Subject:

Subject:	Betrayed [by the Mormon Church]
Date:	Jun 01 20:04 2005
Author:	Jueletta

Hello,

I am thirty-five years old and have been a convert to the Mormon church for seven years now. I was in Relief Society about two weeks ago and a racist statement was made concerning blacks. The whole room seemed shocked, but to my surprise, only the Bishop's wife spoke up to defend the Mormon church. (I am black) This led me to do some research on the church's doctrine and history. I have tried this before and was always told some lame excuse and that I should not read "anti-Mormon" stuff. Well, to make a long story short, I learned that not only am I black because of being a "sinner" in my preexistence, but that many of the former church leaders were racist. According to the church I am to turn "white and delightsome" when I become pure. I was never told these things even though I questioned the former policy about blacks in the priesthood before I joined this church. I also learned that the temple ceremony is similar to Masonry and Witchcraft! I feel so angry, sick, and betrayed. I have five beautiful children who also were baptized in the church and my husband (also a faithful member) is depressed over the entire thing. I am ready to leave. I have already ditched the "sacred" garments, but my husband is extremely upset over it. How do I help him? He knows that the information that I have learned is real, but he is so confused and lost. I don't want the members of the church talking to him, because they will further complicate things. Not to mention they will try to brainwash us into coming back. And, what do I teach my children about religion? I love Jesus, but my kids are too confused to even talk to them about Jesus or God. I feel like the biggest FOOL on this earth. I never felt right about that darn temple ceremony, but I kept going. The leaders kept telling me that "it will have greater meaning the more you go." When I think about what the whole thing means, I wish I could kick Joseph Smith in the (you know what.) What a cruel hoax. I would greatly appreciate any advice.

Subject:	Re: Betrayed
Date:	Jun 01 20:12
Author:	Lothar

You're not the Biggest Fool, according to the COB [Church Office Building], there are 12 Million fools out there who haven't learned what you have.

You don't have to do anything earth-shattering, just relax, and take things slowly. This board really helped me come to terms with my exodus, and I'm sure there are plenty of people in the same boat as you here.

You're in good company.

Subject:	Yeah!
Date:	Jun 01 20:18
Author:	The Coach

This board is just like a big group hug. It is very supportive and understanding. It is quite honestly the best thing that has ever happened to my spiritual life in that it has shown me how hurtful the LDS church was. Since reading this board, I have seen that my disbelief was not a result of any error on my part, but rather exposure to the truth. I have since started the process of joining what I consider to be a wonderful church (but what Morgbots like Bruce R. McClunkie consider to be the "great and abominable church.").

Subject:	Re: Betrayed
Date:	Jun 01 20:14
Author:	The Coach

Your situation is a somewhat complicated one. My advice to you is that if you don't feel right about staying in the church, get out as soon as possible. Take your children with you if that is what they would like. Regarding your husband, all I can really suggest is let him know how you feel. Explain everything to him, then let him make up his own mind. Of course, it would be easiest to leave as a family, but I wouldn't try to make him feel pressured. Keep in mind that if you leave the church and he stays, he will be getting enough pressure from priesthood leaders to bring you back. I think that itself might be enough to drive him out (I know it would be for me!). What I would do is quit cold turkey and if anyone from the church asks you what happened, tell them EVERYTHING. I would keep your sources well documented too so it is not played off as "anti-mormon." Honestly, I am so sick of the truth being labeled as "anti-mormon." You know why the truth is anti-mormon? Because their church is a sham. All you can really do is follow your heart on this one. I suggest taking a few weeks and looking into local churches to find one which suits you and your beliefs best. Once you have found that church, introduce your family to it. I hope and pray everything will work out for you and your family.

Subject:	I disagree
Date:	Jun 01 21:21
Author:	SurfMom5

I wouldn't advise jumping into a new church. It is such a shock, the lies and deceit of the mo church You're going to need time to heal and become 'more yourself' before you look for a new church.

Subject:	I agree with you to an extent....
Date:	Jun 01 21:27
Author:	The Coach, too lazy to log in

If she is not ready to look for another church, by all means, hold off. This is a process that takes time, I understand that. However, she professes a faith in God, so I thought this to mean perhaps she is ready for another church. The decision is, of course, entirely up to her and how she feels. Personally, the Catholic church was the best thing to help me out of the Morg. BUT that is just me.

