Mormons who wander onto RfM and decide to respond often sing the same song: "But we are such nice, Christian people who just are trying to live our religion. Why are you picking on us?" It's a fair question. If Mormons are so nice and normal and trying so hard to be good, why are they so universally disliked? Because as a group, they are disliked - not just perceived as weird but actually disliked and disapproved of. Mormons, if you are still reading, here is why.

First, the good news is that most people couldn't care less about you. Think about how important the beliefs of the Latvian Orthodox Church is to you and how often you look to them for an example and you will see what I mean. Let's talk about the people who know Mormons and don't like what they see. You think it has to do with Satan or jealousy or guilt at not being able to live up to Mormon standards. The problem is, people who know Mormons don't think much of their standards and if the shoe were on the other foot, you'd agree. So let's put that shoe on the other foot.

1) You move into a new neighborhood and none of the neighbor kids are allowed to play at your house because you have a picture of a temple on the wall. How well would you like your neighbors? Because that is how they feel about you not letting your kids into their house because they have a coffee maker or beer in the fridge.

2) The women at the PTA ask if you'd like a cup of coffee and you say "No thanks, I'm Mormon." At the next PTA meeting, the women ignore you and sit on the opposite side of the gym as you. You feel snubbed yet that is how you treated the woman in your old PTA who brought Starbucks or wore a tank top.

3) Then, an evangelical preacher moves in down the street from you. He hears there is a Mormon family on the block and decides he was prompted to buy the house in order to save your family for Jesus. He and his wife keep coming by with cookies and invitations for your kids to their youth group and bible camp. No matter how much you tell them you are happy being Mormon, they won't stop in their determination to save you. Worse, if he can't save you, he is going to save your kids, hoping that when you see how happy mainstream Christianity has made your kids, your heart will soften toward Christ. He often talks to your kids about religion behind your back.

4) At least the very nice family next door is your friend. You do all sorts of stuff together. Then they invite you to an MLM meeting. You tell them you aren't interested. They invite you one or two more times and when they see you are serious, they drop you like a hot potato. Kinda like you did to the family who said they weren't interested in Mormonism. How does this make you feel that they only wanted to be your friend because of what they could get out of it?

5) You overhear at the grocery store some people talking about how Mormons aren't as good parents as other people and don't care as much about their family because of all the time spent at church. How mad did that make you? Yet you secretly believe Mormons are better parents than non-LDS and love their kids more and set a better example. Do you think non-Mormons are any less outraged by your opinion of how they live their lives?

6) Your darling daughter, who you've loved and cherished since birth, decides to marry the son of the evangelical pastor. The pastor says "Our branch of Christianity feels marriage is sacred and non-Christians, like the LDS, aren't worthy to be at weddings in our church. So I'm going to perform the marriage while you sit outside but we'll invite you to the gym afterward for cake - OK? I'm sure you understand and respect our religious beliefs. If you want to attend the wedding, you can just get baptized a true Christian. If you are willing to change your religion, then you'll be worthy do see your daughter marry."

7) In general, the people in your new neighborhood look down on you for your beliefs, how you dress, how you live your life, they think they are superior and they let you know it. Of course, they are nice enough to want to help you out of Mormonism so you can NOT be a weirdo and fit into the neighborhood. Why don't you appreciate it? They are such nice people and they just want to help you out of your cult and into normal life? Why do you hate them so? Why can't you see how nice they are?

People don't like Mormons because they treat other people in a way they would never tolerate being treated. You Mormons probably do have good intentions but you seem incapable of seeing it from the other person's point of view. You also seem incapable of seeing that you need to change in order to be entitled to the higher standards you claim. Because your behavior is often appalling and since everyone around you (Mormon) is acting the same way, you can't see why it's wrong. But I promise, what so many people in the world think of Mormonism isn't an opinion they pulled out of thin air - it's a reaction to what you are putting out and how you are treating others. Can you honestly say that you are doing onto others as you would want them to do unto you? You need to think about that before you try to convince us you all are so nice.

