--Tantalizing, Mysterious Tales from the Secret "Reality Shows" of President Ezra Taft Benson

Over the years, I've had various rock-ribbed Mormons contact me, directly or by correspondence, claiming to have been privy to special inside information regarding certain alleged occurences in the life, times and prophesies of my grandfather, Ezra Taft Benson.

These stories have been described to me by their conveyors as either being true on their face, or at least being deserving of serious consideration.

One such inquiry about these supposedly awesome, real-time, latter-day, epic episodes has recently been posted here on the RfM board:

"Hey Steve,

"I've read in a couple of places that Hinckley and Monson supposedly put a pillow over your grandfather's head, and then hit him with a hammer repeatedly (the pillow was to make the blows less obvious), and this is what caused him to become incapacitated.

"Have you ever heard this, and do you think it could be true? Can you tell us what you know about it?

"Thanks!"

(For my answer to and observations about the above question, see: "Message to Steve Benson: Can you please verify some info about your Grandpa?," posted by "Rebel," on "Recovery from Mormonism" discussion board, 6 March 2013, at: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,816624)


Hey, back.

OK, here we go.

Below are some of the tall tales that have been relayed to me in the dedicated Mormon spirit of faith and conviction--or if not that, at least in the spirit of wanting to believe.

They're offered here for the purpose of building up Zion in the last days by deepening faith in the wild and wondrous world of Mormon make-believe, as practiced by its desparately-devoted Saints.
_____


--President Benson Was Brutally Bludgeoned by Members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles When He Wouldn't Go Along with Their Secret Plans, Resulting in Permanent Brain Damage

One Mormon breathlessly phoned me from the Northwest, asking me if the following story was true.

It seems that a so-called "Pink Room" had been clandestinely constructed in the upper reaches of the Salt Lake City Temple during the administration of Mormon Church President Wilford Woodruff.

There, in absolute secrecy, members of the Quorum of the Twelve would gather to perform dark and solemn rituals, dressed for the occasion in hooded cloaks.

President Ezra Taft Benson was supposedly brought into this "Pink Room," where it was demanded of him that he go along with certain evil designs of the Twelve. (The specifics of these pernicious plans were not spelled out to me, so your guess is as good as mine).

President Benson refused to go along, whereupon he was stuffed into a gunny sack by his hooded tormentors and mercilessly pummeled, resulting in permanent brain damage that kept him from leading the Mormon Church.

I told the inquiring Saint that Ezra Taft Benson had indeed suffered severe cerebral strokes, but that there was no evidence they were caused by him having been mugged by members of the Quorum of the Twelve.
_____


--President Benson Was Spotted in a Las Vegas Casino, Where He Held an Off-The-Record Meeting with a Young Mormon Boy, the Contents of Which Were Too Sacred to Reveal

According to this tale passed on to me by an incredulous Mormon, an LDS father and his son happened to be on the main floor of a Las Vegas casino, when they spied LDS Church President Benson, accompanied by his security detail, walking through the casino.

The Mormon father pointed out President Benson to his young son, whereupon the boy said he wanted to meet him. His father took his son and they followed tPresident Benson's entourage up the elevator to a hotel room.

After President Benson and company entered the room and shut the door, the father knocked on the door and asked if his son could meet the LDS Church President. The father was told to wait outside, while the young boy was allowed to enter President Benson's hotel room.

The door closed and the young boy was in President Benson's hotel room for two hours, as the father remained outside in the hallway.

When the boy finally emerged from the hotel room, his father asked him what had transpired. His son told him that President Benson had spent the whole time talking to him and that President Benson had told the child that it was good to be able to talk, since he (meaning President Benson) was not allowed to do so.

However, the boy wouldn't tell his father any more about his behind-closed-doors encounter with the Lord's anointed prophet.

The purveyor of this story asked me if it was true. I replied that I had never heard of any episode involving Ezra Taft Benson being spotted visiting, or staying in, a Las Vegas casino.

I must add, however, that he did play a mean game of shuffleboard.
_____


--President Benson Issued an Inside-the-Temple Elevator Warning That It's Too Late to Start Storing a Year's Supply of Food

According to this faith-promoting tale, President Benson was encountered in an elevator in the South Jordan, Utah, temple.

There, a member of the Church told him that he was accumulating his food storage. President Benson reportedly replied that it was too late to begin that task, given that the end of the world was at hand and that time had run out.

