Folks worry about whether President Bush is/was a member of the skull and bones. Whether President Obama is a secret Muslim imported into America by the Illuminati. Whether the Trilateral Commission, New World Order, or Burger Builders are secretly running the world…
Newsflash!!!. North Salt Lake City Police Chief Craig S. Black is a founding member of one such Secret Combination.
It was the era of President Ezra Taft Benson. The Book of Mormon was the keystone of our religion. It’s inspired words were replete with dire warnings against secret combinations (Ether 8, Helaman 2, 6) President Benson prophetically warned against Secret Combinations.
It was the Summer of 1987 in the Canada Winnipeg Mission. Mission President John D. Jeffries had a small fixation on Secret Combinations and repeatedly warned us against participating in them.
(Admittedly, the bar for what qualified as a “secret combination” was set rather low in the mind of President Jeffries. We were not allowed to socialize with other missionaries unless at approved gatherings. If we did, it was called “congregating” and was against the rules. Because congregating was breaking the rules as a group. It qualified as a “secret combination.”)
Future Police Chief, fresh faced young missionary Elder Black had some minor medical issue (the nature of which I’ve long forgotten). He required some minor surgery in his downstairs area. So in preparation for the surgery he had his nether-regions shaved clean.
In solidarity with Elder Black, a number of his fellow Elders decided to shave off their downstairs hair as well. And those involved called themselves “The Bald Chicken Club.”
Somehow, President Jeffries got wind of the Bald Chicken Club and he was incensed. He interviewed all of us who were associated with Elder Black—those of us who were friends, companions, or had come under his sinister influence as a District Leader. I will never forget President Jeffries face in that interview. After a stern, stern lecture on the evils of Secret Combinations, he gave me his best “I have priesthood discernment” stare and solemnly asked me “are you a member of Elder Black’s Bald Chicken Club.”
If I recall correctly, I think that Elder Black was demoted from being a District Leader over his founding of a secret combination. But it’s 26 years later and I could be wrong on that. Even if he lost his DL-ship over the Bald Chicken Club, he soon regained it, and was soon promoted to Zone Leader.
So there you have it. Police Chief Craig S. Black was once punished by the church for the founding of a Secret Combination.
You guys are a laugh a minute. Mormons and their Secret Combinations, and mocking "Illuminati" believers. A pack of crooks by any name is still a pack of crooks. Mormon founders were crooks, as are their modern day leadership.
I could have gone my whole life without knowing that. I'm glad I don't live in North Salt Lake because that is a mental picture I don't need in my crime prevention category.
Anti-masonic rhetoric was riding high in Joseph Smith's days. As a matter of fact, much of the "secret combination" doctrine in the Book of Mormon could be interpreted as a critique of Masonry.
Yet another example of something Joseph Smith changed his mind about, the nature of the Godhead and Polygamy, being two other prominent examples.
Sorry for the tangent, but I'm mystified as to why the male member is so often referred to as a chicken (e.g., choking the chicken). It doesn't look like a chicken or any part thereof. It sure as hell doesn't taste like chicken. So why call it a chicken? Why not a turkey, or a penguin for that matter?
Because the other name for it is a cock, which is a type of rooster. Then again, that doesn't explain why it is so often called a cock. Though I have an idea.
Those big blooms, that marching bands wear on their helmets are sometimes referred to as cocks. Both the helmet and the plume item actually predates marching bands and used to be standard parts of military uniforms two hundred years ago, and were probably called cocks then. They are very phallic, and I thought the term came from them resembling the male Penis, but now I think the term for penis came from the other way around. All those soldiers march off to fight in 1812 probably would have made it a popular term.
FCD saves the day! Thank you! As a child of the 80s, I totally disassociated the word 'cock' from 'chicken' and only associate it with 'penis,' so I forgot about the cock/chicken connection.
And now, please excuse me while I check YouTube for videos of marching bands.
I thought this was going to be some nutty conspiracy theory where someone accuses a police chief of sacrificing babies and stealing goats.
Actually, I kind of hope the Salt Lake media picks up on it now, and does a human interest story on Black about it. Just a small blurb, nothing big, nothing that harms his career, but makes his mission president look like an ass, and by extension reminds everyone how stupid church leaders can be. Though I do hope they wait until he retires, so it doesn't undermine his ability to lead.
"Actually, I kind of hope the Salt Lake media picks up on it now, and does a human interest story on Black about it"
--I never thought of that. It would be nice, but unlikely, this is the only place I posted it.
"makes his mission president look like an ass"
--it kinda does, but it wasn't my intention. President Jeffries was simply steeped in the LDS culture of the time, but I'm certain his heart was in the right place.
Y'know, I have wondered how President Jeffries got wind of the Bald Chicken Club? I can't imagine someone just mentioning it to the pres in casual conversation.
It might have come up during a worthiness interview. If the President asked about "self abuse" an Elder might have spilt the beans.
Or maybe a couple of Elders mentioned in passing and an uptight Elder thought he could score some points by reporting it to the right authorities.