Dang right a coach should be charged with abuse if he hits a child on his bare bottom with a paddle. Hitting kids with paddles or any other objects should not be acceptable. I know people long for the good old days of people hitting kids and not blinking an eye and accepted racism and sexism. That's all well and good, but that is NOT the sort of world I want to live in. I'm glad things have changed. I'm glad more people are seeing that it's wrong to hit kids, or have casual racism in the work environment. And, no, if you compliment a woman chances are that's not sexual harassment, but dudes don't have the right to be pinching on a woman or making remarks about her breasts and such and that's actually a GOOD THING.
If I had to live in some 50s-60s world, it would be hell on people like me. If you want to live in the Mad Men, world, fine, but don't try to take me with you. /rant

Don't forget when murder was an accepted way to deal with smartass kids of the wrong color(Emmett Till, anyone?) and child sexual abuse was kept a big secret, and if a child was bullied it just meant they needed to grow a thicker skin?

Bad as my childhood was, I can tell you the honest truth, I never even heard of "The N-word" until I was 8 years old. It was simply never heard or uttered. When I heard some kids on the school bus describe our babysitter with that term, I had no idea what it meant. I thought it was just a descriptive bad word, like creep. I only found out different when I went home and used it and got a spanking...

I never heard the N word, the F word or "gay" or any derogatory word until I was in college. I was shocked when I heard, as a teenager, a friend refer to girl as "a broad" and my mother told me it wasn't good to use such language. When I was in college, my uncle born in 1895 used the N word a couple of times. But, he also said the last time he enjoyed voting in a presidential election, he voted for Coolidge. My brothers and I weren't subject to physical punishment, nor other punishment because we did very little wrong. My mother said that when she taught school, including during the depression, she was ableto maintain discipline in classes of 50-60 students in a high school merely by raising her eyebrow. We had halos, I guess. My mother said it was good breeding.

The American Psychological Association has weighed in on spanking. It's harmful. Kids who are hit experience more depression, more anxiety, more social problems, and more difficulty coping with problems of life than kids who don't. It affects not only their childhood, but their adulthood and very possibly their rest of their lives.

Of the traumatized men I see in my work, those who suffer worse are those who were physically (or emotionally) abused as children as well as traumatized by war. Men in their 60s still hurt and sometimes cry from what an abusive father or mother has done to them--and these are tough men. Looking at them you'd never think they were hurt so badly.

Hitting kids is a set-up to make life much more difficult for them later regardless of what they encounter. I think dismissing the seriousness of physical and emotional abuse as "PC" is one way to avoid the recollection of being hurt and helpless, to avoid the fact that they were less loved than they hoped and needed, and, for some parents, to avoid guilt for hitting their own kids.

I was hit as a kid and it *still* affects me more than 50 years later.

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/02/the-long-term-effects-of-spanking/253425/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-me-in-we/201202/how-spanking-harms-the-brain



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2013 05:02PM by robertb.

The good old days were only good if you were a white male of at least upper working class.

I miss getting dressed up to go shopping, or to the movies, or flying in an airplane, but I don't miss it enough to actually get dressed up to do any of those things.

releve Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The good old days were only good if you were a
> white male of at least upper working class.


Quoted for truth.
Just who is saying they were the good old days? White boys.
Or women who have so internalised misogyny that they want to make other women feel the same as they do.

Totally not surprised who misses "dressing up".



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2013 08:12PM by WinksWinks.

I still believe in dressing up. My profession requires it. I also note that women feel better about themselves when dressed up. As my mother noted about one of our daughters, she would look dressed up even in jeans and would look in the mirror and say "I'm pretty". She was also very bright and a top student so it wasn't an obsession with looks, just an acceptance of reality and self-confidence. We have grandaughters who like to dress up and to play the game as well. Confidence. Not vanity.

To me, dressing up has everything to do with style & sophistication, & not what particular items you're wearing. For me, I will never wear a dress, skirt, or jumper dress ever again. I dislike them & they make me feel uncomfortable, especially after beig forced to wear them for most of my life every single Sunday.

I also dislike "pretty colors". They make me feel like an ugly, fat clown. As for makeup & fragrances, I'm severely allergic, so I can't wear any. Because of that people assume that I don't know now to even put it on, which I do.

Another thing to consider, one person's idea of "dressing up" is always another's idea of being "casual".

Bit of a tangent. . .

but if you are interested in exploring alternatives to synthetic cosmetics, check out Crunchy Betty's blog. Lot's of interesting stuff on there.

