| Subject: | What did it "COST" you to leave Mormonism? |
| Date: | Oct 26 13:50 |
| Author: | SusieQ#1 |
| Did you loose family relationships, business, career, home,
finances, children, wife? And since leaving, have things changed positively or not for you? Does time seem to "heal all wounds" as they say? Do family members who were initially shocked and upset now accept you? Would you say the "cost" was worth it? |
| Subject: | I failed to reconcile with my parents before they died. |
| Date: | Oct 26 14:10 |
| Author: | Stray Mutt |
| I avoided them rather than admit my disbelief. I didn't want to go through the shame of disappointing them. I told them I was active rather than hurt them. So, at least the way I did it, leaving the church cost me a possible relationship with my parents and, for a while, my integrity. |
| Subject: | Re: I failed to reconcile with my parents before they died. |
| Date: | Oct 27 02:31 |
| Author: | Timothy |
| How unfortunate. My parents are still alive, and yet we've not been
able to reconcile our differences - even though we know each others position. To me, this is the sadest situation the church imposes. How it can claim to be so family oriented, yet remain so persistant in driving a wedge between believing and non believing family members, is quite beyond my capacity. It is, to say the least, painful to know that families have been destroyed because of this faith. And even more painful to have experienced this horrible destruction first hand. Aside from losing family relations, I think the thing that hurt most initially was losing my faith in God. Even to this day I cannot trust religious authority in any way, shape, or form. I believe that Jesus Christ was the first Christian Cult leader. I have serious doubts that God even exists. And I am firmly convinced that anyone who claims to be a mouthpiece for God is nothing more than a spiritual entreprenuer. The loss of innocence is perhaps the most significant loss in everyone's life. Initially it does hurt. But in the end we are much wiser for the experience which can do us no harm. Still, I'd like to free my TBM parents and remaining TBM siblings from the vile clutches of Mormonism as I'm sure they'd like to bring me back into the fold. This will probably never happen and I must accept that eventuality. How sad, however, that a mythical religion can induce such unbelievable misery. My heart bleeds for you, Mutt, as well as for all who've suffered the same indignation. I suppose the only silver lining to this cloud is to know that we are not alone. This is the Gospel according to Timothy ... 'Nuff said! Timothy |
| Subject: | I lost my last job.(nt) |
| Date: | Oct 26 14:24 |
| Author: | Enig0 |
| Subject: | Re: What did it "COST" you to leave Mormonism? |
| Date: | Oct 26 15:14 |
| Author: | msmom |
| SusieQ#1 wrote: > Did you loose family relationships, business, career, home, finances, children, wife? Husband and I left together, my extended family is not lds. His is, but they did not reject us. > > And since leaving, have things changed positively or not for you? All changes have been positive. More time to do things with family, more money, no need to inflict guilt on children for non existant sins. Freedom to choose our own underwear. More creative sex. > > Does time seem to "heal all wounds" as they say? Kinda - I gguess, we haven'ta attended since 1988, but we still get mad sometimes about how we let our minds be so clouded with mysticism, but, whaddya gonna do? > > Do family members who were initially shocked and upset now accept you? They always have accepted us. They may not approve of how we live our lives, but hey, we don't approve of how they live their lives! We live and let live and send baby gifts and the ususla things families do. > > Would you say the "cost" was worth it? If there were a joy measure for our lives, it would be off the charts for the simple joy we find in mormon free living. They are so joyless in that cult. Joy alone is a wonderful reason to leave! |
| Subject: | Re: What did it "COST" you to leave Mormonism? |
| Date: | Oct 26 15:17 |
| Author: | David |
| I lost my marriage, wife, children, house, job, friends, (at least I
thought they were my friends at the time) To put it in a nutshell, I lost everything.
