Yesterday was my mom's 77th birthday, so I called her and got about 3000% of my RDA of church babbling. She started right in with that.

It's just talking about her life and the people in it--the bishop this, the Primary kids that, she's my visiting teacher ya know. She lives in an area that's mostly Mormon, and nearly everyone she knows is involved with the church ... or if they're not, she tells me that. Her life revolves around the church. It gave her a social life and a life, really, because she was ready to check out after my dad died 10 years ago. The people in her ward really do seem to love and take of her, and I'm OK with that. Normally I try not to let the church babbling bother me.

But last night it felt excessive, as if she was going out of her way to explain each person's involvement and history with the ward. For example, one guy used to be a counselor in the bishopric, but then some other guy got that job. Why do I need to know that? Or half a dozen other things where it seemed she was deliberately backing up to plug in more church info. I began to wonder if the church babbling is just a way of pestering me about church, without actually pestering me.

Later, she got around to the thing on her leg that she's decided is shingles. She had that on her head and neck last year, and it was awful ... so awful, she wouldn't wish it on anyone except a certain political figure (you know, the one who's not white and delightsome). There are lots of things she'd wish on him.

And that's my cue to practice being comfortable with silence (unless I want to argue, which I most definitely don't). It's definitely pestering, even though I believe I've told her the person she referred to is far from my favorite of the evil, eeeeeevil people she could choose to pester me with. She can't resist throwing out these little test balloons to see if I've changed my mind.

It occurs to me the church babbling could be a similar thing, a deniable form of pestering.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2013 11:58AM by munchybotaz.

A dear older TBM relative of mine at lunch yesterday said something similar. "I just can't get over the fact that we have a black president, who feeds off the american people." I said,"every president does that?" the reply "Yes, I know but it just seems worse because he's black!! OMG! Born and raised in Utah!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2013 12:09PM by luvcake.

I think silence is a good option. Just call her and be nice, let her talk, throw in a few "oh really?", and "hmm" comments, meanwhile working on a nice crossword puzzle. Put her on speaker so you don't get a crick in you neck.

She doesn't have anything else to talk about.

My dad is like that (he turns 80 this summer). Even though I have been alienated from my 2 oldest sisters for the past 10 years, he gives me status reports of every sibling not thinking I couldn't care less.

Then he gives me status report of everything on the farm. I have no involvement with that either and I couldn't care less.

I just nod my head and say, "well...uh huh." I know he won't be around much longer so it's no big deal to put up with a little old person idiosyncrasy.

My mother was exactly like yours. When I moved away to college, she would call me every Sunday and after saying "how are you" she would give me the run down on everything that happened in church that morning. She knew I was inactive and that was her way of trying to get me to go back to church.

It got to the point where I would just watch TV while she talked and every once in awhile say "that's great". It seemed to satisfy her.

Yeah my 80 year old mother is the same way...constantly babbling about her primary class, the latest relief society function, the recent calling in the Bishopric, so and so's talk last Sunday in sacriledge meeting, the recent lesson in SS class, yawn. I want to say, "mom, there is so much more to life than TSCC..OMG you missing out on your grandchildren's lives, what they're doing, how you could support them, etc." She ended the conversation a few days ago by saying, "you know, I would like you to read the RS/PH lesson from last week...I think you would get a lot out of it." Of course I said, "Well mom, again, I don't believe that TSCC is a 'true' church." She said, "well you are hearing that from satan...he's leading you down the path to hell." I said, "No I heard that directly from the Holy Ghostus, he told me that when Joseph Smith married a helpless innocent 14 year old - he showed his true self that he is a con man and a pedophile." She said, "well men will do things they shouldn't, he wasn't perfect, but the church is still true."


Moron psychobabble: Priceless.

When my mother turned 77 it really hit me how old she had become. My father died when she was 64 and she had been living alone all that time. Finally she stated she wanted to move to a retirement community to be around people. Didn't blame her one bit.