This was several years ago and we're still here. Next.
_____


--President Benson Ordered Christmas Gifts from Deseret Book, Proving He Really Wasn't Mentally and Physically Incapacitated

The faithful Mormon relaying this story told me that they knew a fellow Latter-day Saint who worked in one of Salt Lake City's Deseret Bookstores. The employee was said to have answered the phone at work one day, only to hear the voice of President Benson, who identified himself and who then proceeded to order books as Christmas presents for family and friends.

My response to this story was that, based on my direct observation of my grandfather's severely deteriorated state of physical and mental health at the time that this phone conversation allegedly took place, he would not have been able to find the phone in his apartment, much less have been able to have used it.
_____


--President Benson's Private Apartment Nursing Staff Witnessed Him Performing His Prophetic Role but, Given The Sacred Nature of These Acts, Has Chosen Not to Talk About What They Beheld

I was told by a devout Mormon that, based on inside information relayed to this believing Saint, one of President Benson's attending domestic nurses saw President Benson do things in his apartment as she cared for him that definitely testified to his calling as God's prophet.

What those things were, however, were never explained.

Personally, I saw my grandfather's nurses patiently feed him by spoon as he sat, stooped over and silent, at the kitchen table in his Mormon Church apartment. He ate like a horse, but uttered nothing prophetic in the process.

I also saw his assigned caregivers take President Benson-- dressed in a sweatsuit and diapers and wrapped in a blanket-- and prop him in a reclining chair so that he could stare out, unspeaking, through the window of his upper-story Eagle Gate apartment toward Temple Square.

I saw his nurses plant him in a soft recliner next to a radio in his aparment studio, so that he could listen to sessions of General Conference he was too weak to attend, as I sat by his side.

I never saw my grandfather do anything remotely prophetic in his apartment.
_____


--President Benson Appeared in a Dream to a Faithful Latter-day Saint in Order to Pressure Me to Rejoin the Mormon Church

After I left Mormonism in 1993, a Mormon anonymously called me from somewhere in California and left two voice messages on my office phone, informing me that my grandfather had appeared to him in a dream, instructing him to tell me that my grandfather wanted me to return to the Mormon fold. The anonymous caller hung up each time after having delivered the message.

I figured that if my grandfather wished for me to be re-baptized a Mormon, he could have appeared in a dream to me--or better yet, in spirit-person form--rather than to a complete stranger. That way, he could have told me directly, to my face, what he wanted me to do and, in the process, cut out the middleman.

That has yet to happen.
_____


--Conclusion: What Can I Say?

Other than the time is far spent, so get off your backsliding behinds and repent! These stories have just GOT to be true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOsiXRXhL00



Edited 7 time(s). Last edit at 03/07/2013 01:47AM by steve benson.

Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 03/06/2013 06:19PM by steve benson.

Ditto

That's stupid. Everyone knows it is only High Councils that inflict brain damage through beatings, and only if the victim does something truly egregious, like refusing to allow a Stake President marry his fiance.

Steve - these are great, keep up the good work! Love'em!

My TBM Dad had a 'bar supply' route. He visited every tavern in our county and sold them all of their non-liquor items.

He bought a shuffleboard from one of the taverns and installed it in our basement...

I became a pretty good shuffler myself...

At my Dad's funeral, my ex-mo brother gave the eulogy. He told the crowd of Mormons that our Dad often took him on his route.
By the time my brother was 12, he had been in every bar in the county.

Brought a pretty good laugh from all the TBMs in the chapel...

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/07/2013 11:44PM by steve benson.

The important thing about urban legends, is that they have both an amazing ability to sprout up and to be believed, and they are not all that different from religious beliefs in how they get started and spread.

Not all of this kind of stuff is urban legend. The Governor's Task force that investigated SRA in the early 90s had signed confessions from some of the perps.

As far as what exactly happened to Ezra Taft Benson, there's no way to ever know for sure. I won't take Steve's word for it though, just because he's made up his mind in life that there's no such thing as sinister conspiracies.

If these guys running the Church don't feel bad about scamming 12 million people, it proves to me that they already don't have a conscience. If that's the case, what's to prevent them from assaulting someone that's embarassing the Church? Some people choose to act naive about how evil people can really be, just so they can maintain social respectibility.