Literally. I honestly think for awhile I lost some of my sanity also. I had no support
base at all what so ever and my extended family was not there to offer me emotional
support. My so called Mormon friends all abandoned me. As far as wounds healing goes. For
me the answer is no. I just have to live with the pain on a daily basis. Sometimes I see,
read, or hear things that bring it all back fresh and allows the wound to remain open. The
only outlet that I have to vent my pain is this bulletin board which I'm very glad to
have, because without some type of outlet for my pain I think I would honestly kill
myself. I sincerely thank all of the regular posters here for their sincerety and
listening ear. My life has totally changed now. I don't know if it's better or not because the pain tends to obscure my ability to evaluate that question objectively at this point in my life. The point is that what's done is done. I have to now go on and rebuild my life regardless of the pain and loss of the past. As far as was it worth it goes. I have to say yes because I never should have joined Mormonism to begin with. I wasn't happy with it when I was in it but I stayed with it because of the pressure it put upon me. It caused me alot of confusion and pain all the years I was in it. I joined when I was extremely young and in a very insecure and awkward time of my life. I was "ripe for the picking" so to speak. At least now I can start over fresh and don't have to worry about losing everything anymore because I have nothing more to lose - I've already lost it all. I'm going to make it because I have to... and I'm going to learn to be happy regardless of the outcome this time. |
| Subject: | Re: What did it "COST" you to leave Mormonism? |
| Date: | Oct 27 00:07 |
| Author: | KP |
| Hang in there Dave! I will keep you in my prayers. |
| Subject: | Re: What did it "COST" you to leave Mormonism? |
| Date: | Oct 27 09:05 |
| Author: | New Girl |
| Well, let's just list 3 of the major differences since leaving
Mormonism: Taking full responsibility for my life. Discovering true spirituality. 10% increase in income. Priceless... |
| Subject: | Re: What did it "COST" you to leave Mormonism? |
| Date: | Oct 26 16:16 |
| Author: | Jolimont |
| > Did you loose family relationships, business, career, home,
finances, children, wife? No, thankfully, but I worried I might. I feel very sad for folks (such as David) who do lose everything. > And since leaving, have things changed positively or not for you? Lalaland wasn't such a happy place after all. Reality is MUCH better! > Does time seem to "heal all wounds" as they say? I think so, yes. > Do family members who were initially shocked and upset now accept you? Yes, to a great extent. > Would you say the "cost" was worth it? YES M'AM! |
| Subject: | The "cost" to me re: leaving Mormonism has been about 98% positive |
| Date: | Oct 26 16:39 |
| Author: | SusieQ#1 |
| There are a couple of areas that require that I - "agree to
disagree" to maintain peace, and one member of the family that seems to have taken it
personally and is unable to forgive me for my choices. Most of my family have left
Mormonism. One of the unexpected "costs" of leaving Mormonism and being vocal about it is the number of lunatics that pester me on line. It is clear that a lot of members are emotionally and/or mentally unstable, immature, and brainwashed to the point they would kill if they were commanded to. TBM's on line are some of most hateful, vile, vulgar, uneducated, people I have ever encountered. That is scary and I do all I can to protect myself. It appears those with an ounce of sense have left Mormonism and the only ones left ranting on line are the bottom of the gene pool. I do not associate with Mormons much. I do see a few old "friends" while out shopping from time to time, and we are on friendly terms. I doubt most of them have any idea that I have officially resigned. My letter to the local leaders was pretty clear about telling anyone and my reputation precedes me so they know better than to mess with me because they know I mean business! What I have gained is much greater than anything I "lost" or any "cost" to me. Just to know that there was nothing wrong with me when the church teachings were so ridiculous they did not make sense was a huge boost to my self confidence and self esteem. I was correct in my thinking all along. I just had no idea that it was a total hoax but when I did realize that fact, after the initial response of YES YES YES!!! I started to laugh! Oh My Gosh! All those people paying 10% of their income for life to wear matching regulation skivvies and play dress-ups in the temple and proclaiming a hoax is true because they have faith and prayed is hilarious! My thinking has evolved. I was a convert to Mormonism when at a young and impressionable age and not "street wise" to the shenanigans that the missionaries used to lure people in. Besides, I thought it was just another Christian Church. All of my life has contributed to who I am and Mormonism played a big roll in that. I have no regrets for any of my choices. I learned a lot while living Mormonism. I had a lot of opportunities to develop abilities and learn new skills. Some I still use. |
| Subject: | counting the cost |
| Date: | Oct 26 18:07 |
