if the church wasn't what it claimed and you are believing in things pretend. How would you view me in that new light? I think you would view me more kindly. More Christ like.

Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 04/13/2012 07:11AM by suckafoo.

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Posted by: runtu ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 08:24AM

One of my children has said some hurtful things to me, though not on that scale. So, thinking of my child, here's what I would write:

Dear son,

Clearly, you are hurting because of the divorce. I am sorry you had to go through that, but it is done, and you can't change the past. Your letter makes it obvious that you are upset that I have chosen a different path from yours. My choices do not mean that I don't love you or don't care about you. I am following my conscience and doing what I believe is right.

You are young and idealistic, and I am happy that you are passionate about your beliefs, but condemning me for my choices is unacceptable. Perhaps someday you can look past your judgments of me and see the mother who loves you with all her heart.

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Posted by: dogzilla ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 09:48AM

You know, my parents are both narcissistic jerks, but I would have never written a letter like that.

My first instinct would be to write back and point out all the commandments he's broken about honoring your parents, and family and all that, just by writing that letter.

But after reading the thread, the best response is either: cut him off and leave him alone to figure things out. He'll find out how much he values his mom when she's not around to pick up the pieces, send money, etc. Or suck it up and send a loving, supportive message teeming with empathy and compassion. That might actually be a better way to point out the kid's hypocracy.

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Posted by: caedmon ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 09:49AM

This poor kid is under the control of a cult that has twisted him into a religious zealot. I am concerned for his mental well being.

It is likely that he has been told that his righteousness and success as a missionary will bring the blessing of his mother's return to the church. They have made him, a not-yet fully functional adult, responsible for the eternal fate of his family.

As she had not returned to the church as promised, the only explantion is that he must be to blame. He is conditioned to turn that blame on himself and he is lashing out at her from his deep confusion and internal conflict.

As tempting as it is to reply in acrimony, it can only lead to further estrangement. I support the advice to reply in love while setting firm boundaries.

Dearest son,

I have not and never will make my love for you conditional on your making religious choices I agree with. I am sorry you are suffering needlessly over things you cannot control and are not to blame for.

I hope that we can find a way to build a bridge over the differences of our religious beliefs as I love you and wish always to have you in my life.

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Posted by: saviorself ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 09:53AM

He is out of touch with reality. A Mormon mission can do that to people who are already borderline mentally unstable.

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Posted by: MadameRadness ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 10:31AM

I would also contact his mission president and send him a copy of this. Not like he will care, but your grandson seems emotionally unstable. Like REALLY emotionally unstable.

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Posted by: A ANON ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 10:32AM

This young man prefers to believe in a God that breaks up loving families -- out of spite.

This young man doesn't question the cruel ethics of a so-called church that uses this kind of emotional extortion to get its members to strictly obey and conform.

He says his mother doesn't love him. He should be saying that it's his "Mormon God" that doesn't love him -- or any of them.

In Mormonism, God is "The Great Home Wrecker in the sky"!

How many families have been torn apart by the conceits of the LDS church?

As for this young man, obviously he has learned to love his church more that he loves his own mother.

By their fruits....

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Posted by: satanslittlehelper ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 10:35AM

If I had received this letter my response would be:


That's all. See, I used to be this arrogant little jerk. Eventually, I turned out ok...though the votes are still being counted. But this is ploy to engage people in a process of becoming what he is being told they SHOULD be. When you are immersed in mormonism, especially on a mission, it is really easy to think you know it all. Hopefully he will outgrow it. But at this time, any discussion will be a waste of time. So, acknowledge receipt of this turd nugget of hatred and wait for him to grow up.

He tossed an emotional hand grenade trying to engage his mom in the conversion process. Toss it back.

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Posted by: OnceMore ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 10:38AM

Well, isn't that just peachy keen.

Emotional f*cking blackmail.

I'll say one thing for the missionary, he tops some TBM mothers when it comes to being a bully about attending the LD$ Church.

Someone should tell that young man that he has let the church warp his thinking and feeling processes to the point that he would redefine love as taking an emotional cudgel to his parents.

The bum is giving mormons, mormonism and christianity a bad name.

"In the name of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith, I beat you with the weapon of your love for me. And I call this the ultimate good."

