| Subject: | Poll: How boring did you think the Book of Mormon was? (Now that it's okay to tell the truth) |
| Date: | Jan 23 21:37 2004 |
| Author: | MySongAngel |
| I remember hearing stories of early converts. JS
would give them a Book of Mormon, and they'd read the whole thing from
cover to cover without stopping. It so intrigued them, that they were
carried away in the spirit, or something. Even as a hardcore TBM, I
couldn't believe that anyone would be so 'intrigued' by the Book of
Mormon, that
they couldn't put it down (As though it was a best-selling paperback). I
was actually kind of jealous, and figured that I just wasn't spiritual
enough to feel that enlightened. So I'm just curious. Is there ANYONE on this board that found the Book of Mormon even the slightest bit interesting? If you had asked me in my TBM days, I would've said, "Oh yes. It is the word of the Lord. It is so damn interesting I can't stand it." (I would've left out the 'damn' part). Now that I can finally be truthful, I found the Book of Mormon painfully boring, hard to understand, repetitive, predictable, unrealistic and full of undeveloped sub-plots. It was all I could do to stay awake through the torture. Thoughts anyone? |
| Subject: | I got aggravated reading "It came to pass" every other verse, in many chapters every verse. |
| Subject: | And it came to pass |
| Date: | Jan 24 02:09 |
| Author: | Ken |
| As someone once quipped, "thank God it didn't
come to stay!" I think JS must have needed more material to fill up the Book of Mormon (so it would be the same size as the Bible, maybe?). So he added things here and there (Isiah, etc.). But it still wasn't enough. So he added the "And it came to pass" phrase everywhere he could. It reminds me of Lucy's 50 word essay, which was woefully shy of the 50 word requirement. So she ended it with "The very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very END." |
| Subject: | It was hard to get through three verses |
| Date: | Jan 24 01:15 |
| Author: | conformist |
| without the mind wandering off. Mark Twain had it
right when he called it "chloroform in print." Every once in a
while, I'd be hyperfocused and maybe get something out of a chapter. As TBMs we were robbed. We were continually told that this was the greatest of all books. And so I underestimated how great so many other books were. Next to these, the Book of Mormon is a travesty. |
| Subject: | When I first read it, I like the fight scenes |
| Date: | Jan 24 01:18 |
| Author: | activejackmormon |
| and the sense of conquering a new land. It had a frontiersman feel to it. However, 2Nephi was a real yawner. I never understood it. The book was also disjointed at times. Some time periods, there was a lot of records, others there was very little. It didn't make much sense to me. |
| Subject: | I know now...'cause i just finished the entire book of mormon this morning, and thank God I am done!... |
| Date: | Jan 24 01:25 |
| Author: | pretty1 |
| For me, Alma seemed interesting, but around chapter
45 and so on, it got boring. The "and it came to pass" was
ANNOYING!!! I couldn't stand it. Like someone else said, it is incredibly
repetitive. I think after you read the same thing for the 20th time,
it'll stick....you don't need to read it anymore than what has already
been written. Geezz....reading the Book of Mormon from cover to cover is tiring.
It took so long too. It took me almost 2 months! i'm glad i am finished. |
| Subject: | painfully boring... |
| Date: | Jan 24 01:23 |
| Author: | jed |
| And can say that I honest never really read it
because I wanted to, nor did I enjoy reading it at all. I read out for
one reason: I was told to. I've flipped through 20 page booklets at the local bookstore that gave me more spiritual insight that I ever received from reading the BoM. |
| Subject: | Re: Poll: How boring did you think the BoM was? (Now that it's okay to tell the truth) |
| Date: | Jan 24 01:37 |
| Author: | Dea |
| Tediously boring. Have a habit of seeing the other
side of the story so thought Laban and Korihor were badly treated and
disliked the continual wars, fighting and violence. Also had a problem
with the Jesus of the BOM, very different from the Jesus of the Bible.
