Posted by:
ducky333
(
)
Date: March 19, 2013 11:34PM
Welcome, foxbeard. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Sounds to me like you're experiencing situational depression; who wouldn't? I'm also divorced, and we divorced after 18 yrs together. There were times when I thought I'd lose my mind I missed him so much; however, I can remember quite clearly one evening as I stood by the mantel of the fireplace. The question came to me: would you go back to him if it would help your children? And the answer came swiftly: absolutely not. He had even once suggested, after our meeting for depositions at my atty's office, that, perhaps we might remarry after a couple of yrs, as our neighbors had done. Yet I saw that as nothing more than his decision to keep me on the string in case his gf didn't work out.
You sound like such a nice person; I'd say you have every right to miss and want to be a part of your children's lives. Yet, your wife is absolutely in control of the relationship. She knows it, she has no compunction about things remaining that way, and she doesn't seem (from what you've said) the least bit interested in YOUR feelings about a relationship with God or not. She's a well-indoctrinated LDS woman.
Have you tried dating non-Mormon women? You're obviously young with quite a lot to offer. You live in Cali now; there's a whole world of lovely women out there. You will always have your children in your life, no matter what else happens. You take part in their lives, and they will always know and love you for being their father. I was a very lonely married woman, and I'm sure my ex felt the same. There's nothing quite as sad as two people who are having to work at living together instead of doing it happily and with the intent of being together for life, whether they be married or not.
Don't let anyone guilt you about what you call your "breakdown." You actually made a very rational decision to save your sanity; climbing the ladder is also very lonely, esp. when you have a family. My ex traveled during our entire married, and he really didn't like traveling. Nor did he want to climb the corporate ladder; he was satisfied with staying in once place with his well-paying job, expense acct, and company vehicle. I'm not sure where you're at now, but at least you're in one place, you get to be involved in your children's lives, and you can go out and meet other women whenever you are ready. Your wife would need to make some major concessions before she would ever be ready to accept you again. And it doesn't sound as if she's ready. To walk away from you when you were at your lowest is, in my opinion, a vile and cowardly thing to do to you when you needed her most. And it certainly does not speak of love for one's spouse. And then to keep the pregnancy from you? Control control control. Will you ever measure up to her expectations unless she either has a personality transplant or a major change in belief about the church? Think about that, and go from there.
I wish you the best. I'm glad you're feeling peaceful about things, whether that feeling comes from bended knee or not. That's what life's about. I've worried about my 3 children and the church so much, and now one has left completely, the other is questioning seriously, and the other I've no doubt will follow suit with the questions given time. Sometimes as a parent, we just have to let go and allow life to run its course. Just make sure you keep in touch with your kids and let them know you love them (which I'm sure you do already). Don't tie yourself to a shrew (sorry, that's how I feel about her behavior) for the sake of your children. You may be their only voice of reason. All the best.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/20/2013 12:32AM by ducky333.