Satanic ritual abuse, right because they investigated and didn't prosecute there must have been a cover up, it definitely wasn't because they didn't have a case.

Based on my direct observations and personal knowledge concerning my grandfather's mental and physical health, the stories about his condition were simply and empirically untrue.

As to other claims of divinely-produced visitations/dreams, prophesies, inside-the-temple muggings, ETB sojourns to Vegas casinos, rejuvenating miracles, etc., those have nothing to do with "sinister conspiracies"--they're just plain nuts, as they are contradicted by actual facts.

You seem like the gullible type, "SomeGuy." Why are you here? :)



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2013 03:21AM by steve benson.

Check for intracranial bleeding due to head trauma, contusions and bruising.

Read the post-mortem medical report on cause of death (it was congestive heart failure).

Lordy, "SomeGuy," get a grip.

My family (including ETB office staff) saw him up until the day he died and no one reported him having been brutally battered to death.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2015 11:29AM by steve benson.

steve benson Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Check for intracranial bleeding due to head
> trauma, contusions and bruising.
>
> Read the post-mortem medical report on cause of
> death (it was congestive heart failure).
>
> Lordy, "SomeGuy," get a grip.
>
> My family (including ETB office staff) saw him
> up until the day he died and no one reported him
> having been brutally battered to death.

Steve, this is CONSPIRACY THEORY we're talking about. All
those objections are easily overcome by saying the Dr. and the
office staff were in on it.

Conspiracy theories have a lot in common with Mormon
apologetics . . . all you need is a scenario that tilts your
way that's not logically impossible.

Of course, you're probably in on the conspiracy too ;)

Whoever thought this up was thinking of Caligula and Sutorius Macro allegedly killing Tiberius on his deathbed with a pillow. Probably were watching too much of "I, Claudius..."

I used to think this kind of gullible crap was hilarious and even a complex mythology. Now it annoys me that people can be so stupid. I'm glad you have retained your sense of humor, Steve. I get breathless emails almost daily from my father about a government conspiracy he is following/confabulating with his friends. My brother is entertained by it, but it is a source of exasperation and disappointment to me. I wish I could understand this need some people have to believe idiotic nonsense.

when someone bares their testimony to me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2013 01:10PM by Ihidmyself.

Hey take it easy with the stupid remarks statement!

I am not gullible by any means and even I had a hard time navigating reality from fiction especially after leaving the sctt. You believe in all of these fairy tale to begin with and then you find out it's not true and you are left having to figue out what exactly truth is and who you can trust and who you should trust. I think that is a mind F@%# of it's own. And like I said I am not a gullible person. It's hard to navigate your way in the big world when you've only had a taste of a very small corroded portion.

At least the poster went to a credible source and asked for his truth on the matter. That in itself was a brave thing to do. whether anyone thinks it's stupid or not.

Your right about cognitive reasoning, LDS inc doesn't do much to help develop your mind.

As far as the poster goes, you missed the part where he/she puppeted repeatedly and questioned whether or not SB knew what he was talking about. The poster came here to tell a story not ask a question.

Ok I guess I did miss that part.

Maybe not the stories of ETB getting beat, but I KNOW my mom would believe every other story about him out there.

I grew up hearing a story of ETB and something he said to some kid(s) in an elevator in COB. And my mom would always say to me "They were about your age! Do you know what this means? It means you will be here for the second comming."

Mormons love their stories. "I heard from a friend at work, who said in their stake conference that an apostle was there and he said......"

"Personally, I saw my grandfather's nurses patiently feed him by spoon as he sat, stooped over and silent, at the kitchen table in his Mormon Church apartment. He ate like a horse, but uttered nothing prophetic in the process.

I also saw his assigned caregivers take President Benson-- dressed in a sweatsuit and diapers and wrapped in a blanket-- and prop him in a reclining chair so that he could stare out, unspeaking, through the window of his upper-story Eagle Gate apartment toward Temple Square.

I saw his nurses plant him in a soft recliner next to a radio in his aparment studio, so that he could listen to sessions of General Conference he was too weak to attend, as I sat by his side."

three years ago I bought yellow raspberries. My Father had been bedridden for two weeks. One day when his caregivers stood him up he'd been too weak to stand, so Hospice said his blood presssure was too low and he was to stay down until his pressure was up again.