In my opinion all plagiarization, and fantasy. |
| Subject: | Gawd, it was boring |
| Date: | Jan 24 02:13 |
| Author: | Janny |
| The only times I read it was when it was a goal to
read it cover to cover in primary. I was a kid, and I merely put the
damn book in front of my face a few hours a day and daydreamed, read,
daydreamed... then eventually I told my mother I had read the entire
thing. After that I wouldn't touch the damn book. Unfortunately, as a teen, my parents took some church speaker's advice too seriously and decided to have family scripture reading- at 5:30 am!!! This was to ensure the entire family could be present, so that it wouldn't conflict with part-time jobs/extra cirriculars and early-morning seminary classes. (And remember, no coffee was allowed to make the situation bearable!) |
| Subject: | It was the most rediculouse book I've ever read. Just the names alone are crazy. |
| Date: | Jan 24 02:22 |
| Author: | Bye Bye Morgie |
| Anti Nephi Lehis, steel bows, huge populations of
people coming from nowhere. A little common sense is the biggest enemy
to the Book of Mormon. The church should be sued for wasting so many
trees to print such trash. |
| Subject: | Some parts touched me deeply and some parts bored me silly. |
| Date: | Jan 24 03:14 |
| Author: | Baura |
| But I plowed through it in spite of my ADD because I
was seeking a testimony. Interestingly as I was reading the idea
"popped into my mind" that Joseph Smith made the whole thing
up. I quickly summoned up some back-assward logic to disabuse myself of
the idea (I recall thinking 'If JS was trying to commit a fraud he
wouldn't make it so transparent'). That enabled me to push the thought
to the back of my mind and continue. I later found the same logic used
by Hugh Nibley, by the way. When I finished I prayed as per Moroni 10:4-5 and got....nothing, zilch, nada. It was strangely just what I would have expected if the whole thing weren't true after all. Of course having been born and raised LDS it was the only thing I knew. The only way I knew to relate to the world was via Mormonism. I again summoned up my back-assward logic and convinced myself, at least for the time being, that since I had NOT received the testimony I was promised by the book but that I also had not left the church over it then I must believe it. Of course this belief seemed the same as I had before I started on my quest to "gain a testimony." That was rather unsatisfying but it was more acceptable to me at that time than declaring it all false. After all, it was all I had at the time. I continued with my "second-rate" testimony for 10 years until one day during Elder's Quorum meeting the thought finally surfaced with unmistakable force in my mind: "This is all baloney." |
| Subject: | Amazon Recommends.... |
| Date: | Jan 24 03:31 |
| Author: | Spencer Uresk |
| I've always wondered what Amazon would recommend to
the people who actually enjoy reading the BoM.. The Phone Book, part III? Mutual-Fund-Prospectus-A-Day, 2004? The software EULA collection, Volume II? The Book of Mormon is easily the most boring, pointless, and unbelievable (as in, who the hell would believe that crazy shit?) book I have read in my entire life. Even the fighting parts were boring. If all books were as poorly written and utterly useless as the BoM, I'd consider it a blessing to be illiterate. So yes, I think it was a little boring. |
| Subject: | It was sheer drudgery |
| Date: | Jan 24 04:12 |
| Author: | scott |
| Mail Address: |
| It took me months to get through it. Figured I had
to read it at least once since I was born into the religion. I'd fall
asleep reading it like clockwork. Completely destroyed whatever shred of
a testimony I had up till that point. Keystone of the religion? It's the
most boring convoluted piece of curelom dung I've ever read. I'd rather
read a roll of toilet paper than read the Book of Mormon again. There are no real women in that book. Except for temptresses & dutiful wives with no names in a constant state of bearing children until they're 75 years old. Just Alma the elder begat Alma the younger who is now called Alma the elder, he later begat Alma the younger. And it came to pass, yea verily dididile erily, we did go to battle with the evil Lamanites because they had reddish dark skin and that's just bad. Very bad. Exceedlingly bad. Isn't Jesus great. Follow the prophet. Alabama Ch. 3,567,234,234: 1. There were so many arms(1) we hacked off it was without number. Isn't that cool?! But now we don't do that because the Lamanites are our pals and their skin is now pure[sic] & delitesome like us chosen Nephites. Blech. Thousand years of nothing but stupid racist sexist horny teenage boys playing "no! Mr. Jesus loves me more!" Cowboys and Indians with swords. Inspired, like hell it is. Verily very boring. |
