I recently found out that FoolMoon here on the forum is my sister-in-law, so I joined up. I was partially outed to my Dad yesterday on the phone. I sent this letter this afternoon to fill in the details...

Dear Mom and Dad,
This is the sort of letter that no parent wants to receive from their child, but I feel like it is time to be honest finally. Dad will not be surprised because of an unexpected turn our telephone conversation took Saturday. In a nutshell, [wife] and I have decided to leave the Mormon church. I should say, we decided this about a year ago. We've decided to come clean and let it be public. We haven't resigned and have no plans to resign, but rather, we've decided to attend the Episcopal church instead which, for now, seems to be a good fit. I suspect you knew something wasn't "right." Perhaps you heard through ward members you met at the temple that I've been inactive for some time. I've waited this long to tell you because I hated to add to the grief you've already had to deal with over your children [younger brother's death in motorcycle accident, gay older sister who left the church, and older brother's suicide]. I also know this could negatively affect our relationship and that scares me.

I believe the first inklings of a faith crisis started shortly after [older brother] died. Naturally, after a traumatic event like that, big questions bubble up to the surface more easily. I began to read church history, not just correlated history from the manuals, but raw, messy history from various sources. This did shake my faith some but mostly I just put it on a shelf. Another important thing happened when I made some new friends after moving to Corvallis. One of them was a very devout Christian who appeared to have a testimony every bit as strong as any Mormon I've met. This really blew my mind. As the internet began to mature, I frequently did online research about the church. You may say I consulted anti-Mormon material, however, many of these historical facts are now admitted to in the recent series of church essays on lds.org. The bottom line is that I am not convinced that the LDS church is the one true church. Most people I know who have deliberately left the church, also left Christianity behind. While I admit to not knowing with any certainty that Jesus was who he claimed to be, I choose to believe in him and his message. If nothing else, I think it makes me a better, less selfish person. Also, I like the beauty and tradition that goes along with Christianity.

About 4 years ago, I told the bishop I was going to take time off of church to explore other Christian denomination. Much to my surprise, he encouraged me to do so (he's a great guy and I'm still friends with him.) I church hopped a lot. [peronal stuff] I decided I liked "high" church but didn't agree with Catholic dogma. The Episcopal church stood out as the obvious choice.

You may be wondering why I couldn't just stay in the LDS church even if I don't necessarily believe all the doctrine. The answer is because it is very difficult to participate as a non-believer. I've tried. I found myself getting very upset and frustrated, and not feeling spiritually "fed" in any way. I always felt like an outsider. I also don't agree with the latest stream of excommunications happening over members raising what I feel are legitimate questions.

[wife]'s faith crisis happened much later and much more quickly. I won't speak for her about specifics, but she decided to leave with me. We began to attend the local Episcopal church. When the current organist left for college soon after we joined, they had no one to play the 1st and 3rd Sunday of each month and so I offered to play for them. A few months later, the church administrator left and [wife] began doing that job. So, we are both working for our Episcopal parish now. I'm happy for [older son] and [younger son] to continue being LDS if that's what they want after knowing the facts. We offered to continue taking the kids to church but they haven't shown much interest in going.

I want you to know that I am not angry. I have no wish to destroy anyone else's faith. If it works for them and for you, I think that's great. I have no wish for an argument and hurt feelings. But I do claim the right to follow my own spiritual path. I feel very fortunate that [wife] is on this journey with me. There are many instances of broken marriages borne out of one spouse having a faith crisis while the other spouse resenting them for it. Our marriage is as strong as it's ever been. I love you both very much, and while you probably don't understand my choice, I hope it will not negatively impact our relationship.

Love,
[me]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/14/2015 05:55PM by helplessindulgent.