My attorney fixed me up with his son. What a grabby groppy, nasty little slime ball he was.
I spent my evening attached to the passenger side door. There was no second date.
Then there was the Forest Ranger. He had a place that most men would love. Full of dead animals. UGH. His idea of a good date was sitting in his recliner smoking pot, and assuming that sex was next on the list. Wrong!
When I was attending BYU, one of my former mission companions set me up with his girlfriend's (now wife) best friend.
During dinner, and without any apparent transition, she proceeded to tell me about her recent OB appointment and some health problems she was having. She then reached over the table, put her hand over mine, and assured me that the referenced health problems would not prevent her from having children and that I need not worry.
I was speechless. This was a first date. I gently pulled my hand away and changed the subject. I ended the evening as quickly as I could, and needless to say, I never called or saw her again.
Not me, someone I know. Youth dance, makeout in the parking lot. He wants more. She's a virgin, says no. Tells him she's on her period. He doesn't listen. Proceeds against her protests causing her great pain as he rams her tampon against her cervix. He gets off so fast being a teen that he barely notices. Neither tells anyone in authority. He goes on a mission and is currently Bishop serving in the same ward. Needless to say, they had no more dates.
Yes, it was awful for her, but she never wanted to tell on him. I never cared for the jerk, but I can overlook his immature, boorish behavior. However, this pisses me off still. I am sure he never confessed this to anyone. Shows how inspired they are in calling Bishops, doesn't it?
You're right they would blame her for being to seductive, for being alone in the car, for flirting. And you're right, they wouldl still "call" him to be Bishop. Knowing him as a kid, I know he doesn't give a thought about whether or not the church is true. He doesn't even know what most of the teachings are. He has never even read the BOM cover to cover. He just is in it because his family has been for generations. Blackmail would do no good. He would deny it. He lies. Always has. That's another thing he's inherited. She felt embarrassed and ashamed at the time. Used. Chewed gum. She wasn't going to report it that night. Since she didn't there was no proof. I know it is true. I am sure it is not the only time.
I knew a GA's son in Happy Valley who would "test himself" by sleeping naked with his dates to prove he could do that and still remain righteous, a "virgin." LOL I didn't date him. He was rather full of himself.
My next door neighbor male friend lined me up with a former mission companion. We double dated with my friend and his girlfriend and met up with a few other couples that had been dating a while. The guy they lined me up with mostly talked to my friend and not me. Even though I am shy I tried to strike up a conversation. He barely said a word. I don't remember what we did other than watching fireworks or something. The other girls were snuggled up next to their guys and here I was with this guy feeling totally uncomfortable. After we got back we were standing outside of our houses and the guy said he had to go to the bathroom or something and went inside my friend's house. He couldn't even bother to walk me to the door. I went into my house and was happy the whole thing was over.
The second worst was making the mistake of taking a good male friend to a dance because I never got asked to those things. For some reason, being on a "date" was very awkward. I don't think we even slow danced together. When he took me home he walked me to the door and shook my hand. I didn't want him to kiss me, but would rather he'd have done nothing than shake my hand.
Go out on a first date with a great TBM guy I've known (and had a bit of a crush on) for a while. We have a fun time, laugh a lot, easy conversation. Starting to feel a little bit twitterpaited. Then, out of the blue, he says, "So you know that girl A___?"
I say, "Yeah, what about her?"
He says, "Yeah. I really like her. Do you think you could help me ask her out and plan the date?"
Six months later - they're married.
This exact thing happened to me FOUR DIFFERENT TIMES. Twice I went to the wedding. Once I helped pick out the ring.
So, gents, if you're looking for love, look no further. One date with me and I'll totes help you land the other woman of your dreams. ;)
I have so many -- but one that really stands out: A TBM guy gave me some really beautiful and obviously expensive flowers. I raved about them and he brought me more the next week. I couldn't imagine how he was paying for them as we were both completely broke and he was trying to save for his mission. I found out he was stealing them from graves. When I confronted them, he told me I was completely overreacting because "The dead people don't need them."
One of my girlfriends called me up and said this guy ran an ad in the local Lucky Nickel and she called him. She said he was a smart, romantic engineer but unlucky in love. She thought we would be highly compatible because he was LDS.