Oh yes I've looked into those types of alternatives - home made & manufactured, over the years, & more recently as well. I've come to realize that I don't look good with make up, & again I feel like an ugly clown when I wear it. For my needs, I've realized, I need to focus on serious grooming & care, especially with my skin.

What's crazy is that Kevyn Aucoin was my idol when he was alive. I just loved his work, even though I don't wear makeup.

By dressing up, I meant: dress, heels, hose (with girdle and garters), matching bag to shoes, gloves and maybe a hat. That is what I wore to go to the movies or downtown shopping in the mid 60s. The first time I flew, I was wearing all of that and broke a heel during a lay over in LAX and had to limp around with one flat shoe and one high heel until I could get my bags in Miami.

I think my mother's post World War II life looks romantic in movies, but I know it wasn't romantic for real people. My mom had serious depression my whole childhood.

My dad ruled in our house. There was only one opinion on any subject, his. He ate steak, while the rest of the family ate hamburger. He chose the music on the stereo and the show on the television. He even chose my school clothes when I was in High School. Luckily, he had excellent taste and my friends envied my wardrobe, but I just wanted to look like them.

There was no violence in my home growing up, the abuse was all emotional and verbal.

Matching bag, girdle, etc. etc. are not necessary. Nor is a dress required. But it is something more than casual. As a man I think colors are cool. Being of Scottish descent I would wear a clan kilt but they are quite expensive. I figure it must be more comfortable to have the air on one's legs, especially in the summer. Women, today, have choices that men do not have without appearing gay (not to disparage gays, but to understand one does not want to give the wrong signals).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2013 09:06PM by rhgc.

I so agree about mens dress clothes. I love to see a well dressed man, but in the summer mens dress clothes just look like instruments of torture. I hope I didn't leave the wrong impression about how I dress. Most people who see me out and about would probably say that I'm dressed nicely for the setting. I too love color and I think you should save up for that kilt.

Polite and respectful, I vote for that.

I have my granddaddy's kilts. He was a Scotsman and his kilts are amazing. They're about 80 years old now. I love kilts!

"Women, today, have choices that men do not have without appearing gay (not to disparage gays, but to understand one does not want to give the wrong signals)."

I have to ask, what the hell do you think gays dress like? And more importantly, what the hell kind of signals do you think your clothing gives off?

I am curious to know what sort of nonsense you'd expect me, my partner, or our friends to wear.

And finally, so the hell what if someone thinks that you're gay?

Tyson, miffed

rhgc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I still believe in dressing up. My profession
> requires it. I also note that women feel better
> about themselves when dressed up. As my mother
> noted about one of our daughters, she would look
> dressed up even in jeans and would look in the
> mirror and say "I'm pretty". She was also very
> bright and a top student so it wasn't an obsession
> with looks, just an acceptance of reality and
> self-confidence. We have grandaughters who like to
> dress up and to play the game as well. Confidence.
> Not vanity.

YES YES YES!!! + 10000000
It's important to self esteem, and self confidence!
It's not a requirement, it's an accepted way of understanding propriety - something many have not learned.
Call me "old school" but there is a time and a place for how we dress and being respectful of ourselves is very important.

ok, I find this attitude rather sad. If your self-esteem/confidence rests on whether you dress up or not then I feel something is lacking inside not outside.

I've met intelligent beautiful people who didn't dress up or wear makeup (oh god ewe) but you felt their personality radiate with enough strength to fill a room.

They carry an inner confidence of who they are, without the need to compare themselves to others. They can stand alone in a crowd and others migrate to them because they want to share in their glow. They're so sure of themselves and feel so good about themselves that outside trappings mean little to them.

The people who 'need' to gussy up in order to feel good about themselves are usually the people I find judging everyone else against themselves because they need that boost of 'I look as good as or better than' others in order to feel worthwhile. I understand that, I've been guilty of it as well but it's something I work to get past not something I pat myself on the back.

A wrapping is just a wrapping and has no determination whatsoever as to the value of what's inside.

I laughed and said: "I think you probably got it about right."

matt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I laughed and said: "I think you probably got it
> about right."

My mother didn't, so for years I flinched whenever Crystal unexpectedly touched me. Not anymore, though. Still, the other day she playfully smacked me unexpectedly with a pancake turner and I visualized tearing her head off. I didn't move a muscle, however, took a breathe, and let it go. Good inhibitory response on my part.

Yeah. Very good.

Pity your mother was incapable of showing such restraint.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2013 06:32PM by Susan I/S.

funny thing. I just tried to reply to this thread with comic examples and kept getting booted.

