In another thread, RfM poster "richdanny" questioned the credibility of excommunicated Mormon and professional writer/author Deborah Laake's brutal assessment of the sexual abuse committed by Mormon Church authorities against women, declaring:

"I understand Laake and I will read [her] book ['Secret Ceremonies'], but according to 'Salon' (the quote that was given to me), she was mentally unstable or ill. Studies show (not trying to offend anyone) that religion attracts mentally unstable people."

("Re: There have been plenty of threads over time on RfM addressing these questions. I think there's no doubt that Mormon Church authorities have crossed the bounds of . . .," posted by "richdanny," on "Recovery from Mormonism" bulletin board, 11 April 2013, at: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,859062,859126#msg-859126)


While I certainly agree with the premise that religion can and, in fact, does promulgate insidious and mentally-unhealthy notions which devalue self-worth and result in self-destructive attitudes and behaviors, I do not agree that Deborah Laake was "mentally ill."

I knew Deborah personally. She was a good friend of mine who, as a highly-regarded and -accomplished writer, was amazingly gifted, creative, expressive, articulate, brave, bold, powerful, clear-headed and honest.

If she was "mentally ill," as some have alleged, that supposed condition was certainly not demonstrated in her forceful, articulate and outspoken resistance to the overreaches of the Mormon Cult, particularly into the lives of women that it ruins to this day.

I will again speak in Deborah's defense, as I have on this board before and as I will always do.

In a previous thread, RfM poster "tombs1" wrote:

“When I was about 18 and getting ready to go on a mission, my Never-Mo dad brought home a book called ‘Secret Ceramonies’ by Deborah Laake. In it she described the Temple ceremony in detail and talked about how Mormon culture forced her into a loveless marriage and how divorce and being different ostracized her and took a huge toll on her mental health.

"Ironically, the little bit that I read prepared me for the Temple far better than any Church source could have. I also remember being told that Mormon women threw a fit about her talking about the Temple when the book was released in 1993.

"Has anyone ever read that book or met Deborah Laake?

"Another irony is that when I read part of it I said, ‘[S]he is saying things that shouldn't be talked about.’ My father than encouraged me to ‘run not walk away from any organization that tries to tell people what to read and what not to.’ I than had almost the exact same thing happen to me just months latter in the MTC that happend to Ms. Laake in the book.

“I know it is an older book, but if anyone can find it I encourage you to read it.”

("’Secret Ceramonies" by Deborah Laake,’” posted by “tombs1,” on “Recovery from Mormonism” board, 7 January 2011, 2:16 p.m.)


A family member of Deborah, RfM poster “Jewel in the Desert,” responded:

"Deborah Laake was my aunt and it's interesting reading about her here. Steve Benson wrote a very accurate description of Deborah. She was one of those 'high maintanance' kind of people but she had such charisma and an infectious laugh. I miss her and wish I could have understood and appreciated her better while she was still here."

(“Re: ‘”Secret Ceremonies” by Deborah Laake,”’ posted by “Jewel in the Desert,” on “Recovery from Mormonism” bulletin board, 28 January 2011, 21:23 p.m.)


As I said, Deborah was a valued friend and and since it has in the past been mentioned here on RfM, yes, she did commit suicide.

Here are the facts.

Deborah had previously undergone a double mastectomy, which greatly drained her. When she got the bad news that her cancer had returned, she was determined not to fight a losing battle with a disease that would undoubtedly wrack her body once again; so, she returned to her family home in the Charleston, South Carolina, and on her own terms quietly took her life with a pill overdose.

I knew Deborah as an outstanding writer and editor for the weekly alternative newspaper in Phoenix, the "New Times." Her prose was poetic and blunt, direct and elegant, descriptive and devastating. When she wanted to and felt she had to, she took no prisoners.

Deborah’s hallmark was no-holds-barred/no-nonsense honesty. Indeed, that was what impressed me most about her. Like many of us, she started out as a Mormon product but eventually woke up, planted herself for battle and rebelled against repression. What you saw was what you got.

