I have found, that for me, one of the best ways of dealing with the anger and feeling of being cheated by TSCC is laughter and sarcasm.

Some of the classic posts:

-man in black having a competition on who could bear the best testimony. (even the Lord, even the savior, even stephen)

-or the Richard G Scott alarm clock. (for those who haven't yet awoken, I plead with you, do so now!)

-or anything to do with the temple. For "it has been done in other worlds."

So what do you find ridiculous, stupid, even laughable in the LDS church?

Let me know.

What me worry?

Looks like some of them get closed before you even know they are there!

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,990583,990583#msg-990583

Sometimes you just have to look for unintentional humor. Threads about organ music are usually a good source.(absolutely no dig to the OP intended):

-------------------------------------------------------
>...I am a freelance organist (meaning I get around)
> and have played Highland Cathedral quite a bit in
> the last few years...love it especially when there
> is a powerful organ behind it...

Maybe "Playing Highland Cathedral" will become a new euphemism.

I find it laughable that these penile-hood holders can say with a straight face that they "know TSCC" is true, and can't wait to get there own "KOLOB" and screw themselves into eternal bliss making all those "Spirit" babies with all those wifes in the C.K.
Wish them well when the express makes a'bit of a detour, heh,heh.

Considering the greek root pneuma/wind/air, "Spirit baby" would make great fart slang.


as in:

"Aww Dude--who's been makin' spirit babies?"

Here is what I find laughable/ridiculous:

What is wanted?
What is that?
Has it a name?
Will you give it to me?

If God is all-knowing, why does he even have to ask these stupid questions?

Why must Jehovah and Michael "return and report" and the end of each day? Shouldn't Elohim already know what they did?

Why the hell is Michael even helping out, isn't the Holy Ghost the 3rd member of the Godhead? I'd be pissed if I were the HG doing all that work to achieve Godhood but not being allowed to help with the creation.

Why is the "true order of prayer" better that just normal prayer? Is it because it has more bars when connecting to Kolob?

I could go on and on... but the most laughable question is why did I ever buy in to this crap?

http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/Raptor-Jesus-reads-the-Miracle-of-Forgiveness

Adult language within.

"God, hates the natural man and the homosexual even though you'd think he'd appreciate the 'unnaturalness' of it."

This made me LOL. Nice one, Raptor Jesus.

"Saturday's Voyeur"is playing again!

Heard it's fantastic!

And since "Book of Mormon" the musical costs a kidney, maybe I'll see that!

Hasa diga eebowai ;-)

my husband told me he saw a sign on someone's garage "beer" fridge, that said "finish your beer, there are sober mormons in utah"

pretty funny. googled it and found it on a t-shirt

http://xmormondrinkingteam.com/t-shirt-finish-your-beer-there-are-sober-mormons-in-utah.html

Ah, the memories.

I cut my exmo teeth on www.salamandersociety.com I love the slamtoons. Even the crude ones back in the day made me laugh and feel better.

It is interesting that some of the above comments border on anger. I guess there is a close connection between the two, laughter and anger. It's like "if you can't get mad about that shit, at least you can laugh at it." I can remember being truly inspired by some serious rants against racism, sexism, stupid b of a crap.

And deceivedforyears. I never realized the the initials CK (celestial kingdom) could sound almost like a swear word.

Raptor, I've always loved your shit, uh, sense of humor.(and your book)

I enjoyed Martha Beck's book on leaving the saints. Her story of the "pew bound children" and the games they play with the hymn book was hilarious. Just the word "pew" makes me smile. After all, he who farts in church. . . .

Then there was this recent gem!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDPi4buduY0

After all, laughter really is the best medicine.


What me worry?

Humor comes from pain. That is why comedians who struggled their whole life to make it are funny once they finally arrived, and guys like Jimmy Fallon, who had everything handed to them, are duds.

The first few times I attended the Temple, I misheard part of Satan's dialogue with Adam in the Garden as: "Yes, a new world. Had enough of the old one, where we used to live." Even when I realized the dialogue was actually "Patterned after the old one..." I preferred the wrong version because it was much funnier.