| Author: | unconvert |
| I've thought alot about this over the past year as I was making my
decision to leave or to stay. I am very fortunate in that my husband chose to leave with me. It took several months for him to come to terms with it, so we took it slow. We have lost many of our dearest friends. Only a few have wanted to remain friends since we sent our exit letter last month, and it has SEVERELY strained the relationship with those few. We also had to face the embarrassment of telling our never-mo family, who told us we never should have joined all those years ago in the first place. It's hard to admit you've been wrong about such a volatile issue. When I first started to have doubts, the adoption of our first child was pending thru LDS Family Services. If I hadn't played the game, they could have easily taken him away after months in our home. That was a terrifying fear for me. We went inactive for several months as soon as his adoption was finalized, to try to sort things out. When we finally made the decision to exit, we were on the list to adopt again. Infertility treatments have failed, and other adoption agencies are much more expensive than LDS Family services. So, we had to make a choice about which was more important, having more kids (and siblings for our son) or following our hearts. We decided to give up the dream of a large family, and if we do adopt again, it will be a long while down the road. I want my son to have the joy of siblings, and I wonder if he ever will. We will more than likely be forced to move, as it is very unpleasant living in such a church dominated area. We try to go shopping on Sunday, to avoid as many people as possible. By the time our son is in school, I definitely want to be out of here. I don't want him to be shunned or proselytized mercilessly.... our elementary school is 80% mormon. That will be a huge cost financially, but i don't see any way around it. We've also got to redecorate our house, now that all the temple pix etc... are gone. Overall, I can't say how I will feel about this years down the road. It is still too fresh. But I already know it was well worth the cost, to have the peace and integrity to be completely honest with myself and those around me, and to let go of all the guilt. I'm glad I'm out!!!!!!! |
| Subject: | the power of the MORG is extensive... congrats to you for being strong! n/t |
| Date: | Oct 26 18:10 |
| Author: | SusieQ#1 |
| Mail Address: |
| Subject: | It cost me plenty. |
| Date: | Oct 26 17:57 |
| Author: | Troy |
| Most of the financial losses I incurred were due to my expenditure
on hundreds of cases of beer, which I used to drown the sorrows inherent to cult
deprogramming. Still, I suspect that I am ahead, compared to the financial losses I would have sustained by paying tithing during the years that I instead blew my spare money on alcohol. |
| Subject: | The cost of staying would have cost me any chance at of sanity |
| Date: | Oct 26 18:49 |
| Author: | Cheryl |
| Leaving the church gave me a wholesome and happy life. Staying in would have eventually led to a life mental hospitals and padded cells. The price of giving up all changes for a warm ongoing connection to my family and childhood friends was well worth the escape to freedom from mormonism. |
| Subject: | Exactly! |
| Date: | Oct 26 18:51 |
| Author: | Troy |
| The beer was worth it, because in the end, I have retained my sanity. I can't imagine how profoundly miserable my life would be today had I not left 18 years ago! |
| Subject: | My family. |
| Date: | Oct 26 18:45 |
| Author: | Matt |
| But I like to tell myself that it is their loss. |
| Subject: | It cost pain. |
| Date: | Oct 26 22:57 |
| Author: | SteveH |
| The nature of my relationships changed. Divorce was a direct
consequence of my leaving the church. My spouse taking the minor children out of state to
minimize contact with their apostate father (me) was a direct consequence. My older children, siblings, and parents have expressed love and acceptance. Only my mother has asked to know why I left the church. I detect a little distance when I talk to some family members on the telephone - like they are guarding themselves from being hurt or don't know how to fit me into their world anymore. I have become closer to one of my BIL's. Of course my finances are impacted with the consequences of alimony and child support. But I have managed to purchase a home for the first time in twelve years. With a couple of exceptions, all those church members who used to say "give 'SteveH' my love" to my wife have disappeared. Was it worth it? The pain and loneliness of being alone, thousands of miles from any family, feels Shakespearean in depth some nights. I guess it's like the pain and injury of cancer surgery when good parts of the body are sacrificed along with the bad in order to save your life. Leaving Mormonism and divorcing my ultra TBM wife saved my life. |
| Subject: | A facade and "Friends" (S-word) |
| Date: | Oct 26 23:04 |
| Author: | Gail |