Like “Jewel of the Desert” noted, Deborah was “high maintenance” but for those who loved her, it was worth the effort to help maintain her. She was also high energy and high truth--not to mention highly creative, thoughtful, impulsive, focused, bold and crazy, all in a great sort of way. She will always be missed.

When Deborah's book, "Secret Ceremonies," came out on her experiences in Mormonism, it sent shock waves through the Mormon Cult and beyond, with its then-relatively rare and explicit unveiling of Mormonism's secret temple rituals. It was unapologetic in description and language about Mormonism and the personal toll that it took on her but it was written with understanding, insight, forthrightness and a sense of refreshing and truthful abandon.

I have a personally-autographed copy of it in my home library. I recommend it highly--at least for those who can handle it. It is gut-wrenchingly direct, revealing and powerful, spoken in Deborah's expressively truthful way: open and in-your-face, yet done with grace. No wonder the Mormons went ballistic when she lobbed it their way. It is not for the faint of heart, the easily offended or those in denial. In short, most Mormons would hate it.

Deborah made the rounds on the national talk show circuit, where she was asked why she allowed herself to be excommunicated rather than leave a religion that she saw as poisoned by detestable patriarchal abuse. She replied that she stayed in for her LDS family, not wanting to hurt them.

Deborah interviewed me once during the sorry saga of eventually-impeached and -convicted Arizona Mormon governor Evan Mecham, when I was going after him tooth and tong in my cartoons for being a racist, uninformed, embarrassing idiot. I was still LDS at the time and Deborah helped me, in her brutally honest and forthright way, to recognize my own lingering blind spots, for which I will always be indebted to her.

Deborah was a high-voltage, vivacious person with a loud, infectious, wide-open-mouthed laugh that carried far as she would fling her head back and let loose. She had a certain flamboyant flair about her, liking to wear red dresses with matching high heels.

When Deborah was recovering from her breast cancer surgery, I visited her at her small, simply-decorated but stylish home in Phoenix, where she tucked her legs up under her as she sat on the couch, her head wrapped in a colorful scarf to cover her chemo-induced baldness. In quiet moments like those, she was thoughtful and gracious, with perceptive insights.

After Deborah died, I was asked to provide the artwork for the cover of her memorial program, which I was honored to do. To this day, I have a magnet on my fridge of her smiling photo that inspires and reminds me of the wonderful, brave person that she was:

(see "In Memory of Deborah Laake," in "New Times, 10 February 2000, at: http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/2000-02-10/news/in-memory-of-deborah-laake/1/)


Deborah flashed like a meteor over the horizon during her short, brilliant, dramatic life. She disappeared quickly but sure as hell lit things up as she blazed across the sky, illuminating the way for many of us.



Edited 13 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2013 12:38AM by steve benson.

Thanks, Steve. Reading Deborah Laake's book provided my first glimpse into the lie of my TBM existence. I am sad she is no longer with us, but I am so thankful for her helping open my eyes.

I need to get this book.

Me too.

Thank you for this, Steve. I read "Secret Ceremonies" when it first came out, and tried to get my parents to read it when the missionaries came around. They refused, as "you're just trying to show us the bad things about this church." No, I'm just trying to open your eyes about what you're getting into.

Deborah's book was enlightening and painful all at the same time. May she rest in peace.

Thanks for your beautiful commentary on a wonderful person. It's a fine tribute and I am sure her family would appreciate it (if they see it)

Anagrammy

Shortly after Deborah's book Secret Ceremonies was published, I found it on the shelf at the Phoenix Public library. I was there, looking for information to put my life back together after realizing that something was seriously wrong and that it revolved around my religious beliefs. When I read Deborah's description of the temple ceremony I suddenly got a feeling like I was going to be struck by lightning, or suddenly just die right then. I looked around and conciously knew that I was safe in this public place, and yet I was experiencing such fear and panic over what I had just read. For the first time I asked myself "what the hell have they done to me?" (they being the mormon church). I hadn't wanted to re-visit those memories since the day I first went through the temple. So I had just blocked them out until Deborah somehow made it okay to look at them. I read that book cover to cover right then and there, and gained an immense respect for her and her ability to be candid about who she is. And yet I've never met her in person. That book contributed greatly to my healing. Clinical depression had been one of my biggest problems at the time and yet she had recovered from it by addressing the source of the problem and being courageous.

