Ack! (Yes I'm a man and went all Cathy on you... :D)
Where to begin? Ok I thought things with the family were getting better and that they were becoming more accepting of me and my choices... Then my wife called my parents. And the truth came out. Apparently I am a physical embodiment of an INXS song... I have the devil inside me (direct quote by my father to my wife). Well yeah "every single one of us, the devil insiiiiiide..." But I digress. He still believes that a made up being is inside of me telling me to do evil in all manners. Blah blah blah. But it's not just that. My parents have accepted a call to go on a 6 month vacation for the summer to ther Oregon coast. Oh wait. It's a 6 month mission to the Eugene, OR, mission. And it just so happens that the president was 'inspired' to send them to a small town on the Oregon coast, and it just so happens to be from the beginning of April to the beginning of October.

Anyway today is their farewell. We had a huge argument and it has pissed me off to the extent that we skipped a family party yesterday at up-chuck-a-Rama. Now we are 3 hours away from the farewell and I do not want to go. I know that they will use this as an opportunity to reconvert me. I let them know we weren't coming to anything this weekend and it seems like they ignored me. Part of me still wants to support them, but then I realize that they are only staying in contact with me because I'm viewed as some sort of missionary project.

Back to the argument and phone call with my wife, (sorry ADD kicking in) I told my dad the reasons I left; those being 99.9% intellectual not any offense or desire to sin, but they hold onto the fixed belief that I left out of a desire to sin.

Whatever. They will never change. I am now taking an extended break from them. I am not giving them the joy of having their whole family there today. They will not see my daughters until they learn to hear and see the truth about why I left. Not their fixed beliefs.

And on to another thought. I have come to the realization that all that "persecution" the morg experiences is self inflicted due to their refusal to let things be at face value. The only reason I went all "anti" on them is because of what their true thoughts are about why I chose out. I was content to let them believe what they want as long as they allow me to believe how I choose. But the truth that they will not give up on the fact that they think the devil has me, I will open the huge can of worms on them. It's their choice that causes it.

Point out that THEY are under the influence of the Adversary, and you will contact them again once they have purged themselves of the evil spirit that is holding them.

I hate it, too, when people get all holier-than-thou and tell other people who is possessed and who is not. That's just insane thinking, and people who really believe that would be good candidates for placement in insane asylums.

If you're the first child, it's going to take some time. They may never come around, but I sure hope for your sake that they do.

TBM's are all about family, as long as that family does exactly what they're told by TSCC.

My view?
The more you interact, the more opportunities they have to personally attack you.

So....Leave them alone.

Put them in "Time Out". There is no need to be subjected to people who are denigrating you. They lose the right to your companionship on all levels.

No phone calls in or out, no visits, no cards,no emails, nothing. Block their emails accounts.

Ignore them. Keep it up for at least six months.
Then you can decide if you want to try a rational reasonable loving relationship again.
But...YOU set the boundaries.

Family: we would like to have a loving, kind relationship without any negative comments, or accusations.

IF, they make contact and want to "play nice" then you might want to give them another chance.

If not, hold your ground. It's your right to protect your family from attacks and nastiness.

+1

I love that I must have left the church because I wanted to sin–I sinned plenty while I was in the church, why would I have to leave to sin?

If your parents think they are going to the coast, they are going to be disappointed. Eugene is in the Willamette Valley, about in the middle of Oregon. Long way from the coast. And REALLY a boring place... I spent a week there one day...

The president called them and told them they are going to a small coastal town when they get there... The summer vacation on the Oregon coast was my interpretation.

Yeah, but the winery that makes my favorite wine is there.


Mmmm... King Estate. Love their Pinot Noir.

Oh, and to the OP, a question: You said your wife called your parents? Are you still together? Or are you married to a turncoat who apparently thinks nothing of throwing you under the bus? Are you Sleeping with the Enemy?

Forget the parents and their nonsense and their stupid mission to wine country. What about this wife who enjoys ratting you out instead of being your partner in life? Shouldn't she have your back? That's my concern.

dogzilla Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Yeah, but the winery that makes my favorite wine
> is there.
>
>
> Mmmm... King Estate. Love their Pinot Noir.
>
> Oh, and to the OP, a question: You said your wife
> called your parents? Are you still together? Or
> are you married to a turncoat who apparently
> thinks nothing of throwing you under the bus? Are
> you Sleeping with the Enemy?
>
> Forget the parents and their nonsense and their
> stupid mission to wine country. What about this
> wife who enjoys ratting you out instead of being
> your partner in life? Shouldn't she have your
> back? That's my concern.


The truth that came out was how my parents felt about me, they have known all along that I didn't give a rats @$$ about the morg and am moving in mentality towards a buddhist/athiest mindset. She did nothing to throw me under the bus... the good old lawrd actually threw me in front of Trax when he gave me a brain to think with, and an extremely analytical mind to boot... The only thing she did was to call them and attempt to talk to them when I was not around.

