When I was in high school, there was a Mormon boy who was determined to make me his girlfriend. For two years he pursued me (this included romantic dates, etc.). I was so sure that I didn't want to enter college with a boyfriend dragging behind me, especially not one still in high school, but he wouldn't give up. It wasn't until a couple months before I graduated that he was able to get me to agree to dating him. To this day I'm still not sure how he did it. He loved me and deep down I knew that I wanted to be with him.

We dated throughout the summer (I've never had a more perfect summer), but when I left for college everything changed. One day he woke up and realized that things would never work between us. He wants to go to BYU and on a mission and I, being of the Christian faith, wasn't willing to wait for him. He broke up with me out of the blue. It's been about 5 months since then, but since we broke up because of our religious differences, we still care tremendously for each other. Many times we have tried to learn about each others' religion in hopes that one of us would "see the light" and convert so that we could be together. I'm afraid that he would never leave the Mormon faith unless Jesus came down himself and said, "You're wrong." What are the odds of that happening...? We love each other, there is no doubt about that, and it hurts that only one thing is able to keep us apart.

After many trials of trying to work things out between us, he told me that the holy ghost had proved to him that the Mormon religion was true (and that he was meant to go on a mission). This crushed me. I figured that I would never be able to save him from his church's trance and we stopped talking for a bit. Unfortunately, we don't know how to be without each other (three years of constant communication can make it complicated when you try to stop) and are now back to talking. I'm desperately trying to convince him out of a mission. I can't stand to think of him leaving me for two years, let alone to preach to others about something that isn't true. He has even told me that he has thought about not going on a mission because he doesn't want to lose me - this thought of course always loses in the end.

I have never once thought of waiting for him while he goes on his mission. I always hear stores about how the boys change so much over the period of time and I know he would be even more devoted to his church. This scares me and I don't want to lose the boy I love. After everything we have been through, I have started to think about waiting for him, that maybe we can work on being together once he comes back. Is this a waste of time? I still have those few shreds of hope that he will leave his mission after a couple months and come back to me. I don't know what to do. We still love each other so much, but his mission might tear us apart for good.

Please help me. I'm so lost.

Love is not nearly as rare as you might think - that perspective comes with age. Also, love isn't a good predictor of whether an marriage will work out.

He is already showing you that you aren't that important to him. He already broke up with you and you are just keeping the knife hurting you by leaving it in and twisting it.

Better to move on.

Mormonism will negatively impact your future relationship in more ways than you can possibly imagine.

---

However, assuming you won't want to listen to that advice here are links to some things you can show your boyfriend if he is willing to listen:
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,758683,758683#msg-758683

Then for even more you can go here:
http://www.mormonprobe.com

These specifically address the holy ghost:
http://www.theamateurthinker.com/2011/02/how-can-we-find-truth-part-4/
http://www.mormonthink.com/testimonyweb.htm



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2013 04:35PM by bc.

This is such a sad story. My two cents...run, don't walk. You don't need this problem as a life story and it NEVER goes away. His family will treat him poorly if he marries outside his faith. They'll treat you terribly. Let him go on that mission and work to find someone else.

I don't speak from experience. I was a true believer and my born-a-member husband just played along as best he could. It still caused a lot of unnecessary struggle.

Wishing you a happy ending with as little drama and heartbreak as possible.

bc is right.
Even if tomorrow you convinced your bf not to go, an that the church was false... you are still in for a LONG period of confusion and withdrawl, as well as continued attempts by the church (throughout your life) to get him back.

Many (if not most) who "stray" from the church eventually return to it. If something bad or tragic happens in his adult life, he will likely take comfort and solace in his "safe childhood religion."

Since bad stuff happens to everyone sooner or later, this is a real problem.

Keep in mind that you are VERY young. I got married at 24 to a 21yo. It was a mistake. Neither of us were mature enough to be married. We are still together, and love each other very much, but there are still major problems.

You talked about worrying that bf will change on the mission-- while it is true that he will change on the mission, he will also just change over the next decade. Neither of you has settled into who you really are yet. This is one of the major reasons why people who marry young divorce so frequently.