| The Cost was an instant circle of "firends" which was a superficial group of ward members wherever I lived. And a lack of trust for people (cynicism that is fading with time) The Benefits OTOH were many including: Better relationships with family Real friends (despite divergent opinions and beliefs) Authentic spirituality (deist but not religious) My own personal political path where I can choose which issues i support and reject with no fear of expulsion from the "group" No more credit or blame to "skydaddy" for all the good or bad things that happen The idea that sometimes Sh*t Happens! Finding my voice! Gail |
| Subject: | Re: What did it "COST" you to leave Mormonism? |
| Date: | Oct 26 23:38 |
| Author: | Saucie |
| For me the correct question would be more like "what did it
cost me to stay in mormonism" ... For starters, my self worth. I was BIC and never
ever felt like I fit in. Even as a child I wished that I had been a convert so I could
have a strong testimony, somhow I just couldn't hang my lucky star on the Joseph Smith
story. Isn't it funny how people instinctively, know the truth about things but don't
somehow acknowledge it for whatever reason. I'm so thankful that I learned what a hoax the church is. The truth has always been so important to me and all this time I was living a lie. I'm so grateful that my husband and kids are out along with me. Actually it's only been a couple of monthes since I discovered the truth about the church, I still have alot to process in terms of what else I gained by leaving, aside from more money, more time and less guilt, no more sitting through unbearably BRAIN BENDINGLY BORING meetings... Yikes!! My heart goes out to all those who posted who've lost family, friends and jobs... Oh my God, what pain for you!! I'm so sorry for all that everyone has lost. Fortunately for me I've lived in California all my life so my friends, my job, my culture do not depend on my religious belief's. Thanks for the question ...it was a good one. :-) But you know what?.. if a friend leaves you because you changed your religion...they weren't a true friend to begin with. |
| Subject: | Re: What did it "COST" you to leave Mormonism? |
| Date: | Oct 26 23:46 |
| Author: | Appleseed |
| wow! this is an amazing thread. i have never been mormon, but i am very moved by these stories. david and steveh, having lost families, their own children, still consider it worth the cost. is there more powerful a statement than that? i know i could never fully understand what any of you are feeling, but i want you to know that i am moved. it absolutely floors me that something like this church can continue to flourish in our 21st century world. |
| Subject: | The cost for me is positive(some cussing) |
| Date: | Oct 26 23:54 |
| Author: | Adrienne |
| Since I came from a never-mo family, I never had to deal with the loss of them. The asshole I married is not too bright and neither is his mom, so they may never leave the cult, and F*CK THEM! Those so-called "friends" were only there when it suited them, and I have better real friends who never joined. I have noticed that the bishop is either extremely stupid or too stuborn to let me out of the cult as I have requested. The few Morgbots I have met online are the most hateful and uneducated people I met, other than my former MIL. I have gained the freedom to do what I want on Sundays without wasting 3 hours in boring "meetings" where I often felt unworthy because of my family background. My self-esteem has improved without the emotional abuse from that ex-husband and a cult that constantly said I wasn't "worthy" because I haven't converted anyone and because I chose to wait before having kids. I like feeling more awake in the mornings after my coffee. If I want to have a beer or relax sipping some tea, I can without feeling any guilt. I suffered from depression as a member, and since leaving, I have felt much happier, and now I wish I never joined. I also know that I will never date another Morgbot again, and I found wearing a cross necklace to be a nice Morg repellant. I'm just glad I don't live in Utah, since there is a moderate population of Mormons, but the majority aren't. |
| Subject: | Just a wife, but... |
| Date: | Oct 27 02:37 |
| Author: | antishock8 |
| I gots me kids. An' I gots mo' munny. I get ta drink onceinerwhile
an' not feel bad er nuthin'. Oh. I did lose the comfort that the thought of an afterlife brings. That's deeply comforting. I miss that. I think overall I very much better off than before. It's too bad my wife did what she did, and I'm deeply saddened by the way her actions have affected my life and the lives of my daughters. BUT, that being said, I have an amazing fiance and I'm excited to see what the future holds with her. Ummm....there ya go. |
| Subject: | my marriage, my kids, my house, most of my friends, my family's respect, half my 401K and stock options... |
| Date: | Oct 27 02:49 |
| Author: | nwguy |
| Regrets? Nope. |
| Subject: | free of the priestcraft |
| Date: | Oct 27 10:36 |
| Author: | ruldx2 |
| It cost me my marriage first. Then it cost me the respect of my
extended tbm family. It would have cost me my job if I'd been unfortunate enough to have
accepted job offers at byu (thank god for secular universities that care nothing for such
silliness as religious belief). Losing belief in Joseph's fantasies and christianity did
cost me the security of feeling at the center of the universe and knowing everything was
done for a purpose and someone was watching out for me and I'd live again after I died.
