Mormon Dictionary

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Posted by: tig ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 08:02AM

I got to thinking today that many times when Mormons say something it isn't the same thing that the rest of the world means, so I thought I would come up with some helps for everyone else. On the left is the word they use, on the right is what they mean...feel free to add:

Modesty-What you wear
Virtue-Virginity
Know-Believe
Morality-Obedience
Porn-Anytime you see someone's shoulders or tummy
Addiction-Something bad you do at least once a year
Hot Drinks-Tea and Coffee regardless of temperature
Wine-grape juice
Ward-church building or congregation
Sacrifice-tithing to LDS church
Well Endowed-someone who attends the temple frequently
Service-public relations
Spokesman-plausible deny-ability
Marriage-homophobia
Petting-foreplay
Intimacy-sex
Calling-assigned volunteer job
Invite you-tell you
translate-make up or invent
helpmeet-obedient servant
equal-not equal
Fetch-fuck
Flip-fuck
heck-hell
darn-damn
prophet-profit
revelator-infallible prophet, until he dies, then speaking as a man

Feel free to add.

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Posted by: utahstateagnostics ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 11:15AM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

THE sacrament - The sacrament of the Lord's Supper, or Communion
Guldurn - Goddamn
Priesthood - shackles for men, authority over women
Internet - an avenue for Stan to get into your house
Testimony - recitation of what your parents whisper in your ear
Mission - mandatory slavery
Sweet Spirit - fugly

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Posted by: Carrots Tomatoes and Radishes ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 01:03PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

The sacrament - My proof that I'm worthy

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Posted by: Mormoney ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 01:44PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

as funny as that may be, it's so true. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have taken the sacrament over the last 5 years of being in the church, because I simply didn't want to and it never did anything for me. I only did to keep up appearances.

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Posted by: misterzelph ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 11:24AM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

Flip-fuck
This bites-this sucks (I learned this one in the LTM in the 70,s-it was my first contact with Utah Mormons)

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/14/2013 11:25AM by misterzelph.

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Posted by: Mormoney ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 11:24AM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

Morals - not jerking off
Honest in your dealings - Go ahead and screw your business partners as long as you pay tithing on it
Necking - who the fuck does that?
Stay at home mom - Sell amway products
Pure thoughts - When you're not being brainwashed at church, please continue with the self brainwashing at home

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Posted by: Craig ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 12:18PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

dadgumit = god damn it
Shiz = shit
cheese-n-rice = jesus christ
friggin = fuckin'
good business = do anything you want as long as you can justify it as a business decision

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Posted by: Craig ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 12:19PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

OK then...
Shiz = sh!t

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Posted by: judyblue ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 01:01PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

exercising agency = choosing action based on pre-determined punishment or reward
fellowship = convert
serve as an example = squelch any semblance of individuality
worthy = submissive
struggling with a testimony = thinking for oneself

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Posted by: Done! ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 01:30PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

Prosolyting = church getting something for nothing
Bonneville communications = Prophits for the Prophet
Florida Cattle ranch = Savings account for rich mormons
Exhaltation upon Exhaltation = Changing diapers or time and all eternity

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Posted by: Done! ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 01:35PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

Mormon Heritage = I am better than you because my ancestors were original pioneers
Polygamy Manifesto = Polygamy never happened
Word of Wisdom = Blind obedience to nonsense

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Posted by: Done! ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 01:38PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

Mission call = forced internment/concentration camp

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Posted by: quebec ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 01:51PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

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Posted by: wowbagger ( )
Date: May 14, 2013 02:04PM

Re: Mormon Dictionary

immorality = sex
proselyting = proselytizing
garments= birth control
RM = douchebag in embryo
tithing = emotional extortion

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