Bit of back story: I found out last August that my daughter is an exotic dancer. Took a bit of time to adjust. The whole Shitty parent thing kept me up nights for approx 3 months. I resigned from cultco last March, so I was still... adjusting, you know? Not the news any mom wants to hear.

So I stewed over it, beat myself up about it, and so on. An old friend reminded me that as parents, all we can do is our best. We have no control over the choices our kids make as adults.

Finally became acclimated to this new knowledge, I'm ok about it now. Hell, she has straight A's, no student loans, a brand new paid off car, and an internship at the Sorbonne coming up. I'm a proud mom. My kid is a kind, brilliant, gentle, and genuine person. She is a good friend and a lovely daughter..

So my youngest brother knocks on my door this evening. Wants to see my latest paintings. We get to talking, he tells me he just spent the day getting white boy wasted, and needed to chill at my place for a bit before going home. Whatever, I'm just happy to see him. He's my favorite :)

Anyway, we started talking. I mentioned that my daughter had seen the bishop in the club she works at. Dude dropped $500 on lap dances and booze. Yes: the bishop. I just thought it was hilarious.

Um, my brother FREAKED the fuck out. Accused me of lying, told me my daughter was headed for desperate times, going to be a prostitute on Van Buren, blah, blah, blah. Utter bullshit.

I think it rocked his world a bit. A lot. ( Even in his drunken state). He also flipped about my repierced nose...

Oh! The irony......

You know what? I was more honest with him than I have ever been with any of my family. He didn't like it. I could see it on his face, hear it in his words. Ugh.

I am " less than" to my baby brother, ( apparently my daughter is as well). I have never felt judged by my brother.
Until now.

Hey, thanks cultco. Fuccckkkk!!!

Rantish. Apologies all around.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2013 02:29AM by ambivalent exmo.

She just likes being naked and dancing for strange men for money.

It's a hell of a lot more honest than what a lot of people do.

Sorry about your little brother. His horse seems quite high.

my youngest brother betrayed me by gossiping and repeating lies with the wife of brother #3. i understand the betrayal you feel. wish i could make it better for you.

<3

Thanks, RJ. I'm the girl that goes over the conversation a million times and comes up with perfect responses to all of the barbs. Just a few hours too late.

I guess maybe my stunned silence will cause him to think. I don't know. This past week was my one year anniversary of resigning. I thought I had reached a new stage of semi-bulletproofness.
I was wrong.

Do you want to care that little about your baby brother?

Maybe now, yes. But it hurts for a reason.

Yeah. I am painfully aware. Ptsd is so fuckin awesome. I have gained skillz.
*sarcasm off. At least I am aware if it now. I will adjust, its just...so painful. And revealing. And a million other things, all at once. Exhausting.

I can vouch for the fact that some people do not react well at all when their "heroes" are knocked off the pedestal. I had some people turn on me when I brought them similar news about someone they highly esteemed. The person in question was still very worthy of esteem, but all too human. I found it humorous, as did you. I wonder if it's human nature to want to idolize certain people.

Yea, that whole being seen as 'less than' is a tough pill to swallow, even by a TBM, especially when it's a family member you really love.
I actually went so far as to tell my in-laws that however they were viewing us (pity, etc) was actually exactly how I was viewing them. Don't think it went over too well, but it's true!

I'm sorry your brother was such a judgemental jerk about this.

The bishop dropping $500 cash part of the story is rather awesome though.

I know! Haa, that was the best part. I can't believe that flew out of my mouth, though LOL. I'll go all freudian on myself about it later, but I think its effng hilarious. Hilariously Horrible or vice versa. Awesome


Hey yo: I think It's a good sign I am finding the humor in it, eh? Yessuh!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2013 12:34AM by ambivalent exmo.

$500 from the tithepayers. Man....

Incredible story!

I love my baby brother a lot and would be devastated if he went off on me like that.

Sounds like you two have been close. I hope in time he'll realize what's really important and you can reconcile.

But I really want to say how impressed I am that your daughter is going to the Sorbonne. C'est magnifique! She must be an outstanding student. Hope you get to visit her. I spent a summer in Paris a few years ago...would move there in a heartbeat. (She'll be able to buy a lot of Nutella crepes with $500.00)

You have an action packed story here

I want to know more about each, but believe you will reveal what is necessary with discretion and I do see this as a sensitive family matter.

For some reason the story I want to comment on is your daughters source of money. I would struggle as well and doubt myself too.

Saying that, I do know women that are friends that have been strippers and even "escorts". Really good people with great qualities and of course flaws, some serious like the rest of us.

Stripping usually involves some dark characters as bosses, co-workers, customers, business owners, "security", boyfriends, and even law enforcement types. Hopefully you can assure yourself of her safety or at least make sure she knows you worry about her safety. Perhaps you can or have explored her plan--like you said, some women have leveraged this part of themselves to create a lot of money over a short period of time. If she isn't drinking, silly spending, or drugging this money away and investing, saving, and planning, she might be able to get some great things done in the short run.

As to the other stuff--I guess you learned a lot about your brother and a bishop. Did you share which state this was in? Believe it not the quality of strip clubs and work environment/stripper rights can be impacted by whether or not the state treats the strippers as outcasts or women working to pay their bills.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2013 01:24AM by gentlestrength.