Those are some of the negatives. On the other side, I gained a feeling of peace and harmony with the universe. I don't feel better or more blessed than any other living or inanimate thing any more. I used to enjoy nature but I enjoy it so much more now. I love life more than ever before. My job has gone as well as ever. My health even better. I didn't pick up any addictive habits. No supernatural evil spirits succeeded in capitalizing on my holy-ghostless condition and tempting me beyond my ability to withstand (which I probably would have been vulnerable to were there really such ghosts among and around us). There are two big problems with leaving Mormonsim as I see it: (1) the torn and broken relationships (this one I've felt) and (2) the lingering problems associated with still retaining any slight belief in the superstition (this one I see in others). The church will try to have any hold over your mind they can, even a slight, subconcious one, for as long as they can. Damn them. And damn Joseph, the original (restored) practicioner of the stupid priestcraft. |
| Subject: | In leaving mormonism... |
| Date: | Oct 27 19:59 |
| Author: | TLC |
| ...I lost the guilt I'd been carrying all my life. I lost the
unhappiness that followed me around like a shadow. I lost the need to lie about who I was.
I lost my long underwear. But most of all, I lost the guy I used to be. No Problem. I like the new one better. What did it cost me? My relationship with my mom mostly. That's been a hard one to reconcile but I think I'm finally there. My happiness is more important to me than a relationship with my mom. It's hard to count the cost when you get what you want in the end. |
| Subject: | I lost my family on my side, I lost my best friend since childhood, I lost a security . . . |
| Date: | Oct 27 20:05 |
| Author: | Free |
| blanket that I found being in the church. On the other hand, I feel so much closer to my husband who has been there for me with love. He left five years before I did. When the balloon went up and I saw some ugly colors in the controlling LDS church, he was there to hold me while I broke down and sobbed and literally fell to pieces. (Sounds so dramatic, but if he weren't there for me, I think I would have gone crazy). After all, the LDS church is subtly abusive and they can do dirt on you if you don't conform. Honestly too, I think that I was making a lot of LDS neighbors jealous because I was so successful in life and was not playing by their rules. It was driving them mad because they were paying tithing, going to church, and were doing everything right and I was the one excelling. I did not play the game because I had an inactive husband. Now, the gains I have is freedom from ridiculous restrictions, more spontenaity in life, great love for God, a spirit or presence with me, an understanding that it is about love and kindness, a more open mind and acceptance of all people. I have one really fantastic friend who is a devout Catholic -- she is my best friend and she shines! I have two wonderful women bosses (at each part time job). One is a Baptist and she shines too! I adore her. My other boss is Lutheran and she is so full of strength and love for people. They are all true friends!!! I have a husband -- a true lover and friend! He is my best friend and I think he is an answer to my prayers because without him I think I might not have been strong enough to break free from the cult. (And I do think it is a cult). I may have lost a family but then again, relationships are so shallow and conditional in the LDS faith. It really is their choice and their loss. |