Date: August 09, 2016 08:34PM
Hello everyone! I have been wanting to share my exit story for months now, so here it goes!
I have been coming to this site regularly for the last year for comfort and courage while quitting TSCC. Here's a quick back story. I was raised in TSCC from birth, along with my many many bro's and sisters. Never had money for anything and ate bishop's store house food quite often. For the most part, I had a great childhood with my siblings and mom. I loved my parents with all my heart and always wanted to please them and HF and JC by being a good girl. I almost always followed the rules, until I turned 13 and kissed a boy by the vending machines... ah yes, good memories ;) My dad was gone almost all the time, which really bummed me out as a kid because when he was around he was a lot of fun and played with us a lot. But that wasn't very often. He was a "noble soul" and never said no to any calling or requests from TSCC. So many years were lost with his wife and children in serving EVERYONE but us. I used to think he was the golden father because of it...now I think he didn't have the balls to say no. Flash forward to my twenties. I was getting ready for a mission and met a guy right as I received my call. We got a little too frisky and I could no longer go on my mission...instead I got to visit with my douchebag bishop in the singles ward for months. I was put through a bishop's council and was threatened with excommunication because I was "dirty". Ugh, it still makes me mad! I remember thinking at the time how I wished I could have shared my thoughts and confessed my sins to a woman instead of sitting in an office alone with some middle aged man, it really creeped me out! He would text me every day and ask "was today a good day?" wanting to know if I was being "good" (eew!) a lot of times I would lie and say that it was a good day, even when I "messed up" with my boyfriend. To me, those were good days ;) This experience was the beginning of my exit. I hated feeling like an outcast. They placed me on probation and I could not participate in sacrament, testimony meetings, callings or anything pretty much. Wasn't allowed to say prayers in public. It seemed awfully harsh to me. I couldn't understand why they would completely cut me off of all "testimony building experiences" when I thought I could have used it the most. It seemed counterproductive and I began questioning some aspects of TSCC. I ALMOST quit church, but I decided to move to Utah and give it one more shot. I am VERY thankful I did because that is where I met my husband. As you can guess, the guy I was dating and I eventually broke up because I couldn't handle the stress from the whole thing. My family was attacking me constantly for being with him and on top of it, we weren't right for each other in lots of ways. So I moved and decided to try church all over again. I devoted myself to it and met my studly hubby. We got married the next year in the temple (I hated the temple experience!). I loved that my DH was unlike the stereotypical priesthood holder.He allowed me to be ME. I could say anything and he understood me. No judgments or control, I started feeling free! He worked on Sundays so we couldn't go to our designated ward together because of timing issues. I went to the ward that met right after ours that we could go to together and found the bishop asking a special request for us to attend that ward instead so we could go together and have callings. That man was such a jerk! He would not allow us to go, even considering the circumstances, he needed us to attend the correct ward no matter what. That was another bad check mark for the church in my head. So we stopped going. On occasion we would attend my brothers family ward and wanted to just go home the whole time. We have been married for over 5 years and spent the majority of our marriage deciding if we wanted to even go to church each Sunday. We both hated it, but wouldn't outwardly say it. I went through a few surgeries during this time, and ward members were the worst. Those stories of how helpful and inspired people are to be there when you needed it most, never happened. I began having anxiety from the trauma of having my first baby. It was a pretty intense experience. I hemmorhaged and lost over half of my blood. My husband stood there watching me bleeding out and was traumatized over the whole thing as well. So once I was healed up enough (I took my time btw) to go back to church, all the church wanted was to know when they could put me in a calling. Then I had a couple of other healh scares...same thing happened. As soon as I was back on my feet the bishop would want me to serve. It was like clockwork. I had a lot of emotional issues from surgeries, and asked 2 different bishops to release me from various callings so I could cope with my anxiety and attend cousiling. One would not return my calls and never set me up with LDS family services after months of trying on my part. They all pressured me so much to serve serve serve. I felt used and abused and had panic attacks a lot. I am not that person, usually very happy and optimistic. TSCC was draining me even more than I already was. Last year my dad attempted suicide and I hit rock bottom. I was completely depressed and would run to the bathroom to have panic attacks during class (DH and I were teaching primary together) I told my bishop I needed out out my calling, and so did my husband so we could cope with everything. Of course he spent the whole phone call pressuring me into taking a "smaller calling so I could still receive blessings" and I finally put my foot down and said "NO! FIND SOMEONE ELSE!!!!" DH and I went home that day and I asked him if he would mind if we stopped going until I was ready to go back. He agreed to it happily, because he was sick of church too. I was planning on going back eventually...but first I wanted some questions answered. I went online and searched if the church was true. I wanted confirmation from other people that it was. I found a lot of history that greatly disturbed me. I read about JS ALOT and started discussing what I was reading with my hubby. He didn't believe me at first, but I would show him and he looked just as shocked as I did. I spent MONTHS nonstop reading on this site and many others getting information that made me question everything. I couldn't sleep much because I couldn't stop searching. One day, I was showering and crying and praying to KNOW IF THE CHURCH WAS TRUE!! Nothing. So I tried again. Nothing. Hello? Is anybody out there?!? Thinking that I was at my lowest point and needing the truth, and I got nothing was an answer to me that it was all a lie. If it was true, I would have felt something in favor of the church. At that point on I stopped believing. DH was doing his research as well and we both decided we were done! We threw our G's away together (I HATED wearing them from the start!). One of the most important turning points for me was, after we stopped attending I had no more panic attacks. I felt free! We tried coffee one Sunday and didn't feel any evil coming from that cup ;) I LOVE COFFEE!!!! I told my family and friends that we no longer attend and most have been kind about it. I lost one friend but it wasn't a really good one to begin with, so good rittance! I am really loving my new life with my man and children (in tank-tops and shorts). He has been the most supportive friend any wife could ask for. We feel happier than ever and truly enjoy our weekends now. He's around for me and our children, unlike both of our dads were. Thank you to all who shared their stories on here, they have been a guiding light for me to move out of the dark pit I was in for too long. Next step is to resign. That'll be in the next year. We just started discussing it. I'm looking forward to being officially out. Leaving has been the best decision I've ever made. I feel real.