I converted to the church in 2005, in the summer right after I finished my sophomore year of high school. I had just moved to a new state and the church offered friends in this very new place to which I moved.

I quickly became involved in Young Women after my baptism and earned my Young Womanhood Recognition Award within a year of joining. When the Bishop gave me award he spoke of how quickly I earned it. The truth is, I was already participating in the activities required to receive the award. Aside from the LDS cult-like stuff involved, most of it called for community service and living a virtuous life. The latter made it easy for me.

While I still believed everything the church taught, I decided to have a patriarchal blessing to, of course, see what life would have in store for me if I followed the church's teachings. I remember that, when I received my printed copy of the patriarch's blessing, it was VASTLY different from what he had said in person. My mom's blessing was different too. This was soon after we were baptized so we asked the elders who had baptized us why the blessing was different. They said that the patriarch received 'further instruction from God' as to what to write in my blessing. I didn't believe them. I remember yelling at the Patriarch over the phone saying "It's not my blessing and I don't want it!"

The missionaries lie! I was told I could wear pants to church when I was baptized. I wore dress slacks so it wasn't like I wasn't dressed up for church. I wore slacks as an investigator, but the moment I joined, I was told I needed to wear a skirt because it was more appropriate. I honestly don't know why I just didn't leave then, because the treatment didn't get any better.

One day, I attended one of the youth stake dances. I wore dress pants because that is how I felt comfortable. I was told to leave and not return until I wore a skirt. I don't know what was so immodest about wearing dress pants! The bishop told me it would be fine when I received my recommend card to attend the dance. Honestly, if they were worried about young women having sex, which would make it easier, dress slacks, or a skirt that went just above my knees?

I never attended seminary because I didn't have time for it. I was involved in band and I needed to be in rehearsal that early so my time did not permit me to be a seminary student. I think, by not attending seminary, I did not receive the full extent of the LDS brainwashing. I was a very active member. I watched all the LDS movies offered at the Temple Visitor's Center and even went tracting with the Sister Missionaries. When I broke my foot, a priesthood member administered a blessing. At the time, I really believed that is why my foot healed. Nothing else but the power of the priesthood. Boy was I naive!!!

I attended Girls' Camp the summer after my Junior year of high school. Our camp was held in a bee infested area while the boys went to a very nice nearby island. Many girls were stung by bees and "needed blessings" by the the priesthood leaders. At the time, I was an avid sleepwalker. One time I woke up underneath my bed, and another time I woke up talking to one of the young women leaders. This was not kept private, and was broadcasted to the whole camp one night over the campfire. I was deeply embarassed and my whole cabin harassed me about it until the end of camp. I knew every time I sleptwalked because I would wake up after each episode so I knew the girls were lying when they told me that I was "banging on the door trying to get out of the cabin". The harassment from the other girls really bothered me and made me wonder why they were not following the teachings of the church. Some of the leaders even joined in on the harassment. This was one of the turning points of me leaving the church.


One day at Church, I sat on a table while talking with someone. I was sitting properly, just on a table. There was nothing inappropriate about it, or so I thought. A woman from the Relief Society saw me and told the Bishop. I received a lecture from the Bishop who told me how slutty it was for me to be sitting on the table. I was a virgin and had never even dated. There was nothing inappropriate about what I did. Maybe they should have paid attention to another girl who was raised Mormon, got knocked up, and got married in a COURTHOUSE!
During my senior year my mother and I (who were the only members in my family) tried to do baptisms for the dead at the temple. We were not allowed to do so because we did not bring a member of the priesthood with us. We were turned away and my mother was very upset, as was I. We really wanted to participate, but we hated the idea of needing a man with us.From this point on, I started realizing everything that was so patriarchal in the church. I volunteered with the Relief Society to clean the Meetinghouse and realized that the women leaders were not given keys to the church, only the male leaders received keys. As a result, the Relief Society was not able to clean the church without a priesthood member present. To add further insult to injury, this priesthood member was known for molesting young boys in the Boy Scouts program. I learned that the boys learned CPR, so I asked a young woman leader if we could learn CPR as well and become certified, just like the boys. She told me no, that "there was no reason for us to learn it." What did we learn instead? How to become good wives and mothers. So I guess if a child was choking then the wife should call her husband to administer CPR? One of final young women events I attended involved everyone decorating a plate at the local Color Me Mine store. We were told the plates were for our future children's special days. Couldn't we just make them for fun? I was just in high school and, even though I wanted children in the future, I was not planning things like that. The thought of me making the plate for future children when I wasn't even dating was absolutely absurd to me at the time. We were constantly learning about how to be good mothers while the boys learned more applicable skills towards their futures. As someone who recently identified as a feminist thanks to a GREAT high school teacher, I felt completely out of place.

Aside from that, my senior year was relatively uneventful. I went to college nearby and had problems with my roommates because they were very extreme on their drinking and sex life. The church offered to help me find better roommates. At the time I had already been inactive for a few months and they were trying to bring me back into the fold, I suppose. I attended church occasionally with my mother, who was also having her doubts. A church member attending the same college as me offered to let me sleep on her couch while the school tried to fidn me a new roommate. The only catch? I had to attend singles ward. Again, I was not thinking of getting married and I believed the church was to be spent with family, not focusing on finding a spouse. Also, I did not like the idea that my father, and other family members, could not attend my wedding if they were not members. It seemed like the church (which tries to act like it's all about family) just tries to break them apart.

This was the final straw for my mother. We both went inactive. A few months later, we sent in our resignation letters to the church. We burned the Bibles, Books of Mormon, and our patriarchal blessings. We received an official letter from the church saying that our memberships had been removed and, if we decided to join the church again, we would need to have an extensive interview with the bishop.

I resigned 3 years ago and life has been GREAT since! I'm still active in community service and am still that same person I was in the church (just a lot less naive).