Deborah certainly wasn't crazy. She revealed enough about herself in the book to prove her sanity and just how in-tune she was with her life. I was saddened to hear about her death years later. All the mormon community could do in the posts following the on-line article about her death was to talk about her death as vindication for the church because she had committed suicide. As they took verbal pot shots at her, few people there seemed to realize the tragedy behind her death, especially considering LDS beliefs about suicide. Vindication of the church seemed to be the only important issue to them - as though that was what the article was supposed to be about, despite its respectful tone. So much for them being christians. Deborah's book Secret Ceremonies is a must read for anyone who leaves or wants to leave the church and who is trying to reconsile their issues related to the temple ceremonies and all of the disfunction found in (and caused by) the church.

Good topic Steve Benson. Thanks for your thoughts here.

I wish I could have known her.

Thank you for this reminder, Steve...my no-mo friend & I read it when I was leaving tscc & my friend said, 'It's like you could have written this book!'

Steve, I am sorry to have offended you. But the link you yourself posted said this:
"I remember standing in the bookstore after buying the first edition of “Secret Ceremonies,” leafing through the pages, being taken aback when I saw that Laake had put my name in the acknowledgments. She said I was part of a “community of writers” who “provided unstinting help and encouragement whenever [she] needed it.” I was even more surprised when she signed my copy of the book this way: “I miss you like hell. Love, Deborah Laake.” I did not recall our working years together during the late 1980s and early 1990s at Phoenix New Times as being particularly warm, intimate or deserving of “Love, Deborah Laake,” and I did not think she had any reason to miss me “like hell” when she went on her book tours.

Looking back on it, I realize I failed to recognize the extent of her mental illness, which often took the form of extreme self-absorption and out-of-control boastful egotism. When Laake won a top state writing award in 1989, she ordered an editorial assistant to bring a dozen long-stemmed American Beauties to the awards ceremony so Laake could clutch them to her bosom during an offensively self-congratulatory acceptance speech. The award has been passed out for decades, and no winner before or since has ever demanded roses."

You gave me that link, I read it and the author said that she was mentally ill. Had you not given me the link, I would never said that. I also stated that I would read her book when you said she was not insane.

She exposed the abusive, sexist Mormon patrriachal grip on women's lives, graphically detailing how she was sexually mistreated and invaded by its domineering male leadership. You essentially dismissed her (giving lip service to reading her book), concluding that she was mentally ill or unstable and therefore, based upon that cursory assessment, essentially deciding to seek your basic information elswhere.

That is your loss.

Yes, she was flamboyant. Yes, she laughed loud. Yes, she liked attention in the form of long-stemmed roses. Yes, she wore red high heels. Yes, she was emotionally vulnerable.

And, yes, she was an amazing, perceptive, gifted, gutsy, outspoken and seeringly honest person who told the truth about the abusive Mormon cult.

You need to dig a bit deeper (you know, like read the book before popping off about her after taking in a single opinion). The link I gave you was designed as a starting point. Clearly, you're still stuck.

Deborah Laake was one hell of an heroic ex-Mormon woman.



Edited 12 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2013 03:42AM by steve benson.

Yeah, just reading these posts now after just learning recently about Deborah Laake's untimely death from suicide. Catching the review of her journalistic peer Terry Greene Sterling, I felt Ms. Sterling was very nasty in her remarks toward Deborah, unforgiving and mercilous. They were peers, not just colleagues. I sense with Deborah's flamboyance and charisma - sense of fashion and style - along with overall impressions (and lasting at that,) Deborah made during her short time on earth - that Ms. Greene found some pleasure in getting in the last word/s ie., jabs, at her opponent in journalism. If Greene was really being objective she wouldn't have demonized Deborah the way she tried to. In my estimation, seeing/reading her comments for the first time today, and now this blog and replies by Mr. Benson (personal friend and also colleague of Deborah's,) I agree with Mr. Benson's assessment, even though I didn't know Deborah personally. I knew her through her book - and that I did read when it first became published. Thanks, Mr. Benson, for setting the record straight. All I can say about Ms. Greene's assessment, is it is gibberish, and founded on nothing other than jealousy of a peer who can no longer speak for herself, but was creatively someone Ms. Greene may have aspired to at one time - but unattainable. Their personalities are what is worlds apart. I doubt Deborah was as mentally ill as Ms. Greene would have her be. Depression can be crippling, but that isn't what defines Deborah Laake's life or ending thereof. She lived with integrity and was authentic - in all her honesty and vulnerability - she was as human as the rest of us.

