Did anyone go to the LDS newsroom online and read the talk at Rick's College, by Elder William Walker of the Seventy. Five Ways to become like President Monson.

Why do I want to become like Tommy Monson? What ever happened to striving to be like Christ? It is interesting that the church is teaching to be like a living man. The church seems to be exalting their profit. The programming never ceases to amaze me.

OMG The Morg. is still turning!

I didn't read the talk, but don't think it's so much programming as it is sucking up.

The man is a Seventy. He wants to be in the Twelve. He thinks the way to get there is to publicly idolize the Big Kahuna. And he may be right.

Drink enuf colas to get Diabetes.

Hang out with widows, or at least make up stories about widows and practise telling them until they sound natural.

Spend enuf time in another country that the people there get morgasms every time you talk about their country. You know you have it made when they name a church campsite or other place after you.

ooops, that's only 3.. I can't think of any more. But maybe you can!

Hang out with 20-something war widows and make it sound like you are a shoulder to lean on for the elderly, when actually you are doing some church-approved skirt chasing.

Be adored for being of absolutely no use to anyone, except for those who need someone to adore.

Toot your own horn.

Be nothing like your public image in your private life.

Post pictures of Count Chocula around your bathroom mirror - just to have someone whose look you want to emulate.

Here's the text.

http://www.lds.org/church/news/elder-walker-shares-five-ways-to-be-like-president-monson?lang=eng

LDS glorification of church leaders rather than Jesus makes me queasy.

What Would Monson Do?

Here's my quick list of 20 ways to be like President Monson:

1. Give your furry pets to needy families for holiday dinners (up to you whether to kill the pets first or make the needy families do it).

2. Stalk the local widows and make up stories about how you helped them.

3. Strive to be pear shaped.

4. Be very old, or at least try to look and act like it--remember to hunch forward at all times.

5. Use Just For Men® hair color, less often than needed.

6. Wear a baggy suit.

7. Have dandruff and make sure it gets on the suit.

8. Look pasty and tired--and jowly and dim-witted, too, if possible.

9. Practice annoying people with your voice while also being insanely boring.

10. Speak softly and slowly.

11. Sound breathy and tired.

12. Never say more than half a dozen words without pausing.

13. Tip your head from one side to the other with each pause.

14. Vary your pitch up and down, within a very limited range.

15. Pretend you're a zombie singing a song, very slowly (but without actually singing).

16. Don't talk about anything that happened after about 1985.

17. Lie like a mofo (which helps if you don't actually remember anything before 1985--just make stuff up), but don't forget to be boring.

18. Don't smile too much, gesture too much, or look very animated in general--unless there's a camera on you, in which case you should also pretend to be nice.

19. Be as creepy as possible.

20. Find a little girl with long blonde hair, call her Carol Ann, and pursue her relentlessly.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/14/2013 06:15PM by munchybotaz.

Okay I'll try...

(1) Have your personal physician mainline pepsi into your body so that you can safely say you don't drink the stuff (i.e. at least before 2013).

(2) Ruminate about how nice it would be to have Nelson's, Uchdorf's, and Eyrings wives sealed to you.

(3) Go to the church archives, and play with Joseph's peep stone. Get out your BYU cougar hat, turn down the lights, and drop the peep stone into the hat. Try to predict the UofU vs BYU Mens BB score next week. Become frustated when the rock doesn't glow. Eat an entire box of twinkies to soothe yourself.

(4) Pretend what it would be like to see JHC and or Eloheim in magnificient vision. Pray for it just for the hell of it. Eat a gallon of Goo Goo Cluster Ice Cream when it doesn't happen for the 100th time. Wonder to yourself if your doing something wrong. Say "oh well" out loud and eat more ice cream, but this time with chocolate syrup on it and a dab of marshmellow topping.

(5) Go shopping at Cedar Creek Mall for a new suit, but do so in the disguise of a drag queen that resembles Sherry Dew. No mormon will come near you.

(5)

Very funny...

Do not serve a mission. Serve your country in the military instead. Your country needs you much more than your church needs you.

No I didn't....Bill Walker was at Ricks when I was there('66-'67). He is from Raymond, 10 miles south of my farm....I was kinda surprised when I learned he was a GA....

Ron Burr

I'm from Raymond too, but a Raymond in Idaho that's so small no one has ever heard of it.

Raymond, Alberta fancies itself as the center of the southern Alberta Moridor. I can smell the self righteousness when the wind blow from the south!

Ron Burr

I know of Raymond. Isn't that the town that claims to have had the first stampede? I've been there a few times and can't believe all the horse shit on the streets. Are you sure it's not that that you smell? LOL! I'd guess a breech of public health is being broken.

My impression is that this town has a massive 'boner' for the horse. Almost Freudian from what I've seen and heard.

Sounds like North Korea. "we love our supreme leader" We want to be like the supreme leader, he is so kind" Makes me want to vomit. Monson gives me the creeps like no other.