Subject:	yes, they lied to you and i'm so sorry for the pain it's now causing you. ...
Date:	Jun 01 20:23
Author:	lost girl

Subject:	Jueletta, I would apologize, except the church is the one that should do that...
Date:	Jun 01 20:27
Author:	Noggin

They were less than forthright with you. In fact, they lied to you. The presentation to black investigators is doub ly heinous IMHO. The church should be overly up front with black investigators. Nobody enjoys waking up out of the Mormon coma. It is painful. Expect, anger, denial, blaming and other hurtful emotions for awhile. I have to say it eventually gives way to serene peacefulness…

Anyhow. Being black in the church is...er.. odd. It does not make sense that a black person (provided they have all the facts about the racist history) would join the church. There is no spin out there that the church can provide that can make up for the atrocious comments and racial beliefs harbored by the founding church leaders.

Not to provide salt in the wound... but you have seen the Book of Abraham justification for the priesthood denial of blacks? The book of abe was completely fabricated... as sure as the day is long.

I am ashamed, in moments like these, for the Mormon church.

Noggin
(Mike)

Subject:	Re: Betrayed
Date:	Jun 01 20:39
Author:	usetobe

I'm 43 and I remember when they "decided" blacks could hold the priesthood. I don't understand how there can be so many church members that know this history, and TSCC thinks it can skirt the issue by not discussing it, at all, to anyone.

I wish you all the best, away from the church!

Subject:	You are in good company
Date:	Jun 01 20:43
Author:	dm

Jueletta,
YOU ARE NOT A FOOL! You are simply a person who was searching for a church that would work for your family.

The LDS "church" promotes family and Jesus as the two things that make up the core of the church. That is how they get so many people to investigate. Who wouldn't want to be with their families forever?

They purposely hide the temple rituals from the outside world and even from members. It is pretty clever for them to force converts to wait a year before entering. By then, you have a calling (or several!) and a circle of friends. The "church" is your life, and even when the temple stuff freaks you out, it scares you even more to think of leaving all of your friends.

The "non-mormon" literature out there is said to be evil. They are just the rantings of ex-mormons who are angry at the church. Avoid them at all costs. Smart!!! The "church" leaders know that the dirty secrets of mormon history are exposed in there. No wonder you knew nothing of the LDS history with black people. They purposely steered you away from finding out about it.

No, you are not a fool. You are a trusting person who believed what you were told. You are an obedient member who avoided "anti-mormon" doctrine. You were living the way you thought God wanted you to. Not a fool at all, but a good person looking for the right thing for her family.

I am glad that God led you to discover the truth. That is a huge step for you and your family.

I won't dispense any advice to you except to pray for continued guidance. You WILL find your way out of this.

Subject:	Thank you all!!!
Date:	Jun 02 00:38
Author:	Jueletta

Thank you for your words of encouragement. You don't know what they mean to me. Everyone on this board has been wonderful! I can't believe the support and love that has been sent to me and my family. Much thanks to you and to everyone who has written, and to all that have us in their prayers, thoughts, etc.

Thank you.

Subject:	Jueletta, you have friends who empathize here.
Date:	Jun 01 20:46
Author:	Doxigrafix

I'm a non-Mormon who stumbled on this board by accident. The more I learn about the Mormon church, the more nauseated I get. It is anything BUT Christian, in my opinion.

Take as much time as you need. Visit here often. Perhaps your husband would like to as well when he is ready.

And for what it's worth... I think Gladys knight is nuts. Or maybe she doesn't know the truth either...

Subject:	I remember being taught....
Date:	Jun 01 21:02
Author:	Susan D.

in Seminary and SS that black persons were less valiant in the preexistence, which was why they were born black--and that wasn't that many years ago!

I wouldn't bring up any children in that misogynistic, homophobic, racist environment, but particularly children of color--where they'll be made to feel ashamed of being "different" and always treated as "second class".

It sounds like your husband will follow you, but do follow your heart and be assured many white members were also offended by the blatant racist teachings of not so long ago.

Welcome to the board!

Subject:	Join the club sistah! There are more of us than you might think. n/t
Date:	Jun 01 21:03
Author:	Mike Norton

Subject:	My advice..... RUN FAR, RUN FAST.... just get the
Date:	Jun 01 21:13
Author:	Saucie

hell outta Dodge!! You don't want your kids being raised

in a religion that treats them as second class citizens.

