Hi, I'm new here! I've been reading for a while but just started posting in the last few days.

I no longer believe the LDS church is the "one true church" and am still trying to decide what to do with my new perspective. I still believe in God but my husband, who is thankfully joining me on this faith transition, is leaning more toward atheism.

We have young kids, 11 down to 5. Two have been baptized already. My oldest is in that phase where she doesn't like going to church much and I'm pretty sure her testimony is still in its formative phases. Last year she asked me how she was supposed to know all this stuff was true. I've had no indication that she's come to any conclusions yet. She's extremely analytical and intelligent and I'm fairly certain that she'll someday discover all the probs with the church whether I tell her about them or not.

My second child is very sweet-natured and loves her family, loves the church, she loves everything. I think she might have a very hard time if we leave the church.

The younger ones are young enough that they'll probably be just fine with whatever we say.

So, what's the best way to go about this with minimal trauma? I realize it might be overwhelming to tell a child that everything they've been taught about God and the church is wrong and that we don't want to be Mormon anymore. Is it best to slowly drift into inactivity and then begin attending somewhere else or go "church shopping" or what?

Do any of you have experience that could help us as we try to figure out how to go about this? Or any books or websites that might be helpful?

THX!

I can't share experience, but I can share my respect for your desire to protect your children from false doctrines and messaging and provide them with alternatives. I am very optimistic you will find good ways to move forward as you listen to them, rather than indoctrinate them. My heart is full.

Sounds like us about 10 months ago. Our son was 6 and loved going to church. He transitioned out very well in only a short period of time. All we had to do was explain to him what we had learned about the church. I may be wrong, but I think that even the 11 year old ought to accept it fairly quickly. The irony is that little kids see the truth about the church immediately once you say, "Joseph Smith lied so he could try to get money and steal other men's wives." Interestingly, it's the adults who have been ignoring the facts for years who have the most difficulty. The more they tried to pretend that everything was happy in Mormonland, the more difficulty they have letting it go.

We dealt with the same thing. DW considers herself christian, while I (as my moniker implies) lean towards agnosticism. Our kids were 10, 7, and 3 when we left.

When we first told them about our idea, our 10 year old started crying because he was worried about going to hell. I should explain that he's very sweet natured but takes things very literally and tends to believe everything told to him by parents and teachers.

The others took it fine and were excited to not have to go to church anymore. But we still attended for a couple months after we told them and started missing weeks here and there and let them try it out, as it were. After a while of this they were begging to stay home every week.

We also said we would try doing some kind of "family thing" on Sundays, which eased the oldest's concerns.

Time for a REAL family home evening.

Our kids were 5, 7, & 9 when we left. We spent about a month reading various creation stories and a couple of children's books on thinking and asking questions - not just believing everything they are told. As we read the creation stories, my older two started asking more and more questions, which eventually lead to the conversation about who Joseph Smith really was. My seven year old had the hardest time because she hates change, but she understood fairly quickly. They are all much happier now & love having "two Saturdays" each weekend.

Welcome.

I didn't face your situation. The two youngest never went. The oldest was the most vocal about leaving when we went into inactivity. Didn't decide it wasn't true, only that it was a miserable experience. I didn't get around to doing my homework on the history for 15 years. What a relief! I don't have to reconcile crazy stuff that church leaders have said anymore.

Never taking the youngest two was the right thing to do. They don't know jack about Mormonism, which makes them normal and more clear thinking (than me).

You could replace church with something your middle child enjoys and she might not miss it as much, like going to the pool, playing board games, riding bikes, etc.

When she asks, say something like, "Mommy and Daddy love you so much and we want to spend time with you. We won't be going to church anymore, but we will do these activities together as a fsmily."

We left six months ago when my kids were 10, 7 and 5 (all boys). We don't live in Utah and I think that probably helped because my kids already had very good friends who weren't mormon. I like to make a bigger deal of things then is necessary sometimes so when we told the kids that the church wasn't true I made a huge poster. The poster was a timeline detailing several ancient civilizations we talked about them and looked at pictures of artifacts. Then we talked about the book of mormon and how there are no artifacts. We talked about DNA and American Indians. We talked about horses and steel swords. Then we looked at one of my kids favorite books, Harry Potter. We talked about what a great story it is but it's fiction and how we know it's fiction. Then we told the kids that the book of mormon was fiction like Harry Potter. We told them that Joseph Smith lied to people to make himself seem important. They understood right away. My oldest said "If the book of mormon is fiction then the church isn't true". They didn't need any more info then that. I didn't go into any of the really bad stuff because I didn't need to.

We go to a nondenominational Christan church now. It's really fun and the kids love it. I've asked the kids a few times if they want to go to mormon church and they always say no. Last week we drove by the old ward house and the kids all mentioned how boring mormon church is. Then they talked about how the best thing about mormon church was the trunk-r-treat. So true.

Best of luck with your kids. All the worry and planning is worth it. Once you're out I think your kids will adjust. Congratulations on leaving together.