We are on the same page and we are raising our children up to think correctly. We also refuse to believe that because we no longer believe in TSCC that our problems are a curse from gawd...and that when someone else in the family faces the same problems, it is a "trial"...

I recently came out to my family. My sister told me that she does not want to see or hear about me doing things like "drinking, etc." While I understand that it is hard for family members to see loved ones "go down the wrong path", I find that I cannot say that I do not want to see THEM do things that bother me, like testify of Joseph Smith, etc.

Dude, I love that you referenced Cathy & INXS in the same sentence. Pretty cool and I am now dating myself as well as you. : )

Sorry about your parents - that sucks; sounds like taking a break is definitely the right thing to do. You and your choices deserve to be taken seriously and you deserve and should demand to be treated with respect. The TSCC does freaky things to peoples' brains. They lose the ability to think critically and allow others the right to make their own choices.

Pretty sad and you're completely right. Most of the "persecution" they love to complain and bear testimony about is totally self inflicted.

Best of luck and hang in there!

Me too - saw INXS at BYU mid 80s - we must have been at the same concert!! It was pretty fantastic!

Cathy is the newspaper comic strip character, written by Cathy Guisewite (sp?). Her catch phrase for when she's flustered or frustrated is "Ack!"

Ugh...some people are just ridiculous. It's even worse when you can't so much as talk to someone, not because of some outside source like a church, but just...plain...stupidity. And arrogance/narcissism.

Sounds like you are doing what you need to do to protect yourself and your family. Is your wife on the same page as you?

If your parents believe that you left out of a desire to sin, then they should be able to tell you what specific sin(s) you are lusting to commit. If they can't tell which sin(s) you desire to commit, then they have no basis for that belief. Isn't that logical?

They think its because I wanted to try drinking (I hardly touch the stuff cause it makes me feel sick and most alcoholic beverages taste extremely bitter to me), and who knows what else...then anything that is mentioned about something that is a "Sin" against the church...we like to stay out past midnight sometimes, we let our kids drink coke...

Oh yeah...there's the coffee... We just bought a Keurig to keep it easy, and my parents flipped over that... I swore up and down that I would never touch the stuff when I was serving time in Ecuador (erm...serving a mission) when I saw how it was initially processed prior to roasting... but I can't leave the stuff alone now!

So maybe its all that coffee that makes them think I am such a sinner...because a naturally roasted, naturally sweetened, beverage is so much worse than a chemical $#!+ storm called soda pop...only because its hot... yeah... that makes sense...

Hi,

Obviously, your parents' beliefs are imaginary, but no less "real" to them for being so. You're fortunate to have a family of your own. Your parents aren't your most important link to the world. That should help to keep you sane. And remember: your children will never be part of the Mormon fantasy. Although we may not know the truth of existence--and we don't--we know that Mormonism is false. It's better to know uncertainty than believe what's provably false.

You can't change your parents. They belong to the Church because of the social aspects, primarily. It gives them a sense of belonging and a framework within which to find meaning, rather than having to create it themselves out of a chaotic, complex, and confusing world. They're doing the best that they can under the circumstances. Unfortunately, their best clearly isn't good enough, if they're to have a meaningful relationship with you.

Unfortunately, there's really no way around this. It sucks. I'm sorry that you're going through it. You've chosen the truth over comfort. These are the consequences. No matter what you do, you'll suffer--and so will they. I wish that there were some magical way of altering their beliefs, but, for them--from the standpoint of their optimal functioning--at this stage in their lives, those beliefs are serving them well, despite the fact that they're false. (It's funny how that works. It goes to show that a bad tree--Mormonism--CAN produce (some) good fruit, and does so all the time!)

At this point, I think that you need to decide on what you want. What kind of relationship do you want with your parents? You're not dependent on them, so you don't need to worry too much about offending them. The worst that they can do is to engage in emotional blackmail (which, of course, they've already begun doing), and emotionally abusive behaviors such as disparaging and belittling you, if not questioning your morality and sanity. The fact that you're no longer Mormon is something that they can't escape, and eventually, they'll either be forced to ignore this fact about you, ignore you, or change.

The best that you can do is to set firm boundaries. This will help everyone all around.

Life is hard. Just do the best that you can. You're not responsible for others' thoughts and feelings (but many Mormons are trained to behave exactly that way, to be "nice," to obey, and that many times leads to such an individual coming to harm, which you're experiencing for yourself now).

I commend you for having the amazing courage to free yourself from an imaginary religion (all of them are imaginary). This bodes well for your children, and your future. Think critically. Think independently. Live in accordance with your own conclusions. If you make mistakes--when you make mistakes--change, and try again. It's the best that anyone can do.

Good Luck,

Steve

i saw INXS at BYU (of all places) in the mid 80's. it was an awesome concert! i was on the floor right in front of the stage! michael hutchence was soooo hot!