The monthly cost for missions has gone up!!

There will be Signs on each/all of the Temples, ala the old McDonalds ones: (x) 'served'...

Will the McSigns on the Temples have two rows of numbers?

One for number of endowments performed (including the practice of repeating each name 3 times per temple, and then sending names on to the next temple)?

And the second number of REAL TRUTHFULL numbers of actual persons served/endowed?

the missionary program because many are poor and more are chosen to serve.

I think the new announcement will be that the church wants anointedone to be their new spokesman! ;o)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2013 10:36PM by wine country girl.

Are you saying that the price will go up AS A FACT? or are you guessing like the rest of us? The price will probably rise if they start using iPads for everybody.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2013 12:24AM by earlyrm.

All ward houses will now display the Visa/Mastercard/Amex logos on their doors.

They are reviving the Kirtland Bank currency.

"Mormonism is as phony as a three-dollar bill."

http://www.utlm.org/images/3dollarbill_bank.jpg

Income based tithing, capped at 44% for wealthier members. That'll destroy their fanbase quicker than anything else! Naturally the apostles will be exempt...and will also receive an increased 'living wage' for their extra dedication to the work.

Passive income from interest earlings or other investment income will be tithed at only 2% to encourage investment and allow wealth to trickel down to the unwashed masses.

Also, binders of women will be kept in each stake center so that there will be women available to clean the toilets on Saturdays.

And finally, 47% of all church members are just coasting by and need to be doing more. These slackers will be assigned to do all ward house yard work. The top 1% of members in each ward will decide who the 47% are.

I prophesy in the enlightened name of Jesus Smith that this announcement will be a big 'non event' rather than the most important announcement in this generation.

If I am right I must be a true prophet. If I am wrong, don't worry, I was just speaking as a man (still a prophet therefore).

Sister missionaries will be allowed to baptize women converts.

They are going to change the name from "Relief Society activity" to "Homemaking" again so that more women will stay home and raise more babies lol. Maybe they will tell us about the danger of too much money. Can't wait.

Attention All Saints.

New change in doctrine.

The lord has thus commanded that oral sex is no longer an impure act.

Repeat.

Oral sex is no longer an impure act.

Start practicing your swirl technique.

Chocolate rations have been increased to 20 grams per week. Doubleplusgood!

Yeah, increased from 30g.

I think its going to be a new member missionary based program.

Tracting doesn't work well, so boost the referrals and you'll become "...Jesus little friend." -John Safran.

Probably more emphasis on members referring less actives to the missionaries as well.

Maybe they'll finally admit that they worship Lucifer.

Sacrament has been changed to deviled eggs and tomato juice.

The egg is the symbol of fertility and the tomato juice is the blood of after birth.

After sacrament there will be a full-ward circle jerk with the bishop as the pivot man.

The Profit has spoken.

All Hail Satan, the Master of Mormons.

I honestly dont think theres gong to be anything new. I ask TBN DD what she thought. she said it was just a missionary mtg. thats historic cuz its world wide & rare. Sounds to me like "more,more,more"meeting. More time more money more energy!!!

Yeah, it's a New Mission President's seminar. Mission Presidents usually serve for 3 years before they get replaced, and all the new mission presidents called go on this conference type thing for a few days I think, where GAs and Apostles teach them how to be a Mission President. However, it's usually done in private, whilst this time one of the meetings is being broadcast for everybody to see.

I am surprised nobody else figured this out. It's so obvious.

In the great tradition of Utah commerce, collection of tithing will be redeployed within an inspired MLMM (Multi-Level-Mormon-Marketing) system, where each participant gets to KEEP a percentage of the take. Actively recruiting new tithe payers will soon become FULL TIME EMPLOYMENT for the most stalwart and valiant of TBMs. They will be able to quit their regular jobs and become professional DOWNLINERS FOR THE LORD. Home Teaching will start to turn a PROFIT every month for the Home Teachers!

The net residual left over for LDS, Inc. will actually INCREASE when the missing ingredient of self-serving capitalism (aka human greed) is shared with the membership.

Genius. Pure genius. I am both shocked AND surprised I didn't think of this.