Also, part of the 5th Day Creation sequence always made me think of Dorothy: "the lion, the tiger, the bear" - oh my!

Mormon sexy talk:

"What is wanted?"
"What is that?"
"Has it a name?"
"Will you give it to me?"

I'm sure either horny Smith or hornier Young, knew exactly what he was doing when he picked those words.

Here's an amusing link:

http://mollymuses.wordpress.com/

Read some of Kori's posts.

This is a must read, even if you're not into guitar music: the guitar god's website:

http://j-walk.com/other/todd/aboutme.htm

Be sure to check out his girlfriend's website too. It's a business site, though. She's a web designer.

Enjoy!

Cuz if you take just one, he'll drink all your beer.!

O yes, and I thought the sci-fi reading toilet dweller threads were pretty funny but I guess they're not supposed to be... Sorry, can't help it.

"Scientists are stupid," said the girl in my seminary class. "They say monkeys turn into people, but when monkeys die, they're still monkeys. Scientists are stupid."

"I believe that you're talking about natural selection," said the teacher. "It's a little more complex than that.'

"Yes," said the girl. "They're stupid." She later dropped out of school and had several little monkeys of her own. Good temple monkeys who had no need to turn into people.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/16/2013 05:25PM by donbagley.

In Seminary class; Student didn't have her Bible w/her. Our OT class; Seminary teacher gave her his bible (which happened to be JST) She went crazy over Genesis (she was a convert) MAN a whole week was spent on the Joseph Smith Translation.

I once wrote a funny post. Now I'm a beaten man.

I apologize for my lack of effort. The short version is that writing humor here was my therapy and in currently not in need of therapy.

My life is much happier now, mostly since my wife and I are on the same page.

My lack of posting is because things are going well. I'm still around though.

When I'm bored I sometimes put together a 'funny post'....well at least I think they're funny even though they usually sink without a trace! Here's my most recent one:

Posted by: sherlock ( )
Date: August 03, 2013 07:54AM
Apostles' bedtime routines.... a bit of humour for the weekend

Monson - spends a few hours counting his money before he adorns a black silk cape, fixes some sharpened incisors into his mouth and carefully lowers himself into a black lacquered casket.

Packer - religiously watches a constant loop of Annie, Steel Magnolias and the ending of Marley & Me. After which his private nurse Eduardo checks to ensure he's still not expressed any emotion whatsoever. One day Eduardo played a practical joke by swapping in a DVD of Brokeback Mountain. Awkward glances were exchanged the following morning but nothing was ever said. The DVD has been missing ever since.

Uchtdorf - puts on his Lufthansa pyjamas and slips into his custom built pilot's cockpit bed with walnut inserts (made from the remnants of Hinckley's tree) where he dreams blissfully of yesteryear.

Bednar - after stepping into a darkened closet, his wife gives him a peck on the cheek and flicks the on/off switch on his lower back. The low hum of electronics, complex levers & pulleys finally grind to a halt.

Scott - stares into a mirror to practise his earnest delivery of talks. He stops only once he's completely creeped himself out. Satisfied, he jumps into bed and dreams of countless explicit disciplinary councils.

Andersen - puts on a skin tight purple lycra leotard (with appropriate masonic markings), presses a switch which automatically lowers a glitter-ball from the ceiling and dances the night away to his favourite 70's disco hits.

Eyring - Weeps into his sodden pillow.

Holland - flagellates himself with a cat of nine tails. Sometimes the guilt just gets a bit too much.

You crack me up, Sherlock. I missed this the first time, so I'm glad you re-posted it. Your description was so good, I pictured Uchtdorf in his jammies, which is a sin that takes you out of sacrament-taking rotation for two weeks if you are the confessing type of Mormon.

Anderson in Lyrcra scares the bejeezus out of me, but Jeff getting it on with the cat o' nine tails made it all better.

Sherlock , that's hilarious! Should have its own thread and a place at The Salamander Society.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2013 10:27AM by wine country girl.

I have been told that whale watching in Utah is illegal. Even if its not true, its still funny!