"...which often took the form of extreme self-absorption and out-of-control boastful egotism."

Reminds me of Brigham Young's oft-described character, "richdanny." What makes a woman "insane" in your world obviously makes a man a prophet. Your language is also amusingly TBM -- hope you're not "offended" ^_^

NO, I am not an amusingly TBM. MY current church affiliation is Catholic. I don't even come from Utah, but from the great state of Mississipppi, california, great lakes etc.
And this started more about men in groups going into intimate sexual detail in interviews with women and men. Catholics has their india boarding school, especially in Canada and how the child abuse scarred many but Mormons are different I had put a link onto a case in Oregon or Washgington where an attorney was sexually abusing a child during sunday school; seated while putting his jack in front and behind her so that he could molest while the children and teachers were have joint classes. I thik one of the other teacheres saw but didn't speak up. Finally the girlreported it to the bishop and the police were brought in, IT was investigated and the attorney went to court. The judge recievied so many of letters from the church and community far in excess of what he has ever received so the exceptional sentencing was passed over and only maximum could be given. The child and her family had to move and leave the church because of hate/ controversy staged at her family.
Again you see situations of abuse in this day and age that are being seen and nothing done. AT some point someone must have noticed his hand under the jacket and on the girl.
SO is this frozenness and voyeurism because MORmons are so tight on sex and chastity that they don't understand what is happening underneath a man's jacket> are they afraid of what is going to happen. do they just like the voyeurism watching this and listening to it? Perhaps thata could be one of the pushes for women in the presithood so that they can have some respect when they get interviewed for the myriad of calls that they must have.
But I also heard that it took 2 witnesses for someone to accuse in these meetings and now I hear the bishop may have a feeling and then you are excommunicated. IT seems to me that it is in some wards, almost like fascist germay before WW2. Calls that don't tell you why you are going. SHaking in an office for minutes until the bishop comes out and bounces on you. Agreements that affect your eternal life , agreements made that you have seconds to decide upon.
In Steves case he had 12 or 15 men or whatever and some of them are requesting that a man relate the equivalent of soft porn, and clearly the rules were that you should not listen to soft porn. NO one stands up to say no; that guy later goes down stream to another bishop to go back to church and the bishop says, no you're not telling the truth, we do not do that in the church. YOU are accused of lying , of telling falase witness, you run off becaue now not only do you have the shame but you had to do something to have them interview that wy and on and on.And group sexual interviews like the mormons are talking about are bad. YOu can't sue them if they go tell. YOu are going though a highly stressful period that is going to scar you for the rest of your life and you have 15 men, 12 men whatever number of men in the same room. But later on, a later bishop happens and everyone says no, things like that don't happen. Things like that lead to sexual promiscuity, not repression.

1) I was not the person to describe her as insane. The salon author was the one who described her as insane and Steve Benson gave me the link to Salon. Being surprised at given a link where the reviewer said that the person was insane, I brought it back to Steve. Had he just given me the book title, I would have never brought it up. But normally you wonder why anyone is giving a link to a book would link it to such a deliterious review of a book and a person.

2) I was not the person that called religous people insane.
I said research and this is where I go tthe quote from:

From the Daily Mail:Spiritual people are more likely to be mentally ill (but at least they think life has more meaning)
Researchers at University College London say spiritual believers are more likely to suffer problems such as eating conditions or an anxiety disorder



By Steve Robson

PUBLISHED:20:55 EST, 1 January 2013| UPDATED: 20:55 EST, 1 January 2013

Comments (118)
Share





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Researchers found those with a spiritual understanding of life were more likely to suffer from mental illness

Being spiritual may give life deeper meaning, but it can also make you more susceptible to mental illness, new research suggests.


