When preaching, shunning, and insulting don't work, Mormons
often conclude with a positive sounding thing that's really an
insult in disguise. This is "passive aggressive" behavior.
Here are three of my favorites:

I/We still love you anyway. (subtext: Even though you have
rejected truth and aligned yourself with Satan, we will be big
about it and love you anyway.)

I hope you find what you are looking for. (subtext: You must
be lost and groping in the dark to put some meaning into your
miserable, empty life.)

Well, I wish you the best (usually said with a grim
countenance). (subtext: You have lost the light of Christ
and are adrift in a world of sin, you'll need all the luck you
can find.)

Feel free to add your favorites. Remember to qualify it must
be very positive on the surface with a very negative subtext.

Don't know if this counts, but:

"I'm sorry that I offended you" (they sound like they're being nice and apologizing, but really you weren't offended in the first place, and they're insulting you by making it seem like you get offended for no reason).

QWE Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Don't know if this counts, but:
>
> "I'm sorry that I offended you" (they sound like
> they're being nice and apologizing, but really you
> weren't offended in the first place, and they're
> insulting you by making it seem like you get
> offended for no reason).


I get the non-apology version: I'm sorry you were offended. Not: I'm sorry that I did ______ or said _______. It's a subtle difference but basically they aren't sorry for their actions just sorry I was offended by their actions. Because there was nothing wrong with what they said or did and if I wasn't so overly sensitive I would not have over reacted by being offended. See the difference? IMO it's a subtle form of blame the victim.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/06/2013 09:13AM by caedmon.

I used to get:

I'm sorry IF I offended you..

I generally end up feeling offended when they say "I'm sorry you were offended."

Guess they have to live what they believe.

I used to think/do ... too, but. Translation= I'm above you and I know better.

"I/We love you." It doesn't get more passive-aggressive than that. They really mean, "You are a big sinner who left to sin, & you need to come back to the cult & repent. But I/We love you anyway."

It's the non-Southern version of "Well, bless your heart."

Translation: I'm too polite to tell you you're an idiot to your face.

we also say it when we really do feel badly and we just don't know what else to say, but then we say "bless your poor heart!" a subtle but very important difference.

\We also say it when we're thinking you should shut up and go f**k yourself.

*We miss you* --- The chairs in the chapel haven't been filled yet - I order you back.

*I hope you find what you are looking for* --- I hope god will smite you with a curse and make you come back with your tail between your legs. (God, the number of times I've tried to tell a TBM about the beauty of NOT looking for anything but just enjoying life as it is.....it's an alien concept to TBMs)

*If I had been a better visiting teacher, you would not have left the church* --- Yes, let's make this about YOU (:rolleyes:)

when I run into somebody from my former ward at the grocery store or something, and they say, "We miss you!" I have wanted to say "BULLSHIT!!! If you miss me so much, how come you never talked to me when I was still in the church???"

But I'm basically a nice person and don't say stuff like that.

We have gotten this one. Not only is it passive aggressive but it makes things socially awkward because there is no smooth transition from that...

" Oh so you are an apossssstattttttte "

that's the BS line my nazi MORmON male parent tried on me.

too bad for him that I arrived at the point where I would rather be called a host of things rather than ANYTHING that denoted finding Gordon BS Hinckley to be inspired, inspiring, and /or anything even remotely qualified to speak for a benevolent deity.

My reply "would you like to call me a "heretic" too ? , or any other uncomplimentary term you can think of that your church had to borrow from catholics that you so readily condemn for not being good enough?"

Also, I don't know how she does it, but one of my aunts, she is able to be passive-aggressive, even when being direct. She has said things to my inactive dad like, "You need to go back to church." Direct, yes, yet still passive-aggressive.

This is stretching it, but here's one.

Bishop's wife to me: "doesn't your mother see what a good person your husband is?"

Me: "I don't understand what you mean?"

BW: "Well doesn't she see that your husband could be out drinking on a Friday night, but he's not?"

Me: (finally dawns on me that she is saying that my husband is only a good person who doesn't drink because of TSCC)
"Um, no I think my mom just thinks that he doesn't drink because he doesn't want to, she thinks that's his personality, not the church's doing."

So she's saying what a good person DH is, but really she's taking the credit for his goodness by insinuating he's only good due to TSCC. That is so sick to me. I mean she really can't grasp the concept that a non active or non Mormon could possibly choose NOT to drink because they don't like alcohol or they don't like the lifestyle/bar scene or they're a homebody. Get a clue!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/06/2013 09:24AM by charpop705.

...(but it's dead wrong).

Neighbor: "Oh, I have missed you!"( meaning-I haven't seen you in church)

Me: "Mary, I still live in the same house. I haven't moved"

Neighbor, sputtering because I caught her at her game..."oh, I know, I have been such a bad neighbor". hahahahaha

Lol!! Oh I wish I could have seen her face when you said that!

Wife has an uncle who would do this all time: Hey, you could stop by once in a while. Nobody ever comes by.

"Well, we all have free agency."

"Of course, you have the right to believe whatever you want."

"Jesus loves you, and will welcome you back no matter what you've done."

Wow. These are some of the most annoying ones mentioned so far imo.

