My nephews farewell is tomorrow. Planning on going to the "after party" not the actual farewell itself. I know traditionally, theses things are set up so that the new missionary is getting money from all the wellwishers. As an exMo, should I be exptected to give money to a cause I don't support, to show my support and love for my nephew? Also, does the missionary end up giving 10% of his "donations" the the Morg?

If giving money is the thing at these I got gypped. I think a few people will give some money, but unless something has changed its not expected.

If anything send him money once he is already out and then it will be more likely to be used directly by him for something he wants/needs.

Whether or not he pays tithing in it is hard to guess. Most Mormons don't pay tithing on gifts, but some do.

If it's traditional in your famiy to give a gift on this occasion, I think you should. It shows that you are supportive of him, even if you don't agree with the idea of a mission. However, since you have a legitimate concern with giving him money that will help TSCC, give him a non-monetary gift.

Think of something that will be helpful/useful/appreciated by him personally. If he'll be in the USA, you can give him chain restaurant gift cards. Give him stationery for writing home, or a leather-bound journal for recording his thoughts. Give him a digital camera if he doesn't have one. Whatever you give him, it will show that you care enough about him to make an effort, even if you can't agree with what he's been pressured into doing.

A gift card for Lowe's.

I wouldn't give cash. It will just go to the stupid church regardless who you give it to. Give him something he can actually use and needs. How about a library card so he can get online wherever he's going? You get the point

get him a hooker!

Open a bank account in the country where he's going.

Give him a debit card with the password the last four digits of his social security card. Tell him you are allowing him to access your account "for emergencies." Then tell him anything he feels he needs is an "emergency" and that he is also free to use it for humanitarian purposes to alleviate suffering he observes.

This way, you will demonstrate compassion and if the parents object, they will look like douches.

Tell them, "He doesn't have to use it if he doesn't want to. He's an adult now, it's his free agency at work."


Anagrammy

This is a great suggestion. My sister opened a credit card for her son and made sure there was always money available on it. She wanted to make sure that he had enough to eat and could buy the things he needed to survive.

Either a credit card or a savings account ensures that the person you want gets the money and it doesn't benefit the church as they never touch it.

anagrammy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Open a bank account in the country where he's
> going.
>
> Give him a debit card with the password the last
> four digits of his social security card. Tell him
> you are allowing him to access your account "for
> emergencies." Then tell him anything he feels he
> needs is an "emergency" and that he is also free
> to use it for humanitarian purposes to alleviate
> suffering he observes.
>
> This way, you will demonstrate compassion and if
> the parents object, they will look like douches.
>
> Tell them, "He doesn't have to use it if he
> doesn't want to. He's an adult now, it's his free
> agency at work."
>
>
> Anagrammy



I'll second that suggestion. There are times when they really need something or have an emergency and no money to take care of it.
Of if you don't want to use a password you know, give him a card with funds on it that he can use as needed.

The point is that you are offering some support. It has to do with honoring other people's choices. That's what is needed!

I agree - if he's going stateside, I'd get him food gift cards for the area of the country he's headed to - grocery stores or McDonalds. Outside, I'd send him money somehow once he got there. Make sure it goes to him directly and doesn't get skived off by the church. You want him to have money for food and other things the church doesn't provide that he desperately needs.

If he wants to pay tithing on a gift, that's up to him. My attitude on money might not be the same as everybody else, but I just have to let it go. I can give somebody a wedding gift of cash, and hope they use it for something they will need to set up their new home. But if they use it to do something I don't support, it's none of my business.

Now, following my, er... logic, you can decide to give him a gift. Not scriptures, not a cheesy Mormon book, but something he can use and something that might not make him think of paying tax to his religion on it.

Here's another thing I found out, too. Most kids get a lot of stuff when they first leave, but at the end of their 2-year sentence, they are wearing old shoes and old shirts with brown collars and yellow armpits. In the last 6 months, send him a new shirt or two.

You can even tell him you'll send new shirts after 1 year. (And if he decides to leave halfway through, you don't have to send anything at all.)

My nephew came back and had no real clothes. I think the better idea is to help them get back in to real life. If you don't support a mission, don't fake it. You can always give him a gift certificate to a clothing store when he comes back.

Just my thoughts.

T-Bone



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/23/2013 05:04PM by T-Bone.

If you give money you are enabling the extortion system

No

NO. It's not normally done and not expected. Especially since it is something you don't support, no way should you contribute financially.

Give your best wishes that he has a good experience. It's honest since you love him but doesn't play into the stupid stuff.

Thanks all. I feel better about not gving cash, now. We bought him a bicycle bell. He will be in Puerto Rico.

BTW, my sis called yesterday to ask if I could bring a green salad to the open house. I think it's weird to invite people to an event, and then ask them to bring food like it's a potluck. I've thrown a few big parties for birthdays etc. and don't expect anyone attending to chip in. No big deal, just an irk.

That is tacky. I would only "assign" someone I invited to bring something if they ask how they can help.

I say offer to donate to a charity of his choice in his name. That way, you're not a stooge, but you're still sending a message.