A study found that people professing to be spiritual, but not conventionally religious, were more likely to suffer from a host of mental challenges.


They suffered problems including abnormal eating conditions, drug abuse, anxiety disorder, phobias and neurosis.

They were also more likely than others to be taking medication for mental health problems.


Professor Michael King, from University College London, and his fellow researchers wrote in the British Journal of Psychiatry: 'Our main finding is that people who had a spiritual understanding of life had worse mental health than those with an understanding that was neither religious nor spiritual.'


The study was based on a survey of 7,403 randomly selected men and women in England who were questioned about their spiritual and religious beliefs, and mental state.

Of the participants, 35 per cent described themselves as 'religious', meaning they attended a church, mosque, synagogue or temple.


The vast majority of this group were Christian.



A further 19 per cent claimed to have spiritual beliefs or experiences without following a specific religion, while 46 per cent were neither religious nor spiritual.




More...
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More than nine out of 10 were white British, with an average age of 46.


Of the different groups, spiritual people were 50 per cent more likely to have a generalised anxiety disorder and 72 per cent more likely to suffer from a phobia.


Spirituality was also associated with a 40 per cent greater likelihood of receiving treatment with psychotropic drugs

They also had a 77 per cent higher chance of being dependent on drugs and were 37 per cent more at risk of neurotic disorder.


Spirituality was also associated with a 40 per cent greater likelihood of receiving treatment with psychotropic drugs.


Individuals of religious faith and those with none experienced equal levels of mental problems, the study found.


But there were fewer problems with drugs or alcohol among the faithful.


Unlike some American studies, the new research found no clear relationship between religious belief and happiness.


One recent large internet study in the US reported that non-religious people with spiritual beliefs were emotionally less stable than other groups.


However, they made up only 2 per cent of the study sample.


The researchers wrote: 'We conclude that there is increasing evidence that people who profess spiritual beliefs in the absence of a religious framework are more vulnerable to mental disorder.


'The nature of this association needs greater examination in qualitative and in prospective quantitative research.'


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2255894/Spiritual-people-likely-mentally-ill-think-life-meaning.html#ixzz2QHXzAhsX

I am going to quit apologizing for something that has been blown out of porportion.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2013 04:30PM by steve benson.

The Salon author didn't bother to make the distinction the article did between "religious" and "spiritual." It was the people who said they are "spiritual" that were characterized as more likely to be mentally ill in the article. One possible explanation for the relationship cited in the article of spirituality and mental illness is, as the article noted, these people do not have a religious affiliation and therefore less social support than people are religious. I have also read that people in countries where religion is weak come up with unusual "spiritual" beliefs and practices. The Salon author is not a good source, in my opinion.

"Studies show (not trying to offend anyone) that religion attracts mentally unstable people." from richdanny.

Which studies, because this is not the conclusion of a couple of dozen journal articles I have read? Which mental illness, because there are a bunch of them. Which religion, because there are a bunch of those, too? Most of the population of the U.S. is "religious" and most are not mentally ill. Also, concluding someone is mentally ill without a professional having seen them, and even then I would be careful, is simply speculation at best. Is there evidence as to the facts of her assertions?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2013 10:17AM by robertb.

Independent of the content of the e-mail, genuine kudos to Steve for standing by his friend.

You can't buy this level of loyalty; I wish we saw more of it in the world.

I first heard of the book on Larry King, and bought it, read it, and was saddened and shocked that a member of my church could be treated so abysmally.

I think it was the beginning of the end for me.

Mormon SOP, wait for a prominent critic to pass away, or suffer a health issue that keeps them out of the limelight, then attack their character with the most miserable lies you can think of.

Thank you for posting this information. I credit her book with my realization that it was not my fault that I could not believe. I read her book and asked myself, "what makes this ok for people like my parents?" I could never have imagined anything more demoralizing than the temple ceremonies as well as the churches treatment of women. Her book voiced my doubts and I will be for ever in her debt for releasing me from that crazy place.