| Subject: | I talked myself into enjoying it |
| Date: | Jan 24 05:39 |
| Author: | fooled40years |
| Sometimes I would set spiritual goals and get all
gung-ho about reading the BofM. I would convince myself that I was
enjoying it more than anything in the world. While I realize that it was not that enjoyable, I did like a lot of the stories in it. I also enjoyed the satisfaction of learning when I understood something I learned in church better after reading about it. I couldn't stand the Isaiah chapters. I had a missionary companion that was trying to get an investigator to read the BofM. He told her that if she could get past all the spiritual stuff, it had a great story. |
| Subject: | Book of Mormon is the #1 reason to reject mormonism |
| Date: | Jan 24 07:04 |
| Author: | NOLDS4ME |
| When I was young, I heard the JS story and pretty
much believed it. Mentally, I was prepared to believe in the BOM. As a
nevermo, I hadn't read the BOM. When I was older, I was excited to
finally read the BOM. The BOM was so ridiculous, that I couldn't
understand why anyone would believe in it. The names, the theological
anachronisms, the borrowings from the Bible, the lousy 19th c. theology,
etc. all added up to the realization that the BOM was false. I was
actually kind of disappointed to see how bad the BOM was. Oh - and it
was really boring too. |
| Subject: | Really, REALLY boring--just like reading the Bible, or writing in a journal... |
| Date: | Jan 24 17:29 |
| Author: | the dreaded single adult |
| Mail Address: |
| ...all of which I attempted at various times during
my 'career' as a member of the Morg. I did succeed in reading the entire BofM ONCE. I always wondered what was wrong with me, when others would say how much they *loved* reading the scriptures, how they got such peace/answers/enlightenment/joy out of them...all I ever got was really, really bored!! |
| Subject: | Re: Poll: How boring did you think the BoM was? (Now that it's okay to tell the truth) |
| Date: | Jan 24 17:56 |
| Author: | Garnet |
| Mail Address: |
| I thought reading the Book of Mormon was about as
interesting as reading a phone book or a dictionary. I did read the
thing as a teenager and it took a long time. And, I'm normally a very
avid reader and often read one or two fairly long books per week. With
the BOM though, I could not stay focused - after a few minutes my mind
would wander. I suppose, though, it did help me get to sleep faster. |
| Subject: | Re: Poll: How boring did you think the BoM was? (Now that it's okay to tell the truth) |
| Date: | Jan 24 19:22 |
| Author: | Yusef |
| Mark Twain called it 'chloroform in print'. I think it an excellent substitute for ambien and other sleeping aids. |
| Subject: | Excellent bedtime reading... |
| Date: | Jan 25 00:44 |
| Author: | curious & curiouser |
| Mail Address: |
| It'll put me to sleep faster that just about anything else. |
| Subject: | Someone please give me a synopsis of the Book of Mormon... |
| Date: | Jan 23 02:05 |
| Author: | Incognito |
| I've never read it. I want to know what it is from a TBM's perspective. |
| Subject: | A good summary by Duwayne Anderson |
| Date: | Jan 23 23:29 |
| Author: | Cattle Mutilator |
| Review at Amazon.com: The Book of Mormon begins with the story of a man named Lehi who, at God's command, left Jerusalem roughly 600 BCE and fled into the "wilderness." Through various turns, Lehi (who was actually the leader of two family units) found his way through what appears to have been the Arabian Desert, to the seashore. Here, Lehi's sons constructed a ship upon which the families sailed to the American continent. The Book of Mormon is thus the story of Hebrews that came to American over 2,000 years ago, and who's descendants we know as American Indians. In this respect, the book reflects the contemporary attitudes of Joseph Smith's New England upbringing in early 19th century America. Shortly after arriving in the Promised Land Lehi dies and his son, Nephi becomes the spiritual leader. Nephi's older brothers resent Nephi and in the ensuing strife the people become divided. One group follows Nephi, becoming the Nephites. The other group becomes the Lamanites - followers of Laman. The resulting physical and