Or at the very least archived.

Bingo, perfect list.

I do not live in Utah and #1 applied to me in my neighborhood exactly as you described.

I've since moved to a new neighborhood, but for almost 10 years in that cul-de-sac there were two families who were Catholic who made sure to avoid us. In the first month or so, they were really warm towards us, dropped off cookies, etc. Then they learned we were Mormon (at that time we were still somewhat active), and the shunning started.

I didn't make it a point to tell anyone we were Mormon, but one neighbor learned we were from Utah and then informed the rest of the neighbors to watch out!

They didn't let their kids play with us. It sure made me mad and made my kids sad. Often their kids were playing outside and I rushed my kids outside to join in the fun. Within a few minutes the Mom or Dad would notice and call all their kids inside. (Practicing Catholics, remember, so each family had 4 or 5 kids.) This happened enough times and on "cue" that I ruled it out as a random coincidence.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2013 11:55AM by scully.

great post.

i'd add that from the perspective of the people in california that i know, when they think of mormons, they thinks about a mean and backward cult that got involved in our state politics, and caused problems that are taking us years and millions of dollars to correct.

+1

...and then lied about it. Even after TSCC was fined for their shenanigans, members continued to deny it. For good measure, they blamed Prop 8 on black Christians. Mormons had nothin' to do with it. Why must you persecute them?

Good point - they want us to believe what they tell us to believe, not what we see with our own eyes is true.

I remember when word of my doubting and questioning came out. All these same people who had always praised me were suddenly suspicious of me. Their daughters weren't allowed to date me, I was somehow "dangerous".

I was the same kid I had always been. Introverted, a strong reader, outdoorsy, polite. Just now I was reading the Upanishads and the Dhammapada. Or books on the history of communism and anarchism. I didn't go to church every Sunday. I had non-Mo friends along with my mostly Mo group.

Whispers, looks of pity, looks of contempt, accusations of outright devil worshipping from someone who found out I was reading up on Wicca. Not actually practicing Wicca, just reading about it. Nice job Mos. That's how you treat "friends".

Well said! You gave some really good examples a lurking TBM might understand (might, if they open their minds smidge). I'm saving this one!

Great list!

On number 3, make sure the evangelical preacher says all churches (particularly yours) but his are an abomination in the sight of God...and wonders why you're pissed.

I have seen examples of every point that CA girl made. Unfortunately, there was a time years ago when I was one of the Mormons that did this and did not have a clue.

Excellent.


Add this to the list:

At work, you find that certain people get more face time with the boss and with whom they play ball. You invite your boss to watch the superbowl and find out that he doesn't do that on Sunday, and now he treats you carefully at work. You know you're getting passed up on promotions, but you have no proof that it's because of your religion.

Your position at an office owned and operated by Evangelicals is "no longer needed." Of course they don't say this outright, but it is a well known fact they're terminating your position in order to make room for a fellow evangelical family member or friend who will be returning from his time serving for the Christian Missionary Alliance and will need a job.

Fantastic list, CA girl.

When I was still TBM, there was a woman at work who flipped out when a new co-worker innocently asked if she wanted her to bring her a piece of birthday cake from the monthly employee-birthday celebration.

The new co-worker was stunned by the reaction. The whole department heard her angry reply, "I. DON'T. CELEBRATE. BIRTHDAYS!" One of the office veterans had to explain that flip-out chick was a Jehovah's Witness and did not celebrate holidays including birthdays.

Birthday cake is to JW's what coffee is to Mormons.

J-dubs are as attached to their dogma as TBM's are to theirs. To the believers, it is a badge of superiority and piety. To outsiders, the believers' need to denounce these otherwise innocuous substances is not just weird, it's arrogant and obnoxious.

I would love to see a JW and a TBM sharing an office where the JW swigs the evil, dark beverage every day and the TBM obsessively decorates his/her part of the office for every damn holiday. Sadly, it's unlikely the JW or the TBM would learn a thing about living their religion graciously and accepting that others can do the same.