I spent summers in her stake in her early (my late) teen years, and we hung out some at BYU her first two years after which we both got married and lost contact. She was bright, articulate, and had a killer BS detector. She was also a take-no-prisoners writer, and the new kid at the Daily Universe.

When her book came out twenty years or so later, I didn't realize it was the same person at first. She changed her last name. I don't know if it was a married name, or just to deflect heat from her family (that worked pre-internet). I avoided reading the book for a year or two because I was still indoctrinated enough that I considered it tacky to discuss the temple endowment. I was already on non-believer.

I finally picked it up out of curiosity, and by page 3, I'm thinking I know this person, and by page 5 it was a sure thing. I was, as the Brits say, gobsmacked.

Now the details of the endowment are available for anyone who does a little poking around. Not so when her book came out. It was a real eye opener about the temple and the LDS attitude toward and treatment of women.

I though the first 2/3rds of the book was excellent. The last third felt thrown together. I suspect an editor had to get out the whip and force her to finish the book, and the writing suffered as a result.

Laake's Secret Ceremonies and Johnson's Housewife to Heretic were THE two iconic books for me when I was leaving Mormonism. It was pre-internet, I felt like my friends and my church were out to get me ( I recently mentioned in another thread that I almost got expelled from BYU for non-belief), and I was wondering WTF was going on. I certainly could have used RFM back then, but those books gave me the answer. They *were* out to get me.

I will be forever grateful for those two books, in the same way that people who have had their recent TBM world fall out from under them are grateful for RFM and similar sites. I'm partly here because y'all (Deborah was a Floridian :) ) are entertaining. But I am also here just to be one brick in the wall of something that lets people know they are not alone, and that leaving Mormonism is quite survivable, even if it is scarring.

Now there are a lot of us. Twenty and thirty years ago, it was a few brave souls that were rocking the boat. Deborah was one of them, and she gave the boat a good hard kick.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2013 04:46PM by steve benson.

I'm a never-Mo, and my first glimpse into Mormonism was "Secret Ceremonies". I was working in a bookstore, and a few copies were in a shipment I had to unpack. I skimmed a few pages, got hooked, and borrowed a copy to read at home. (My boss allowed us to borrow books as long as she had others on the shelf.)

My lasting impression of the LDS Church was that it was inherently patriarchal and sexist. My negative impression of Mormonism was a big part of the reason why Romney's run for President led me to research Mormonism--and eventually led me here.

I read Secret Ceremonies in the last year or so, well after Deborah died, knowing while reading it that she had committed suicide. I struggled along, not understanding how the gifted, creative, vibrant person that was speaking to me from the pages of the book could decide to commit suicide.

Having witnessed the devastation of incurable cancer through the suffering of friends and relatives, I now I understand. Thank you.

What she faced the second time was bone cancer that she was told would eventually spread to her brain.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2013 05:55PM by steve benson.

is a great friend. If he doesn't like you he might draw something that will make people laugh at you. :)

Two things:

Often in Mormonism, it seems like it's much easier to dismiss a criticism (however valid) when you can attack the messenger. My wife does this with perfect aplomb. Regardless of the content, she counters with the idea that the source is sinful, living life the wrong way, or, in this case, crazy. It's the church's m.o.

Second: I remember when this book came out, as well. I was working in a small bookstore in a small Mormon town, and the non-Mo manager of the bookstore had it stocked on the shelves. I read parts of it after hours and felt shocked and guilty (how's that mind control for you?).

If I remember correctly, Laake went on Donahue (or another of the daytime talk shows) to discuss the book. The Q12 issued some sort of statement about how they would prefer that the show not discuss the temple ceremonies, as they were "sacred, not secret". This was the first time I remember hearing that phrase. I also remember feeling relieved that Donahue chose to honor that request ("Whew! Our sacred is safe!").

Sad to think back that I was that close to some sort of truth. Missed it by that much.

Did that saying exist long before that time? I know it's become much more prevalent in the past few years.

I've mentioned before that her book helped me out of Mormonism, as when I saw a baby blessing take place as she described, I realized that she was probably right about the aprons and other Masonic things in the temple.