I rarely see missionaries, but apparently there are two sets that divide up the small town. One set parked right by me at a new thrift store on Monday that was not open for business. I expected them to be dressed in their P Day clothes, but, no. They were in their white shirts, ties, and slacks.

A little background: In honor of my husband and two of our children that served missions, I have chosen to give them some money - $20 each when I see them.(I do this even if they claim that $135 a month is plenty and they are fine and don't need anything.... ya right, and I have a bridge.... ) and even though I tell them that is ridiculous - ! I probably threw in a few "damns" here and there also! :-)

But there is a problem with that. They claim they cannot accept cash. Hmmm.... OK. Then can you accept cash cards, I asked, as they handed the money back.

Yes, they said. They could accept cash cards. I asked what kind they would like and they said they were on their way to get an oil change near a Subway (there are three in this little town), so I followed them to the one near where I turn off to go to the cemetery to check the artificial flowers on my husband's veterans marker (lots and lots of wind tend to blow them off!)

We walked into Subway, I purchased the cards with the cash they gave back to me, I handed them to the young men and chatted for a few minutes and out to our cars, and sent them on their way.

That struck my funny bone, and I chuckled as I drove off.

Nice kids! Full of baloney but ...well... I explained that most of of our family were LDS but later "made different choices" including me. I told them clearly I was not interested in their church, been there done that, but they still asked if they could send the other missionaries to my house. I told them no.
I supported their right to their choices.

Probably won't see them again. It was a fun encounter!

Guess I'll get some cash cards to have on hand for the future! :-)

Can't accept cash but can accept gift cards? That's kinda strange. Mission presidents can impose their own restrictions on missionaries above and beyond what is handed down from SLC--at least that has been my experience. You're very good to them. I haven't seen the missionaries up close since I stopped attending...occasionally I see them on their bikes.

That is SLC talking about accepting cash.

earlyrm Wrote:
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> That is SLC talking about accepting cash.

OH? Do you know the reasoning behind that?

I am a widow so I explained that I would take them to lunch or dinner but that was not accepted either as they can't be with a single female (even if I am old enough to be their grandmother.)

It makes it look like they're getting paid I guess. I'm not sure. The single lady thing is because of a few things: they don't want you tempting the poor missionaries with your femininity, and they don't want to have women claiming that the missionaries raped them, so they only go when there is another person other than the woman in the house. Also, there was an interview of David Rahm of the TV Show Mad Men recently, and he said that a man and his friend busted in on them with loaded guns because they thought the missionaries were having an affair with his wife.

SusieQ, you and I are in very similar situations, although I am not a widow. I have a very soft spot in my heart for mishies - they are some other mother's children, after all.

My husband is still TBM, and the mishies drop by once in a while to chat with him. They know that I am an apostate.

Recently, they stopped by (they know to call first; we have trained them!) I answered the door. I said, "Hi, guys, come on in and have a seat." They looked at each other and hesitated, like "What do we do now? Where is Brother Nip? We can't go in there and be ALONE with this APOSTATE woman!" I caught the hesitation immediately, of course, and said "Brother Nip is out in the garage, so why don't you guys get settled in the living room while I go and get him?"

Well, they could deal with that. As long as Brother Nip was on the premises and I was going to fetch him, they would probably be safe. And like you, I am old enough to be their grandmother.

One of them had met me a few times before and knew that I was harmless - but the new guy - green as grass - honestly looked scared, like I was going to sprout horns and a tail.

I have never been anything but kind to young missionaries. It kind of hurts to see a look of stark terror - quickly masked, but still there - on a young face.

catnip Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> SusieQ, you and I are in very similar situations,
> although I am not a widow. I have a very soft
> spot in my heart for mishies - they are some
> other mother's children, after all.
>
> My husband is still TBM, and the mishies drop by
> once in a while to chat with him. They know that
> I am an apostate.
>
>
I applaud your kindness! And your respect for your husband.
Life is so much more beautiful and joyful when we make it about respect for others and treating them the way we want to be treated.

They are just "babies" in my eyes - so young, so naive!

When on my mish, my comp and I were asked to speak to a Methodist Ladies womens group - kind of like a Methodist Relief Society. So we gave the "First Re-Vision" speach, they asked some questions...it went well. Afterwards they gave us a check for $250.00..."Holy Crap Elder!!!" I tried to explain that we couldn't accept it, but they insisted, besides the check was already cut, and they anticipated paying "preachers" anyway...so...what did I do?

Much to the dismay of my comp, I took the check, and sent it to the MP. He sent a letter saying that I did the right thing, it was good sometimes to accept gifts from other organizations to build good relations. RIGHT!!! Like TSCC would reject money even if it was from Methodists!! Later the mission home got new computers about a month afterwards...wonder where the $$$ went..???



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2013 12:28PM by magnite.

Would the MP have said it was the "right thing" if you and your
comp had split the $250 between yourselves rather than turning
it over to the MP?

Or is it the right thing only for HIM to accept the money?

CAN'T accept cash but CAN accept cash cards.

CAN talk with a single female at Subway or Dollar Store but
CAN'T sit down with single female (old enough to be their
grandmother) in a public restaurant.

CAN send letters home but CAN'T phone home more than twice a
year.

CAN'T leave their companion's sight, CAN'T be called by their
first name. CAN'T leave the mission boundaries for 2 years.
CAN'T correspond with someone of the opposite gender who lives
within the mission boundaries. etc. etc.

No, we're not a cult!! What ever gave you that idea?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2013 01:52PM by baura.

