Here are three that stand out in my mind:

1. Seminary teacher tells two Polynesian students that their skin is darker in color because their ancestors, the Lamanites, were cursed and that Black people are cursed because they were less valiant in the pre-existence. (Yes, I know that this (Blacks) was actually taught by former prophets and it wan't just my teacher's opinion and the other about "Lamanites" having dark skin is in the BoM)

2. Teacher telling us that moving the graduation tassel from one side to the other after we graduate high school is Satan's counterfeit of the temple ceremony.

3. Teacher teaching that it's always the male who initiates pre-marital sex, never the woman. (This is not true according to one of my ex-LDS friends whose girlfriend initiated it, although he was pretty willing after she asked for it.)

What are some of the crazy things you heard in LDS seminary?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2013 02:00AM by rd4jesus.

That the 'snake' that tempted eve was satans black penis.

Not a joke, and this dude is now a vice principal.

http://www.preston.k12.id.us/richard-brodock.html

I've actually heard that some LDS leaders taught that Eve's sin was that she had sex with Satan.

There are some weird ass racist doctrines (even too weird for BY to repeat if you can imagine.) For example: Cain was not Adam's son but Satan's offspring. Satan then taught Cain to procreate with the beasts. Therefore black people/Cain's seed aren't fully human. White Supremacists doctrines; can you imagine how hateful, and possibly drunk, you would have to be to dream this shit up?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2013 11:48AM by crom.

My Sunday School Teacher on the day Official Declaration 2 was read from the pulpit, explained to all us 14 years old kids that we were still to avoid black people. No mixing what so ever, they're bad.

Her children were raised in the most cult like Mormon home I've ever witnessed.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2013 11:55AM by crom.

Chris Nemelka's "Sealed Portion" talks about how Satan possessed the bodies of primates and breeded them in such a way as to produce a body roughly similar to Adam & Eve's that he then used to seduce Eve into having sex with.

Eve gave birth to Satan's offspring called "Beneli" who later convinced Cain to kill Abel and kicked off the whole thing.

Someone please pass the blunt..

@#$%

This is the theory that cracks me up. Europeans have Neanderthal DNA, and East Asians have Denisovan DNA. The purist humans are African! (Still no Middle Eastern DNA in indigenous Americans, though--thought I'd add that in)

Sex with Satan? So that was mother Eve's "brave choice" so that her "eyes may be opened"?

Wait, didn't Adam partake of the fruit as well?!?

The church could make the endowment movie a whole lot more interesting ...

Was the snake from Alabama?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUCu0t2V3os

OMG. I cant even imagine how creepy that lesson must have been.

I heard a story about a woman that had broken her leg and gone to a witchdoctor or something to get it healed. Miraculously it worked, but the woman felt that something was wrong and told about it to her hometeachers. They immediately "realized" that she had been healed by the power of Satan! So they had to break her leg again and then heal it by the holy power of the priesthood! That the woman had been miraculously healed twice was absolutely certain because my teacher knew a guy from his mission that knew a guy that was there.

If I hadn't already heard, first hand, some made up crap myself I would find it hard to believe what has already been stated on this thread.

Here's one from my seminary teacher.
The earth was created by taking portions of other planets, and that's why we have remnants of dinosaurs here on this planet.


To those who have already shared what they heard, thanks for the chuckles.

> Here's one from my seminary teacher.
> The earth was created by taking portions of other
> planets, and that's why we have remnants of
> dinosaurs here on this planet.

I first heard that one when I told a TBM that I believed the earth is 4.6 billion years old like scientists say that it is. I thought the theory that rocks on earth were taken from a different planet was a pretty lame excuse that they could have told me about earlier if it had any credibility.

I was taught at Seminary that the Lamanites were presently "blossoming as a rose", therefore the second coming was nigh. It seems that instead the Lamanites are rapidly disappearing into never existedness. Still, it is pretty sane compared to some of the other things in this thread.

I can testify that #3 is not true, but don't ask me how I know.

I'm SUPER white, like translucent lol, does that mean I was awesome in the pre-existence??????????

hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

No it means you need to get your ass out in the sun!

How about the farmer that was plowing his field and bumped some old bones and they formed together into a ressurected nephite woman?

Or the guys that were gonna break into the temple but the three nephites stopped them.

Or the piles of ancient metal plates in a cave in the hill cumorah.

Or Joseph Smith seeing skydaddy and his son

Oldest son's seminary teacher (in 1999) taught that the second coming would occur in 2006. No kidding.

but all I specifically remember is that I'm interesting enough for Satan, or at least one of his very scary minions, to follow around.

I had to attend early morning seminary. Well, I didn't really have to, but it was a way to get a ride to school instead of walking 1.9 miles. At the time I thought it was a mile, but Google Maps didn't exist in the late 1970s. It felt like a long walk, okay? So I got up at 4 a.m. (because I was an even worse hair babe than I am now and it took me 2 hours to get ready) and went to seminary.