spiritual contention between the two groups constitutes a major theme that exists throughout the book. The Book of Mormon describes the Nephites as "white and delightsome, and says that God cursed the Lamanites with a skin of "blackness" so the Nephites would not be attracted to them and their idolatrous ways. Mormon doctrine and tradition has it that the native American Indians are the remnants of the Lamanites, and the Book of Mormon thus attempts to describe both the dark skin and perceived benighted nature of the native Americans as seen through the book's author, Joseph Smith. The Book of Mormon is a mix of both spiritual and historical narrative. Much of the book goes into theological discussions of issues that were vexing in Joseph Smith's day, and there are long stretches where the book quotes extensively from the book of Isaiah. These parts can be dry, but if you can get past the worst of it, and into the Book of Mosiah, the story picks up a bit. By the middle of the book the Nephite and Lamanite civilizations have grown into impressive cultures that covered the land from north to south and east to west. The Book of Mormon says they had silk, used what appear to be metal coins as money, cultivated grains (which they brought from Old World) such as wheat and barley, and domesticated animals such as cattle. They also domesticated horses and used them to pull chariots as they fought numerous wars using swords made of steel. You can read an on-line version of the Book of Mormon, and do simple word searches at http://www.hti.umich.edu/relig/mormon/. The book of Mormon actually describes three migrations from the Old World to the new. One of these consisted of a second migration from Jerusalem at about the same time as Lehi. It was led by one of the sons of Zedekia, and lived apart from the Nephites until discovered by them many generations later, at which point the groups merged. The Nephites also found the remains of a civilization that originated in the Old World around the time of the tower of Babel and which migrated to the Americas around 2000 BCE. This civilization destroyed itself through civil war before being discovered by a lost band of Nephites who stumbled upon their impressive cities in "the land northward." Among their finds, the Nephites recovered metal plates with a history of the people, along with tales of their military hardware, including rusted swords. A common theme throughout the Book of Mormon is that America is the Promised Land, and that only those nations that worship Jesus will be brought to America. Furthermore, it says that those American civilizations that don't worship Jesus will be destroyed. This perspective helps explain the Mormon compulsion for compelling political enforcement of private behavior and religious intrusions in institutions such as public schools. In their minds the literal existence of American society hangs in the balance and constitutional freedoms are a small price to pay. There is also an account of Jesus visiting the Nephites and Lamanites. Again we find lots of stuff copied from the Bible, including whole passages that are repeated (almost) word for word. So profound was Jesus' visit to the people that after leaving them they lived in peace for several hundred years - a remarkable thing from the book's perspective, since the whole story line up to this point is one of nearly constant warfare between the Nephites and Lamanites. During this time of peace the people merged into one civilization. Eventually, though, they returned to their war-making ways and segregated again into Nephites and Lamanites - this time, though, it was along ideological grounds and not racial ones. A long series of wars ensues and eventually the Lamanites kill all the Nephites except for a man named Moroni, who was the son of Mormon, who was one of the last writers in the book, and from whom the book takes its title. Moroni, last of his people, buries the plates of gold that contain the Book of Mormon. That's the end of the Book of Mormon. It's arrival on the modern scene resumes in the early 1800 when Moroni returns as a resurrected angle and tells Joseph Smith, founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where to find the gold plates and how to translate them. All but the most ardent supporters of Mormonism realized long ago that the Book of Mormon is not a real description of ancient America. To some extent, though, that distinction is irrelevant. It is scripture to Mormons and the foundation of their religion. As such, it affects the lives and attitudes of a growing number of people who have increasing political power and influence in American society. It should, therefore, be read and understood by all educated individuals. http://www.amav=glance&s=books&vi=customer-reviews&show=-submittime&start-at=31 |