She said she had thoroughly screened him and like an idiot I agreed because I couldn't even remember the last time I had a date. I was in college and working two jobs with five kids at home.
My girls were all excited I was finally going out on a date. They were lined up at the front window. When he arrived, my ten year old turned to me and said, "You run out the back door and I'll tell him you had an emergency!" I ran to the door and beheld the trashmobile he arrived in spilling fast food garbage out in the gutter in front of our duplex. He was hitching up his polyester pants over an enormous gut. The girls were all talking at once with escape ideas.
I said, "No, I did this to myself and I'm not going to be rude."
I went on the date as penance. I had planned to go to a public place, a rock climbing demonstration at a ski resort. Now I was terrified I would see someone I knew. He talked the entire way about his conspiracy theories and the special restaurant he had in mind for our dinner that night. It was going to be a loooooong day!
When we got to the parking lot and started walking up to the viewing area, he began breathing heavily and pumping my hand, even though we were on a level surface. I wondered if he was aroused or had a medical problem and should have his oxygen. He was sweating and silent and I was getting a little scared.
We arrived and I followed him over to sit down next to a very handsome lifeguard-looking type guy who beamed at me. I was acutely embarrassed to be with my date who was (shallow me) not hot to say the least. Then my date abruptly left to go to the bathroom having not said a word. The lifeguard was still beaming at me and said, "I work with the handicapped too!"
OMG. He thought I was an angel of mercy taking this poor wretch out of the institution for a while. I felt terrible. My date arrived back and the hot compassionate guy said to him,
"You know you can go sky-diving with your prosthetic. I take guys out in the plane all the time!"
He turned beet red. I turned beet red. Mr. Gorgeous said, "Kathleen can even come along if you like, just like your outing today..."
When I was living in Orem I went on a date with a guy from my home ward who was out at BYU. He was a RM, and Kind of awkward. It was November and my birthday was a few days away. He planned the date (not something I was used to), and told me it was a surprise. (I should have known..) He picked me up, my roommates all watched us leave with anticipation. He drove to a park (keeo in mind its a november evening in Utah so its freezing), and lays out a blanket on the grass. He then pulls out a tub of cold pasta, and pours a jar of sauce over the cold pasta.. I started eating the pasta, shivering, and then he pulls out an accordian. YES an accordian, and starts to play "So this is the night" from Lady and the Tramp. I can't make this sh*t up people!! He talked the entire evening about how he prayed and just KNEW this date was inspired by God. I very calmly told him that I was not feeling well, so he took me home and I collapsed on the living room floor in laughter and told my roommates all about it. I dont think i even waited for him to get to his car before I laughed so hard.. Oh man.
16 year old priest: "baby, if I'd known you were a virgin I would have gone a lot slower." 16 year old laurel: "you idiot, if you weren't in such a hurry you would have heard me telling you I need to take off my pantyhose"
While at BYU I once had lunch with a girl on campus who, just as I was about to dig into my sandwich, folded her arms and prayed out loud for all in the cafeteria to hear her ask for a blessing on her food. After she took one bite, she promptly spit it out in the most dramatic, showy manner possible and complained that her sandwich was moldy. I guess her prayer didn't work.
Very handsome, but quiet military guy named Ron asked me to a Stake dance being held 55 miles away. "We'll double date with Lee. Look sharp", he suggested. Huh? Didn't I always look nice? I bought a new dress and curled my long hair. I even curled my eyelashes. When Ron's car pulled into the driveway, Lee jumped out of the backseat and fetched me at the door. Ron and another girl, Lisa were actually on a date. WTF?! I was given to Lee. Ugh. He was nice enough, but bless his heart, his face was butt ugly and his breath was even worse. He danced like a chicken on fire. I don't know who was in charge of the music, but Elton John's "Funeral for a Friend" was playing more than once. The evening was endless and the drive home on that dark, southern interstate highway just seemed awkward. I wanted to get away from Lee's breath and that bitchy Lisa. Why did Ron ask ME out when he already had a date?
Robert Redford look-alike, brain of Dumb or Dumber, took me to a stake dance and when he brought me home, asked me to marry him. ON THE FIRST DATE! Dumped him like a hot potato.
Set up with blind date I didn't want to go on but did it as a favor for a friend. A Returned missonary in the 60's. Everytime he would look at me he got this weird grin on his face then turned around and slapped his own face. After a few times he had finger marks on his face and neck. We were going to a concert I lost him in the crowd, called a taxi and went home. Never talked to the friend again after that. Told her to date her own rejects.