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Posted by: elcid ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 10:50AM

I would tell him to sit on his feelings until he gets home. I would point out that we all learn and progress in life and that life is a messy adventure. I would tell him you did your best and if that is not good enough there is nothing more for you to do. Encourage him to follow the example of the Lord and love instead of spurning people. Tell him the most important things in life are the precious relationships he has with those who love him the most, and that includes you, and that damaging or cuting off those relationships will lead to hurt every day of his life. Tell him that getting along and loving people means accepting them, even if they are not what you want them to be.

Then don't write to him again until he writes back to you and shows some love and respect.

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Posted by: Craig ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 11:09AM

My Dearest Son,

YES I love you! My love for you is unconditional so even though you have said things that hurt me in your letter, and even though you have spoken about things you know absolutely nothing about and in doing so have judged me harshly, I do love you.

Son, I am afraid it is time for you to grow up. The world is not perfect, and neither are your father and I. You speak about our divorce as though it were some ugly evil event that has ruined your life. You have no idea why we divorced, and frankly with your attitude my feeling is that until you grow up it will continue to be none of your business.

Be very careful my son because you are walking on shaky ground. You are judging me and I know you know what the scriptures say about judging others. For you to say that I have no values or principles is simply showing your immaturity and is not fair to me. You have no idea what I have sacrificed for you and the other kids. You have no idea how difficult it is for me financially right now. You only know what you have been TOLD by others about the divorce and my life so for your own sake I suggest you back off and stop with the judgment.

You said some very harsh things in your letter, things that were very hurtful. That was unjustified and I wonder what your mission is really teaching you because I am very sure Christ would not talk like that to his mother regardless of what she had done. Is your mission teaching you compassion for others, love, forgiveness? It doesn’t look that way to me and I wonder why I am sacrificing so much to help you stay there.

My job as your mother is to love you unconditionally, which I do. You do not have the right to stand in judgment of me and in all reality all you owe me for all the years I sacrificed as your mother is to love me unconditionally back. If you cannot do that then I have failed as your mother, and that has nothing to do with the church. As far as my decisions regarding the church, that is between me and God and has absolutely nothing to do with you. If you want to continue to believe the church is true, fine. If you want to continue to devote your life to the church, fine. I will never try to influence you one way or the other, but I will expect you to treat me with the respect due as your mother. If you cannot do that then I have to tell you something.

I love you with all my heart and I always will. I will not tolerate you speaking to me like you did in your last letter so if you cannot speak with me more respectfully then I guess I don’t want to hear from you until you can. I do not need or want you to judge me for any reason. Not the divorce, not my choices, not for any reason. It is not your place to judge me and I will not tolerate it from you. I do not need you to preach to me because I know the church and everything it stands for and you are doing neither of us any good by doing so. I would love to hear about what you are doing, happy moments, sad moments, and about YOU, but I do not want you to send me more letters like the last one because I do not need that frustration and hurt and I DO NOT deserve to be treated that way.

When you come home perhaps if you can do it in a civil and respectful way I will sit with you and tell you my side of the divorce and perhaps explain some of my decisions to you, but only if you can promise not to judge me and to listen respectfully. You are so full of self righteousness that you can’t be objective right now and I understand that because of where you are and what you are doing. You will find as you live and have life experiences that life does not always turn out the way you expect it to and it is filled with disappointments. You must learn to deal with those disappointments without turning to hate or judgment of those you care about.

I hope to hear from you but not in the way of your last letter. I hope you are doing well and that what you are doing is making you happy. I love you son.

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Posted by: rander70 ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 11:35AM

If he was my son, he would talk to me like this ONCE. I wouldn't cry and cower in a corner. If he is going to be mean and disrespectful, then I would teach him a lesson that sometimes you say mean things to the WRONG person. He may get the living S$%# kicked out of him someday by someone else, and I hope he does do to his unconditional love, casting stones, and disrespect. Tough Love Biatch.

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Posted by: waisted24years ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 11:57AM

Mormonism, messing with families since 1830. Religion first, family second.

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Posted by: foggy ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 12:08PM

The snarky part of me would respond;

Dearest Son,



I do agree with the posters that say the kid is hurting and is lashing out at what he is being told is the problem because he can't (or won't) see the true problem right now while he's living under the constant emotionally draining 'religious' conditions of a mission.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: April 13, 2012 12:19PM

Perhaps you can try to talk some sense into him. I'm sorry that his mom had to read this.

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