| Subject: | I, nephi.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz the end nt |
| Subject: | Re: Someone please give me a synopsis of the Book of Mormon... |
| Date: | Jan 23 12:21 |
| Author: | Wil |
| OK, from an ex-TBM. Lehi and his dysfunctional family leave Jerusalem, build a ship under God's guidance and end up in the pristine wilderness of what we now call the Americas. The dysfunctional family splits into two groups. The Nephites, followers of God who are "white and delightsome", and the Lamanites, the bad guys who are "dark and loathsome". The book follows their trials, tribulations and wars (with a bunch of Isaiah mixed in) up until Christ shows up. Things are great for a while with everyone living in an idyllic state until bad stuff starts happening again and the Nephites are all killed off in a big war. Oh, and this is a history of the Indians. |
| Subject: | Okay... |
| Date: | Jan 23 12:32 |
| Author: | Seeker |
| Mail Address: |
| Fictional account of two groups of Hebrew peoples
who migrate to the Americas in the BCE. Both groups split into factions
(pro and anti christian), and end up destroying themselves. Second group
(Nephites/Lamanites) is visited by Christ after his resurrection. |
| Subject: | Re: Kill, War, War, War, War, War, Jesus, War, War, War, Snore n/t |
| Subject: | synopsis of BoM |
| Date: | Jan 23 12:39 |
| Author: | Baura |
| Here's a synopsis of the Book of Mormon. It's a direct quote
from Ethan Smith's View of the Hebrews which was published in two
editions that flooded Joseph Smith's area well before the Book of
Mormon was written: "[Hebrews] arriving in this continent with some knowledge of the arts of civilized life, finding themselves in the vast wilderness filled with the best of game inviting them to the chase, most of them fell into a wandering idle hunting life. Different clans parted from each other, lost each other, and formed the separate tribes. Most of them formed a habit of this idle form of living and were pleased with it. "More sensible parts of this people associated together to improve their knowledge of the arts and probably continued thus for ages. From these the noted relics of civilization discovered in the west and south were furnished. But the savage tribes prevailed; and in process of time their savage jealousies and rage annihilated their more civilized brethren. And thus as a wholly vindictive providence would have it, and according to ancient denunciations all were left in an 'outcast' state.... It is highly probable that the more civilized part of the tribes of Israel after they settled in America became wholly separated from the hunting and savage tribes of their brethren; that the latter lost the knowledge of their having descended from the same family with themselves; that the more civilized part continued for many centuries, that tremendeous wars were frequent between them and their savage brethren until the former became extinct." |
| Subject: | More details (Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this synopsis.) |
| Date: | Jan 23 12:39 |
| Author: | MySongAngel |
| It's divided into books, just like the Bible: 1 Nephi, 2 Nephi, Jacob, ?, Jarom, Omni, Words of Mormon, Mosaiah, Alma, Helaman, 3 Nephi, 4 Nephi, okay, now I have trouble remembering. I think Ether's next, then Moroni. Moroni's the last book. Wil summed it up pretty well in his post. They come to America, and populate it to the point that the number of people are 'greater than the sands of the sea'. Oh, their wives were taken from Jerusalem after they left. See, first Lehi is commanded to leave Jerusalem. THEN after a few weeks, he's commanded to go Back to get the 'Brass Plates', whatever those are. Then they go back and get their pal, Ishmael, and marry his daughters. I can just see Joseph Smith translating this, thinking, (Oh CRAP! I forgot that they'll need wives!)"Uh... and then the Lord commanded them to go back to Jerusalem and get Ishmael." Hmmm... Basically what happens throughout the entire book is that the Lamanites are bad, the Nephites are good, and then they switch. Whenever a group of people becomes 'righteous', they get blessed with riches, then they become prideful, and then they start sinning, and then God destoys