If you can get him to not go on a mission: great.
But don't just up and marry him. He will continue to change, and the church will continue to be an issue for him until years after he has resigned.

It is also worth noting that even if you talk him out of Mormonism he likely won't become a Christian.

The Mormon God is a lot nicer than the Christian God - he doesn't randomly damn most of the world to hell just because they don't believe in him - so the Christian God is a real jerk after you've been a Mormon.

If you're lost, it's because you're ignoring your compass.

Get back on the path you were on before he crossed your path and distorted your decision making skills.

Most mormon girls end up not waiting for their missionary. It's really not a good idea to put your life on hold for someone who is out dedicating their life to something you don't believe in. Why would you do that? You will be throwing away 2 years of your life that you can't get back. Two years when you should be dating and having fun.

You are injecting a lot of unnecessary turmoil into your life. While he's on his mission, he will have intense pressure to dump you. Most likely he will.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2013 04:39PM by Mia.

Leave it all behind. There are better men waiting for you that do not come with the agenda that you will have to capitulate to if you marry this Holy ghost talker. If he thinks a supernatural ghost is talking to him now, how bad will it be in the future for your marriage when his beliefs kick into high gear with the church backing him up all the way? The church will be in your bed (literally) and will in fact take priority over you. Is that what you want for the coming decades?

Get better acquaintances that care more for you than their church. If you are not a mans number one priority then he is not worth having. Period.

AmIDarkNow? Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> Get better acquaintances that care more for you
> than their church. If you are not a mans number
> one priority then he is not worth having. Period.


This. By going on his mission, he's already shown that the church is his first priority, and when he's done, he's going to face intense pressure to marry someone who is Mormon so they can go to the temple. Even if you converted, you would be expected to marry him in the temple, which means your entire family won't be able to see the actual wedding ceremony. It's time to move on and meet someone who will make you a priority as well as sharing your religious views. Most non-Mormons don't care if you don't go to their church, in fact they don't push the issue at all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2013 05:53PM by adoylelb.

Waiting for missionary boys almost never works for the best even when the history and family situations seem ideal.

And, are you aware that there won't be texting, e-mails, or phone calls for 2 years? No visits either. No exceptions.

Don't worry, sweetheart, he will not be the same when he comes back. After two years of self-denial, he will be a semi-robotic boy/man who is staggering forward to quickly find a mate so he can get some relief from constant male attention.

Think about what it would be like to have two years of being forced to be with the same sex while you are at your peak of attraction to the opposite sex? Yeah, it breaks you in strange ways.

The boy you loved will be gone, so you will meet the guy who comes back insisting that all those who "truly" love the Lord, once they hear the missionaries, convert to Mormonism. If not, their hearts were hard and they wanted to sin.

You don't want this attitude in a husband. You would never have a moment's peace, never be ok, always be a project.

Grieve now and let some sweet Christian young man dry your tears while that bullet whizzes by.

Hugs

Anagrammy

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2013 05:36PM by crom.

Don't wait! I "waited" a year for the boy I was so sure I was supposed to marry. Worst year of my life. It was a very lonely time. I assumed I'd be getting a letter a week. I was lucky to get one every few months or so. He wasn't allowed to write about anything other than his mission, so these occasional letters were so impersonal. No spark or personality from the boy who used to be so happy and loving. No thank you's for all the care packages I sent him.

On top of that, I got a breakup letter. After a year of faithfully writing and waiting. I should have seen it coming, but I was so sure of what we had before he left that it was a huge blow. In it, he blamed me for some of the failures he was having because he felt guilty over some of the stuff we did before he left.

Everyone here is right when they say these boys change when they get back. He is now so wrapped up in the church, completely different personality.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

When I was in high school, my boyfriend was the Mormon who constantly tried to get me to convert, to see the light, etc. I even fell for it for a time and met with the missionaries. He pulled the same thing - telling me he was going on a mission, but then saying how he was thinking of not going because he didn't want to lose me, yadda yadda yadda.

My dad found out about the missionaries and put an end to that part of the adventure.

Two weeks later, my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue. We were part of the same circle of friends, so we still saw each other a lot. We remained friends, and did pretty well until we left for college.