The teacher, Sister F., was a kook who claimed to have psychic powers. She was always going on about her visions and things she "saw" and "knew." (Funny how no one's parents complained about *that.*) She and her homely husband, Bob, had no children of their own and I think regarded me as a project. Bob got me a job at a dental lab, working for this hippy evangelical Christian guy named Mack who was the brother of the impossibly handsome dentist that the lab supported. The impossibly handsome dentist also had a hunky partner. I can still see the tears streaming down Bob's cheeks, giving me a talking-to after the other lab tech, Jerry, apparently felt guilty (even though nothing happened) and confessed to Bob that he and I had gotten drunk at the impossibly handsome and hunky dentists' office Christmas party.

Except for the impossible handsomeness and hunkiness, it wasn't very much fun working at the dental lab, and I was eventually fired for writing "f*** this" in teensy-weensy letters on a note pad near the phone. Only I didn't use asterisks. Up to the day he fired me, Mack was always hassling me about Mormonism. One day he gave me some pamphlets, and Bob told Sister F., who asked me to bring them to class.

Then she sort of like forgot to take responsibility when the other kids' parents called mine to complain about me bringing anti-Mormon literature to class.

Anyway, she was a kook. One day she gave me a ride to school and, while she had me trapped in her station wagon, told me that a big, black, scary evil spirit had accompanied *someone* (I got the impression it was me) to class that morning. It was so evil and so scary, it might have been Satan himself! Sister F. trembled and prayed with all her might until it went away.

Sister F. and Bob are now on Facebook. Judging by her wall, she's still a kook, and Bob is as homely as ever, and it appears they reproduced.

Freaks.

You know I read that story without the slightest shred of incredulity.

THAT's sad, that brand of kooky is not at all unusual in the mormon church.

I learned that there were followers of Satan who chose to follow Gods plan so they could come here to earth to destroy Gods plan. That's why we have gays, blacks, wars, and bla bla bla.

I had a Seminary teacher spend the whole lesson talking about the "evils of popular music". He spent most of the whole lesson ranting about how music creates thoughts, and thoughts create bad deeds. All the studends were stoic quiet the whole class. At the time "Jungle Love" by Steve Miller band was popular, and at the end, he played a few seconds and then asked the class "What does that make you want to do?" One of the students finally raised his hand and said "Dance?!?!" It was classic...everyone started laughing.

Found out years later, that same Sem teacher was exed for adultery, maybe he listened to too much of the song.

I would hate to think what could have happened if he had listened to 'Prince' or some of the stuff kids listen to now...

Yeah, I learned back in the seventies that Satan had taught "certain" chords to rock musicians that when played correctly would excite the genitals of kids who listened to it.

The other two assertions are stupid and not worth spit.

Oh man, I was NEVER in Seminary because I was an Adult Convert, but my new FIL at the time gave me a ride to work one day because my car was broken down, and that's when he decided to tell me all kinds of weird stuff. One of them was that our Savior was half-man half-God because (of all the Blasphemous Ideas) God Himself came down to Earth and had Sex with Mary. Hmmmm.... Makes it sound Way UnHoly and far less like a Miracle that way. I did not accept that teaching as Truth at all!!!

That's what I was taught -- Jesus is half man/half god. I heard that one as an adult.

So BKP was so worried about teachers telling truths that weren't useful he let this crap get spread. What a MORON!

We were taught it would be extra special and righteous if we waited until our wedding day to have our first kiss. Couples who waited to kiss until their wedding day were so blessed. I actually know at least one person who took this to heart.

Also, our teacher said "Guys, enjoy having a young beautiful wife while you can. In JUST A COUPLE OF MONTHS, she will be throwing up all the time, super hormonal, and you won't recognize her anymore."

In 1996, my seminary teacher told us in all seriousness that word was going around "certain circles" that the two missionaries/prophets of Revelation had received their patriarchal blessings. This was just in time for them to be serving their missions during the millennium, because it was fairly traditional to get patriarchal blessings at age 16 in that ward.

So yup, Jesus should have put in an appearance by now...

I would almost like to confront that guy on feeding us such bullshit. What was he trying to do, make us get our salvation in order? Because it was just one more thing in a long list of mormon things that made me absolutely convinced that college would be a waste of money. Thanks for the disadvantage, jackasses!

the post life spirit world, not the pre-existence.
okay, not so crazy.
the crazy part is that this post life spirit world floats 10 feet above the physical world.

I only went for 2 weeks in my grade 12 year when I changed high schools....It was mildly interesting until the dude started on about Kolob...and I thought WTF?...and I challenged him about it...and he wouldn't discuss it...so I quit, and got another hour of sleep...

Ron Burr



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2013 03:43PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.