them. This humbles them, so they become good again, then they're blessed, which makes them prideful, etc. etc..... Oh yeah! Almost the whole book of 2 Nephi is copied from Isaiah, word for word. It is by far the most boring book ever written. There's lots of wars that kill thousands of people, unless they're good. Jesus visits them during the 'three days' that he was dead. After that, they become perfect people for about a hundred years. Anyway, at the end, the Nephites get killed off in a war. Mormon gives the record to Moroni, his son, as he's dying. Moroni ends up being the last living Nephite. He buries this 'precious record' in the mountain side. About 1500 years later, Joseph Smith finds it when the Angel of Moroni guides him there. Oh yeah, it's written in Elizabethan English. Everyone knows that the Lord speaks Elizabethan English. |
| Subject: | My version |
| Date: | Jan 23 13:22 |
| Author: | Fedelm |
| Some dysfunctional family members leave Jerusalem and
make it to the New World. One guy kills another, which goes on and on,
as people spend most of their time killing each other, except for a
short time when Jesus appears. That part is ripped off from the Bible,
so if you've read the Sermon on the Mount, you have an idea of what
happens in that chapter. Then, the people resume killing each other, and
it ends with the Nephites being wiped out. It's all really boring anyway, "And it came to pass.." is used about 80% of the time throughout this book. |
| Subject: | A synopsis by the characters themselves!!!!! |
| Date: | Jan 23 15:23 |
| Author: | tanstaafl |
| One day in heaven (mormon heaven of course), a bunch
of the main playas from the book of mormon got down to reminisce about
their adventures over a nice bottle of wine (in heaven the WOW is still
merely a suggestion, not a commandment ;-)). I went a little like this: Nephi: Who would have thought, thirty hundred years ago, we'd all be sitting here in mormon heaven drinking Chateau de Chaselet, eh? All: Aye, aye. Jared: Them book of mormon days we were glad to have the price of a cup of tea. Moroni: Right! A cup of cold tea! Jared: Right! Nephi: Without milk or sugar! Alma - the son of Alma: Or tea! Jared: In a cracked cup and all. Nephi: Oh, we never used to have a cup! We used to have to drink out of a rolled-up newspaper! Moroni: The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth. Alma: But you know, we were happy in those days, although we were poor. Jared: Because we were poor! Alma: Right! Jared: My brother, whose name I cannot for the life of me recall, used to say to me: "Money doesn't bring you happiness, Jared!" Nephi: He was right! Moroni: Right! Nephi: I was happier then and I had nothing! We used to live in this tiny old tumbled-down house in Jerusalem with great big holes in the roof. Then, me old man went barking mad and decided we had to leave Jerusalem and go on some crazy trip. After we left, he sent me back to get some plates made o' brass from some old fart. Well listen, he wouldn't give ‘em up, so I chopped ‘is ‘ead off, I did. Then I dressed up in the dead buggers clothes and got the plates from ‘is servant, who never once recognized me even though I was just a teenager wearing the blood soaked clothes of a man twice my age. But you know, I miss that ol' house. Jared: House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in a one room barge, all twenty- six of us, no furniture, no light except windows in the top and the bottom of the barge which we never could figure out why there was a widow in the bottom of the barge and we couldn't open the window at the top because it was tight like unto a dish. As a matter of fact the whole barge was tight like unto a dish. And my brother, you know the one whose name I cannot for the life of me recall, used to drink so much that he would get tight like unto a dish and thrash me about the head and shoulders, and whenever he would get tight like unto a dish we would all be huddled together in one corner for fear of a thrashing from my brother — whose name I cannot recall. Alma: You were lucky to have a barge! We used to have to live in the corridor! Not to mention my parents giving me a girls name. Oooh, I used to get the crap beat out of me in school because of that. And me dad should have known better, I am after all Alma, the son of Alma. Ooh to ‘ave lived in a house. Nephi: Well, when I say a house, it was just a hole in the ground, covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us! And then we ‘ad to travel for months in