I went off to college on the east coast, he went off to the Mormon school - and then he dropped out to do his mission. We stayed in touch for a while via letters. His letters got weirder and weirder over time as the brainwashing took over. At one point, he was writing letters to me in Spanish (knowing I didn't speak it), as if to impress me with his ability to speak the native language of his mission (my closest friend in college was native to the country he was in, translated the letter, and then helped me write one back in Spanish.... that freaked him out). The letters eventually stopped. I never heard from him again.

Here's the thing - yes, boys change on a mission. But what you may not realize is that YOU are also going to change when you're in college. Your college years are huge ones of transition and personal growth, and that's a GOOD thing. Dive into this change head first and relish every minute of it.

You should not wait for him. Live your life. Date other people. Explore, grow, laugh, love. If, after he returns, your paths cross again - then who knows? Things may happen. They likely will not. And that's okay. That's part of being an adult - your life will intersect with a lot of people that will come in and out of your life. Some friendships will seem like they'll last forever but burn out quickly. Others will be people you cannot stand at first, but oddly become lifelong friends with later.

Enjoy it all. But no, don't wait. Your life is waiting for you. Putting it on hold for someone who has already shown you (not just told you) that his church matters more than you isn't healthy.

You know this deep down. And THAT is why you're feeling lost.

The old saying is true - set him free. If he comes back, maybe it's meant to be (in the future). But it's NOT meant to be right now. Right now, go back to your original plan of entering college untethered.

Your post about this situation could read like the prologue to a Greek tragedy. I can count on one hand the number of mixed marriages between a believer and a heathen gentile work out. Love is just not enough. The constant pressure to convert, all of the snickering behind your back. And even the TBM will encounter parasitical baggage, because he chose a non member for wife, and u just know god wont like that.

If you were really his priority, he would not go on a mission. He would convert to your faith. That's what my grandfather did for my grandmother.

For your friend, his church will always come first. Always.

There will be someone else for you that will quicken your heart just as much as this boy does. Probably more. You just haven't met him yet. Won't it be an amazing day when you do?

If you married, he and his family would absolutely plan on your children growing up Mormon. Something to think about. Are you okay with that?

In high school everyone knows the same people, takes the same classes, and has similar experiences. Of course you have loads in common, but once out of HS that is going to change. Let's be analytical, your perfect guy may be "one in a million" but you're not going to meet that many people. Sure, there are 4 billion men out there but most of them are too old, too young and too far away. You need to assess who you are and what you need, and figure out how to find THAT guy.


Remember : All of your romantic relationships will come to an end, except for one, if you're lucky. Don't get bogged down in the wrong one. After 6 months with a good looking nice boring uninteresting (I could leave any second now) guy, I decided to be a jerk and move on. After that if there was nothing promising in the first date, there wasn't a second.

Most people have paired up by ??? late 20's early 30's? So there's a window of opportunity thing happening here.

Ask yourself some questions:

How much in common do we really have? NPR/PBS or Fox/Breitbart? Newsie or oblivious? Broadway musical or punk? Guns and Hunting or Museums and old movies? Outdoorsy granola type or Nascar and NFL? Democrat or Republican? You get the idea.

Am I the best version of myself with this person?

Is this relationship hard work or simple?

How unique is this guy, is he really the right combination of qualities that will make me happy?



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2013 10:45PM by crom.

I'd like to add my observation. This boy pursued you and then swept you off your feet with "a perfect summer." After you've fallen in love with him, he wants you to change your fundamental beliefs about religion, family structure, etc. I see elements of control in this. A controller does just that: stalks, is too wonderful to you, and then tries to change you. You may be too misty about him to see any of this, but this is what I'm picking up on.

Has he asked you to change any other thing about you? Your clothes? Who you hang out with? Your own personal desires?

Let him go on his mission! It will give you time to get him out of your system and on to the rest of your life. Your instinct for going to college without dragging a boyfriend along was very correct. Now you're denying your own gut feelings to hang on to a dramatic entanglement that would not be worth having in the long run if you even could, and he was the one who set this up.

I very much hope you go on with your own hopes and dreams and someday, as you survey your own happy life, you might recall this boy as just someone you used to know and the Mormon church as something you once had a brush with.