For the life of my, I don't know what example I actually used that is taboo.

So, uhm, yeah. PC even takes over the filters of this forum.

Makes me think of a scene from Futurama:

"Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Pepperidge Farm remembers."

I love 50s and 60s aesthetics. But sould I want to live back then? NO WAY.

At 54, I'm from the "olden days" and I agree 110 percent. While some were watching the idealized Leave it to Beaver, others were being refused service for being black. Women had very few career choices and LGBT's were forced to stay in the closet for their own physical safety. I don't ever want to go back to that world. And while I'm on the topic let me just say that I'm sick to death with people my age and older ragging on social media and technology. I see them as amazing tools to help raise global consciousness!

If you're from the "olden days", then I'm from the "olden, olden days" and I agree with everything you had to say. I think social media should be approached with some care. I think that sometimes there is a little TMI. I like to read my grandkids posts, but I don't make comments. Sometimes my grandson's language makes my hair curl, but I know that the rest of the world talks more like him than they do like me.

I do not know how I used to run my business before the internet. I don't think I could turn a profit without the web at this point.

I'm not even sure that the bad stuff is worse than it used to be, we just may be more informed. We knew about Clinton, but Ike, JFK and LBJ all had their little trysts wihout the press outing them.

Off topic a tad, but my grandmother is 87 and my step-grandfather is 93 and they both have iPads and Facebook profiles. I think that is majorly cool. My step-grandfather was a WWII colonel and bomber pilot and lived when most people didn't have Tv's and telephones and now he surfs the web. Pretty cool! What the world must look like through his eyes! That's the attitude I like to see!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2013 08:54AM by charpop705.

I was hit and spanked by both my parents. My older brother was allowed to beat me, whenever he felt like it. Mormon denial: "There's nothing wrong with your brother/don't tell anyone about this." I grew up sad, without hope of ever being loved. I was married in the temple, briefly, to a monster who beat me almost every day for 14 months. I didn't want to get a divorce and disgrace my family.

Another bad thing about the "good old days". Divorce was unheard of. It happened to movie stars who fooled around, or trashy people who drank too much. I was the first one in my extended Mormon family to get a divorce. They blamed me, because I was the woman. No one took into consideration that my ex was a bully, with a history of assault.

I'm doing well now, but I still have PTSD from those days. I sometimes wonder who I would have become, had I been raised in a normal family.

No nostalgia, here. I love now. I love computers and iphones and gadgets and my complicated car that talks to me.

To me, there were no "good old days"- just misery and shame and ugliness.

Even with all the problems, both in general and with me personally- health issues and being broke- I like now. I like being married to my wonderful husband. I like all the technology even if I don't understand it all (I can build a computer but can't fathom cell phone plans!)and I like that certain things that got a nudge-nudge-wink-wink in the past now get a "That will not be toletrated!"

Good Old Days my @$$.

I hate wearing dresses, hose, high heel shoes. I refuse. Now, a Victorian suit on the other hand, I'd wear that in a second, but mostly I sport band t shirts and pants with a lot of pockets.

It's just I feel that the bad aspects of the Good Ole Days trickled down when it came to me and the rare times I lived with my mother. She grew up down south, lived with racism and segregation and child abuse. She said she was hit with belts and all kinds of objects and the few times I lived with her she hit me with a belt and said I got it a lot worse. Thing is, this was the only way she knew how to discipline me even when I was getting chemotherapy from the cancer in my left hand.
It probably was a good thing I was raised more by my paternal grandmother but what is so good about the good ole days if even if people love their kids, they think it's OK to hit them into submission and base their relationships with their children more on fear than on love. I think that's yet another thing it's not a bad idea to look at and question and deconstruct.

Also, it's not a bad thing to know how to be polite and treat people with respect regardless of their hue. I don't know how Paula Dean CAN'T figure out what is offensive. It's like when folks tell rape jobs and get mad at people for being mad. There's nothing wrong with being politically polite.

I think it's interesting that people get nostalgic for things that aren't necessarily gone.

No one is stopping anyone from dressing up. Just because it's not required doesn't mean it's not an option.

I do a lot of old-fashioned things because I like them. For example, I cook almost everything from scratch. The fact that I could buy convenience food does not stop me. But I don't complain that people who don't want to cook like I do have the choice.

Not just talking about the comments here, but when I here a lot of people lamenting the good old days, it is not because they can no longer live the way they want to, but because they think everyone else should live the same way.

I think you're right.