Witnessing (no pun intended) that interaction was a huge aha moment for me as I recognized how ridiculous TBM's look to outsiders when they loudly inform a waiter why they absolutely, positively will NOT be having coffee. *cue TBM-synchronized coffee-cup-flip to the face-down position*

A polite "no, thank you" is not enough when there's a chance the waiter (or neighbor) will soften his heart and join Mormonism because of the impressive example of the righteous TBM's.

Surrender Dorothy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Fantastic list, CA girl.
>
> When I was still TBM, there was a woman at work
> who flipped out when a new co-worker innocently
> asked if she wanted her to bring her a piece of
> birthday cake from the monthly employee-birthday
> celebration.
>
> The new co-worker was stunned by the reaction. The
> whole department heard her angry reply, "I. DON'T.
> CELEBRATE. BIRTHDAYS!" One of the office veterans
> had to explain that flip-out chick was a Jehovah's
> Witness and did not celebrate holidays including
> birthdays.
>
> Birthday cake is to JW's what coffee is to
> Mormons.
>
I've only ever had one JW co-worker (to my knowledge), but to be fair, when our firm had a monthly celebration for employees' birthdays, she simply kept working in her cubicle and did not attend the festivities or sign the cards that were passed around. I only found out she was a Witness because I asked her if that was why she did not join the birthday celebrations. (I think the other employees just thought she was being unsocial, though actually she was a quite a pleasant young woman.) She replied yes and explained their reasons for that, but she wasn't self-rigtheous about it. I can't say that she was the norm, though, as I have known very few JWs.

Compared to the remarks some of the (again, few) TBMs I know have made about coffee drinking, alcohol, swearing, etc., I preferred my JW co-worker's reaction to birthdays.

I had a 19 y/o doing programming for me, (he was married, but he had been living on his own since he was 16) I knew he was a JW. He never tried to convert me or my wife (I worked at home) and he loved our dogs. (The latter is enough to win over my wife and I)

We used to go bicycling on Sundays.

When he was assigned to tract our condos, he left us alone.

So, I guess he wasn't a very good JW...

is that the Law of the Sabbath was an Old Testament thing, and fulfilled by Christ. So... (other than meetings scheduled on Sunday), they are free to do whatever.

As with mormons, there are JWs of all types. Some are quiet and reticent about their beliefs - live and let live, and others are in your face (and cubicle!) about it. We tend to remember the latter.

I have a hard time attributing this to all mormons. Can't we approach this separately with different people? I feel like it is intellectually lazy to lump them all into this category.

It's also intellectually lazy not to read the original post, which clearly states it refers to Mormons AS A GROUP. That makes it clear there are always individual exceptions.

Another addition to the list:

In this post CA girl lumped all of you Mormons together and judged all of you as if you were all the same, yet that is what you do with non-mormons, there parenting, their ideas about family, marriage, healthy eating....

+100

+ more!

Gee, where DO stereotypes come from? Everybody knows stereotypes are not 100% applicable across the category they are applied to, and yet still we must be reminded...? LOL

Fantastic post. My favorite part:

" But I promise, what so many people in the world think of Mormonism isn't an opinion they pulled out of thin air - it's a reaction to what you are putting out and how you are treating others."

What you call persecution, mormons, is just others somehow tolerating your annoying behavior--like announcing you have higher standards than everyone else.

To add:

Some of the people in your state and around the country think that Mormons marring Mormons is immoral, so they raise tens of millions of dollars, volunteer and work tirelessly eventually passing laws to prohibit "same religion marriages". Would you like these people?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2013 04:00PM by MJ.

MJ, I liked what George Takei posted on FB yesterday.

"Oh, you are afraid gays will try to convert people to their own sexual orientation? What kind of horrible people would do that?"

A sharp dig in a profoundly innocent sounding statement.

PLEASE PIN THIS TO THE TOP! I really hope Susan see this so that she can! I LOVE it!

Excellent, I could not have summed it up better, and am blushing bright red that I was once one of those too.