I thought that was really insightful.

So great so see you posting again, adult of god!

You always make so much sense.

Crom is spot on.


Anagrammy

I think you are correct to not trust this guy. Some men take it as a challenge to win a girl's love and once the conquest is over it is on to more challenges. This is a very real scenario that I have been guilty of myself.

Also, men who do the "ooh baby, i love you" routine get off on it and will seek that thrill with others. These are the guys who cheat.

If you are not number one in his world then move on.

Now.

"I can't stand to think of him leaving me for two years, let alone to preach to others about something that isn't true."

How will you like it when the "others" he's preaching to are your kids?

Take the advice of someone who knows: Run away...far and fast.

If I knew about Mormonism BEFORE I married a Mormon, I sure never would have done it. EVER.

I waited for my boyfriend to come back from his mission. When he came back, he became my husband. Years later, he became my EX husband. See how well that worked out? ;o)

You have no idea how controling and guilt driven mormons are. I have never seen any positive or uplifting thing come from mormonism. It is a negitive and controling system. Tell him to look you up after his wasted 2 years. Get an education,,travel see different lifestyles,,enjoy life.

BAIL! Even if you could somehow convince him to leave "the church" his family will hound him/and you endlessly. There is a chance he would likely want to return to his church if he remained religious or spiritual, likely associating those things with Mormonism, and then what would happen? If you weren't willing to go "back" with him, he'd leave you for sure. That "spark" wont last forever.

There are close to 7 billion people on the planet, go find yourself someone else!

You're definitely not alone on here! Nearly everyone on these forums has lost someone they love because of Mormonism. I was dating a girl for over a year and we were both very seriously considering marriage. I had pretty much made up my mind that she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with! Then I found out that Mormonism isn't true and I left the church. She dumped me like a bag of garbage and hasn't spoken to me since!

Yeah, it hurt like hell. But at the end of the day, I'm glad we didn't get married, or even keep dating. Mormonism always takes first priority in their life, you'll always be second place or lower to a fraud! You'd always either be a project for him to convert or an obstacle in his way of getting to the highest level of heaven. (In Mormonism, you have to marry a Mormon to get there) He might never listen to what you have to say about his church, and even if he does, it will probably just lead to a never-ending argument.

Find a guy who will put you first in his life and actually values your input.

If he loves you as much as he says he does, please ask him to hear you out and then tell him the many tons of evidence indicating that TSCC is a sham. Have him go to your Christian church with you and point out how much that makes semse to you.
Remind him that JS was a child molesting wife stealing bastard.
Good Luck........
If he does not see the light the TSCC is wrong, then don't wait for him.

While using your pull to show him evidence against the church is a good idea (as at worst it just ends the relationship- which is likely already to happen), then leveraging it to evangelize your own church will blur your focus.

LDS is absolutely false. But, have you honestly evaluated your own church with rigorous study and objectivity? Most haven't. So if he has (after all, he was trying to convert you) then any valid retort invalidates your whole opinion in your mind.

For example, if I say Jimmy is a liar and Billy is the most honest person I've ever met, and you retort, "Billy totally lied to me yesterday!" In your mind, both of my statements have now been disproven because I lumped them together. When in fact Jimmy is still a liar.

In that example, you are representing your boyfriend, Jimmy = LDS, & Billy = your church.

Learn about Mormon doctrine and history. Visit one of their weekly sacrament meetings. That did it for me. I no longer respect a woman I once thought I wanted to bear my children.

Once you meet someone else, you will see how flawed and doomed this relationship is.

At your 10 year reunion, you can meet his Stepford wife, mother of his 3 ginger kids.

None of us truly know what is right or wrong. For all you know, Mormonism could be true. Or perhaps Hinduism. We all have a right to believe the way we believe. Key word is believe. He truly believes in his cause as you do. By the way, your religions actually intersect a lot and this his beliefs are merely a specific religion to your broad beliefs but I digress. The fact of the matter is you don't correlate and that is okay. He really shouldn't have pursued you when you had majour ideological differences and you really should be trying to change him. All in all sounds like a bad combination tht would be best to let alone and move on. Good luck