4 year old daughter was not behaving. I was getting irritated because she kept running off while I was doing the Herculean task of trying to brush her hair when a thought pops into my head - in my TBM days this would have been fertile ground for recognizing the "Ferret up my butt" - I digress...so this thought pops into my head "If you love me, keep my commandments"...that's it I think...that's what I will say to get my daughter to listen to me...but then I stop and think wait a second what kind of manipulative a-hole move would that be using emotional blackmail as tool to get my daughter to do my bidding EVEN if I think it is the right thing to do? So why is it OK for Heavenly Father to basically do the same to us?

As time goes by and I get further and further removed from the LDS mind-set I see more and more clearly how emotionally manipulative it was and still is. I used the "If you love me line" ALL the time in different ways on my mission and on myself beating myself up for NOT DOING ENOUGH!! I wonder what kind of self-assured prick of a Father I would be if I was still drinking the Morg Kool aide.

How about if you love me you will try to do good in the world? I created you imperfectly, so you will screw up royally and that's ok. Hope you learn something from your mistakes.

How bout you do good for good's sake?

Nothing quite as bouncy as a four year old with hair to brush!

I tried with a toy to hold, something to eat so they could sit still, color on a piece of paper etc.

Then I got a bit irritated and cut it short. They were not happy, but when it grew back in a couple of years they were happier to sit still.

But I don't know how much hair we're talking here....My girls were bald or nearly so when they were born. I was trying to clean their scalp when they were two and realized they had a suntanned scalp they'd been outside so much!

It is mean and manipulative to say do it because you love me over this.
We do things for goodness sake. We stand in front of a mirror and try to make our hair do impossible things for the rest of our lives!

Maybe she could wear a turban on those days she won't sit still?
Give her a 'natural' consequense that doesn't shame her...no hair brush...wear a hat...even on a hot day...or sit still and I'll braid it up for you or pony tail it so it will be cooler on your head...

or maybe brush it all out into a 'wild child' look and see if she likes that! She might be able to make some decisions and be more comfortable.

when my kids misbehave I find myself coming up with mormon crap that my parents used to tell me. I try to take a minute now and think about what I say before I say it. I don't want to damage them as much as I was damaged. But you're right, it's easy to revert back to that out of habit.

I find the childhood conditioning tough to shake sometimes, even as an adult. Reading this board and seeing how heavy/serious the recent apostates are puts my own experience and progress into perspective. Especially about emotional blackmail and making situations weird when they don't need to be.