The mormon church is total BS, all of it. Don't waste

any more time, money or effort on it, it's just not

worth it. All of us here know EXACTLY how you feel.

We've all been betrayed too.

Subject:	Re: Betrayed
Date:	Jun 01 21:14
Author:	Yse

Many of us here have been in the same boat, Jueletta. Finding out the church is not true is like a death in the family. Give your husband time to come to grips with it.

You might want to stop paying tithing, that will quickly give your husband a clear picture how the "nice" Mormon church reacts when they don't get the money they think you owe them.

Take back your life and your weekends. There are many mainstream churches which will welcome you and your family, and they charge a lot less for Salvation.

Stay away from dogmatic, cult-like churches which intrude into your bedroom and your pocket book. Best wishes to you.

Subject:	Re: Betrayed
Date:	Jun 01 21:15
Author:	SurfMom5

Sweet Juletta,
I am so sorry that you are going through this! My first husband was black (hope you never read the quote Brigham had about THAT!) and we had a daughter. Can you imagine how I felt when a member of the Bishopric told me my daughter was a 'daughter of Cain' and had been 'unfaithful in the preexistence'? What a jerk! His skin color and his priesthood are all he has.

Yes, a lot of mormons are pure racists. Some of them hate you, me, my daughter, women, Hispanics - anyone not white & male.

I don't have any 'words of wisdom' so I'll offer you my friendship and a listening ear.

Subject:	Racist Heritage
Date:	Jun 01 21:15
Author:	anon

I was baptized into Mormonism at age 18 in the mid-90's, and three months later I started my freshman year at a UC school. Let's just say that, due to the fact that I went to a small Christian school from elementary all the way through high school, I was taught very little by way of real science or skeptical thinking. I was gullible and overly trusting of authority, and the Mormon church soaked me right in. I was in the scholar's hall as a freshman, and there happened to be two other (life-long) Mormons from Utah in the hall with me.

One of them went AWOL the minute he got on campus -- total rebellion. The other was wishy-washy, and kind of went to church when he was confronted and pressured into it. I was a staunch new convert to the church. Whenever I decide to do something, I jump in with both feet.

So the rebel kid from Utah took every opportunity to slam the Mormons, and boy did I feel persecuted! It was also during that first year at the UC school that I started to learn about everything the church members neglected to tell me about before baptism, like polygamy or blacks being denied the priesthood. That was a tough pill to swallow, but I was naive, and I swallowed it (and wound up serving a mission and graduating from BYU and getting married in the temple, but that's another story).

One time when a group of us were in the community room, the rebel kid started talking about how some black kids at his high school in Utah were poorly treated. After going on for a little while, he looked me right in the eye and blurted out, right in front of everyone in my dorm, ``Racist Mormons.'' I just walked out of the room. Racist? Me?? How could you possibly call me racist? *I* didn't treat the blacks any differently; that happened way before I joined the church, and I didn't even know about it when I did join the church! How could I be racist? Besides, the church is true, isn't it? The Book of Mormon is true, and the church is led by prophets, so there has to be some good reason for all of this... right? And the items started stacking on the proverbial shelf.

Looking back, I wish this kid would have taken some time to give me a little one-on-one lecture. This was in 1997, and I also wish I would have taken the time to find exmormon.org. But bygones are bygones, and I am who I am because of these experiences. There is no doubt about it; the Mormon church does have a racist heritage. No matter how much they now try to whitewash or sugar-coat the issues, there were racist policies in place and racist statements made by Mormon prophets. And there really is no way to justify it except by believing in a racist god. The Mormon church owes the black people a big fat apology.

Subject:	And let's not forget
Date:	Jun 01 21:27
Author:	Yse

that the Book of Abraham, which the racism is based on, is pure fiction mingled with dubious scripture.

Joseph Smith never was able to "translate" Egyptian hierolyphs, he made it all up.

We all have Africa in our genes - and we know this through DNA. Do you want to believe solid science or bad religion.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your skin color, your forefathers did Not sin.

Subject:	Ugh. This sucks.
Date:	Jun 01 23:41
Author:	Lara C

I always wondered how a black could join the church, knowing the former policies of the church...