a boat tossed about the seas til we came to the uninhabited shores of Americas That's right Mr. Sorensen, I said UNinhabited. Jared: You were lucky to have a boat! There were 150 of us living barge for years, tight like unto a dish! Nephi: A wooden barge? Jared: Aye! Nephi: You were lucky! We lived for three months in a rolled-up newspaper in a the Arabian desert! We used to have to get up every morning, at six o'clock and clean the newspaper, go to traipsing around the desert, fourteen hours a day, week in, week out, for six pence a week and when we got home, our dad Lehi would thrash us to sleep with his "Iron Rod"! Jared: Luxury! Once we got to America we used to live in a lake. We would get up out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work twenty hours a day building a civilization that would completely disappear anyway, by the time Nephi got here, come home, and my brother, whose bloody name I still cannot remember, would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, . . . if we were lucky! Alma: Well, of course, we had it tough! When we got home, our dad, Alma, since I am after all Alma, the son of Alma, would slice us in two with a bread knife! Moroni: At least you had a dad, my dad was killed along with 6 million others, soldiers, their wives and children. And I had to spend the next thirty years covering the bones with lime so they would decompose and not be found in the twentieth century. Not to mention that I had to carry two million steel swords and breastplates and hide them in a cave so that modern Mormons could believe in the book of mormon by faith, instead of any evidence that we really existed. Thirty Years, I worked. Nephi: Right! I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down building a bloody temple like unto Solomon, which was supposedly built with hundreds of thousands of workers whereas we only had about twenty, and when we got home, our dad would kill us with his "Iron Rod" and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah! Jared: Aah. And you trying to tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you! All, joined by the three witnesses AND the eight witnesses: No, no they won't! |
| Subject: | Complain, snivel and... |
| Date: | Jan 23 15:50 |
| Author: | 3 nephites |
| Mail Address: |
| bitch. You're the LUCKY BoM guys! You guys have it soooo tough up yonder! What about us? Doomed to do the walkabout on earth for eternity, that's what. And NO one ever believes our story. So, if you run into that bastard Jeebus up there, tell him we've had enough and changed our minds about doing any more of this crap fer chrissakes! Ha ha, Reggie |
| Subject: | But, above all, don't forget the part where.... |
| Date: | Jan 23 15:45 |
| Author: | Bob |
| General Mormon, the leader of the Nephites, writes a
note to the Lamanite king asking him if it would be OK if they could
take both of their armies, wives, kids, cureloms and cumons, tents,
provisions, etc., and march them from somewhere in middle America all
the way to upstate New York in order to fight the last battle. The king
agrees, so they make, not only the longest overland march in history,
but they also kill around 250,000 troops in just a day or two. which was
the mother of all slaughters. The remarkable thing is that none of the "steel" swords, or other artifacts are to be found anywhere around the Hill Cumorah, which is where, according to JS and later church leaders, (whom we all know would NEVER lead us astray), it all took place. |
| Subject: | HERE IT IS !!! - - - - - - - |
| Date: | Jan 23 16:04 |
| Author: | theAntiSprite |
| To the tune of "Beverly Hillbillies
theme..." Come and listen to a story 'bout a prophet, Lehi. An obnoxious man with a compass from on high. One day after preachin', he was sleepin' in his tent, When a vision did unfold to him and told him where to get, A dream, that is. Inspiration. Well the first thing you know, Lehi's a wanted man, Laban's dead, stolen plates, but God said they can, Said let's go and build a town called zarahemla, so they built some ships, god knows how, moved to America. Western world, that is. land of milk and honey. Like bionic rabbits, they somehow filled the land, in no time flat they rose and fell, but with his quivering hand, moroni left us with this dribble and a promise from on high, if you ask if this is true, you'll get an answer nigh, buning in the bossom, that is. con artist's tactic. Baloney. Yall come back now, here? theAntiSprite |
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