Coming to terms with mormonism’s craziness can be pretty crappy, so let’s laugh a bit. In the spirit of today's Richard Dawkins page,
http://www.richarddawkins.net/foundation_articles/2013/2/16/makes-sense
write some fake Twitter posts about what “makes sense” in Mormonism. Here, I will go first, but I bet you all can do better:

# Church gets ten percent of everyone’s income and builds a mall, makes members clean the toilets. Makes sense.

# Wants you to confess your biggest mistakes, sweeps its mistakes under the rug. Makes sense.

# Claims revelation, doesn’t answer any questions. Makes sense.

Breast implants are popular, tattoos are taboo.

Tea is bad, Coke is Ok, Kool Aid is required.

All things in moderation, except anti-depressants.

We can tell you our policy on earring quantity, length of sleeves, age of maturity for dating, but when asked about our doctrine on the nature of God, we don't know what we teach.

God never changes. He is the same today, yesterday and forever but we need modern revelation to let us know when He's made changes.... er, we mean updates and 180 degrees clarifications.

Truth is eternal. Please disregard what we said earlier and listen to what we are saying now.

In mormonism, the world "eternal" means "God", rather than "forever".

So when they say "truth is eternal" they mean "truth is God" or "God is truth". And when the say "In the Celestial Kingdom you get eternal life", they mean "In the Celestial Kingdom you get God's life" (i.e. you become a god).

I hate to sound like an apologist lol. But it's better you know now so that you don't say this to a mormon and they get to smugly correct you.

Interesting. I have never heard that, but then again, I only found out Joseph Smith had more than one wife 30 years into this whole thing.

Is this why they use everlasting with the marriage covenant language rather than eternal? Just wondering. And what about eternal progression and eternal marriage?

One more edit and thought... eternal families means families can be together *forever*. Right? Not God's family??



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2013 06:07PM by noondaysun.

"God's Updates." Great name for a blog. Or a rock band.

Joseph went like a lamb to the slaughter. A lamb packing heat. #makessense

Hot chocolate OK, but green tea will get you kicked out of the Celestial Kingdom. How many documentaries about an abusive green tea industry do you know? Same question, chocolate industry? #makessense

It's very similar to a line of internet memes "seems legit."

http://troll.me/images/religion-pigeon/evolution-thats-bullshit-jesus-rising-from-the-dead-seems-legit-thumb.jpg

This is the letter of the law, and this is the spirit of the law. #makesense?

kokaubeam #makesense?

You need to cover your shoulders, but wear your clothes as tight as you like.

We insist that you follow some parts of the WoW, but not others.

We believe in the 11th article of faith, but reserve the right to pester you to death if you are not coming to church.

We are opposed to the consumption of alcoholic beverages, coffee, and tea, but would be pleased to sell you some.

We are nineteen-year-old "elders" and are here to impart some wisdom about how to live your life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2013 12:13AM by summer.

Allows men to take plural wives, but women only get one husband. Makes sense.

Not even a fraction of the world's population will receive celestial glory while the rest of the world suffers in lesser kingdoms. Makes sense.

God's prophets and apostles are white men while the LDS membership contains a significant portion of Hispanics. Makes sense.

This is all so true and hilarious!

The natural man is an enemy to God.

The natural GAY man is an enemy to God, AND an abomination.

(But they still love us)

We don't REALLY believe in the Articles of Faith; especially #11