He never did get up again, but I was able to give him something he'd never tried before; yellow raspberries. I popped them into his mouth everytime he opened it. He ate about 1/2 a cup and even burped! He couldn't talk, he couldn't hear very well even with two hearing aids and he wore diapers. The last two months he was on a light dose of morphine and slept a lot.

Before he went down I remember him being put into his chair every day to stare at the wall or TV if he was awake. I brought his favorite paintings of his home state over to his apartment and had them hung up high so he could at least see something familiar that he'd enjoyed during his life.


At least I wasn't being plagued with wild stories about his diminished capacity and the reason for it.

I think it is hard to watch someone so out of it even if they were an onery old sock to you when they were able and active. There seems to be no graceful way to ease their way and the caregivers seem more concerned than the patient. Maybe that's why they're called patient, they have only inside themselves to see as they slip away.....

and what a view for your Grand Father, the Salt Lake Temple???? A constant reminder of everything Mormon. I'd think he'd been tired of it all by then and not able to tell them to draw the curtains he'd rather look at the drapes.

Thanks for sharing these Steve. I know my Mom would believe every single one.

The unintended comedy keeps on comin.'

According to RfM poster "ex_sushi_chef" (who has occasionally dropped in for a visit from the Twilight Zone), my grandfather, Ezra Taft Benson, was afraid of being murdered by evil forces residing in the LDS Church Office Building headquarters in downtown Salt Lake City--and confided his fear in that regard to his personal massage therapist.

The source of this Tantalizing Tale fron Beyond the Veil is identified as Kevin Kraut, son of Ogden Kraut--the latter who was a fundy Mormon and author of the book, "Jesus Was Married." As they say, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.

Here's a little on the voodoo views of Kevin's dad, Ogden:

Not only did O. Kraut assert that Jesus tied the matrimonial knot while in the flesh, he claimed that Jesus tied it with more than one woman at the same time. In support of this polygamous premise, O. Kraut predictably quotes none other than early LDS apostle Jedediah Grant, who preached that this proved Jesus was a Mormon:

"The grand reason for the burst of public sentiment in anathemas upon Christ and his disciples, causing his crucifixion, was evidently based upon polygamy, according to the testimony of the philosophers who rose in that age. A belief in the doctrine of a plurality of wives caused the persecution of Jesus and his followers. We might almost think they were 'Mormons.'

"What does old Celsus say, who was a physician in the first century, whose medical works are esteemed very highly at the present time? His works on theology were burned with fire by the Catholics, they were so shocked at what they called their impiety. Celsus was a heathen philosopher; and what does he say upon the subject of Christ and his Apostles, and their belief? He says, 'The grand reason why the Gentiles and philosophers of his school persecuted Jesus Christ, was because he had so many wives; there were Elizabeth, and Mary, and a host of others that followed him.'

"After Jesus went from the stage of action, the apostles followed the example of their master. For instance, John the Beloved Disciple, writes in his second epistle, 'Unto the elect lady and her children, whom I love in the truth.' Again, he says, 'Having many things to write unto you (or communicate), I would not write with paper and ink; but I trust to come unto you, and speak face to face, that our joy may be full.' Again--'The children of thy elect sister greet thee." This ancient philosopher says they were both John's wives. Paul says, 'Mine answer to them that do examine me is this: `Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas.'" He, according to Celsus, had a numerous train of wives.'"

O. Kraut adds that Jesus must have approved of the p-word because he never condemned it:

"Although the practice of plural marriage was commonly known and believed by many people in the Jewish society, it was never condemned by Jesus. The Savior had surely witnessed plural marriage, heard it taught and, of course, had read of the many examples of this law in the scriptures; yet there is no evidence that he opposed or refuted that practice. He spoke of strict moral issues which pertained to every physical or mental sin involving sex, but the word 'polygamy' was never refuted, nor did he utter a word against those prophets and patriarchs who had obeyed this principle of marriage.

"Because Jesus took no issue against polygamy, it is therefore implied that Jesus must have sanctioned that law. This fact was generally understood and accepted by many scriptorians and reformers."

(Jedediah Grant, "Journal of Discourses," vol. 1, p. 346; for the text of Ogden Kraut's book, "Jesus was Married," Chapter 6, "An Everlasint Covenant of Marriage," 1st ed. [Salt Lake City, Utah: Ogden Kraut, 1969], see: http://www.i4m.com/think/bible/Jesus_Was_Married.htm)


Interestingly enough, my grandfather had a copy of Ogden Kraut's book, "Jesus Was Married," in his personal library, which he gave to me. I eventually sold it to a second-hand bookstore, "Benchmark Books," located just off the I-15 freeway in Salt Lake City.
____


But I digress.

