Date: April 02, 2013 11:55PM
Reading between the lines of a few of your posts, are you a PhD teaching at a university? If so, in which field?
Personally, I've only met one fellow recently that I really liked, through okCupid. He's much younger than me, but we nonetheless had physical chemistry. In reality, that translated into cuddling (for a very, very long time; we were very affectionate in a non-sexual way that I felt was tremendously respectful of each other, and stands as an amazing experience that has permanently burned itself into my memory). But we're very different people, both culturally and from the standpoint of shared interests. We like each other and we're friends, but that's not enough to build a relationship out of.
I personally don't believe in (i.e. wouldn't engage in) sex outside of a loving, commmitted relationship. I know that other gay guys are different, and that's fine. There's no one right way to live (so long as no one is harmed).
The duplicitousness that you described saddens me. I need to believe that at least some guys are exactly who they say that they are. It's hard to believe that a Grindr profile is more honest than an okCupid profile. Hedonism is easy, but its very easiness makes it something that, for me, holds no real value.
There's a straight young guy who graduated recently from a very prestigious university and is the son of very smart, high-status parents, who makes YouTube videos. In one, he mentioned that dating sites were useless for him because the women he'd find there don't appeal to him at all. He's deeply interested in the humanities and the philosophy of mind, specifically, and reads voraciously on those topics. The statistical probability of his finding a girl who could relate to him is exceedingly low. I know about him because our interests overlap. After hearing him say what he did, I realized that it wasn't necessarily being gay that was challenging for me, but other factors.
I'm an intellectual. Other people are great at making lots of money, or sports, or at socializing. I'm terrible at all of those things. If those people met me, they'd think that I was the most boring person in the world; I live inside of my head. I'm also an introvert. I don't fit into the gay subculture at all. All of these things conjoin to make me feel like a complete alien and FREAK--not without good reason!
In conclusion, I'm convinced that I'm doomed. I'm going to continue living alone, and inevitably die alone.
But, good luck, all the rest of you!