This is a little long and a bit of rambling from me.... but its about me and why I am where I am now.

I wasn't born into the church, but pretty close. I was 3 when my parents were invited to church by a friend. We were living in Idaho, and my Dad was in the Air Force. They went to Sacrament and then to class. Where the teacher apparently not knowing that my parents weren't lds, asked my Mom a question.

He said, "Up in heaven, we have a Heavenly Father and ?" My mother looked at him and slowly answered...."Jesus" The instructor went on, "And?" My mother replied "The Holy Ghost?" Again the instructor went on "And?" At this point my mom says she was confused and just looked at the guy with a blank face. He then smiled and said "A Heavenly Mother" At which point my mom leaned over to my dad and whispered "Let's get out of here!"

They didn't leave and three weeks later were baptized into the LDS Church. I being so young at the time, remember missionaries coming over and playing with them. But I didn't realize the change that was made.

I grew up in West Bountiful Utah. It was a good childhood. I had no issues with the church all growing up, life was good. I remember when I was younger I didn't realize that we weren't all the same faith. I went to my cousins in Tennessee and while at the store we ran into one of her friends. She talked for a moment and then introduced me "This is Lisa and she's a Mormon too!" I remember thinking..."So, we are all Mormons...whats the big deal." Little did I know that my cousins were not of my faith.

A few years later as I got older I realized this...that my parents and siblings were the only ones who were Mormon. How sad that made me, why? Because they just didn't know of the happiness that "we" had. If only they would listen and hear the truth.

I was a happy kid and then teenager. I got along great with both my parents. I had a few non-lds friends, but most of my friends were good Mormon kids in Bountiful. I never dated anyone seriously, just group and for fun dated. Just being a good kid. I never tasted alcohol, and never wanted too. It was bad for you.

When I was 17, I prayed to know if the church was true. I had to know because I was going to be going on a mission in the next couple of years. I knelt down and I prayed. And my heart felt warm, just like I was told it would feel. I was so happy. I had my answer! I KNEW the church was true. Yes I hadn't read all of the Book of Mormon yet, but I listened in class all growing up. I knew all the main stories. And now I knew it was true!

I was held back in 1st grade by my parents, so I turned 19 3 weeks after my senior year in High School. So I got my calling while I was still in school. I served my mission in Ireland, 1996 to 1998. It was a hard mission, but the first challenge I had wasn't because of the Irish. When I went on a mission, I expected to meet a bunch of righteous young men, who were excited as I to be out on a mission preaching God's true word to his people. What I met was 19 to 21 year old guys, kids really. Who had never left home, some who had never left Utah before. Who acted like you'd expect 19 yr old kids to act. They joked, they had fun, they messed with each other. I wasn't expecting this at all! And it was a huge shock to my system.

As the mission went on, things got harder. Severing in Ireland was tough going. I enjoyed the people, and for the first 8 months I had companions who wanted to work hard and we did. Then I had a companion who didn't really want to work as hard as the others. He was getting ready to go home. That started a string of companions who were down, or didn't want to work. I was put with them because of my upbeat personality. After a while though...I got tired. And I didn't want to work as hard. After thousands of doors are slammed in your face...you just don't care as much. I did somethings I wasn't proud of. I went to a movie, then another with a companion. We'd get together in groups and play risk. And at one point, I even got my nipple pierced. Still not sure why I did that...I had NEVER done anything bad before. I was a "good" kid. Well I cleaned myself up somewhat and tried the last 6 months or so of my mission. And went out the same way I went in. No baptisms, a lot of rejection. But I was still pretty happy.

So after the mission I slummed around SLC for a few years, working and acting. Then I went up to Ricks College. Up there I met a girl, after dating her roommate for a year. And we dated, got engaged and that next summer we were married in the Temple! I made it! I was now temple married and the rest would be easy.....boy was I wrong. We started to fight almost immediately, let's just say...it was a rough first 12 years of marriage. We had 4 kids, who I love deeply. I baptized the first two. And they were great days.