From the sound of it I would say AZ

Yes. In Arizona, a dancer must be licensed through the state, be tested for stds, and a few other requirements. The club she works at is actually one of the "nicest" ones. My daughter has a good head on her shoulders: she doesn't get friendly with the other dancers, is ocd punctual, and works 40+ hours per week + full time college. All strip clubs are ghetto, imo, but it could be worse, LOL.

Damn. You can't make this stuff up. Tripped out :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2013 10:33AM by ambivalent exmo.

Hang in there, sometimes heat/fire consumes and sometimes it forges stronger bonds. You seem to know this, just hard to believe it when it is happening.

You seem to be using a differtent definition of "ghetto" than I'm familiar with.

Hmm. I guess I don't really know what the clubs are like, I have never been in one....
the use of the word ghetto came from my daughter, after she went to a few other clubs that her boss owns. I took it to mean kind of run down and dingy? Idk..
What are strip clubs like inside, usually? See, I'm still learning, LOL

+1
I can personally vouch for this ;-)

Plus, I think as long as she is safe, why not cash in on her genetic gold mine :-)

Many men have told me they would do the same thing.

The one thing I would say about it is dancing in stilletos is *really* hard in the knees...I have to deal with that now nine years later.

What a great story about your daughter! As you know, I've had two brothers go Moron on me in recent months. You never see it coming. It makes me more angry than hurt, and sort of gives me a numb feeling towards them. Hope your brother goes all private dick on the bishop. What an ass that man is.

Craziness. I'm glad I can share this stuff here. It's kind of hitting me now. I think ill do a little rage painting. Rollercoaster: the journey out..

Wow, you're daughter sounds like a great person. Can you make sure she carries pepper spray?

You're brother is in shock from the Bishop, his niece strip club thing, and don't forget people overreact sometimes when they're drunk. Hopefully he'll come around when he's sober.

I wanna hear more about the Bishop makin' it rain LOL!

Now THAT is a story I'd like to see pinned on the front page of RfM for people to read who are here to see why someone offended us.

Your little brother was too drunk to go home, remember? He talks to you, who tells him the truth, and he blames the messenger.

Being judged by TBM family comes on the disclaimer that you signed when you resigned. It was in the small print:

"Henceforth, as an agent of Satan, you agree to be held responsible and/or blamed for the transmission of any facts which may be deemed transmitted and found to be uncomfortable for the afore-mentioned TBM family."

He is young and what you have told him will have to percolate for a while before he realizes that having a sibling who is herself means that he can be himself.

That's a big leap.


Anagrammy

I'd sure like to be a fly on the wall in that strip club next time the bish shows up with a boner.

Let all my insect friends know what the Morg is up to lately.

I love your life Ambi even if you don't always. Whatever else, it is not dull. Each chapter is worth the wait. Hope you''re keeping a file drawer full of notes on what has happened because you have a good book someday and you are definitely an excellent writer as well as an artist.

I am betting that there is a solid relationship with your brother lurking underneath the holier than thou rampage. I hope it resurfaces sooner rather than later.

Your daughter is lucky. You applied the same critical thinking process to her that you did to the church, and you both came out winners. How great is that?

It is always amazing to me how judgmental TBMs are about such matters, while at the same time, having deafening silence to behaviors and actions that seriously hurt people.

In the bigger picture far more harm happens to people from mortgage scammers, Ponzi schemers, MLM ripoff artists etc, that we see every day in the mormon community.

It certainly becomes easier for them to place blame and make accusations against persons such as liberals, persons with tattoos, gays,and democrats.

Many times I think such harsh judgement and criticism by TBMs is really a deflective tactic so they do not have to consider the very real harms their church embraces.

I have 3 siblings who went inactive in their teens. I didn't go inactive until age 38 and I was always the overly devout one. Even after I left the church, my "little" brother (11 years my junior, much taller) didn't ever want me to see him smoke.

BUT once I'd left the lds church and they knew, I get some of that "judgemental" sh*t from especially my younger sister--STILL. I could list her "sins" to make a point, but I won't. I am always just so shocked when one of them judges me OR spouts some old LDS doctrine.

I think the problem is WE THOUGHT OUR WAY OUT. My siblings didn't. My little brother will still ask me sometimes, "So you really don't believe? It is okay that I don't?"

It is hard to de-program especially if you've never "done the work."

I find it a very telling thing when our mo's who don't follow the prophet and WOW get irate if you bring to light that a bishop could actually frequent places of ill repute on the down low and then go berserk on their own sister and accuse you whom he has known forever of slander. It's like a fierce trigger in them which proves even more how it messes up the mind.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2013 02:35PM by Suckafoo.

Know what's really fun? Take pictures of those bishops, and other leaders leaving the stripper clubs! I'm sure you can find some fun places to post them!

There are cameras everywhere, the club records EVERYTHING. I guess I could get a printout of the bishop....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/05/2013 03:03PM by ambivalent exmo.

Perhaps he is looking to be a polyg. New temple names like Cinnamon, Sahara, and Fantasy.

I would be taking a lot of pics of his holiness at the club, and placing them in the hymnals of his church.


That would take some of the boredom out of the meetings.....

deco Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Perhaps he is looking to be a polyg. New temple
> names like Cinnamon, Sahara, and Fantasy.
>
> I would be taking a lot of pics of his holiness at
> the club, and placing them in the hymnals of his
> church.
>
>
> That would take some of the boredom out of the
> meetings.....

I say: GO FOR IT! Really bugs me to see these leaders doing exactly what they chastise others for !!