I've gotten most of these responses but the one I HATE the very most is when they imply that I'm being a bad girl. They do it with a little smile or giggle like I'm being a rebellious teenager & can be shamed into coming back. I have actually had some one laugh and so say, "oh you're so naughty!"

Excuse me I'm not 13 years old. I left because it's a make believe church not cuz I wanted to sleep in on Sundays. I find this to be the most insulting way to try and shame someone. I'd prefer them to just be straight forward about what they think. I hate hate the passive-aggressive responses.

This is one that just pisses me off every single time.


Oh hi! How have you been? How is your stepson doing?




Sounds pretty tame. But, nobody ever ever asks how MY two kids are doing, even though they know my kids. My kids left the church with me. Stepson is very TBM. In other words, they only want to know how the Mormon child is doing. They don't want to hear about the exmo's.

I always ignore their question and tell them all about the two they didn't ask about. You'd think they'd get it. Nope. The next time I see them they do exactly the same thing.

I know it's irksome to get that question but your answer cracked me up.

I am married to an ex Mormon who is now a catholic. We got the "he can't give up the beer" attack. Funny thing-not one of tbms in the family ever asked him why he actually left?

1. I took a boat load of missionaries to the temple a few years ago for their 6 month check-up which they do just before general conference. I had to sit in the waiting room - no temple recommend. Enter the Temple President's wife, who has known me for many years (and has probably been told of horrid rumors about me). She said,

"God loves all his children."

My thought: I know you know a lot of trash garbage that isn't true. Why else would you say that to me.

2. While a TBM I spoke to my previous stake president, a mission president, a temple president (blah, blah, blah) and told him I was thinking about going back to the temple. He tried to have me exed many years ago - unsuccessful I might add. So, knowing he has had his 2nd anointing (I could tell from all the comments he made) and knowing that he still remembers all "my sins" that he was uncomfortable with, he said,

"Just clear everything up with your bishop first."

My thought: Why would you assume that I have not cleared "everything up" already? HUMMMMMM?

3. Just last week I ran into one of the CES seminary teachers in our stake who warned me to stay away from anti-Mo material and websites. Frankly, I don't know how he/she knew that except for something I asked him/her a while back that was not taught in correlated crap. As he/she walked to their car I was showered with the same phrase three times,

"I'm not giving up on you."
"I'm not giving up on you."
"I'm not giving up on you."


My thought: Yes, Mos think (just as I once did) that they're superior.

With regards to #1, I got that sort of thing a lot too, even as a TBM.

Other mormons OBVIOUSLY heard things about me in meetings, or just general gossip, and then they'd say something about it to me, but dress it all up in cryptic language. It makes it obvious they heard a rumour about you.

I've always wanted to say back to them "If someone told you that I did X, Y and Z, that's not true", but I know if I do the mormon will say "No, I didn't mean that, I meant something else". That's the whole point of the cryptic language used, so that if you bring them up on it they can say they meant something different.

First question: "Really...how is your wife taking it?"
Translation: Is it really worth your marriage to get all spun up about Church truth claims?

Second question: "What does your Mom think?"
Translation: You selfish heathen you...you really want to break your poor mother's believing heart over horses and chariots in the BOM?

Third question: "Have you talked with the Bishop? What did he say?"
Translation: The Bishop needs to put you on some kind of detox program to clean you up because I am feeling dirty just talking to you.

Just about anything they would say would be considered passive aggressive:

"You resigned membership? Oh, that's nice"
Translation: I don't know what else I can say. Better this insincere comment than anything else I would have to say.

"Well I'm sure you have your reasons"
Translation: Not sure why on earth you would do something so final but I'm not about to ask why.

I'm not sure there is a right response on their parts.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/06/2013 03:54PM by snuckafoodberry.

Mormon: "Oh, well you always did do your own thing"

Mormon: "Is that right? I figured it was something like that.."

Mormon: "Well, not everybody has what it takes..."

"Well,the Gospel isn't for everyone". (Really?)

"I am so sorry that someone must have offended you". (of course,that is the only reason for leaving.)

whiskeytango Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Well,the Gospel isn't for everyone". (Really?)
>

I don't know why but I can't stop laughing at this one. Who would say that? I thought the whole entire point of the gospel was that it was indeed for everyone...

Oh,I see. It's not for everyone, like you have to be so much stronger, smarter, faster, whatever to "live the gospel".
That's funny...I love it when the sheep try to act like you're the one who's been duped. it's adorable.

I've never heard "The Gospel isn't for everyone."

I'd be so tempted to say:

"That is very true."

A member of the SP told me this:

I hope you find what you are looking for.

I didn't know what it meant, until I read the OP. LOL. He thinks I live a dark life! I thought he said because I said no to a calling. =)

Funny thing is he asked me how I was and about my life. I must have sound pretty content because he also told me "you think you are happy now, but that is not true happiness".

"you think you are happy now, but that is not true happiness"
- translation: you cannot be happy, don't confuse me, you must be miserable, lalalalalala

"Well, our prophets told us that in the latter days, even the very elect will be deceived."

"Yes, it can be hard to live the gospel and many people choose an easier path."

"I'll be praying for you and your family."