Now I know why...because they are not told the truth...sigh.

I am old enough to remember being told in high school seminary that blacks would probably not get the Priesthood until the Millennium...of course, it was due to the fact that they had been "less valiant" in the preexistence. Sounds like an Indian caste system, right? But, I didn't know about caste systems then.

Anyway, lo and behold, the year after I graduated, the Blacks got the Priesthood. Guess that seminary teacher was wrong...about that and a lot of other things.

Good luck working through this.

Subject:	Neo...Welcome...to the REAL world.
Date:	Jun 02 00:49
Author:	SamIAm

Your story, though different, is our story. We feel for you and welcome you. We're here to support you.

Subject:	Dear...you are so lucky (yes, I know it's hard to believe) to have found out when you did....
Date:	Jun 02 00:53
Author:	wine country girl

I know you don't feel lucky, but you are. You found out. Just like we all did. And we (well, some of us) have never experienced racism in this life - you, no doubt have, in some form another....but to try to imagine experiencing racism from the church you thought was "God's own true religion," is more than most of us can fathom.

We share your pain, and we're sorry for it. And dear, what you found out....is the tip of the iceberg.

Good luck in your recovery.

Subject:	Re: Betrayed
Date:	Jun 02 00:59
Author:	Walking in Darkness

Blacks and the priesthood. One of the major reasons for leaving the Cult. Never rang true for me that a compassionate unconditional God would discriminate that way. When the edict came out in 78, no explanation was given for the change and that was the beginning of the end of my participation.

Subject:	It's hard for long-time Mormons to imagine life without the church.
Date:	Jun 02 01:02
Author:	Green Bottle

What will give their life structure? What will establish safe boundaries for them? Where will they look for guidelines as to what is right and wrong?

It may be a good idea to focus a bit on the positives of getting out of a false church. You won't have to do things that don't make sense just because some old men in SLC told you that you should do them. Your family will get an instant 10% increase in discretionary income (if you were previously paying tithing) that can be used for the fun and benefit of your family. You no longer need to fear tea and coffee. You will have much more free time to spend together as a family doing interesting things.

The fear for many families though is that the family will fall apart if they no longer believe that some Mormon god guy in the sky is watching them and expecting them to behave in certain prescribed ways. However, if you truly love each other as a family, there is no reason why you cannot pledge to each other (as you are on your way out of the church) that you will be faithful, committed and loyal to each other and that you will continue to respect and love each other. That is really all of the structure you need as a family and what the church pretended to provide was just a counterfeit. The church made itself the central member of your family and tried to make it impossible for you to relate to other family members without the church acting as the go-between, referee and umpire.

Life after the church CAN be great, but it is up to you and your family. You will be the same people you were before, and the basics of morality (treating other people as you would want to be treated) remain constant.

Subject:	Re: Betrayed
Date:	Jun 02 02:42
Author:	FeelingOfFreedom

Jueletta,

I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling right now. Most of us here have felt a similar betrayal, but I can see how the sting for you would be worse. Not only have you discovered that the world-view that you had as a Mormon is false, but you are also learning that many of the people that you regarded as friends knew of the true history of the church and didn't tell you about it. Many of them lived in the church during its racist days and had to have believed to some extent its racist teachings.

Here's a good place to get something off my chest. In a way, although I was an unknowing fool, I was used as a tool to bring many into the Mormon church like yourself. I feel partially responsible for the pain that many people will probably come to feel as you have.

I was a missionary in northeastern Brazil in the mid 80's. I always had a Brazilian companion and most of them were black. I baptized several dozen people into the church, most of whom were black. I had a tremendous love for these people and never thought of myself as superior to them because I wasn't black. The Mormon church was growing rapidly in this area because the priesthood ban had been lifted just a few years before.

I didn't like to think about the ban and was not aware of the true theology behind it. I was aware that the Mormon church taught that blacks came through Ham. I had heard that some GA's believed that blacks weren't valiant in the pre-existence, but I was taught that was not true doctrine, but just a scattered opinion of a few. I couldn't think of a good reason to justify the ban, but I believed in the church and needed to rationalize this unpleasantry away. The only thing I could come up with was that because people were so racist in the 1800's that God must have created the ban because fewer people would have accepted the church if it wasn't there. That was pretty bad reasoning, in retrospect. I guess I didn't have too high of an opinion of God, eh?