I ran out of gas once. On a first date. It was the middle of Downtown SLC so it was easily solvable, but still, I was so embarrassed. I swore up and down to her that I didn't plan on running out of gas at all that night. Totally ruined my chances with her AND her 2 hot roommates.
I dated one TBM that went on and on about her ex husbands masturbation habits and how they divorced over it. Then she told me about getting disfellowshipped for her promiscuity, then about her 4 kids, which I didnt know about before the second date. Later told me about how she could read all mens minds but mine. I told her it was because I dont think anything I dont want women to know about. She was impressed.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2013 08:59PM by homoerectus.
Dating during my LDS years was either non-existent or less than satisfying. But I was open-minded about what could develop and I went on dates with 2 guys who I wasn't sure I'd click with.
Guy #1 - met him at an Amway convention. Need I say more? Unfortunately there is more. He lived about an hour away from me, but I gave him my number when he asked for it, thinking he'd never call. He called. He had a low, gravelly voice that sounded like a frog ribbiting on the phone. He wanted to take a bus to my town and take me out. I agreed that it might be fun. We rode the bus downtown and he treated me to Jack in the box. I was okay with that. I was a starving college student and that was better than cafeteria food. Then he took me to the John Birch store. I didn't know what the John Birch Society was, but he was really into it. When I looked at the books and pamphlets I realized that this was NOT my comfort zone. I was ready to go home. The guy told me that he was pretty sure that he either wanted to marry me (WTF?) or a girl in his ward that he liked to call Pepper - even though that wasn't her name and she didn't like it. Wow. He finally caught his bus back to his town.
"Pepper" actually came to our ward a few months after that and we realized we were the "contestants" for bride of frogman. I generously offered to bow out so she could have him but she wouldn't hear of it. I never saw him again, so hopefully she got away too.
Guy #2 was a sweet man in our singles ward. I would chat with him in the hall after church from time to time. He was divorced and had a young son who was a terror. I was sort of surprised that he asked me out because I had always felt like we had much more of a friend vibe, but he was nice so I accepted. He took me to Bob's Big Boy - totally classier than Jack in the Box. But he told me I had to order the spaghetti because that was the dinner required to use his coupon. I like spaghetti, why not?
Once we ordered he told me all about the day his wife left him. Ouch! It wasn't a happy story. Then he asked what I was doing when Kennedy was shot. I was coloring in front of the TV. He was walking guard duty for the marines. Uh oh. This guy is too old for me. We had a pleasant enough evening, but I guess he didn't feel any sparks either, so we went back to friendly chats in the hall.
I had a few good dates as a TBM but those would be OT. ;)
My worst TBM dating experience was dating and marrying my ex. It's been a few decades but I'm still doing what I can to mitigate the damage she did do our children.
When I was 18 and they were trying to suck me into the singles ward, I went to a party and this guy got my number from the host. I didn't remember meeting him, but he said he was 6'7" and so I agreed to go out with him.
That I didn't remember him should have been my first clue. Dude showed up wearing brown and orange plaid polyester pants, a light blue cardigan, and Hush Puppies oxfords--not a cool outfit, even in 1978. Otherwise, he was blond and non-descript.
We went to Pizza Hut, where he loaded up his salad with onions and peppers--I mean like have a little salad with your onions and peppers--and informed me that he hadn't joined the church until he was 46.
"How old are you?" I croaked.
He was 47, which was horrifying to me. Seems like he was divorced, too.
Next question: "Do you know how old I am?"
Answer: Yes.
At the fireside, I had to turn my head downwind to avoid his breath ... as if it wasn't bad enough being at a fireside.
When he called to ask for a second date, I had to tell him the age difference was too big. My mom thought it was funny.
Twice when I was in college, my car wouldn't start when I was taking women on dates. I think that was the only time my car wouldn't start. The first time, my date did a lot of eye rolling and treated me like a fool, so I just walked her back home and we didn't go out. I was really embarrassed. The second time it happened, we went for a walk, and she turned out to be really amazing and we dated for about a year but never married. We met again 17 years later after my divorce and dated again, but she was very strongly LDS by then and it was just wrong for us.