Date: April 18, 2016 12:20AM
Im currently writing this with tears in my eyes because after 6 months of my husband telling me to stick up for myself I am finally doing it.
I have been attending the LDS church for about a year, my "honeymoon period" didn't last long. I contacted the church and requested missionaries to be sent to my home in a fit of guilt and rage which I now realize was a huge mistake. You see my husband is an alcoholic, we married two years ago and he always said "the one church I would join and change my life for is the mormons, they seem so happy" last year after finding out I was pregnant with my now 3 month old son my husband went on a drinking binge and I thought somehow in my desperate reasoning that this would help. It did, but not for long.
the first round of missionaries came and they seemed very nice and the information they told me really did coincide with my beliefs and I really started to love the church. I live thousands of miles from my family and friends and finally after 2 years of being away from home I felt welcomed and I loved all the new friends I was making, and they tried so hard to make it feel like family. Then I began to notice patterns, and my husband, whom after 6 months washed his hands of them had told me he has seen the pattern all along.
Three groups of missionaries did the exact same thing, and made up the exact same story. They would set up a time to come meet with me, and never show up, after I would call or text them and asked what happened they would come over that night, usually late around 8:30-9pm, seemingly disheveled and say they were so busy they forgot but they would be sure to always be here for me no matter the time, and while I was tired and still upset over being stood up they would give me a baptismal date and wouldn't offer to leave until I promised I would work towards being baptized on that day, the day would approach and I would brush them off, and the next round of missionaries would come and the same song and dance would begin.
I didnt mind so much playing this game with them, I liked all of my new friends, and I liked the church but my real concerns didnt start until this last month or so. They pulled me back in and we set a baptismal date, and things began to get really uncomfortable. probably since this was my third time setting a date they really wanted to lock me in, they are desperate and it shows. My phone number and address has been given out to people I dont know, as well as personal information and my work schedule so that people could call and show up to my home as they pleased. two days ago the missionaries showed up an hour late to their appointment, they "caught" me leaving my house to go grocery shopping and asked if they could come at another time, again, late in the evening when a new mom like myself is normally in bed. I believe they had been outside my home waiting for me to come out because this was not the first time a similar scenario has played out. They came later that night with a man, someone whom I do not know and can only describe as a creep, while they knew my husband was not home, and started asking the baptismal questions. I was fine until they began asking about chastity and abortion, in front of this man, whom I do not know, whom I can only describe as a creep. The truth is, while my husband is the only person I have ever been with, I have had an abortion. Is that their business? absolutely not. I also would have been willing to answer more honestly about it if this creep wasnt staring me down in my own living room and if one of the reasons I left the catholic church was because I dont believe in confession.
After I answered all their questions they asked me to say the closing prayer, something I told them I was uncomfortable with every single visit. I have an anxiety disorder, the last time I said the closing prayer I stuttered, it bothered me so much that I locked myself in the bathroom and counted tiles for an hour until I felt better. That is not healthy and I explained this to them, one of the missionaries said "well, that really disappoints me" in the most condescending tone I have ever heard... eff off kid
The final straw came today as I was flooded with people coming up to me asking me questions about my upcoming baptism. This isnt the kaci show, this is personal, and just like with the closing prayer, all eyes are on me during a personal moment and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. This has caused me to have issues in my marriage, issues with my non-mormon friends and family and had been detrimental to my health, both mentally and physically (there have been days I have not eaten because of passive-aggressive comments towards me that left me very upset)
Right this minute I am sending the text as follows, and I will make updates with their replies.
"Hey guys, Im sorry but I am in need of a break, I am extremely stressed out and while I believe parts of the church are true and that I enjoy attending things have happened that make me feel really uncomfortable and its putting a strain on my health and on my marriage. I hope you guys understand and I ask that we cancel our next meeting"
I feel like Im being too nice, if they dont get it I will get a little more aggressive but heres to me sticking up for myself.