I went on a trip out of town and got a Tattoo.... may sound random on here...but I LOVE tattoos. And I felt bad for getting it after I did...but it was cool and I loved it at the same time. I just knew who I was. Someone who had no doubts in the church, but had issues some times. I wasn't perfect and I knew that. So I continued on. Trying to be good, but having little issues here and there.

Then about a year and a half ago (today is March 14th, 2014) I saw a video on youtube that shocked me. I was watching some lds videos and then I saw one that said something about Temple Endowment. I was like "what....what is that about..." So I clicked on the video and up popped a hidden camera video of a temple session. I stared at the video in shock! How could this be? From what I was always taught and know, there is no way God would allow this to happen. It was his temple and he wouldn't let someone who was unrighteous with this intent in their hearts. I quickly turned off the video. I couldn't believe what I had seen. How had this happened......BUT the church was true. I knew it! So with other little issues I had.... I pushed it back and just new the church was true.

Fast forward to Nov 2013. I don't remember how or what but something lead me to Www.postmormon.org . At first I felt bad for even being there. Like I was a bad Mormon for even looking at this site. But I just poked around the forum for a few mins..then I saw something. "Joseph Smith married already married women and a girl who was 14." I knew JS had practiced polygamy. But as I was told, it was because husbands were being killed off and they had families with out fathers. They needed to provide for these saints. And most of this happened on their trip to Utah. So I knew that these flat out lies were false! And I'd prove it! So I went to family.search.com. Ran by the LDS church. And I looked up JS and then his wives..."Let's see the 14 yr old would be easy to prove wrong." I looked up Helen Kimball as one of his wives, I looked at her birth date and then the date when she was married to JS and.....and I couldn't believe it. She was 14 years old, a few months shy of her 15th birthday. I next rushed to see about the married to already married women. I looked up Zina Jacobs. And it shows she married JS and a few months later she gave birth...to her son from her husband Henry Jacobs. Then after JS's death BY resealed her to JS and then to himself for time only....not in heaven but on earth. And she was pregnant again, with her second child from Henry. I was couldn't believe what I was seeing....

Well I had to check on the second issue I saw. That JS put a rock in a hat and that's how he translated the B of M. There was NO way that was true. I had never heard of such a thing. Again I went to an lds resource. Lds.org to see this...and sure enough it was there. Elder Russel M Nelson, July 1993. A Treasured Testament...."Joseph Smith would put the seer stone into a hat, and put his face in the hat, drawing it closely around his face to exclude the light; and in the darkness the spiritual light would shine. A piece of something resembling parchment would appear, and on that appeared the writing. One character at a time would appear....." I had to stop reading it. What was happening. I know I wasn't the best Mormon guy...but....this couldn't be. The church I believed in all this time....it....it wasn't what I thought it was. There were things that were not told to me.

My world was shattered...never to be the same. I continued to study. I started a thread called "As I Search..." on postmormon.org. I would put everything I found there, and get great responses from others. It was such a great thing for me to have. As I felt so alone at the time.

A couple of weeks later I told my wife. She didn't take it so well. She cried and yelled and said "God told me not to date you!" I just sat there and took it. It hurt, I didn't believe god told her that. I didn't think I even believed in a god that talks to people...but that she believed it. And said it to me... it was hard. So I continued on as a "TBM" I went to church, wore my garments and didn't talk about it again to my wife.

Then in January she asked me about, asked why I was still in garments. And asked when I was going to let the bishop know. So that next day I took off my garment top and emailed the bishop. And on my way home I bought some colorful underwear. And did I feel bad about all this? Not one bit, I felt relaxed and relieved. I was so happy to be moving on.

Fast forward to now...March 14 2014, Pi day. Things with wife are ok right now. She said she believes now more then ever that the church is true. And I know that it's not. My kids know, my family knows, and even a lot of my friends know. I have been treated well by family and friends. The bishop asked to meet I said thanks but no thanks. And he left it at that. My next step will be to resign. I just haven't done it yet. I am in no big rush. I know who I am and where I stand. It's been a couple of crazy months... I went from full TBM, to full non believer. Who knows what's next in life.... what a ride.

When I was a kid, I would often think. "Where would I be if my parents hadn't been Mormons. That would be scary." Now I ask the same question...but with a different look on it.