No -- What I would do in give a card and inside I would write --

DEAR MISSIONARY

**Here is an I.O.U. for $xxxxx. Please feel free to cash it in when funds are low , food is in short supply, or something is in desperate need of repair, or a plane ticket ***

You will know that if he does use it, then he is in dire staights and needs genuine help

JB

During my mission there was no internet so letters were one of the most prized gifts you could ever give. If allowed to email or just write letters do it. Communicate, communicate, communicate, even if he never writes you. They will try to work his feet off. Then if he needs shoes, or something important you can ask him. Also, if you give him an outlet for his discouragement (let him express whatever feelings he's having without judgment even if he goes nuts on the TBM talk) you will become a treasured friend. Remember to support him all the way through to the end. Then when he gets home you just might be the one he goes to when he is having a crisis of faith.

I'm with CAli Sally. This is a true gift. I craved getting any letters that talked about real life and what was going on back home--all about the things the real world is actually made of. I had one cousin who did that and it meant the world.

Let the family handle the bills. They signed up for this.

nevermind that this happened 4 years ago...

Ha ha. Who resurrects these old posts anyway? I rarely look at dates since 99.5% of the time they are current.

If the timestamps are accurate, that would be "Cheryl" for this one.

not claiming ma'am.... hypothesizing... qualified by an If based on the information presented on my display.....

2:45PM August 5th, 2017 on my screen.... the next earlier post was 2013.....

So I suppose it was possible that admin deleted a post that was not displayed....

or their are gremlins/bugs in the software package being used for this bulletin board.....

It was not Cheryl. There is a hidden post that brought this back up.

that is sad to hear....

it's too bad that one can't trust what one sees.....

Our son served his Stateside mission back before the internet was in common usage. He was in a Spanish-speaking mission.

I remember writing EVERY WEEK. I made a regular family gazette of it, keeping him up-to-date on events in the family and community circle. And I asked TONS of questions about the place where he lived, the food there, what were the people like, how was his Spanish coming along, etc. (Both his father and I speak Spanish, so I would toss in a little Spanish, too.) I asked VERY specific questions, trying to get at details about what the mission was like. As an adult convert, I really didn't know much.

His letters home were unbelievably tedious and boring. They were more like mini-testimonies than anything. Although they were in his handwriting, I would have sworn that someone else dictated them.

He NEVER responded directly to a question - not once.

Once he got back home, I asked him, in frustration, WHY had he never answers the bazillions of questions I had asked, about the specifics of the mission. He said, "We weren't allowed to."

I didn't buy that for a second. I said, "Are you trying to tell me that somebody was standing over your shoulder, reading every word?" He looked me straight in the face and replied, "That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you. We did not have any privacy to write personal letters. They were always reviewed by someone else before they could be sent out."

I was profoundly shocked. The church lost some serious points that day, on my personal scoreboard.

Give him something that can help him be an apostate, later on in his mission. My father sent me a lockbox, about halfway through my mission, when I had a companion who was stealing my meds. Besides thwarting the druggie, it was also a great place for me to keep and hide private items from other missionaries. Used to drive them nuts that I had one, and they would even go to great length to tell me that it was stupid, since a thief would just take the box. I told them that since the temple had locks on its lockers, I figured I probably needed a lock box.

They also make little safes that are designed to be disguised like everyday objects, which are great places to hide stuff if you travel a lot. The safes are usually designed to look like things no one would steal, like a can of WD40 or bug spray. The only thing you have to worry about is someone throwing out your safe, if they think it is empty.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2013 03:03AM by forbiddencokedrinker.

Money seems crass and mormony to me.

Never did when I was TBM. I was poor then and I'm poor now. My immediate family is more important than the 20+ nieces and nephews. Start giving wedding presents (to weddings I am not invited to) and freaking baby gift for every baby born and we can't pay bills.

I second the hooker. It will save him lots of trouble going on the stupid mission full of Utah racist pigs and give him back his humanity.

Maybe if it's open bar.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/05/2017 10:40PM by janis.

give him a cell phone and an airline gift card

Netflix account and used iphone with loaded up JD podcasts.

Yes, I'd give him some money.
Think of him as a human being, fooled by a stupid cult, but still just a kid full of hopes that he's doing something big although it's nothing but a bunch of baloney.
Deep inside, he's just a kid. And most of all, he will need the money. Because the cult can care less about him or his needs. Help him. Love him.
Giving him some money doesn't mean giving money to the cult.

Back in the day (ok, WAY back), it was common for the missionary to have an open house at the church the Sunday he/she gave their going away talk in Sac Mtg. Almost everyone would come, have cookies and punch and give them money. Now there is just no fanfare and if you give them money, they probably put it in their missionary fund that gets shipped to the corp.

If they are going stateside, I like to look up the area they are going and see what kind of fast food joints are abundant and give them food gift cards. Or give them a Target card or something that their parents don't see as money they need to put into the fund.

I really resent it when people invite me to things for the sole purpose of hitting me up for money. So I never go to stuff like that. I've never been to a missionary send-off party where they're passing the plate or they have a basket for the "cards" or whatever, but I have been to those "parties" where they sell a bunch of crap you don't want for inflated prices and the girls sit around and drink and pretend it's a real social function. Generally, I decline those invitations with thanks.

But I don't see why you would feel compelled to to pay for this kid's mission. He's not your kid. Not your responsibility.

I presume you don't agree with the church and what he's intending to do, funded by your contribution. I wouldn't contribute to something I felt I couldn't ethically support.

I have always given them wellconstructed walking shoes. They have been grateful.