Some girl posted this on another forum and I agree 100%.


"Funerals should be in honor of the deceased.
Life itself gives enough material for any church that wants to focus on faith and lessons.
When a human dies, the funeral is the last chance for a solid collective of memories. It is the last expolsion of memory they have.
After, their memory is carried in individual memories.
Any memorial that doesn't focus on the individual robs them of the life they lived, and robs everyone of their memory.
Leave preaching to regular church services."

A lotta good those comments do. Mormons will still hijack the funeral in order to advertise.

Somehow, Mormons always think that people are in the audience just a-waitin' to hear the Mormon plan, just a-waitin' to fill a void in their miserable lives with Mormon compost. Why do they think that? That's really grasping at a long shot.

I had a discussion last night about funerals. I just love Schubert's "Ave Maria" the German/original version, everyone thought that it was funny that an atheist exmo would want such a Catholic piece of music. I thought they were all dumb asses for making it about religion and not about the music being a masterpiece.

My wife and MIL had a different take though, they said it would never be allowed. I asked what they meant and they said that music praising Mary wouldn't be allowed. I asked again, what do you mean not allowed. I'm not stupid, I know they are thinking about a service in an LDS chapel but I wanted them to voice the unspoken. I wanted my wife to admit that she planned on giving me an LDS funeral.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bosouX_d8Y

They pulled that crap with my brother's funeral.
He had left the church and had very specifically asked to be buried in certain clothing.
They completely ignored his very loudly voiced objections and buried him in those stupid temple clothes and made him look like an ass. I was the only non tbm in my family, so I was the only person who objected. They ignored me too, of course!

I still think of my brother, lying there, while my sister's husband fumbled around with that stupid pastry chef hat, pulling and turning and yanking on his body...it was infuriating.

Funerals are about the deceased, but they are for the living.

Funerals are for the living to deal with the loss of a friend, loved one, etc.. Anyone that tries to disrupt that process to make it about recruiting for an org or religion is just plain sick.

There was one of those sick people at my Aunt's funeral.

There a period during the service where people could stand and tell their rememberances of her. Toward the end, an ultra TBM stood up and spoke for about 10 seconds about her. He then went into a 5 minute talk about how "the church is true" which was directed at me and some other family members that were exmo. It totally changed the service for me and it's something I'll never forgive him for.

Oddly enough, even TBM DW wants to be cremated and then wants "Claire de Lune" played at her funeral. That doesn't sound very Mormon like to me. She doesn't want anyone looking at or dressing her corpse, so that will make the temple clothes a bit tricky.

If she passes before I do, I will orchestrate things such that she gets what she wants and that it will not be held in an LDS venue to try to thwart an attempt to hijack.

My TMB BIL who recently passed away had a rollicking good funeral, with very little Mormon stuff. As LDS funerals go, it was great. But he's also the one whose corpse had to be sat upright in the coffin in order to get his baker's hat on, which upset the kids and some others. Creepy.

I lost a friend a few years back who was part of my UU circle of close acquaintences. She was a wonderful person who had a permanent smile plastered on her face, never said an unkind word and worked hard to make the world a better place. In fact her job was doing grant writing for non-profits. She was loved by so many people.

And she was a practicing Pagan. In the Bible Belt. She wore the title of "Witch" with honor.

She planned her memorial service and asked that no one wear black and to please wear bright colors and a feather boa if you had one (she loved wearing them). You never saw more colorful outfits and plenty of boas. She had asked another friend who is a beautiful pianist to play a medely of Wizard of Oz songs, which she loved. So the medely starts out with "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." It was beautiful. Everyone is smiling. Then it moves into the intro to "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead." The place was packed and there was not a dry eye in the audience. You'd look around and everyone was smiling through the tears. We all knew it was what Vicki had asked for and exactly what she would want. Everyone was saying, "Vicki would love this."

I told the pianist that her music was so incredibly lovely, but that if my children ask her to play "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" at my memorial service (quite likely), DO NOT DO IT.

The best funerals I've attended are the ones when I leave thinking "I wish I had known that person better". I never leave thinking "I wish I was a member of that church".

My Dad died a month ago yesterday. He'd been in the stake presidency, was a sealer in the Nauvoo temple and was the stake patriarch. And his funeral was definitely NOT a commercial for mormonism. I had said something to my Mom about wanting the funeral to be about Dad, not about the mormon church. And I think she said something to the bishop.

The funeral was my brother, sister, and I getting up and sharing memories about my Dad. My goal was to make everyone that attended jealous that they didn't get to have my Dad for their father, and I think we did it.

I agree with caedmon. My uncle died several months ago. And after his funeral I wished I'd have the chance to know him better. My cousin's husband died about a month later, and his funeral was a commercial for the mormon church and said absolutely nothing about him. I hated it!

I talked to my Mom before the funeral about what I wanted to say. She wasn't comfortable with me mentioning right out that I'm gay. So I said that even though my life didn't turn out the way Dad and I thought it would, my Dad never, ever loved me any less. I also refused to end my speech saying, "In the name of cheese and rice amen." And no one said anything about it.

My husband had "the best funeral service"! It was held in an LDS Chapel per his wishes, with our adult children and grand children participating in some manner.

The eulogies (divided two ways) were given by our two oldest children and were about him, 100%. Prayers and comments were given by two of our other adult children. The pall bearers were his brothers, sons in law, and grand sons. It was beautiful!

The "spiritual thought" aka Plan of Salvation Talk by the bishop was very personal, about him, and was so well done, I can't imagine anyone would find fault with it.

It was a short service, followed by the Honor Detail and Dedication at the cemetery which was exactly what he wanted, including our oldest son, retired Army Major, presenting the flag to his mother!

Fortunately, the local bishop and mortuary were willing to accept our choices that were approved by my husband at Christmas time, a few weeks before he passed away.

I received many positive comments about how perfectly it honored my husband, and how beautiful it was.

I had my concerns, initially, but they were short lived.

It all depends on how well the local bishop and others are willing to be respectful of the family. We were all very pleased.

In my circle of friends everbody is non-religious, probably atheists. The deceased is cremated and the closest friends and family will, at an appropriate time, scatter the ashes according to the wishes of the deceased. If the wishes were never voiced then the friends decide on the best place to scatter the ashes.

Instead of a funeral, a *wake* is held. That is essentially a party to celebrate the life of the deceased. There is feasting and merrymaking with plenty of wine and beer available. Often times there is a video show or photo show that is centered on the deceased.

The intent is to have a party that the deceased would have enjoyed attending. Everyone leaves with good memories about the full life that person lived.

An old friend's father passed away a few weeks ago. The funeral was a small, intimate affair. The service was Masonic and spiritual. The only music was Big Band music from the 1940's. The experience was uplifting.