Anyway, the reason why I'm here and why so many other people are here is that we realized how sick and wrong all of this was. We welcome you here with open arms and hope we can help you heal as we work on healing ourselves.

Subject:	First of all, take a deeeep breath.....
Date:	Jun 02 02:43
Author:	Latter Daze

I know the pain and the crazy emotions that you are going through right now (I found out this stuff recently too) and I feel for you! At this point you need some time to yourself to come to grips with these powerful emotions. Try to relax as much as possible and give it some time to sink in. Keep on educating yourself (you will need it later so you can stick up for what you believe in) but also make peace with yourself. I wanted really badly in the beginning to rush out and join some other church, but I'm glad that I'm taking my time because I know it's ME deciding what I believe in and not allowing someone else to think for me (as Mormons are so used to doing). The healing process takes time, but you'll find a lot of help and a lot of friends on this board. We've all felt betrayed by the church because of so many things, but eventually you will be happier that you know the truth about the church and can get on with your life. I wish you luck! Hang in there!!! *HUGS*

Subject:	You were defrauded, like every convert and person raised in Mormonism
Date:	Jun 02 03:27
Author:	FreeAtLast

For many converts and Mormons since birth, discovering that the LDS church has deliberately misled and manipulated them really hurts. I empathize with your anger, as do many people on this board. All of us were defrauded by the Mormon church, which provided us with a package of propaganda about Joseph Smith, early church history, and other aspects of Mormonism. Our faith and trust in the church and its senior patriarchal leadership was abused, and the church got wealthier because of us and generations of Mormons before us.

In my opinion, one of the most unenlightened aspects of Mormonism was the church's doctrine concerning Blacks and the priesthood. Here is some excellent information about this racist aspect of Mormonism: http://www.utlm.org/topicalindexb.htm#Racism

As a child and young teenager in the 1970's, I (and all Mormons of my generation, and previous generations) were taught that Negroes were spiritually inferior to all other races because they, as spirits in the "Pre-Existence", had been "less valiant" in the "War In Heaven". According to the church, "Heavenly Father" had cursued the "fence-sitters" by sending their spirits into Black families. What racist crap! In our ward in Canada, there was one family consisting of a mother and father (from Jamaica) and two teenage children. They joined before 1978, when the all-White patriarchal leadership of the Mormon church denied Blacks the "full blessings of the priesthood".

Slavery in the U.S. had been abolished more than a century before 1978, and the civil rights movement in the U.S. was 25+ years old at that point. Many nations had established boycotts against the apartheid regime in South Africa. Yet the Mormon church persisted in its racist doctrine, until enormous pressure from non-LDS organizations and a lack of local priesthood leadership in predominantly-Black countries like Brazil conveniently resulted in the President of the Church (in 1978), Spencer W. Kimball, receiving a "revelation" reversing the church's "eternal" doctrine on Blacks and the priesthood.

Enlightened leadership has always promoted greater equality and enhanced human rights. However, for nearly 150 years, the LDS church provided no such leadership to its members, to other churches, or to the world. How "true" can a church be when it clings to a racist doctrine for nearly a century and a half?

Last year I watched an excellent PBS series on slavery in the U.S. and the crucial role that religious faith played in the lives of Blacks (ref. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part2/2narr2.html). The program deepened my understanding of the terrible effects of slavery on generations of Blacks in the U.S. (I'm a Canadian), and helped me appreciate the strong connection that many African-Americans feel toward their churches.

Regarding the LDS church/Mormonism, my suggestion to you and your family is: Move on. Find another spiritual community in which to participate, if that's important to you. If not, but you still want to worship God, find a way that is a unique expression of your religious feelings (some people do this through music, art, poetry, etc.). If you want to join another church at some point, I'd strongly suggest that you fully investigate the organization, its teachings, the leadership and membership, and other aspects of the church before making any commitment. The LDS church is not the only religious organization that uses deception and religious emotionalism to increase its membership.

All the best.

Subject:	I hope this excellent information helps Jueletta. Thank you.
Date:	Jun 02 03:44
Author:	Cheryl

Jueletta, you're not alone. Your shock and pain are so understandable. Love and warm thoughts to you and your family.

Recovery from Mormonism - The Mormon Church www.exmormon.org

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