Your mother's world has become much smaller as she ages and the people who make up her support system, besides family, are all church people. It's not unusual for her to want to make that her world. She may hope that you will have a change of heart and come jump back into the LDS pond with her but I think it has more to do with TSCC being her whole world now and just wanting to have a topic of conversation with you. It's not all bad. You might just respond with something like sincere like, "That's nice that you have so many friends". I just think she'd like to know you understand her feelings. But don't expect her to understand yours. At her age it is not very likely to happen.

My mother is attached to a very nice VT who isn't really her VT any more but makes the effort to go see her every month. She really is a good friend and I appreciate that she brings my mother lots of news about the ward because my mom loves being connected. Nobody tries to reactivate her because she is 86 and cannot make it to church any more. Mom isn't really TBM but she's not completely out either. It's more about the gossip than anything. I just chill.

But I still know how you feel. My family loves to talk about their shopping expeditions and it bores me senseless. After all these years I've given up on them ever understanding me. I'd so love to talk to them about the environment and world events but it never gets beyond clothes and home decor. Maybe I was switched at birth???

Mine only went back to church after my dad died, after 23+ years of inactivity. I'm not sure exactly when it happened. I do say supportive things about the church people, and I did it quite a lot last night. It just felt different on her side, like she was looking for places to insert more church info.

It's called senility. But just because you were born into a household of nuts does not mean you stay there. At 21+ you should, for sanity's sake, cut out the dead undergrowth so you can live the life of joy. I do not mean you should murder them, but AVOID them. Do you really think they are pleased when you tolerate them? They ought to be pleased to see you growing and thriving without them. If not, time for the rubbish bin.

She is very nutty, but not in a malicious way.

We had a lot of conflict for several years after my dad died--about him, mostly, but also politics and little bit of Mormonism. It's all related in her mind. The arguing stopped, for the most part, when I realized it was never going to end to my satisfaction and stopped going there with her. I say "uh-huh" a lot, and change the subject, and ignore a lot of things she says.

I've never told her what I think of the Mormon church or how I feel about being forced to participate as a teenager, at least not in a very straight-up way. I've been out since 1980, and she and my dad reverted to inactivity that same year. She always said she'd go to church if my dad would take her, but she never did. She went back as a widow, some time during the period of conflict, 2003-2007.

It gave her a life, like I said, and until last night I didn't think the church babbling might have any purpose other than to make conversation. She's been very non-judgmental about my non-Mormon life and seems to understand that church is her thing, not mine.

but 57 at this time--since she started teaching school . . . I get the rundown ON EVERY STUDENT she has every year and how she is doing this and this and this and this and this. The programs she is using for each student's problems. The family life of each student. My son quit visiting my sister with me when he was about 10. I'm supposed to sit there and listen endlessly.

My sister is a 'believer'--I wouldn't call TBM, she has 3 children and now 7 grandchildren, but her day is spent with students.

Her Christmas card this year--though she is married--as of her and her class and signed by her and her husband.

Like someone else said, it is your mother's world. I would assume she might have ulterior motives, too.

I, too think a lot of it is just age and this is her world. Kind of like people giving you a run down of what happened on their fav. soap opera, whether you wanted to hear it or not. At least her 'soap opera' is full of real people, who are hopefully nice to her and keep her occupied. Was she ever good at only telling the important parts of a story or tv show? If not, this is just more of that. If so, i'd hazard a guess it's old age creeping up on her.

Why do i say this and not that there's a deep plan to get u back to church? Mostly cause it's just daily 'news', not a diatrabe on what you should be doing based on what x,y,or z is doing and he's/ she's a member. Nor is it a run down of how unrighteous you are and how much she wants an eternal family etc. My 76 yr old mother is finally learning NOT to preach to us adult kids. It's a hard lesson because it's pretty much the way she's used to talking to us.

I found this thought provoking song about aging, made famous by Bette Midler. This beautiful rendition is sung by a man playing an acoustic guitar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PQA-CkRHIo