Sounds like a lot of businesses and corporations I've worked for: ridiculous rules and regulations and policies.
But this is a religious tribe doing the same thing.
Check out other major religions. Not much difference when it comes to policies, rules and regs.
Or the military... :-)

SusieQ#1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Check out other major religions. Not much
> difference when it comes to policies, rules and
> regs.

Oh, I think there is a lot of difference between these mission rules and "other major religions".

I was a JW missionary and we were given much more autonomy than Mormon missionaries are. In fact, our guidelines weren't any different than that expected of all members - to abide by the tenets of the faith. I always felt that I was treated like an adult, that I had made my choices and would abide by them without someone supervising me or watching my every move.

If you didn't want to do this you could choose to leave as JWs are only interested in you being around if you are "a good witness". They don't want you to be a bad example of a JW and even more important, they don't want you to infect any other members with your possibly radical ideas - anything not in agreement with them is radical.

Granted, it is generally easier to leave as a convert (which I was) than as a born-in member, just as with Mormonism. Granted, the degree of control is much higher with groups like JWs - similar to Mormonism.

But the picky parsing of every single nuance of speech and behaviour and the rules as outlined above by baura are far more intrusive and controlling in Mormonism, at least for youth missionaries, than in even the JWs, an admittedly controlling group, and way, way more personal and picky and controlling in Mormonism, for members and missionaries, than in any "major religion" of which I've read or those I've experienced.

Some of the rules on a mission can be seen to be for the protection of young, inexperienced people away from home but many, again as cited by baura above, become pharasaical. A mission is an exaggerated picture of what it's like to be a Mormon, with thoughts and deeds and plans and goals micro-managed, if not dictated, from on high (Mormon leaders), extending, but not limited to personal time, underwear choices, finances and intimate relationships.

In most "major religions" of my experience, they're just happy for your bum to fill their pew on a Sunday for an hour. Never have I been asked to weed their gardens, clean their toilets, fund their missions ad infinitum, or meet with their ministers to answer personal questions about my underwear or my sex life.

Unlike the Mormons.

And their missions.

And their leaders.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2013 04:49PM by Nightingale.

It's amazing to me that these young adults have been so completely controlled that they won't accept a small cash gift for their support. . . . but they will take a gift card. What's the difference?

This shows a stunning lack of personal autonomy.

And that's sweet to help them out, Suzie.

I get where they're coming from. Can you imagine the a$$ kicking they'd get if it got out that people, and exmormons at that, where going around giving them money??
Not just that, but their MP or ZL could put the screws to them to turn in the cash and it would've just been more of your money to TSCC. Don't have to pay tithes on a gift card, and they don't have to turn it in either.

Sounds like you might've found a loophole in the slave trade!!

Probably afraid of some tax implications. http://www.mormonthink.com/tithing.htm#taxes

Sounds like you found a great way to help them, SusieQ#1...nicely done. You might consider that the missionaries asked to refer you to another set so their friends could also benefit from your kindness. I imagine $40 in subway cash is a welcomed luxury. Word will get around fast.

fudley Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sounds like you found a great way to help them,
> SusieQ#1...nicely done. You might consider that
> the missionaries asked to refer you to another set
> so their friends could also benefit from your
> kindness. I imagine $40 in subway cash is a
> welcomed luxury. Word will get around fast.


Oh ya... I thought of that !!
All the while claiming they were fine and had enough money.
"Shore"!!!

I've also paid for their small purchases at a local dollar store!
That was fun!

I always make it clear this is done to honor my family not their religion! :-)

sigh....I often wish Susie Q #1 wasn't married.... Any Sisters???



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2013 12:59PM by guynoirprivateeye.

guynoirprivateeye Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I often wish Susie Q #1 wasn't married.... Any
> Sisters???


Well, hmmm.. I see you missed my recent posts. Hubby passed away in Jan. I'm a very senior widow and getting used to it~!
No whistles yet though! hehe

I'm Very Sorry to hear of this. I hope U find Peace in yourself & in the world.

where do I click for the MatchMaking section for RFMers?

guynoirprivateeye Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm Very Sorry to hear of this. I hope U find
> Peace in yourself & in the world.

Thank you so much. Yes. I am finding peace and a new way of living!
>
> where do I click for the MatchMaking section for
> RFMers?


hehe!!

The rules must change from mission to mission and sometimes it depends on how the question is asked, whether or not the MP will allow something. A good friends son asked his mission president if his non-member aunt who would be in the area could visit him and take him and his companion out to dinner. It was in the south and he was from the west. The mission president gave his OK and they had a very enjoyable meal and visit. They were able to eat alone with a single woman. What he left out was that his aunt was an ex-mormon who posts regularly on this site. They didn't try to re-convert her and she didn't try to de-convert them.

I personally know that aunt. She wasn't going to be 6 hours away from her favorite nephew and not get to see him before he went back to the other side of the country. And she was very proud of him and they ate alligator together. Hey, he was honest, she's a non mormon.

I bet they really appreciated those Subway cards! That means they have more money for other things now since they have quite a few meals taken care of.

Hubby always tells the story of the best dinner he had on his mission (in nevada). They were scheduled to have dinner at a member's house. When they got there, there was a note on the door that said, "Sorry Elders, we forgot we signed up to feed you and made other plans. Here is some money for dinner." Inside was $75. He and his companion went out to a nice restaurant and still had some cash leftover at the end of the night.

Yes, it appears that mission presidents have a lot of latitude.
Some are reasonable and rational and others are crazy dictators.

This is the only area and the only time I have ever heard of the missionaries not accepting cash.
They have accepted it in the past, but not in the last few years.

So is it from SLC or from the locals? Hard to know. But I know someone I could ask.