Poster "ex_sushi_chef's" appeal to Ogden Kraut's son, Kevin, is where we left off--at the point where K. Kraut was claiming, on authority from ETB's devoted "massage therapist," the existence of a plot--put together, no less, deep in the heart of the Mormon Church's very own HQ--to rub out (so to speak) Ezra Taft Benson.

As proof of that dastardly plan, "suckered sushi" asks with great fervor:

" . . . [H]ow about this one??: 'Ezra Taft Benson Identifies The Modern Day Gadiantons, by Kevin Kraut,' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvSYj2pE7NI


"Do you think he is nuts, too?? While you are claiming your are the only one sane and pure. [J]ust [a] joke."

("Re: ex-sushi chef: You've apparently gotten food poisoning from eating raw fish," by "ex_sushi_chef," on "Recovery from Mormonism" discussion board, 30 JMuly 2013m at: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,974816,974876#msg-974876)


Jesus, Jedediah and Just a Joker, indeed.

According to this Kevin Kraut fellow who appeals to the authority of ETB's masseuse, ETB--in a recent "first talk" in General Conference--ripped on the Illuminati. Ya don't say. I'd like to have a citation for that claim, if you don't mind.

K. Kraut goes on to reveal that ETB's former "massage therapist" relayed to him (K. Kraut) that he (the massage therapist) had gone to ETB's Church office to do the massages on ETB (which Kraut said this Mormon masseuse performed regularly) and asked ETB if he (ETB) was afraid of being murdered by his enemies in Washington, D.C.

At that point, according to the massager's message, ETB motionied the masseuse over to ETB's Church office window, where ETB pulled back the curtains and "pointed down" to "the Church headquarters," which ETB identified to the massager as being ETB's first source of worry when it came to his own personal safety.

Really now.

It's telling how K. Kraut words the narrative: He says the massage therapist claimed he was working on ETB, as in "up with him up in the [pause] . . . up in his office." Yeah, up in that "the-his" office--the precise geographical location of which K. Kraut can't seem to pinpoint for his rapt audience.

Here's the rub: The story's a lie, and I'll tell you why.

There could have been no "up in his office" from which ETB "pointed down" to the "Church headquarters," for the simple reason that my grandfather's personal Church office was in the low-slung Church Administration Building, on the second floor. In other words, my grandfather's office wasn't "up" in the "Church headquarters"--meaning the 28-story "high-rise" (as Apostle Dallin Oaks once dismissively referred to it in a conversation I had with him and fellow Apostle Neal Maxwell in Maxwell's Church office, up one floor in Room 303, which itself was located in the same Church Administration BUilding where ETB's office was).

By their fruitcakes, ye shall know them.

I wish these folks would get their goofy gospel straight before peddling it here. It'll only prove embarrassing to their kids. And coming from, of all people, a Mormon massage therapist. That just, well, rubs me the wrong way.
_____


Postscript:

In response to the above, Kevin Kraut--son of the now-dead Ogden Kraut--came to this very board with a rather lame defense of his kooky claims:

"Hmmmm well I posted this to get the story as best I could there were several who witnessed this event including my wife and one of the sons of the therapist. And if you listen closely I never told where etb was I did not know.

"Kevin kraut"

"PS I always admired Ezra Taft Benson"

("Re: Another Loony Tune: ETB the Target of an LDS Church-Hatched Murder Plot," by Kevin Kraut, Recovery from Mormonism discussion board, 14 February 2014, http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,975165,1170672#msg-1170672)


I replied:

"Kevin, there's obviously a lot you don't know but still believe it, anyway."

(Steve Benson, subject line only; no in-box text, Recovery from Mormonism discussion board, 14 February 2014, http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,975165,1170785#msg-1170785)



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2015 10:59AM by steve benson.

Thanks for the laughs. It always makes me wonder how

people can believe such absurd shit and yet at one time

I believed in the mormon church and God and the bible.


Thank karma my critical brain started kicking in.

Whiskey tango foxtrot !

Mormon is is totally absurd !

for real it is Dave.... its all a giant joke to me now.